Bismillahi Rahmani Rahim

I wish I had some good music I could write to and access to a recording studio where I could record it.

Barbie went online and bought some music, rented studio time and came out with some good music.

I suppose I could do the same thing if I really wanted to. Let me see where I can find some music. I’ve done it before (found some beats) but I want JAZZ – STRAIGHT-AHEAD JAZZ. That’s probably impossible to find some music that needs vocals. Most of the music (straight-ahead) sounds fine without vocals. I guess Karaoke it is until I can prove myself worthy of a backing band. Oh yeah. I didn’t want to sing until we get together. Or until the devil is destroyed. I just have all this music in me. I got that sheet music yesterday and since it looks like I’m going to be staying in the NO, I’m already thinking about hitting the piano again.

I called Keith but I’m starting to wonder if he’s full of it because I never got the music. It’s just as well because it’s not jazz and I didn’t really like what he let me hear. I think about Kahlil – he had some fire but it’s not jazz and I know he wants to get paid. I feel guilty not paying them.

I think I’ll window shop for some beats. When I have time. Maybe.

I found Ibni’s clothes. I can’t wait to order them. He better like them. He says “They’re Alligator!” LOL I want to get him a Kangol too. May. I can get the jacket and shirt for two hundred. Three hundred for rent. One hundred for phone. That will leave me with one seventy to play with. I think I’ll buy a bike. It’s getting hot. I can’t be walking in this heat. I can also ride to the French Q and the river and the lake. Cheah. This time I’ll have some place to keep it so I won’t have to worry about somebody stealing it so much. Hopefully I can get one for less than a hundred. I always get the fly bikes. I can’t help it. This last one was flyer than I knew. I also realized I need the bar across the middle to rest my knee on. I didn’t know that and the last one didn’t have it. It was annoying when I wanted to rest my knee on it and it wasn’t there.

I can’t wait until next month to ride through the quarter. I’m excited now. This is why I love writing you! I always come up with good ideas that make me happy. And give me something to anticipate!!!!!

I’m watching the Biggie movie. It’s aight. I’ve never been a fan but it’s interesting to see what his life was like. It’s sad his father was such a jerk and how he hid his money from his mother. He just got incarcerated. That was a punk move whatever happened. The way they showed him calling his moms like a little girl. West coast people are harder than east coast. I think. Compton period. It comes in handy when people try to punk you like my roommates. They have no idea. I’m just waiting for that devil to tell Derrick I did something. She keeps eating my food. I stopped keeping my food in the fridge. It can last. The milk I have to keep in there. And she drank some of that too, but Allah will pay her back cause I’m out on the third whether I move or go back to L.A. She can kiss my derriere.

I’m in love with you, Love. That sounds more serious than I love you. I’m IN LOVE with you. I’m IN LOVE WITH YOU. I’m IN LOVE WITH YOU. I’m IN LOVE WITH YOU. I’M IN LOVE WITH YOU. I’M IN LOVE WITH YOU. I’M IN LOVE WITH YOU. I’M SO IN LOVE WITH YOU.

I never thought about it that way. That sounds like something only men and women can say to each other. I mean you can’t tell your child or parent or friend I’m In Love With You. It reminds me of Eric Benet’s song. I can’t wait to hear you tell me that. Let me get the song brb

I used to love this song He is good at reworking old hits into new hits or what should be new hits. I’m just glad that’s not his daughter he’s singing with. I thought it was.

Just tell me something you don’t tell those other girls around you….

That’s what I used to think about you being around all those other girls. Made me so insecure. I never thought you could love me the way I loved you. You were famous and fine and everybody loved you. I never thought you could love only me – around all those women. I don’t see myself as beautiful, certainly not beautiful enough to compete with model types but if you love me you love me and it doesn’t matter what they look like. I understand that now. It’s not about looks. It’s about hearts. Yours is mine and mine is yours. I wouldn’t jeopardize what we have for anything in the world. I know you wouldn’t either. It’s not worth it. Sex with somebody else, even though it could be super hot, wouldn’t be worth it. I’m not going to experiment. Because I don’t think sex with anybody else would be hotter than sex with you – my best friend. Even if he has the body of that brother I met in Tuba Fats Square and worked it like a pro, I couldn’t kiss him and feel what I feel for you. Sex without kissing is empty. And, kisses without love (anybody other than you) are always empty. I would have to force myself to feel aroused. But, arousal without love is empty lust. And afterwards you feel empty and used. I have had enough of that.

I don’t want anyman touching me but you. Much less kissing me. I don’t even want to think about it. I’m depressing myself I want to kiss you so badly. Master Fard Muhammad, to Whom Praise is due forever, Said We’re almost there so be happy. I can see the finish line and there is no one close to me. I picture myself, and Allah said, it’s like dragging yourself across the finish line – we’ve been through so much but what comes next? I picture a wreath of roses; red roses and you.

I’m going to be happy. I’m lucky all I have to do is think about all the people who don’t know who their nafis is. I’m lucky just on the strength of that, whether it has materialized or not. I’m luckier that 99 per cent of people. I think one percent, if that many, truly have found their soulmate. I think that couple I saw in the quarter found theirs. I was mad at her for dancing up on that brother but now I know he was her brother. I cannot see myself dancing with real world jay like that but hereaafter jay maybe. LOL It wasn’t so bad now that I look back on it. I didn’t know Muslims dance in the streets but it’s so much fun dancing and partying and being happy unconditionally.

With the right people though. This world people ruin everything. I guess that… No, I know that’s why we’re still in waiting. I see the finish line though. That’s closer than the Light at the end of the tunnel… You’re closer…. It’s only been two days since the light. In sha Allah, it’ll be two more days before we cross, maybe less 🙂

I’m in love you I’m in love with you I’m in love with you I’m in love with you I’m in love with you I’m in love with you I’m in love with you I’m in love with you I’m in love with you I’m in love with you I’m in love with you I’m in ovew Ith You  I’m in love with you I’m in love with you I’m in love with you I’m in love with you I’m in love with you I’m in love with you I’m in love with you I’m in love with you I’m in love with you I’m in love with you I’m in love with you I’m in love with you I’m in love with you I’m in love with you I’m in love with you I’m in love with you I’m in love with you I’m in love with you I’m in love with you………

❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