Captain’s Log ٢

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم



Captain’s Log

February 27, 2017 10:17 a.m.

Meeting with Thelma went poorly. She’s like my mother. Never liked me for some reason. But she seemed concerned about my bike. :/

I’ve learned, and she is just reinforcing my previous observations, in big organizations, everyone sticks together; even when wrong. All I can do is Love Allah. They HATE Allah and want me to hate Allah too, but Allah is BIGGER, BETTER & BADDER than they are. Even if they put me out and never let me back in, but I know that’s never going to happen, I’ll be okay.

They want me on their terms – Christianity.

But I know what’s in store for them. The Holy Qur’an says they will never stop in their attempts to turn me back to their filthy religion. So, Allah removes me from the situation before I kill somebody. At least, He Has so far…

I will fight, kill and die for Allah, which is why they perceive me as such a threat. They say they don’t turn women away. But they’ve taken my bed ticket three times. And now won’t give me another one. So, so much for that.

I’ve got a Plan B and a Plan C, but I’m not sure which is worse.

Sleeping outside or sleeping in some man’s house who is not Zawji.

I’ve never been able to sleep outside. I couldn’t do it in Leimert, so I know I can’t do it anywhere. And VIRGIL was there! It gets extremely cold (I once woke up with ice on my windshield!) and sometimes rains this time of year, but sleeping in another man’s house, even if he is not there, is emotionally agonizing and mentally terrifying because he’s coming back and he’s going to want something I can’t give. It’s confusing and highly stressful trying to deal so intimately with someone who is not worth it to me.

He’s a prize to some women but I don’t want him. I just need a place to stay and unfortunately there are predators who prey on women in my exact situation.

He says he has other women for that, but I know my value and no other woman compares to me. I’m not boasting. I just know the deal.

(“I ain’t braggin’ but I’m the ONE. Just ask me and it shall be done. Don’t bother to compare. I’ve got it!!!”)

I’m probably going to just go to another shelter. You have to sleep outside, if there’s room. It gets terribly cold at night and like I said, rains sometimes, but at least you don’t have to worry about the pigs coming and making you leave for trespassing.

Less than a week……

Wait, I HAVE slept on the street! Somewhere in Nevada, I slept in the bushes behind this bus stop. That was chill.


So, I’ll try the shelters and if I can’t get in any, then I’ll try Batman.

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