You Can See Forever….

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم






As-Salaamu ‘Alaikum Ma Beautiful and Beloved Asiatic Black Bebies!

How was your A.J. Day WEEKEND?!!?!?!?!?

A.J. Day was Saturday, but I was niggardly and didn’t buy the Lindt chocolate I was supposed to have to celebrate with on Saturday, so I extended it to include Sunday too and just had the first A.J. Day Weekend!!! Al Hamdulillah!!! I hope you had as good a time as I had! Allahu Akbar!

In college, I studied Journalism and as opposed to storytelling where you build up to the apex of a story, in Journalism, you are supposed to hit straight for the most important part of the story first, so I’m going to begin with the most important part of A.J. Day Weekend for me.

Last night, I had a good time on the Promenade. I noticed something that had escaped me before. Remember I told you about Sheharazad and the other Arabian singer? Well, two more Arabian acts were there this weekend. A female and a live guitarist and drummer band.

They have by far the best and most popular entertainment on the whole Promenade and I told you over seventy-five per cent of the patrons are Middle Eastern. So you know I just love it there.

BUT what I noticed last night is that the Muslim women who are dressed like me (covered) know the songs, tip the performers and videotape the performances, but they NEVER dance.

The women who dance know the songs and do all the above, BUT they look like Americans. They don’t cover. They usually have on shorts and tank tops and look just like all other American women.

This struck me as kind of disappointing because I love to dance and I know how to dance like the women who dance, but I can’t because I am representing Islam and although I pick up on some Islamic terms in the music, I don’t think it is representing Allah and Islam in an entirely positive way.

Here is what I think.

The Muslim women know how to dance like the other women but we only do it in private.

I was reading a book I picked up for free at a giveaway at the Library. It was a book I had heard of but had never read. I stopped reading it after I was reminded why I try to steer clear of anything produced by devils.

But anyway, the book talked about two kinds of women: prostitutes and decent women.

That’s about all there is. Either you are one or the other.

The decent women cover and don’t dance in public.

The prostitutes come out half-dressed (or covered) and don’t carry themselves in a modest fashion, i.e. dancing in public.

I understand why it is best not to cross the line because one of the women who was dancing, did it in an acceptable manner (imo) but there was another woman who just looked slutty.

Another thing I observed is that the older women danced better.

I think it is because of experience.

But another thing that held the younger women back is that they are Americanized. I felt sorry for them because you could see they felt the pull of the culture but it just wasn’t in them like it was in the older women. When they tried to do the dances, it didn’t look as natural as it did for the older women.

So, I left the Promenade earlier than usual, and went to see what was cracking on the Pier.

I’m so thankful for Lulu. She makes getting around so much EASIER and more convenient. If I didn’t have her, I probably would have just pushed to the spot.

The Pier was cool. But at night, I like the Promenade better. The people are more refined on The Promenade because there are nothing but shops so you have to have some ends.

The Pier is more for children, with Pacific Park and whatnot.

The Pier at night is more beautiful than in the daytime, however.  And I like to “read” the lights on the ferris wheel. They’re different every night.

The Promenade is better for the performers. The patrons are more apt to tip since the Promenade is designed for spending money. At least, that’s been my observation.

The musical artists on the Pier seem to be there more for atmospheric background music accompanying all that water.

It’s interesting but The Pier seems to have it’s own type of music. It’s like world music and “meditation” type music. The musicians play foreign instruments like sitars and whatnot.

Sometimes it creeps me out because it is eerily close to Buddhism or at least it feels like it to me. But Islam is first and everything good in any religion originated with Islam – like Tai Chi and meditation, so I’m sure that that type of music is in there too.

So, I had a good time on the Pier and then decided to push to the spot.

I got there but didn’t feel like sleeping. So whenever I don’t feel like sleeping, I don’t sleep. I don’t care what time it is nor how long I’ve been awake. If I’m not sleepy, that means I don’t need to sleep.

I’m not taking sleeping pills just because I’m not sleepy and everybody else thinks I’m supposed to sleep.

If I’m not sleepy that means, I’m supposed to be doing something else.

A lot of people who suffer from “mental illness” don’t sleep at the designated times.

It has something to do with melatonin.

One of the first things the psychiatrist asks is “Are you sleeping okay?”

I know many people who stay awake for three to five days at a time.

If the doctors really wanted to help, they would see the connection between this length of time and the typically prescribed “72-hour hold” which is generally how long an episode lasts.

But Allah, Master Fard Muhammad, To Whom Praises Are Due Forever, Does Not Sleep At All. And we are Gods and Goddesses, so we should not think it is unusual for us to not sleep as well.

The dominant society just wants to slow us down and nothing except death is slower than sleep.

So, as we say in the Hip-Hop Community “Don’t SleepLITERALLY.

So, I was also feeling a deep longing for Beaux. (That’s my new name for Zawji. 😀 I’ve always liked that name for a big strong handsome man. Bo’s are always big, strong and handsome except for Bo Buchanon who used to be on “One Life To Live” (IMO) but he was one of the stars of the show.

I’ve like that name since “Bonanza.” LOL I’m sorry but I’m from the Wild Wild West and I can’t help it but I like cowboys. I used to like the theme song from that show. Let me see if I can find it. I liked “Little Jo” too. He died in the same hospital as I was giving birth to my firstborn. 😦 R.I.P. “Pa” Even though he was a devil.) Hoss was cool but ugly. I guess he was the DUFF.





Then one time I was coming home from New Orleans and I met this guy named Bo from Atlanta. He was big, strong and handsome. Man, I love that name. But I like to spell it Beaux, like they would in New Orleans. Or Beau, like they would in Paris.)

So anyway, I was really missing Beaux last night. And I haven’t really thought about him in that way and haven’t written too much about him either. So, even though when I was in jail, I had resigned myself to fall back, I decided to send him a text.

I didn’t really know what to say. It was like 11:30 and I debated whether to send it at all, since it was so late. But you know I’m crazy, right? So that’s never stopped me before. I just debated what to send and decided to just be honest and wrote, “Just thinking about you…

Now, sometimes I get messages from other dimensions and I got one that told me he got my text. And I was happy so I sent an emoji blowing a kiss.

Then why did I get a text from him???!!!!!

I was like OMG!!! This is major! Although I didn’t really trip. I think I’m cool after all this time. I’ve been texting and e-mailing him for over three years and in all that time only got one response. (Which I don’t even think was from him. I had just gotten him fired from his job and he let Malik cuss me out LOL)

So when I got the text, I think I may have been in shock.

I wasn’t sure how I felt.

Usually I ask Allah.

But I didn’t think to ask last night.

Allah Told Me Don’t Say Anything.

So I didn’t.

Fake world A.J. replied and I want to hear from Beaux.

So, I let the music respond for him.




I felt so good.

Then this came on. But the Internet Gods were in an uproar because of his text and I didn’t hear it until this morning. Same message. Just delayed.


I went to sleep.

Allah Told Me Don’t Respond So I Didn’t Want To Make Being Obedient Difficult.

I saw a little ladybug crawling on the park bench I was going to go to sleep on. And I just played with him/her and thought about what had just happened.

I didn’t tell you what he wrote.

I guess I’ll put it for my and posterity’s sake. So when I’m rereading this in one, two, ten, twenty or a hundred years I won’t have to try and do the impossible and remember what he wrote. Although…. 😉

Anyway, He wrote, “I have no idea who this is.

This pleases you haters. But I know that which you do not know.

I thought about things I could reply but Allah Is The Best Knower. And I submit to His Infinitely Wise Will.

Beaux knows exactly who I am. But he is not who sent that text. A.J. sent that b.s.. But Allah Is All-Knowing and All-Wise so I Hear and Obey.

I think I know what I’m going to reply, but that’s if my phone and the Internet Gods allow me to. LOL

I’ll let you know how it goes, In Sha Allah.

❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

Ordinarily, I would just leave the blog as it is but sometimes, a lot of times, I do things that no one but I understand, and then when I go back and read it later, I exercise my brain by trying to remember what I meant when I wrote what I wrote.

