CHAPTER FOUR – “KISMET”

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

A.J.

The next time I saw my Honey Pooh-Bear was a few years later.

For some reason, my mom took us out of Trinity (and NOT Trinity Elem. in South Central!) We only went there that one (1) year. But, it was THE Most Memorable Year of My School Years, and I have TWO DEGREES! 😀

(“Trinity” – Hmmmph! لا إلهَ إلاّ اللّهُ THERE IS NO GOD BUT ALLAH!!!)

So, after “Trinity” (hmmph!), then we went to this school with devils. This was my first experience being with devils and I hated it and them. ALL of the teachers were prejudiced and there was not a single Black teacher in the whole school.

I know my mom only took us out of Trinity and dropped us in that hellhole because a girl from church whose parents were upper-middle class, and her brother went there.

Both my mom and my sister have this thing about the “Jones’ ” Not me though. At least I don’t think I do. I just like nice stuff – luxury and whatnot. But, not because anybody else has something. I like what I like. But, when you’re nine, you go wherever your mother takes you. :/

That’s really the only thing about that school worth mentioning. I learned how dirty and nasty, prejudiced and mischievous devils can be.

But, I had a best friend, Malikah! That was the first I had ever heard that name and I Never forgot her or it. (I know that’s not how you spell it, Dear Sister Malaika [ملكة] 😀 )

I didn’t find out until yesterday what my Hubby was doing those years we weren’t physically together (like now 😥 ) It was like he read my journal because I wrote all this stuff the day before yesterday!

Anyway, he changed his whole profile and posted all these throwback pics like, “Look Honey, this is what I was doing.” (smile) Honey-Sweet he is.

We stayed at the hell-hole for two years, then my parents decided to put us in public school. It was to be my first year in Junior High School.

I didn’t go to the neighborhood school. Now, it’s called “Johnny Cochran Middle School” but back then it was called “Mt. Vicious” LOL So, I went to school a little further West. :/

I wasn’t scared, just real nervous (Heeeeey, Fat Lip! 😀 ) because I had to catch the bus all by myself now. And, I didn’t know anybody at Pasteur, or so I thought.

But when I got there I saw a friend from church and she gave me the best. advice. ever. “Get in Drill Team.” (Heeeey Nikki! Thanks, Girl. ❤ How’s Snoopy? :/ )

So, I went there all three years and I remember three things.

1. My English Teacher – Mrs. Brown – She taught me my love for words extemporaneously. LOL Luv ya, Mrs. Brown!!! ❤ ❤

2. Reading The Color Purple. I always thought “Mr. Blank” But, I guess that wouldn’t work in a feature film. :/

3. Sitting in assembly and noticing that a group of students didn’t say the Pledge of Allegiance to the American flag. That really got my attention. They didn’t even stand up! They just sat right there in their seats while we’re all pledging our allegiance to the flag of this wicked and evil counry of Christian devils who enslave, beat, rape and kill us DAILY! I must’ve already had it in me because I asked them “Why didn’t you say the Pledge of Allegiance?” They said:

WE HAVE OUR OWN FLAG.

ACTUAL FACTS BOARD

I didn’t know it then, but I was well on my way to joining the Nation of Islam right then and there.

I took a Computer Class and the extent of our learning how to program a computer was how to make a word or phrase run up, down and around; even sideways (Heeeey Dana!!! LOL) on the screen, ad infinitum.

But the teacher, Mr. Spencer (I wonder if he is a musician, hmmmm???) was soooooo cool. I learned all the words to “Roxanne-Roxanne” in his class. (We couldn’t listen to the radio at home. :/ ) Now that I remember him, he had to be a musician. His classes were full of music!