But, I don’t want to do that with this one.

So, I’m going to explain.

When I woke up this morning on the park bench in the park, and opened my eyes, I was met with the most beautiful sight in the world – a clear blue sky and sunshine.

That feeling has been with me all day.

I wasn’t even disappointed that I missed the Sunrise. Sometimes the Sunrise is not even that beautiful. But when I woke up this morning!

The first thing that popped into my head was the video I posted at the top. I know they’re devils but I grew up in America…

Anyway, when I went to type the blog, “On A Clear Day” was what Allah (swt) Seemed to Want me to post. But I had posted that before I think. At least, I know I posted it on Facebook.

So, at first I had both. Then I deleted the Clear Day.

But kept the title.

So to help you, who may not be as into music as I am, understand the relationship between the title of the blog and the opening video, as well as what a beautiful day I’m having (and hope you are too 🙂 ) I’m going to post “On A Clear Day As Well.” Enjoy.

I like this one better though 😉

Oh my God. One time I was at the World Stage and I was going to sing this and the trio started off so good (swinging!) and I got through the first 32 bars LOVING IT!!! Then someone came and said they had to close early. SMH. Only me….

❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

I was going to write about the Farmer’s Market in Samo this weekend, but there isn’t really too much to say except it was dope, better than dtla and I got some bomb food.

I have video of this singer I want to post later, In Sha Allah.

She was French and her guitar was dope.

But I really want to fill you in on what happened after I got out of jail.

I wasn’t going to say anything but when I wrote about what happened to my laptop, I think there might be some confusion. So, I want to relate what happened.

I got out of jail, didn’t have any money, or else I was going to buy new everything.

But since I didn’t have any money, I HAD to go back to the house to get the stuff I left (my computer and sleeping bag).

So, I go back to this quiet little neighborhood in the Malibu Hills and I kind of had a feeling I might run into the man who ran me out of the house.

I had on the same thing and I was on foot.

Sure enough, I see the car he was driving and he was following me.

I turned around and started walking towards his car. He keeps driving and passes me up.

So, I turn back around now that he’s gone and continue walking towards the house.

To make a long story short (it’s almost Suppertime 😉 )

I went to the house and he was out there with some more evil hateful devils and started recording me on his phone.

I asked “Where is that white girl?

One of the other devils mockingly said, “WHAT white girl?

So, then I was like whatever and started walking away.

The devil who ran me out the first time was still recording but get this. He starts reciting John 3:16.

I was like, “For real?” SMH

But I keep walking.

Then he repeats it. And I couldn’t take it anymore.

I said loudly, “THAT’S A LIE!”

A. God does not have a son
B. He is all-powerful and doesn’t have to kill anybody just to forgive your sins.

So anyway, I went around the corner, called the Sheriffs, and they came and got my stuff.

I just thought it was interesting that that devil would start quoting the Bible.

If you don’t think we are living in The Holy Spiritual War of ARMAGEDDON, you’ve got another “think” coming.


On G.P.

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

As-Salaamu ‘Alaikum My Beautiful and Beloved Asiatic Black Brothers and Sisters in the Wilderness of North America

Man, oh man! My life is so unusual. I mean, even more than my life usually is!

I’m living homeless in Santa Monica and it’s crazy because Zawji’s facebook page says (or said) he lives out here too.

I’m not here because of him though.

I’m here because it’s the best place to be.

I even have a (310) area code on my Obama phone.

I had to let T-Mobile go after ten years due to Social Security cutting off my crazy check. But I’m grateful to have a phone.

California is so dope. Our Obamaphones are smartphones. In Atlanta, they only have the flip phones and I don’t even recall seeing them giving them away in NOLA.

And Santa Monica is the dopest of all because the whole city has WiFi. You don’t have to go to the library or a coffeeshop. But the computer gods pick and choose who can get logged in.

It was a while before I was able to get plugged in but now it’s on and crackin’.

So, there’s so much to do out here!

First, the BEACH!!!

I got so dark, I hardly recognized myself when I looked in the mirror.

I love to play in the sand and I had seen men bathing in the ocean water but never realized what a positive effect it has on your skin.

My legs are so silky smooth. I’ve always had nice legs but now! There is something about the ocean water that is good for your skin.

I only got in all the way twice because I don’t like the salty water taste. It is supersaturated almost with salt. And I don’t like it.

I like to walk on the shore and play with the incoming waves.

It’s crazy because I’ve been coming out here since Easter and during the week it was pretty empty but now! The parking lot is full all the time and I’ve NEVER seen that in my entire life.

I saw a Black family have to walk the bike trail just to get to their car! And this was like a TUESDAY!!!

At first, it used to piss me off because I like to be alone with the beach and the water and the sun and the birds and things but now, I just get my beach time in early in the morning before the crowds arrive.

I like watching the Sunset too. It is so beautiful.

I never fully realized how beautiful the beach is. I mean. We’ve got the beach (sand), the pier (the ferris wheel), the waves breaking, the ocean, the sky. There are just so many dimensions to the beauty.

Everyone should put Visit the Pacific Ocean on their bucket list. I’ve only seen it from California and Hawaii but I’m sure it’s beautiful from any location.

The past couple of nights, I caught some good entertainment. The night before last there was the cutest Black couple. They must’ve been in their fifties but they were so cute. They were singing and dancing and I just loved them. I got some video but I’m going to have to figure out how to add it later, In sha Allah. Click HERE

Then last night there was this group of Black teenage boys dancing. They were so cute but I was more impressed that they were all BLACK. Usually, they are interracial and you know how I hate that.

But they performed to “Flashlight” LOL And it was so cute watching these little babies do dances we used to do in High School. They were good though. I got video of them too. In sha Allah later…

Click HERE to see the video

Then there’s the Third Street Promenade!

I’m taking my time going into all the shops. My favorites are Anthropologie, Armani Exchange, Urban Outfitters, Converse (where you can design and make your own shoes!), Adidas and some others I can’t think of right now. Adidas has a golf line for men that I absolutely adore.

Why is there an “It’s Sugar” store on the Promenade now? LOL I thought I left my addiction in New Orleans!

There is good entertainment on the Promenade too.

Oh My God! Last year or so ago, there was this Sister singing Opera and I didn’t really listen to her. I just supported her because she was Black. But I got a chance to really listen to her and she just blew my mind. I love opera and she is top notch. Her high notes were off the register. And she just sounded so beautiful. She’s up there with Kathleen but she doesn’t LOOK like Kathleen which is why she is blessing us with her talent on the Promenade. She’s usually there for the Farmer’s Markets on Wednesdays and Saturdays from like 9-1.

One day I was there and I saw this old devil woman setting up. She had a sign with her name. I think she spells it like this: Sh’herezad. And you know that is the name of the woman who wrote 1001 Arabian Nights or whatever that book is called. So, I was like whatever. She’s just trying to steal our history and culture like devils always do.

But one night I heard someone singing “All of Me” and I went for a closer look and it was her. But it seemed that she only sang that song to get my attention because as soon as she had it she stopped singing and just started playing some Arabian music and dancing. I was captured.

I think she’s a gypsy. But she has Arabic writing on one of her signs and the bulk of her audience is Muslims.

Oh let me say this. Muslims have taken over the Promenade. I would say 75 per cent of the people are Middle Eastern.

And one night they just took over her whole show. It was Abdullah’s birthday. And Muslims don’t celebrate birthdays but I guess being in America…

Anyway, they had taken over her bluetooth and were choosing the songs and dancing. One of the Sisters came over to me and pulled me in with their group and we just danced.

Then when it was time to go, another one of the Sisters came up to me and outstretched her hand to introduce herself. I shook her hand and she slipped me forty dollars. Low key.

That was the coolest move ever.

There are some other good performers like this guy who I think does the music for Sh’herezad. They act like they’re not together but the similarities are just too apparent for them not to be.

I think they’re gypsies like I said. I didn’t know gypsies were Muslims. But I don’t know much about gypsies. I think they are like the entertaining Muslims. Let me G them. BRB I didn’t find anything to verify my claim that they’re Muslims. Under religion, it listed just about every religion, including Islam. But Idk. I wanted to talk to her but she was rude to me and acted like she didn’t know what I was talking about when I asked about this song she plays all the time. So, now I’m like whatever.