I had him for “Electric Shop” too. When I should have been in “Homemaking Class.” I think mine was the first generation to suffer from the effects of the “Women’s Lib” movement. “Latch-Key Kids….” The removal of “Shop” and “Homemaking” AND Art and Music…. I don’t know why they got rid of the Art and Music. Maybe they just threw out everything fun (Art and Music) and PRACTICAL (Shop [for the fellas] and Homemaking [for the girls] ). :/

Mr. Spencer noticed my typing one day and asked if I knew how to play the piano. The next thing I know I’m in the school band. I didn’t even know we had a band! They probably just started it back up for me. hee hee hee 😉

It was kinda fun though. I got to play the vibes a little. And I thought it was hella cool, the way the Brother who played the baritone saxophone used to lean to the side and play. I think he used to wear shades too. Salute!

images
(Something like this 🙂 )

(Heeeey, Ms. Greene, I wish you had let me play the vibes a little more, Dear Sister. 😦 )

I KNOW I SAW A VIDEO OF DINAH WASHINGTON PLAYING THE VIBES SOMEWHERE. BUT I CAN’T FIND IT!!!

I HATE IT WHEN THAT HAPPENS.

 Anyway, at some point between Fifth and Ninth Grades (I was thinking Sixth, but judging by the sparkle in my eyes [it mirrors the sparkle in my Fourth Grade pic] in my Eighth grade picture, it may have been further down the road)

Me and my Honey-Bear ran into each other again.

1929072_1058754600951_3024531_n

Sparks flew around the playground at Rancho Cienega. We were the only ones there.

Everybody else was watching boring Little League baseball. I’d rather watch paint dry.  But it is fun to play. When Our Saviour, Master Fard Muhammad, To Whom Praises Are Due Forever, was among us, in the history of The Nation of Islam, the Believers would join together, on Holy Tuesday (every Tuesday), and enjoy each other’s company.

Our Saviour, Master Fard Muhammad, To Whom Praises Are Due Forever, Would WALTZ! with one of the Lucky Sisters, WITH A GLASS OF WATER ON HIS HEAD!!!!!!!

The Believers and The Saviour would play games for prizes, and play baseball.

I used to play softball at the devil’s hell-hole and it must’ve been my first experience, because I remember I used to throw the bat every time I hit the ball. And everybody would yell, “Don’t throw the bat!” So, I used to overdo it. I would carefully, slowly and deliberately, lay the bat down by my feet after I hit the ball and then TAKE OFF!

I can be so dramatic…….

Anyway, we were the only ones at the playground and he must’ve spotted me first because I don’t really remember how our chance encounter commenced.

(Doesn’t “Ro-Ro” look like Ronnie??? Hmmmm????)

Man, we used to have so much fun at the playground back in the day.

The simpy playground equipment they have for our children to play on nowadays is boring compared to the toys we used to have. The only thing they retained that’s any fun are the swings. It’s hard to find a decent slide nowadays.

We played on the see-saw. It’s too bad they don’t make them like they used to. You could really cement a friendship on the See-Saw. You were completely putting your life in the other person’s feet (smile) all the while, creating a life-long, close-knit bond that can only come from riding a see-saw with the one you love.

That’s probably why they don’t have them anymore. They (American devils) don’t want us to form those types of bonds. They don’t even want them with each other. Mischief and Bloodshed is what they were made for.

But we rode it together anyway.

He pushed me on the Merry-Go-Round and we talked.

I used to love the Merry-Go-Round too, so I’m just having a ball with the man of my dreams and just as happy as I could be, and just as oblivious to the magnitude of the time as I could be too.

I asked him how come he wasn’t playing baseball. His reply was that he plays Basketball. How cool is that?!?!? My Honey is the Dopest. They didn’t have a hoop in the whole park yet he still won’t play boring baseball. Such a showman.

“SHOWTIME!!!”

 

Submit To Your Captors

 بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

 As-Salaamu ‘Alaikum Dearly Beloved Brothers & Sisters

The above picture is of our Beloved Messenger, The Most Honorable Elijah Muhammad (May the Peace and Blessings of Allah Forever Be Upon Him) and the F.B.I. agent who arrested him. They are handcuffed.

The Honourable Elijah Muhammad (PBUH) taught us that the F.B.I. agents told him they only arrested him in order to take him off the street, so that he could not teach his people during the War between America and her enemies. His Teachings were such that the so-called Negroes would resist fighting their slavemasters’ enemies.

The claim was that he was a draft dodger, but he was beyond the age of the draft at the time of his arrest. He was finally released after the war was over.

Our Saviour, Master Fard Muhammad, To Whom Praises Are Due Forever, Was Also Arrested IMMEDIATELY upon His entrance into the City of Detroit, Michigan for teaching The Truth to the so-called American Negroes.

He submitted with all humbleness to His American captors in order to show and prove to His Messenger, the Honorable Elijah Muhammad (PBUH), the Price of Teaching the so-called American Negroes the Truth that will FREE us from our wicked and evil, heartless devil slavemasters.

Beloved Brothers and Sisters, I am probably the most rebellious person against the American status quo that you will ever meet and have had several encounters with Law Enforcement Officers of the land of North America.

I was arrested on trumped up charges and resisted through the entire booking process. I spit in the officers’ faces and freed myself from the handcuffs so I could remove the mouthpiece and spit on them some more!

I wrote “F*** Babylon!” on the walls of my jail cell with the residue that was left from my fingerprinting.

I hate America.

But Our Saviour, Master Fard Muhammad, To Whom Praises Are Forever Due, Taught His Beloved Messenger (May the Peace and the Blessings of Allah Forever Be Upon Him) to be our Leader, Teacher and Guide.

If We Are Wise and Desire Success, We Will Follow Their Holy Example of How to Behave When Arrested, Whether Guilty or Not.

Any one of us could be Sister Sandra (May she rest in peace). But there is really nothing we can do about it, but understand that our histories and futures were written 16,000 (sixteen thousand) years ago.

I KNOW it is difficult, Brothers and Sisters. But ALLAH IS THE BEST KNOWER. We Must Submit To His Will If We Want To Be Successful.

So, my Beloved Brothers and Sisters, do not resist arrest. (Unless you are homeless and just need food, water and shelter. Then, by all means, RESIST. But don’t stop after they handcuff you. They will know it was a rouse and will just cite you. You have to resist until they take you to jail.)

Other than that, do not resist. They know you are innocent. You know you are innocent and Allah (God) Knows you are innocent. Submit to Allah’s (God’s) Will for your life. Follow the rules and come out swinging. Just COME OUT.

I know Sister Sandra was in there making trouble for those devils, because she was me. We MUST take her example and learn from it and go on with Truth. She was a martyr. Let us not allow her dying to be in vain.

 

 

 

 

 

FIDEL’S PAISANOS

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

I think folks from Cuba who migrate to the U.S. are particularly ruthless due to growing up with American sanctions.

I absolutely adore both Castros for nationalizing business, offering FREE housing, FREE food and a FREE college education to all citizens and opposing American imperialism.

Even today, people from ANYWHERE ON EARTH, can travel to CUBA and earn a DOCTORATE DEGREE for FREE!!!! FREE!!!! FREEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But the people who LEAVE CUBA in favor of American commercialism are just like people from anywhere else who leave their country, hungry for the devil’s money – TRAITORS (sorry Brother Adel​, I’m exceedingly grateful to you for sharing the gift of the Arabic Language, and I know there are always exceptions).

Ricky Ricardo abandoned his own woman in favor of the ugly American devil woman and those devils have been running that show for over fifty years – longer than any other show in television history!

I used to work with a guy from Cuba and always admired his style. But he wasn’t right.

That woman on Fifty’s show is the reason why I stopped watching.

I SHOULD HAVE stopped when I saw it is a porno. But I like Fif and the star reminds me of my Habibi and his club was called “The Truth” and you know how much I love the TRUTH!

I could handle the violence, the slanging, even the pornography, but that interracial mess, is causing the destruction of our families more than anything else and I’m SICK of it!!!

It is the LAST trick of the devil to try and take our people to Hell.

Fif had the OPPORTUNITY to do some good with his T.V. show. Instead he BIT off another man’s life (whom I met, poor Brother) and broadcast all the filth he possibly could on television, probably worldwide. SMH

I know you had a hard life, Fif, but you don’t have to promote that lifestyle, Akhi. Someone once told me that you can’t be an Angel living in Hell. I disagree; being an Angel living in Hell makes you all the more deserving of Heaven!

Find your Angel, Akh!

 

CHAPTER THREE – “FIGHT THE POWER”

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

(Ha! You thought I was going to post P.E., huh?!! 😛 You’ve heard that one already. Well, probably more than this one anyway 😉 )

 So, I’ve been living in this sober living place ever since I attempted…. 😥

And therein, I’ve lived with Miles and Jimi and they really want me to sing, but it has to be under the right & exact circumstances and it has to be JAZZ.