I try to catch the sunset everyday. But I never know where I’m going to be.

I have a spot I go to at night and it’s really cool. But last night why did this woman try to take over my spot?!!!? I was like Un-uh. You got to go. So I started banging on the door and she got mad and called the police on me.

But the police see me there all the time and know me (kinda), so they ended up making her leave which is all I wanted in the first place.

If I gave her a pass then everybody would be trying to come and you can’t do that when you’re trespassing. If a lot of people come, the police will make everybody leave, so I had to handle her myself.

I could not believe the nerve she had to try and take over my space and then call the police on ME! Justice served.

I finally rescued LuLu from the Union Rescue Mission. We’ve been traveling around SaMo and just enjoying life.

I have no plans. No goals. Just living and enjoying life. Master Fard Muhammad, to Whom Praises are due forever, said, “Life is a Park” so I’m just going to play and have fun.

I’m already planning my next trip to New Orleans. But I go to court next month to change my name. And I want to get my new I.D. before I go. So probably not until September/October. Which will be cool because the hot weather will be over but it will still be hurricane season. I’m not afraid but I don’t know why I always end up in New Orleans during hurricane season. :/

So cheah.

I’m just writing now while I have access to a computer. It is bittersweet not having my laptop anymore. I go through phases where I give all my stuff (burdens) away. Hence, no laptop. But now I have to wait until I can get to a computer to write. Upside is I don’t have to carry my laptop everywhere I go. I’m really trying to keep my burdens light.

When I met Master Fard Muhammad, to Whom Praises are due forever, He Only Was Carrying A Messenger Bag. Not even a change of clothes. So, I’m trying to really travel light.

I’ll probably get another laptop one day, In sha Allah. But who knows?

In the meantime – See you when I see you! 😉


Finally Back

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

Bismillahi Rahmani Rahim

As-Salaamu ‘Alaikum Dearly Beloved Asiatic Black People!

I’m not married to زوجي yet. But I’m getting closer everyday. Even though I just got out of jail where I learned three lessons.

  1. Fall back when it comes to زوجي and LET NATURE TAKE ITS COURSE.
  2. Never stop writing.
  3. I can’t tell you. Sorry.

I started writing this long “book” (blog) while I was in jail about everything that has happened to me since I stopped writing so since I have a lot of time to write, I’m going to go ahead and enter it. Here goes…

الحمد لله

I pray you all are enjoying peace and prosperity and abundant blessings from Our Saviour, Master Fard Muhammad, To Whom Praises are Due Forever! I, myself am locked up in jail but I hope to get out within the next few days. إن شاء الله

As you know, I had planned to complete the blog a few months ago, never to write again but as it is written in The Holy Qur’an, “We plan and Allah Plans. Surely Allah is the Best of Planners.” So Here I Am.

I humbly return to you seeking your forgiveness for having left you without something to exhort you to truth, righteousness and patience. That is the reason I’m in jail. الله Told me to start writing again over a month ago, but I was unwilling due to foolish pride. But as it is written, الله Has the Power to Force us to submit to His Will – willingly or unwillingly.

Never stop writing is one of three Lessons I have learned thus far during my incarceration. The first Lesson was Let Nature Take Its Course when it comes to زوجي. I have spent the last three years and six months trying to force myself on him and it has gotten me nowhere. I knew for the last three years and two months that الله Willed that I fall back. But I also learned in jail that I’m stubborn! That’s what the deputies said about me. الله Said I’m stubborn “as a mule!” That really hurt my feelings because a mule is grafted and Our Beloved Messenger (May the Peace and the Blessings of الله Forever Be Upon Him) taught us that anything grafted is a devil.

So now that I know, I’m really trying not to be stubborn. It hurts my pride though. But as it is written in the Psalms of King David, “Pride goeth before a fall” and I fell right into the hands of the Sheriff. SMH

So, since you’re probably wondering why I’m in jail. I’m going to pick up where I left off in New Orleans, March Two Thousand and Seventeen.

I “finished” the blog near the end of the month and I had decided to return to L.A. on my pick-up day (the 3rd). The third arrived and I bid farewell first, to my landlord (Thank you, D, for your kindness and generosity. You and Kim are up there when I think of all the sweet people I met in New Orleans. May Allah Bless You Both With Peace and Contentment, Money, a Good Home and Friendships in All Walks of Life! Muah! 🙂 )

Then I had to say goodbye to Miss Mary, my roommate who taught me how to close a door peaceably when I leave a room. I miss our afternoon walks in the embracing New Orleans humidity. I forget how old she is (seventyish, I think) but I wanted to take her out for walks because she spent all her time in the house and I remembered my Grandmother taking my Great-Grandmother (her mother) out for afternoon walks.

Miss Mary had fibroids when she was younger leaving her womb barren. So I took it upon myself to be her adopted daughter and just loved her.

She was so supportive when I told her about زوجي and he was my main reason for leaving so she understood.

I pray Allah you get to take walks sometimes, Miss Mary, and if I decide to not be homeless next time I’m in New Orleans, I’m coming to see you so you can give me Derrick’s number.

One day after I returned to L.A., I was on the Expo Line and this young Brother was on the train with two Sisters. Then this gay Puerto Rican (I think) gets up and switches over to the Brother and sits down. So, I could not restrain myself and I told the Brother he was wrong for being gay when he was with two Beautiful Black Sisters and he was the reason there aren’t more Beautiful Black Babies, and I just really let him have it. So, instead of the Black girls and other Black people on the train agreeing with me, they told me was wrong! And pretty soon everybody on the train wanted to kill me.

I was completely shocked. But I have done like الله commanded us in The Revelation and “Come out of her” so I was caught completely off guard; unaware of the extent that the abomination of homosexuality has corrupted people.

So we get to the end of the line and I’m still running my mouth and then we all get on the escalator and the Brother reaches over (he’s about 6’3″ with long limbs), snatches my phone out of my hand and breaks!!!

I should have chased him but I just saw those long legs stretch across the train station and felt like I would never be able to overtake him.

So, that’s how I lost Derrick’s number. :/

But I made a video as soon as I left the house. I went Live on Facebook. Let me see if I can post it. BRB

It won’t play from here but if you click “Watch on Facebook” you can view it.

I can’t post it for some reason. FB has changed their settings again but I might be able to figure it out later. إن شاء الله

So, I made it back to Los Skanless and went straight to the shelter. I couldn’t get a bed but I ran into my musician friend, Wans from Belgium. Yes, he’s Black. You may have heard about King Leopold of Belgium and all the atrocities he committed against the people of the Congo when he colonized their land. Well apparently, they imported some of the African people to Belgium because there I was talking to Wans.

He has Stockholm Syndrome though insisting that there’s no prejudice there and everyone lives in peace and harmony. :/ The white man is the devil regardless of time or place.

We met one day when I heard some live music coming from the cafeteria and there he was playing his alto. I love live music so I sat down next to him and listened. We struck up a conversation and Voila!

So, one of the first things I noticed about Skid Row is that there’s always good music playing. When you’re homeless, music really helps, so a lot of people have speakers and they are generous enough to share their music. Not like in New Orleans, where everybody (well, not everybody but this one lady, who has this souped up bike) wants a tip. 

In the eighteen years since I’ve been going to Skid Row, I’ve only met one person who was playing music I didn’t want to listen to and I have extremely high standards when it comes to music.

So, another thing I learned is that there’s a community of artists within the Skid Row community and whenever there is an event down there, they pull from this pool of artists for entertainment. But I could not find it to get in it!

But one day, after I had been on Skid Row for awhile, Wans told me that there was going to be a jam session the next day across the street and I could be his guest. I’ve learned that musicians don’t like people just coming out of nowhere into their circle. They prefer if someone brings you in and introduces you.

So, I went to the jam session and had I known they were going to be that good I would have recorded it. But the group was interracial and I’m with that separation, so I couldn’t get with them.