I was in a bed directly across from that bruja sucia that Marlon Wayans got that thing he does with his nipples from too. :/ There is an underworld in the entertainment industry that I am literally RUNNING from.

Sometimes, when I’m fired up, I fight, but when I do, it brings out such ugliness in people that many times I almost wish I hadn’t. But this is the day when the veil of falsehood MUST be removed and the Truth made manifest. I win anyway.

In the past four months, I’ve been in more physical altercations than I’ve been in my whole life.

I never had a fight until my x-husband’s new wife tried to keep me from seeing his daughter (A.J. #2 🙂 ) I was about 28.

The next fight was when my x-roommate’s boyfriend liked me so……. cheah….. That was when I was 36 in 2008.

After that fight, I talked to Akhi (my Brother) and he told me that The Holy Qur-an states that “Fighting is Ordained.” This is Armageddon, so naturally, we will have to fight this Holy War.

Since March, I’ve been in:

– Two (2) fights with my x-roommate, who was a stripper.

– Three (3) fights with another x-roommate, who was this man/woman “tranny” (trans-sexual Ewwwww!!!!!!! :/ )

– Two (2) fights with the manager where I lived, at whom I had to put a knife to his throat to get him off of me. He’s lucky to be alive.

– One (1) fight with my 6′ 200 lb. x-roommate who lied on me left and right.

– And the last one (1) was with a devil. I have never seen more hate in my life. And, I’ve seen hate. He tried to choke me to death. Devils are SO weak. He was using all his strength and couldn’t even hurt me, much less kill me! Pffffff GTFOOP

Before we got started, he mockingly said, “What are you gonna do, CRY?” Obviously, he doesn’t know LATIFAH ALLAH. OR SHOULD I SAY, لطيفة الله FOOL.

“Weak-boned and stale-faced is what Our Beloved Messenger (Peace Be Upon Him) Taught us is what they are. Don’t you fear NONE of them!!!

My Beloved Brothers & Sisters in the America, they were grafted from us! There is no way the copy is as good as the original. Let alone the FOURTH copy! Pfffffff GTFOOP

They are cowards and they are all going to die a coward’s death. ALLAH (GOD) IS NOT GOING TO LET THEM GET AWAY WITH MURDERING THE RIGHTEOUS FOREVER, Believe that! You just try and get out of the way. He is going to wipe them off our Planet. READ THIS (CLICK ON THE PICTURE)

MESSAGE TO THE BLACKMAN

So, that’s nine (9) fights in four months. 2.5 (two and one-half) fights per month if I count the time this Brother tried to rape me by sitting on my bed.

The “Society of the Homeless” has its own set of rules and sitting on someone’s bed is equivalent to raping them. In sha Allah, I’ll write a memoir about it. But I will say this, all of the card-carrying members have been to three places:

* Skid Row
* The Psych Ward
* Jail.

Anyway, I had to push his big fat ass off my bed with my feet. (I’m not sure if the owner of the bed has to be sitting on the bed for it to be considered rape. I’m not a card-carrying member, so IDK.)  Ultimately, had to throw a glass jar at him to get him to leave me alone.

I love throwing glass anyway. Just the anticipation as it soars through the air and then the melody it makes when it breaks is so beautiful. There’s nothing else like it in the world. It’s a good stress-reliever. Lately, I’ve been throwing glass at walls. That’s a completely different sensation altogether. Much more fulfilling. I know, I know, I have issues…….. But you can read WHY! Really.

That fight was the worst, by far, out of them all. Because my chastity was at risk, and Muslim women will fight to the death before we allow someone to defile our Temple. I was shaking afterwards and this was the owner’s driver!

I don’t think he had any idea how strongly I detested his behaviour. He was probably turned on with his sick self. And he was my x-husband’s doppelganger!

You can forget about it, Dookie. Or should I say, Dookie, Sr. :/

*Who knew the ring was internal/under the skin? 😉 ALLAH!

Anyways…….. since then I’ve moved out and I finally have my own room. I’ve discovered that that was the problem from the first. I’m unlike most people already, PLUS, I’m a Muslimah! There is no way Truth can live with falsehood in peace. It’s like Light and Darkness. They cannot co-exist.