But! I met the man who is over the artists’ space and he told me there was going to be a new artists’ orientation the next day!

So, I went and signed up and reserved the music room so I could practice the piano. But I had been playing this janky baby grand in the chapel at the shelter (they used to have an upright in the women’s day room but it’s gone now) and there would always be people there who would applaud whenever I finished a number so playing all by myself was boring and I left early.

I also found out about this singing group and it sounded interesting so I decided to check it out. One day I would like to have a choir and call it L.O.V.E. (Lifting Our Voices Everywhere). But in the meantime, I thought I might join their group. So I went and the director was this Jewish man who told me his girlfriend was Muslim and after visiting the group, I realized he practices Buddhism.

He assured me the group was non-denominational and the songs were all non-denominational too. But later he’s telling us that they just performed Handel’s Messiah.

And they were about to perform “Noah’s Ark” both of which are Christian. They also have to wear certain clothes when they perform and I’m not coming out of my garment for NOObody!!!

But it was an opportunity to sing in front of a willing audience (the group) and he said I didn’t have to perform if I didn’t want to. He made it seem real laid back and tried to make me feel comfortable. But I had seen almost everybody from the group around Skid Row and two of them I openly disliked and the others were people I would NEVER associate with. They were a group of misfits. But I wanted to sing so I made allowances for their many shortcomings.

That first day was “Songshare” where you could perform a song of your choice or he would play it from the Internet. So, I sang “Misty”

I was really pleased with how I sounded and they liked it too. I also wanted to be a part of the group to get the constructive criticism from the director who was a professional voice instructor but I learned that I’m a soloist and I need ALL the attention. But I wanted to sing so I tolerated the other people.

The sessions were on Mondays and Wednesdays but I could never make it on Mondays because I was always taking care of homelessness business. But the director assured me that it was okay; no worries. He wanted to put me on the text list though and I would get all the texts that the group got. I didn’t want it but I let him talk me into it.

Now the first week, he had us do some “breathing exercises” which were really meditation but I didn’t mind because I used to do Muslim meditation so I wasn’t trippin’. One time I did feel a little uncomfortable but I just brushed it off.

So, the next week he knew I’m into jazz and some of the other members were too so he decided to do a jazz history Lesson but he wanted to start from the beginning of “recorded music” and I said “white music history” and he agreed. So, he goes on to say that music started with Buddhist monks and their one note chant. But I interjected because ninety-nine per cent of the class was Black. So I said, “In Africa we had been singing in harmony and using drums and other instruments for thousands of years before their one note chant!”

So then he starts getting defensive saying that scholars argue over that fact. I said, “It’s true they just don’t want to admit that Black people did it first!” So he said they debate and blahzay blah blah then he went back to the Lesson and I knew more than he did.

We were talking about the birth of jazz and New Orleans is my second home and he had never been there. So, I’m telling them how Pops has this huge park with this huge statue of him and the airport is named “The Louis Armstrong International Airport” and I could not believe none of them had ever heard of a Second Line! I told them Pops wrote the first autobiography by a jazz musician.

Then we talked about Ellington, be-bop with Bird and Diz and he tried to say Monk wasn’t be-bop! I told him Monk was the piano player at Minton’s where be-bop was born! Then he tried to say Miles was be-bop. I said “True, Miles did play as a sideman for Bird but he is known for ‘The Birth of the Cool’.” So he ended up saying I could have taught the class.

So, the next week was Songshare again and I sang “Summertime” But I sang it kinda jazzy/R&B/gospel. This one Sister said I have good voice control which really pleased me because I pride myself on my ability to hold my breath for a long time; holding long notes and whatnot.

So, every week at the start of the session, we would do the meditation and after each singer we would take a deep breath so I’m not realizing it but he’s using Buddhism to hold sway over the group and also to knit us together. But I didn’t want to be knit together with them. I just wanted to be applauded for my singing. So, I asked to be removed from the text blasts and the next session I deliberately arrived ten minutes late.

When I walked in they were deep into the meditation and no one looked to see who had walked in. He continued giving instructions but nodded at me. So, I’m taking this all in and in Islam, we meditate but its’ more like a prayer between us and الله. There is no middle man.

So, I really did not like how much control he had. Everybody was in a trance. And he was using Buddhism to do it. One time when he ended the meditation, he had everybody sing just one note and it sounded just like the Buddhist chant “Om.” I should have known then.

Buddhism has been around for thirty-five thousand years. They have been an enemy to الله and the righteous much longer than Christianity, which is only about six hundred years old. So Our Beloved Messenger (صلى الله عليه وسلم) taught us that Our Saviour taught him “If you meet a Buddhist and a Christian walking together, kill the Buddhist first.” 

So, I left the session and never returned.

There are a lot of “starving artists” on Skid Row; musicians, visual artists, thespians, dancers and many are really talented but they’re all Christians or on this “I love everybody” kick and trying to “coexist” but I know that path leads straight to Hell.

Wans is in it too. I always tried to ignore that cross hanging conspicuously from his neck. But churches use music to ensnare the people. There are many musicians working in churches just for the paycheck. Wans even told me he knew of a church that was looking for a singer. What I look like singing to a dead Jesus just because the song is pretty and I sound beautiful?

* * * * * * * *

These girls in jail are so cute. I used to didn’t like nineties babies because they call me “old” and they are some of the most arrogant people you ever met.

I had a bunkie who was 26 and Oh My God! You would think she created the universe or something. She was so full of herself and her generation! I couldn’t believe how conceited she is. She wants to be a motivational speaker but she curses. LOL You should’ve heard her speeches. It was so funny. She was dead serious though. It’s just that these girls curse like nothing. Every other word is a female dog and every noun is preceded by effin. It’s even worse than that though. They don’t say they’re their man’s “Lady” or “Girl.” They call themselves his female dog. I only heard one girl do that so it may not be that many but I’m sure the Brothers call their girl their female dog because I heard this lesbian refer to her girlfriend as that. But I loved hearing them talk to each other. Girls that go to jail are so COOL! LOL They talk differently to each other though -than when they talk to me or any other elder.

I love how they say “You feel me?” Because I know they got it from Pac. Knawmean? and “You know whut I’m sayin’?” sound like relics from the past. It could be an L.A. thing because I didn’t hear it anywhere else. But these kids want to be felt!

The Sister might make it as a motivational speaker with the cursing because her generation seems to know no other way to communicate.

When I went to court the other day, they had everybody in tanks that were going to the same court and there were bound to be some familiar faces. This happened TWICE! Once on the way TO court and again on the way back.

Girl 1: Ay, don’t I know you?
Girl 2: You do look kinda familiar.
Girl 1: You know so and so from          (gang name)         ?
Girl 2: YEAH! You’re so and so from          (gang name or street name)          !!!!

Then they may hug or bump fists but after that the conversation gets really juicy.

Girl 2: You know Weezo told me he would pay me to beat you up.
Girl 1: What? I hate that nigga.

*Note – Mexicans and white people call each other “nigga” like it’s the same as “dude” or “fool.” I know. I had heard that too but it’s a whole ‘nother thing to actually hear it.

Girl 2: Yeah, but I told him No. That nigga was supposed to bail me out and I don’t do that s!#t no more. I’m trying to be cute and ladylike.
Girl 1: What you in here for?
Girl 2: I got pulled over in the G-ride on my way to make a pick-up.

*Note – There are so many girls in jail for GTA. I know it’s because of that video game.

Girl 2: What about you?
Girl 1: Possession.

*Note – Everybody smokes meth (“Pookie”)

Girl 1: You know Lil Bit is in here for spousal abuse…

*Note – Three of my six bunkies were in jail for spousal abuse/domestic violence. I heard domestic violence is a felony.

Girl 1: …And they picked up her kids this morning.

*Note – Everybody’s kids are in the system.

You know, this is not so cute anymore. It’s making me want to cry. They’re cute, but their lives are HELL. All they know is CRIME and JAIL. The men they deal with are womanizers.  So a lot of them are lesbians.