It’s Christianity and Islam. Everybody is trying to get along and work together and whatnot, but it’s never going to work. There is only one way of life and that is ISLAM. Everything else has got to go.

You can think harsh of me if you wish. But, I didn’t come up with this. Allah (God) Did. So, you can take it up with Him. It’s His Way or the Highway (Destruction). That’s the ONLY way we’re ever going to have Peace on Earth.

Allah (God) Is Going to rid the Earth of the Peace-Breakers. There is ONE GOD and He Has ONE WAY OF LIFE – ISLAM. Take it or leave it. But if you leave it, you are going to have to leave OUR Planet. Sayonara!

So, no more fights, In sha Allah; no more idiot boxes (I don’t know how anybody can watch that garbage, but all my roommates do is lay in the bed and watch T.V. all day, every day. No wonder we got in fights! All they ever got out of bed for was to eat or do what comes after eating. :/

They hated me. I don’t sleep for one. I listen to the radio and sew or read the Holy Qur-an. I always have something to do. But all they do is watch interracial relationships and homosexuality, that’s all I ever saw on T.V.

 It would have driven me crazy if I wasn’t already crazy. 😛 But whenever I would find a place away from the madness and “isolate” and be at peace, here comes the manager talking about, it’s “against the rules” to be there. I was like Biz, “Don’t give me that. Don’t give me that! Yo! Bust this!

Allah is The BEST PLANNER. The owner knows where I am. He has FIVE (5) houses and I was in four of them. After awhile a person’s true colors start to come out. I was straight-up from jump. I liked him too. He had more common sense than anyone I’ve met since I’ve been homeless.

But he is a card-carrying member of the society and his right-hand man pulled my coat and told me I couldn’t go to the fifth house. Why? IDK. But, I know one thing. If they weren’t so afraid of devils, he would do much better. All of his employees are afraid of devils. He would tell them, in introduction, “She doesn’t like white people.” And they would practically trip over themselves in their haste to get away from me. :/

He also needs to clean up his act. One time, he was about to go to jail. I’m not into drama at all, and try to avoid it at all costs, so I was in my room, enjoying the solitude, while everybody else was outside peeping the action.

But when I found out what was up, I went outside and just my presence caused a change. He had been handcuffed and was sitting in the back of the patrol car when I stepped on the scene. But while everybody else was 200 feet back, I went right up to where the pigs where. I didn’t even say anything. But my presence was felt.

He was like, “You better stand back, Sister. They might start shooting.”  I was like “Pfffffff, Allah (God) Created the Steel that their guns are made out of. He Has Power Over His Creation. I Fear Nothing and Noone But Allah.” 

Next thing you know, they were un-cuffing him and shooting the breeze. So, of course, they let him go, and I went back in the house. When you patrol the pigs, YOU MUST STAY UNTIL THEY LEAVE. Pigs are just brainless tools for the most part. You can control them with the Help of Allah. But if you leave, they will take the person to jail. When they see you’re not leaving until THEY leave, they ALWAYS let the person/people go.

So, if all you’re going to do is go home and watch T.V., :/ Stay and help your Brother or Sister UNTIL THE POLICE LET THEM GO. And they will. I can almost guarantee it. I’ve done it several times and only once did they take the poor Brother to jail. But this was on Skid Row and they have a different set of rules, as I already mentioned.

But anyway, the owner proved that he loves devils or money or both more than he loves Allah and his own Black People. So, he lets them in his houses and ALL they do is cause trouble among the Righteous. I just happen to not be one of the blissfully ignorant, so I saw it at once and when I realized that he could not be reformed, Allah, Master Fard Muhammad, To Whom Praises Are Due Forever, Opened A Door Wide Enough For Me To Escape With NO MONEY!!!!!!!

And, I didn’t abscond. I talked to him about what I had in mind well before I was planning to leave, but he just got defensive and real ugly, so I knew there was no point and I better leave soon.

I’m kind of sad thinking about it. I mean, I was there four months and genuinely loved the Brother, kinda like a father figure. We both love Jazz. But when I started moving out, in retrospect, it’s like we were breaking up. And, I haven’t broken up with anyone since 2006. But, that’s what it felt like. A bad break-up. I feel bad now. But all I can do is plant a seed. Allah (God) Has to make is germinate, if it Pleases Him.

Dear Beloved Sisters, I just wrote a blog on how to escape prostitution and I probably should have included this jewel too. Maybe I’ll post a link or something. But, I wasn’t scheduled to receive my money, for about another week, and I really needed to move right away, so I talked to the owner of the place I planned to move into, rather the manager talked to the owner for me, and asked if I could move in early and could she pro-rate (It’s important to use the right terminology) the room to me until I got my money. And, she agreed. I mean, the room is empty anyway, right?

So, I’ve got my own room. It’s a step in the right direction considering four months ago, I was homeless and suicidal. It’ll do while I wait for my Captain to come “save me.” 😛 LOL

Here you go, Beloved Asiatic So-Called American Negroes!!!!

WITH THE HELP OF OUR SAVIOUR,

MASTER FARD MUHAMMAD,
TO WHOM PRAISES ARE DUE FOREVER,

WE WILL WIN!!!!!!

ALLAH U AKBAR!!!!!!
ALLAH IS THE GREATEST!!!!!!

Okay, now Spike directed, what, imo, is the greatest hip-hop video I’ve ever seen (“Scenario“) but he dropped the ball with this one. Boring.

Then, I was going to post the opening credits from the movie, but…… #nasty

Then, I was going to post the album version, but like Spike’s video, it just wasn’t hittin’.

Then, I heard this one and it had me at “L” 😉

 

PROSTITUTION

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

As-Salaamu ‘Alaikum Beloved Black Queens!!!

I TRIED IT. That was the first time I was really HIT by a man. He was Cuban. But Black. He threatened to shoot me. Don’t wait for confirmation if you get a bad feeling about something, act the first time. I was down for him to shoot me. But either he didn’t want the murder rap or he was full of it.

I wanted him to shoot me rather than hit me again. But I guess, like a slave, a dead prostitute is not good. I now know that was Allah’s (God’s) way of scaring me away from sin (fornication and adultery / prostitution).

Beloved Black People, Christianity has made permissible evil so much so that something is wrong when a person obeys the Divine Laws of God. We think something is wrong when a person practices abstinence or stays a virgin until marriage.

I hate America.

This is the way were supposed to behave. But this world does the opposite. They make the right seem wrong. And that is why Allah (God) is going to destroy them and America is #1 on His list. You just try and stay out of the way. Read Message To The Blackman. You can find it on the homepage.

Sisters and Brothers, this is a blog about Homemaking and I was hesitant to post this blog. It is very serious, but prostitution is so prevalent among our society that I felt like it needed to be addressed. I apologize for any offense.

My main goal is ISLAM, and ideally, this would be taught within the confines of our classes at the Temple. But I guess we can consider this a processing class. 😉

MARRIAGE is the second goal of this blog, strictly between Black People.

Getting you to read MESSAGE TO THE BLACKMAN IN AMERICA is first.

When I went to jail, and I would say 60 (sixty) per cent or more, of the women were there for prostitution. One of the Sisters tried to justify her behaviour by saying her behaviour was just like a wife’s.

Her reasoning was that the wife has sex with her husband for money and she has sex with men for money.

Anyone with open eyes, ears and heart can find the discrepancy in her idea.

First, the wife is not having sex with multiple partners. She has sex with the man, Allah (God) ordained for her to have sex with.

Secondly, the wife does more than have sex with her husband. She is his Helpmate, which is also what Allah (God) ordained for her to be.

She is not sinning against Allah.

Sisters (and Brothers), if you are currently being employed by a pimp and are unsure of how to escape, say “Bismillah” (In the Name of Allah) and go to the nearest hospital or call 911 and tell them you are suicidal.

They will send an ambulance and take you to the hospital. If they ask “Are you hearing voices?” Answer, “Yes.” Get your prescription and go apply for Social Security Disability.

It will take a couple months, but you will get the money from those months about $3,000.00

Desperate times call for desperate measures. The point is to get away. I’m sorry for my Sisters, who have never been exposed to this aspect of our community. But prostitution has embedded itself in our community from the top to the bottom.