I guess that’s why I’m here. Whenever someone says (and someone always says) “Everybody smokes meth.” I raise my hand and say loud and clear “I don’t!” And their jaws drop and eyes widen then I go on to say, “I don’t smoke, drink, do drugs and I don’t have sex. And then I start advising them on how to quit because they all want to quit.

Mostly I tell them to pray and ask Allah for help. I tell them that’s how I stopped smoking cigarettes. By then I have everybody’s full attention and I’m like the Queen Mother.

I met one Sister who, other than “Read Message To The Blackman, I didn’t know what to tell her. I thought she was a boy but I learned she has a hormonal imbalance so although she has the reproductive system of a female, she looks and sounds like a male.

I’ve had a little time to think about it and hers is the only instance when hormone pills should be used. NOT for men who just want to be female but for females who, for whatever reason, their bodies are not producing them!

They should have given them to her when she was a little girl so she could have had a normal childhood and wouldn’t have had to suffer the taunts of her peers. Because now she’s embraced the masculine traits and is living, unbeknownst to the casual observer, as a lesbian.

So, if you’re reading this, my Dear Little Sister, pray and ask Allah to help you make your body produce the chemicals to produce estrogen to override the testosterone and get some hormone pills so you can stop living the abomination of homosexuality. You are causing your girlfriends to sin.

So, after I saw Wans and couldn’t get a bed, I went to a hotel and stayed there until my money ran out. I like this particular hotel because it’s very clean and I had tried to get in some more popular motels in the area but they wouldn’t let me stay longer than three hours! They are just dens of iniquity catering to whores and whoremongers.

So when my money ran out, I went back to “The Row” and they still didn’t have any beds, so I had to be “overflow.” That means you have to wait outside on the street until all the people with bed and cot tickets get their beds then they let us in and we have to find a spot on the floor between the people who are already on the floor and it’s just bad.

They say they let us in at seven but, in a month, I only got in at seven once or twice. Every other night they leave you standing out on the street in the cold susceptible to the lascivious fantasies of all the men on Skid Row (and there are a lot of them), only finally letting us in between nine and ten.

The ones in the front got the best spots. If you were at the end of the line, you could be walking around for twenty minutes trying to squeeze in somewhere where nobody wants you.

So one night I was waiting outside, at the front of the line with this Sister (we both used to cut in the front of the line, so we got along good and she used to talk alot so it made the time go by faster. I feel a little guilty about cutting now because some of those women used to get there at three (when the Women’s Center closed; there’s nothing to do and nowhere to go when you’re broke and homeless) to be first in line and they wanted to kill us. Nobody ever said anything to staff but I heard them talking amongst each other. But hell, in that type of situation it’s go for self).

And so, we’re at the front of the line, right outside the front door, and I hear “As-Salaam-Alaikum!” So I turn around and there’s this Brother. He has his phone in front of him and I think he’s recording but I’m like “Nah, why would he be recording this?” So, I ignore the camera and we start talking. He tells me he has an SRO (Single Room Occupancy. It’s just a room in a hotel where you share the kitchen and bathrooms and it’s only about one per cent better than the shelter) but it was better so I made him feel okay about his little SRO and I joined him on his walk back home from the store.

During the walk, I learned his name and that he grew up in the Nation but he smokes weed and curses like a devil. But he said I could have the bed and he would sleep on the floor.

Turns out he was Live on Facebook when he picked me up and I added him, so I saw the video. Man. I am so embarrassed I wouldn’t post the video if I could.

I knew I was aggressive but I’d never seen how I look in action. It did not look good. The only thing I can attribute it to is the fact that my father molested me but it was so unbecoming. I don’t even care that I got what I wanted. My body language was so suggestive. On the up side, at least, now I’m aware of it, so I can consciously pump my brakes.

So, we got into a little argument about the proper foods to eat but when I left the next day, I thought everything was cool. I think he wanted me to stay, but I didn’t want him to start catching feelings or nothing. I’m still زوجي’s. Nothing can change that fact. So we made arrangements for him to come pick me up from the shelter again that night but he never showed up. We talked on FB and I chalked it up to miscommunication but other than commenting on each other’s posts we never hooked back up. 

I saw him three times in one day, one day and every time he acted like he didn’t see me. I mean, he went out of his way to avoid me. IDKY.

So, I’m going to the shelter every night. Eventually, I did get a bed ticket (a “cot ticket” to be specific). The homeless situation is so bad in L.A. that the Women’s Dorm is completely filled. The Women’s Day Room is completely filled. And the Chapel is completely filled with women sleeping on the floor packed like a slave ship almost.

So, I didn’t have to wait outside anymore, which for an M.G.T. like me, was the worst part. I felt like a whore standing out there on the street at night. You see how easy it was for me to get picked up. And I wasn’t on the floor anymore but it was still cramped.

During the day, I would go to the “Women’s” Center. I put Women’s in quotation marks because it seems like there are more men in there than women! All of the volunteers in positions of authority are men. And I just couldn’t stomach these MEN trying to be women bossing the REAL WOMEN around! It was NAUSEATING!!!

I stopped going after one of them came in the bathroom right after I got out of the shower. I was dressed but what if I wasn’t? It’s disgraceful the depths of evil and filth to which this world has sunk.

I was in Santa Monica at the pier one night and there were men in the Women’s restroom! And they weren’t even trannys. Where was I supposed to use the bathroom?!!!!!!!

I would also go to the Library. At one point, I had a little show where I would go Live from the Library on FB. I couldn’t talk because it’s supposed to be quiet, so I used sign language and written signs.

That was a lot of fun until I reached into my bag and my purse was gone. But I knew nobody stole it. It was just in The Twilight Zone. Sometimes my stuff just disappears. Sometimes I can conjure it up again but if I can’t, it’s gone for good.

So, I was getting burnt out on the shelter and it was Easter. I had a couple of hours before I had to be at the shelter so I decided to take the Expo Line to the beach. I got there and I could not believe how packed it was but the ocean looked beautiful. I only had about five minutes to look at it but I was hooked. I started going every day.

I found out this Homeless Resource Center (HRC) I used to go to back in 1999 had moved, so I went to the new address but it’s co-ed now. I don’t like that but there’s one side where the men don’t usually go so I just hang out there.

In any case, I can shower, do my laundry, take a nap, charge my electronic devices and get a hot plate. So, I started spending my days there and just went to DTLA to sleep.

For March A.J. Day, I went to Tiffany’s. I like to go there and see if they have my wedding set. So the saleslady LOVED me for some reason. I was homeless, broke and couldn’t afford anything in the store but she treated me like I was married to a BILLIONAIRE!

I went around the store and she went with me showing me all the different pieces of jewelry and the pieces that were exclusive to Tiffany’s. I decided which ones I would buy if I really was married to a Billionaire and satisfied my thirst for looking at pretty things but she did not want me to leave!

She offered me some water, Perrier or Evian, but I already told you I had satisfied my thirst but she kept insisting, so I told her Evian. I don’t like Perrier having tried it when I worked at Sbarro’s in The Beverly Center back in the eighties. But everybody thinks Perrier is high class.

So she comes back and says they don’t have any cold Evian and I let her talk me into the Perrier. She brings out a silver tray with the bottle of Perrier and a little blue Tiffany’s cup. There’s also a piece of chocolate on the tray. She said that was to apologize for not having the Evian.

So she pours the Perrier into the cup for me. I take the cup and the chocolate and leave.

I wished I had taken the room temperature Evian. Carbonated drinks are not good for you anyway. So, I just ended up tossing it.

But OH MY GOD, when I tasted that piece of chocolate, I was transported to HEAVEN!!!

That was the BEST CHOCOLATE I HAD EVER HAD IN MY LIFE. AND I’M A CHOCOHOLIC!!! I eat chocolate EVERY DAY!!! Candy, cookies, muffins, chocolate milk…. SOMETHING CHOCOLATE EVERY DAY!!! And I had never felt this way about chocolate before. It was beyond words.

I had seen the brand in the store many times before but I never bought it because it’s kind of expensive and I didn’t know how good it is.

It was Lindt Lindor.

Image result for lindor milk chocolate

It looks so delicious. It has this creamy, milky inside that is just indescribable.

There’s a Lindt store in the Riverwalk Mall in New Orleans but when I was there it was almost Easter and they had all this Easter stuff and I hate Easter. So, I didn’t go in but I watched a video they were playing showing where they get the chocolate. Africa. I was kind of offended because all of the workers were Black and I feel like they’re being exploited for their resources but not offended enough to not buy it. They have the BEST chocolate in the world. إن شاء الله one day they’ll nationalize all of those privately owned corporations that are stealing the resources and I won’t have to feel guilty anymore.

So, I got back to the shelter and I’m talking to this Sister who is Oprah’s doppelgänger. I see Oprah’s doppels all the time. I think because I wanted to be the next Oprah when I was growing up. I wanted my own talk show and I went to college to be a news reporter like Oprah when she started out. But this sister said everybody tells her she looks and talks like Oprah.

So we’re outside waiting in line (I hadn’t cut to the front of the line yet) and this Brother comes up selling candy. Why was he selling Lindt? Not the balls. This kind.

Image result for lindt chocolate red wrapper

I knew that was my A.J. Day present, so I bought two. Chocolate is always better when you share, so I gave some to Oprah and OMG! It was even better than before!!! Happy A.J. Day to me!

So May comes in and I get my crazy check and I wanted to take a break from the shelter and spend a night or two at the motel. But when you have a bed ticket you have to get an overnight pass if you’re going to miss a night or else you lose your bed.

So I went and asked for an overnight pass. And she made me feel worthless. “For a COT TICKET? Hell No!”

“Why not?”

Because I’m not!!!

So I spent the nights at the motel anyway but I kept the ticket. I knew it was no good but the guard at the back door didn’t so at least I got in and didn’t have to wait on the sidewalk all night. I also got a better selection of spots on the floor.

A few more nights of that and I was fed up. One morning I kept the blanket, left and never returned.

I started sleeping on the beach. I know this place that’s open 24/7 and it’s public. I had seen people sleeping there before and it’s right next to a guard tower so it’s safe.

A couple of weeks or one week and a few days before Mother’s Day, I rode the bus up the coast to Malibu like I used to do the first time I became homeless.

The bus used to go from DTLA to Downtown Malibu but now there’s the train that goes from DTLA to Downtown Santa Monica. So the bus starts from Downtown Santa Monica and goes even farther up the coast!

So, I always like ابننا to see how rich Billionaire’s live so the week before Mother’s Day, I took him up there. We had lunch and took some pictures.


The next week was Mother’s Day and I felt like الله, زوجي وابننا had given me The Pacific Ocean for Mother’s Day. What could be better or bigger than sixty-eight million, six hundred thirty-four thousand square miles of water? It’s the biggest thing on our planet!

Last year زوجي gave me a song that’s still in heavy rotation

But he topped it this year. I made a video live on FB. Let me see if I can post it.

Same as the other one.

May A.J. Day I was having an episode and didn’t even realize it had come in. It was on a Monday. However, on Tuesday I decided to catch the bus up the coast just to chill out and one of زوجي’s doppels got on the bus. I made up my mind right then and there to get off the bus wherever he got off. So he got off in DTM, but the guy he was talking to on the bus got off with him. I got off anyway.

So they go in this convenience store and start buying all kinds of stuff. I’m broke as usual and can’t make up my mind whether or not I should stay or go. So, I keep going in and out the store.

Eventually, they come out and I fall in step behind them. He turns around and says, “You coming with us?” And I’m like “Yeah.” Then he says something about his wife and I’m like “Whatever.” They always have a wife. Which is the reason I’m in jail. Lesson #1 – Fall Back and Let Nature Take Its Course.

But I hadn’t learned that Lesson yet, so I went with them anyway.

We got back on the bus and got off at the beach. So I’m like, “Cool, now I can go off on my own” like Al B. Sure said to do. I’m not gonna post the video because I never liked the way he sang. I just watched some of the video and he was doing way too much.

So I let them get ahead of me and I went down to the shore. I kept walking and I see them coming in my direction. He had said something about a campsite and then I see a place in the sand where there had clearly been a campfire. So they laid their sleeping bags next to the spot and I had acquired a sleeping bag at the HRC so I laid it on the opposite side in an attempt to establish a boys’ side and a girls’ side thus keeping the sexes separate.

So I felt like the friend was using magic trying to steal my laptop and the doppel was trying to get my gloves. Someone is always trying to steal my gloves. I know why but you won’t believe me.

So after awhile, the doppel told me he lives in Santa Monica but he works as a chef in Hollywood. So he says he’s about to go to the store. Naturally, I wanted to go with him but he starts talking about he has to do things by himself. So it’s dark… Oh! Wait a minute.

When we first got to the campsite, one of the surfers (there was a gang of them in the water) comes over talking about he left his keys over by where we were and they start talking but I know the game. They were selling drugs to those white boys.

I’m not saying all Black guys sell drugs but that would make the fourth time I’ve hung out with drug dealers.

Okay, so it’s dark now and I walk with him as far as I could go. (I couldn’t keep up) then he goes off a little ways and stops. It’s dark and he looks like a shadow. So then he starts shape-shifting into something that looks like a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle and then he takes off like lightning out of sight.

I’m like “Okay…” That’s not the craziest thing I’ve ever seen so I’m not tripping. I go back to the campsite and the friend is in his sleeping bag. We start talking and he’s 50’s doppelganger. He sounded EXACTLY like him and he was from NYC. I tested him. ابننا always told me that 50’s mom was gay and he didn’t like her. So I asked him “Do you like your mom?” He sounded like a little boy, “NO!” We talked about Islam. He sang “Al Fatiha” and I was impressed. I don’t even sing it. But he was 50’s doppel so he’s got to be into music.

The doppel had gone to get him some cigs so we talked about how smoking and drinking are bad for your health. He said he knew that but he likes to do it anyway.

So LL came back and he was ready to start the campfire. He wanted to wait until it was late, so as not to attract unwanted attention. He had to go up the beach to get some wood. I went as far as I could. I was scared الله Was going to change the matrix and I wouldn’t be able to get back to the campsite. I didn’t trust the doppel.

So I learned how to start a campfire that night which is good to know since I’m homeless.

He put his hand over the fire and told me to take his picture. I was so taken aback by how much he looked like ابننا that I didn’t fully comprehend that he had his hand right over the fire!

So he took my picture by the fire too and I grabbed one of the flaming pieces of wood and held it up like a torch but he wouldn’t take my picture like that. I told him to add me on FB so he went to my profile and I have the picture of me and ابننا I posted above as my profile picture and he asked me “Who is dude in the picture?” LOL I said, “That’s my son.” Then he mumbled something about me having a 25-year-old son LOL ابننا is fifteen. He was fourteen when that picture was taken. I’m not tripping though because ابنتنا is 26, so I’m definitely old enough to have a 25-year-old son. He just didn’t know it!

So I laid down by the fire and almost suffocated from invisible smoke. Then I got up and moved to the other side. The doppel objected for some reason but he was already in his sleeping bag and wasn’t much of a threat. He talked until he fell asleep. 50 fell asleep shortly thereafter but I didn’t trust either of them so I stayed up and waited for the sun to rise.

Sometimes I’m scared it’s not gonna come up and it’s gonna be ten a.m. and still dark. It’s like that in Norway. I think that’s why they have a city named “Hell.”

My uncle lives there and they have a period of about two weeks when the sun doesn’t rise at all. It stays dark. They always come to the states during that time of year. They say a lot of people commit suicide.

There is an equal amount of time when the sun never sets though. Let me G it to see exactly how long it lasts. From April to August!!!

But this is L.A. and, of course she came up. I thought they might get up early like those two “Muslim” Brothers I hung out with in New Orleans. But they didn’t so I packed up my stuff and got on the bus going farther up the coast.

Why was Prince’s doppelganger on the bus? And tell me why was he reading “Fall of America!?” ROFL I couldn’t.