As Black women, we are looked upon by all segments of society as prostitutes. It is up to us to change our condition and only then will we be granted Divine Help from Our Saviour, Allah, Master Fard Muhammad, to Whom Praises are Due Forever.

Do not be afraid of your pimp, whether it is your parents, your landlord, or just some predator who is cannibalizing off of you. I’m sorry but it has to be dealt with.

Islam is the only solution to our problem. Accept Your Own (Islam) and Be Yourself (A Righteous Muslim). We live in Hell, but we are Righteous BY NATURE. You MUST change your own situation before Allah (swt) Will Help You.

If you fear your pimp, homelessness, starvation, etc. more than Allah (God), you will never be saved. Allah (God) Has Power Over EVERYTHING. And He Says, “Me, and Me Alone, Should You Fear.

Demonstrating fear for anything other than Allah (God) tells Him that you really don’t believe in His Power Over that which you fear.

I would recommend going to jail, if it means you will get away. Fornication and Adultery are and will always be SINS.

You can extract yourself from your situation or not. It is up to you. Ultimately, Allah (God) is going to ask you about it and you won’t be able to blame anyone but yourself.

Going to jail, will give you time to think. You do not have to accept visits. Nor bailouts (I think). Come up with an exit plan and carry it out. Allah (Master Fard Muhammad, To Whom Praises Are Due Forever) Delights in Coming to our aid.

Going to the hospital will put you in contact with a Social Worker, who can help you with a place to stay. Be righteous. Trust in Allah (God) and SAVE YOURSELF FROM A LIFE OF SIN.

 If you have another source of income, go to a vacant apartment, room, shelter and make arrangements wherein you can move in immediately (when you say Bismillah, Allah [God] Will Help You. He DELIGTS in coming to our aid). Make arrangements to pay when you get your money. As long as you have enough to move in don’t worry about how you will survive the rest of the month. Allah (God) Will Provide.

If you don’t have enough to move in, make payment arrangements, but MOVE. Immediately.

CHAPTER ONE – “THE RED LINE”

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

Yet again, I felt the irresistible urge to disembark from the Red Line several miles before reaching my intended destination – North Hollywood or Union Station – depending on the direction of the train on which I happened to find myself. At this point, it really didn’t matter to me anymore. I was not too particular about where I ended up. Either would have suited me.

I had been going back on forth on the train for the better part of the morning anyway.

This was not the first time I had experienced such a driving force, which left me traveling in circles until crepuscule crept up, finding me nowhere nearer either destination than I had been when I first descended the escalator to the first underground platform.

Usually, by mid-afternoon, I have resigned myself to the fact that I’m not going to reach any destination – not that day, anyway – which is truthfully, just my ostensible excuse for being out of the home and in the street. My true cacoethes is always the burning desire that I will happen upon my Beloved Jamal, and he will take me home, as usual. Only, this time will be that last time and we’ll finally attain our HAPPILY EVER AFTER.

But, alas, following crepuscule is the night, and I have long since developed the habit that results after years of practicing proper training and I am always indoors at least an hour before Sunset.

This day, March 19, 2015, was turning out to be particularly peculiar because not only had I seen my Beloved’s doppelganger, but I had seen THREE of them (if you include the night before)!! And now, here I stood – all alone.

The antiquated relics of old reel-to-reel magnetic films seemed to taunt me. As if to say, “Ha-Ha! You’re one of us now!” – Just a memory of an era long-gone whose train has left the station. “And you missed it!”

But, there’s always another train. Like buses. If you wait long enough. Even overnight. There’s always another one.

They say the same thing to a woman who has been scorned in love…

It’s not true though. Not to a woman who has found her one and only life’s Soulmate. You only get one. If you fuck it up. You’re left with really, two options, only one of which is feasible to the woman. Outsiders who have never met their Soulmate will never understand. They don’t understand why the woman will choose to torture herself with option #1. They will pity her and try relentlessly, however unsuccessfully, to intervene, and force other men on her (option #2), which only makes her situation worse – Not only can she not be at peace (or as close as humanly possible to peace – for a woman in such a heart-wrenching predicament) mourning her lost love, but she has to deal with unwanted and certainly unsolicited advances of unwanted men, who will never stand a chance. More unfortunately, for the woman, that just makes her more desirable. They love the chase and also unfortunately for the woman, no chase is more challenging than a woman who has her heart set on a man who is punishing her for fucking up.