So he told me he was on his way to work. But when he got off the bus he sort of stood there and looked at me like “You coming?” But Prince is what I call a sextrovert. He’s really out there with his sexuality. I love his music (most of it) but sometimes he makes me feel really uncomfortable and embarrassed.

He has this one song about sex with his sister and how much he enjoyed it. That’s incest. So I was cool. I had just gotten out of a situation and it was a little too soon for another adventure.

So I stayed on the bus and got off at my spot. But I didn’t feel like I usually felt. Like breathtaken at it’s beauty. You know? I walked on the beach but it seemed dirty and nasty. There was a lot of seaweed and beach flies and it just wasn’t as beautiful and serene as it usually was to me. Plus, I felt bored. But I didn’t have anything else to do so I continued my walk down to this place where I can pick up the bus again.

The bus to my spot only goes there six times a day; three in the morning and three in the afternoon. Just to drop off the maids for the rich devils that live up there.

So, you can see in the video, there’s a precipice next to the water but the last time I walked the shore (past the corner on the left where you can’t see around in the video) the tide was out and when I went around the corner where the water comes up to the shore, I just waited for the waves to subside and then I went around the corner not even getting my feet wet.

But this time it must’ve been High Tide because the next thing  I know my feet were underwater. I still had my shoes on but I wasn’t tripping because that wasn’t the first time I had gotten my feet wet with my shoes on and probably won’t be the last. It’s only water.

So, I keep walking and before I know it my ankles are under water but I’m like as soon as I get around this next corner there’s going to be beach and sand. But every time I hit the corner there were more rocks!

So now, I’m up walking on the rocks right next to the precipice and the water just keeps getting higher and higher. But trip this! Every time I think I’ve gotten to the end of the rocks, I look up and there’s more rocks! الله was allowing the devil to change the matrix testing my faith because I know it didn’t take that long to get to the sand last time. Plus the water is getting higher and higher and then it’s up to my thighs and I’m starting to panic.

I didn’t think I was going to make it to the sand before the water was up to my neck or higher.

So just when I think all hope is lost, I look up and there is a pathway in between the precipice leading away from the water! الله أكبر!!!

I was still scared because I didn’t know where the path led but I took it because I knew I couldn’t win a fight against 68,634,000 square miles of water (The Pacific Ocean).

Under normal circumstances I would have really enjoyed the walk up this path. It was beautiful. There were tropical plants everywhere and probably birds as well. But I was recovering from a near-death experience and was probably in shock.

So the pathway ends at this residential street but there’s a locked gate at the entrance. But الله أكبر! as soon as I get there there’s this devil with a surfboard going down to the beach. Now, I hadn’t seen a soul on the beach all morning but just when I needed somebody, there she was. الله أكبر!

So, at first I think I know where I am but الله let the devil change the matrix and I was lost again. So, I just start walking not knowing where I’m going and everytime I think I recognize the location – matrix switch.

So, I’m soaking wet. I’m dying of thirst (usually I have a water bottle, but I had just gone grocery shopping so my bag was stuffed and my water bottle, which I always keep on top had fallen out somewhere and I had never replaced it) but worst of all I’M LOST!!!!!!

So الله Says Stop. Rest.

And for some reason, I got the feeling that زوجي lived in the house to my right. If I had been a little more confident, I would have gone to that house. But I wasn’t and I felt like the house across the street was my house. So الله Told me to go over to it.

There was a white pick-up truck in the driveway parked in front of a two-car garage. So I sat on the back of the truck. But I felt like I wasn’t supposed to sit there. So I sat on the motor for the gate but that didn’t feel right either. So I decided to just ring the doorbell and ask for a glass of water.

So I go up to the front door and it’s open a little. And I’m like Okay…. So I push it all the way open and I see the house is furnished but I could tell nobody was living in it.

So I go in and the entire back of the house was glass or glass doors. So I see this devil in the backyard throwing a ball with a little dog. I knew immediately, that she was living in the pool house housesitting. So she looks up at me, smiles and goes back to playing with her dog.

So I take that as my cue that I was free to explore. It was a nice one-story, three bedroom, three bathroom house. I always wanted a one story house so that when I get old I won’t have to climb stairs. But the best part about the house was the backyard. I took a picture. Let me post it. إن شاء الله

Image may contain: outdoor and nature

I go in one of the bedrooms feeling just like Goldilocks and took a nap on Mama Bear’s bed.

If you haven’t already guessed from all the unusual things happening (the doppel shape shifting and taking off at lightning speed, and the beach and the street matrix switching) I’m having an episode. I never realize it until after the fact though.

So when I wake up from my nap, I got the horrible feeling that the bedroom door was gone and I was in a room with four walls. So I immediately contemplate the window. But I remembered that window I broke in New Orleans and it had plexiglass behind it so I’m starting to panic but I slowly look over my shoulder and the door is there, of course. الله Wouldn’t do that to me. But I took that to mean I was in the wrong room so I moved into the Master bedroom.

It was nice but I didn’t like the bed. When I finally settle into my own house, it has to have a waterbed. I thought being one-story was good enough too but it can’t be too big either because there were times in this house that I didn’t feel like walking to the bedroom from the window seat because it was so far. You feel me? 😉

There was also no carpet in the entire house. I didn’t like that either. I like furry stuff like stuffed animals and furry blankets, so you know I need to walk on luxurious carpeting and there was not even a rug in the whole house! Not even in the bathrooms. :/ Speaking of bathrooms, I couldn’t figure out how to work the jets in the tub for nothing. That was so frustrating. I didn’t take a bath the whole time I was in the house. Even though there were candles. So that means the house wasn’t meant for me.

There was a saddle holder though with a saddle and cowboy hat on it. You know how much I love horses. All that stuff was on the side of the house that reminded me of my mother’s house.

The other side with the office, kitchen, garage and service porch reminded me of my father’s house.

The part of the house that reminded me of me was this section of the office that had little girl stuff in it. There was an easel with all kinds of art supplies and a gang of stuffed animals. I have always slept with a big teddy bear, even as an adult. I only stopped because I didn’t want زوجي to feel neglected. It was hard for me to fall asleep for a while though.

So, I settled in, washed all my clothes, my shoes and my sleeping bag which were all drenched and covered in sand from my ordeal at the beach. It had been some years since I had used a home washer/dryer so I was a little annoyed at the hour and forty-five minutes it took to wash but my clothes came out so clean they were illuminating! Then I got angry at the laundrymats where the washers only run thirty minutes and your clothes don’t get that clean.

The owners only care about money. If it costs $2.00 to wash, they can make $6.00 in the time it takes a home washer to make $2.00. If they have a hundred machines they can make $600.00 as opposed to $200.00. They don’t care about quality of washing just about the Benjamins.

The bathrooms all had glass doors instead of shower curtains. And for me that is the test of whether or not the house is high class. Regular houses have shower curtains. Nice houses have glass doors.

There was a dusty Range Rover in the garage and a motorcycle. There was a pool, a Jacuzzi, a bench swing hanging from the trees and a hammock. But I spent all my time in the window seat overlooking the backyard. That’s where I took the picture. I saw a rabbit out there one day. They’re all over the neighborhood.

Image result for map of the southern california coast

You see that point sticking out into the water where it says “Malibu?” That is where I was. It’s called Point Dume. And it is arguably the most beautiful place in the world.

So الله had been told me to restart the blog but I hadn’t married زوجي yet and I was embarrassed. So even though the conditions were perfect for writing all I did for three days was look out the window and listen to music.

I had a bag of cherries, a mango and an apple but I knew I needed to go to the store and get some food. I think ابننا wanted to bring me some food. But I wanted to have food for him when he got there so I went to the store. I found out where I was when I got a chance to use Google maps so I wasn’t lost anymore. My phone had been dead before.

So, I think going outside changed something in me.

I hadn’t really been outside the whole time. I was scared to go out into the backyard because of the devil but going to the store made me feel like I should be able to go in the backyard too.

So when the devil had company over and they were having a picnic in “my” backyard, I started feeling possessive. Then one of them started doing laps in the pool and I wanted ابننا to be able to go swimming when he came over, so I walked out into the backyard while he was out there. 