*** I’m just so sorry it took me so long to realize ***
* * * * *

There is only one Amad-Jamal Washington. It has taken the greater portion of my life to realize that and after watching the last doppelganger, who was him will a full beard, ride off on the Red Line, while I stood, helplessly, on the platform, I wanted to die.

And this shadowy underground tomb housing the dry bones of an industry in which I had only reached the thresh-hold, but never cracked the ceiling seemed to be the perfect backdrop for my final curtain call.

I heard a train rumbling in the distance and a voice that seemed to emanate from the only other person in the station impassively and unabashedly taunted me, “Do It!” 

The voice urged me on in a voice that seemed loud enough to echo in my ear, although it was only a whisper.

That was all it took.

The next thing I knew, I was in a fetal position on the tracks anxiously anticipating the dramatic conclusion to an, arguably, even MORE DRAMATIC Musical Stage-play that I, with much sentiment, called my life.

However, “We Plan and Allah Plans; Surely Allah is The BEST OF PLANNERS.” 

Apparently, He Had Other Plans for me, because not only did the train not hit and kill me, it rolled over my head, as if I wasn’t even there!

CHAPTER TWO – “I’VE GOT TWO LOVES”

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

(*Ha! You thought I was going to post Mary Wells, huh? 😉  )

I met my Soulmate, Amad-Jamal Washington, in September of 19 and 79. I was eight (8) years old and he was nine (9) years old.

This was the same month the first commercial rap record, “Rapper’s Delight” was released. I loved it instantly. I used to tell my big cousins, “Play the record with the rainbow on it again!” 

I didn’t know it then, but I fell in love with both, Hip-Hop and my Honey at the same time.

The first time I saw my Honey was on the playground before school started. It was a new school for me and my Sister and I had just noticed him when someone blew a whistle and all the children “froze”. So I froze too. I thought that was so fun. 😛 We didn’t do anything like that at West Angeles Christian Academy.

Imagine my surprise when we got in the classroom, and he passed me one of those “I like you…” notes. I didn’t even realize he was the Brother who sent me that note until last year. But I must’ve said “Yes” because we were inseparable after that.

We would be in chapel, standing in a circle and, of course we were by each other and he could rub his feet on the carpet and shock the hell out of me. I used to get soooo frustrated because I couldn’t do it! But there’s been electricity between us ever since.

So, our school went on a camping trip to Blue Jay up in the mountains. I was surprised my mom let us go.

As usual, we were inseparable.

Since being in therapy, I’ve learned the terminology for some of my behavior – “Isolate”. I love to isolate. They act like you’re not supposed to. But they are a part of the devil’s world. Allah (God) Told Me To “Come, out of her!” (Revelation 18:4) So, the devils call it isolating and make it seem like there’s something wrong when you follow Divine Instruction.

So, me and my Honey have always isolated ourselves from when we first met.

So, he found a spot for us and we’re hip-hop, so I’m almost positive it was behind the stairs (I know it wasn’t on the roof 😉 and everybody was looking for us.

I’m sure it was I who moved (I’ve since learned, very well, Honey, how not to be found when I isolate) and one of our female classmates heard. They fell on us like a pack of hungry wolves – Ripped US FROM EACH OTHER’S ARMS and we were never the same.

I cry every time I think about it. I almost made it this time. So, I guess I’m getting over it. Especially since now I know he still loves me.

* * * * *

Here’s Mary Wells for you, and if you notice, her backup singers are The Temptations. There were only four.

 

Here’s an example of my being torn sometimes. I love to sing. But I love Allah and Islam (My Hubby/Black People) more. This is an example of the tearing.

I went to buy a sewing machine. Most seamstresses know the two most famous brands are “BROTHER” and “SINGER”.

I BOUGHT A “BROTHER”. I feel like music can be a distraction. If you notice, Our Beloved Messenger, The Most Honorable Elijah Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him) did not have choirs at The Temple. 

At the Salaam Restaurant, there would be Jazz musicians though, so I haven’t completely given up on music, but it has to be with my Honey (“Brother“) 😉