I know, stupid. But I had been thinking about leaving anyway. I didn’t like the bed and although I wasn’t homeless, it wasn’t the home that I wanted. I mean, I liked it but it wasn’t perfect.

You know what? I’ve always felt like Brandy is my Doppelganger. When she first came out with “I Wanna Be Down”

And she was on the phone on the floor, I was like that is so me. I used to talk to زوجي like that when we were in High School. Then Moesha comes out and it’s set in Leimert. I always wanted to live in Leimert. 

I remember being in High School and we would drive by The Good Life and I could never go because we were on our way to church. SMH I couldn’t go to nothing no way.

So anyway, remember on Moesha and her father wanted to buy her a car but she was like “No thank-you. I want to by a car myself!” ???

That’s how I was with this house. It sounds so stupid but it’s that “I’ve got to be independent” attitude that many women have picked up. It could be a tad ungratefulness too. Because after awhile she did change her mind and I think I might have been better off if I still was in that house but because of the conditions that led me there, I’m not sure.

It could have been a trick of the devil because I don’t regret it. I just hate that I went to jail but I appreciate the time I spent there.

Anyway, I went out in the backyard and I wasn’t doing nothing but set tripping and eventually I felt like “Okay, I’m out here. Now what?” So I saw the bench swing and I love bench swings so I went and sat on it and when I tell you I was at peace, believe me. It was the most peaceful three seconds I have ever spent in my life. There was a cool breeze blowing through the grass and it felt amazing.

So the man had waved. I waved back. But when I sat on the swing, he went back into the house and I knew he was going to get the devil. And this was the second time that I felt fear of something more than I feared الله. The first time was the water. Maybe that is a lesson too. Because I’ve never feared anything other than الله my entire life.

So, I got scared and tried to hurry back into the house before she came out. But that backyard was big and I was right across from her – halfway to the house when she came out and waved. Then she said, “Are you looking for someone?” I said, “No.” I mean, what else was I supposed to say? She’s acting like she didn’t know I had been there for three days all of a sudden. I guess because I had done like Israel and tried to take over her land.

So, I go in the house and I’m thinking everything is cool. Then I hear her “Hello? Are you there?” And I didn’t know what to do. So I just didn’t say anything. Then I hear her and I knew she was on the phone telling somebody she didn’t know who I was and what I was doing in the house. She said to me (I was in the bedroom and she was talking to me from the door leading from the backyard into the house, so we can’t see each other) she was talking to the property manager and she was just doing her “role” and that the property manager was on her way and she was going to call the police.

So now I’m trying to find someplace to hide in the house. (I guess deep down I did want the house.)

Then I hear a man’s voice. I’m thinking it’s the po-pos so I come out of the closet and he says something like, “This is not going to end well for you” So I had all my stuff together in the event that something like this was going to happen. I grabbed my bag but my phone and laptop were charging in the living room.

So the devil man tells the devil woman to go around to the other side of the house so they could surround me. I grab my phone and charger out the wall outlet leaving the laptop. The five seconds it would have taken to grab the laptop would have been all the time they needed to trap me.

So, I just leave the house and start walking, plotting my next move. I decided to just catch the bus to the beach and go on like I had never been in the house. But when I turned around to catch one final glimpse of the ocean, I see the man is following me in a Porsche SUV and behind him is the neighborhood security.

But worse, he’s on the phone and I knew he could not be talking to anybody but the police.

Sure enough, I turn back around after taunting him for a few seconds walking backwards, and the pigs pull up right in front of me.

“Put your hands behind your back!”

Next thing I know I’m sitting in the back of a patrol car and everybody in the neighborhood is driving by. I even saw زوجي ride by in one of the golf carts everybody has up there. They use them to get to the beach. They don’t drive their regular cars. Everybody uses golf carts.

*Note – I finished the part that I wrote in jail. 

So, I’m thinking they’re going to take me to Santa Monica jail and I’m like cool. I get to see the coast on the way down and this is not going to be bad at all. But instead they took me to some jail I had never heard of called “Lost Hills” and we turned down this street I never liked the name “Kanan Dume.” It reminds me of Conan the Barbarian and I’ve never liked him. Berbers are North Africans for one, so they are BLACK and two the only reason the word Berber/Barbarian is associated with something savage is because they were trying to defend their land from white domination.

But anyway, we turn on this street and go up into the Santa Monica mountains. There is nothing but a two-way street going up and up and between all these “hills.” Before we got too deep into them, I turned around and saw The Pacific Ocean and it was so huge it looked “dreadful.” That is the word Our Beloved Messenger (May the peace and the blessings of Allah forever be upon him) used to describe The MotherPlane and that is the only word I can think of to describe how huge it looked.

So we get to the jail and it felt to me just like the first time I got arrested. I had the same uncooperative attitude I had when I first got arrested.

The first time I got arrested was for videotaping at the B-Boy Summit at UCLA. They said I had a warrant but police lie. They took me in anyway and I was spitting at the police and they put some type of mask over my mouth. But I’ve always been able to get out of restraints. But they took me to the station and back then they still used ink to fingerprint you and I had a little ink on my finger when I went back to my cell and I wrote “F&*% BABYLON” on my cell wall.

This time they don’t use ink but for some reason I did not want to be fingerprinted. I fought two female deputies when they tried to remove my jewelry. All of my jewelry is symbolic of something to me. So I was not giving it up without a fight.

They got my necklace and my bracelet but I kept the watch (the most important thing) and my ring (the second most important thing). It is hell being in jail and not knowing the time. There are no clocks and no windows so they only way you know the time of day is by the meal they give you. So I was very pleased I got to keep my watch.

Eventually they put me, handcuffed, back into a cell. That was very uncomfortable. I was handcuffed behind my back. In front is a lot better. So, I tried to lay down on the mat on the floor and get some rest. It was horrible so by morning I was ready to be fingerprinted.

They were courteous enough to call for a female deputy to do the work and then I was placed in another cell.

They arrested me on May 27th, so I spent Memorial Day weekend in jail.

On Tuesday, they took me to court to see the judge about violating my probation. The devils had not pressed charges! الله أكبر

But remember I got arrested when I went to Sony Pictures because I thought زوجي was there. Well I was supposed to go to court and never went. Then the time I first became homeless for trespassing at the house زوجي wanted for us. So I had two cases.

I went to see the judge but I was kind of having an episode, and because of my history of mental illness, I have to go to a special court to see if I’m competent enough to stand trial.

So, I went to the two courts but the court to see if I was competent wouldn’t be until the 20th! And it was like the third. I was deflated. My daughter’s birthday was the 31st. I had already missed hers. ابننا’s birthday was coming up on the sixth of June and mine is the nineteenth. So, I was going to spend all of our birthdays in jail!

That was a little disheartening even though I don’t celebrate birthdays.

Jail was cool. I had a little fun. The worst part was not being able to see the sun and birds and flowers.

I drew a big flag of Islam on my cell wall. If I had had any money on my books I would’ve bought some lipstick so I could have colored it in red.

My bunkies were cool. I got into a couple fights but it was a great experience because I’ve never been so embedded with nineties baby girls. They were so funny and cute.

Eventually, my court date came and I got “time served” for all charges and I was released the next day.

While I was in jail I had made plans for how I was going to spend my money when I got out. So, I got out, called ابننا and went to the ATM. To my surprise my bank account was empty.

I went to the Social Security office to see what was up. They had reevaluated my case and decided that I wasn’t disabled anymore so no more crazy check.

They told me I could appeal but I can’t take medication. The medication makes my symptoms worse.

So I was like cool. I’ll just have to live like I lived in New Orleans the first time I went there. Completely dependent on الله.

I found out later my food stamps had been cut off too.

Then I was SURE الله Willed that I live off the land.

But I went to the GR office and applied and attained relief and got my food stamps reinstated. So I have a little income. GR is $241 a month but it’s better than nothing. And my food stamps help. But I’m still homeless. It’s cool for now though. Allah is the Greatest. الله اكبر


Captain’s Log عشرة

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم



February 3, 2017

8:44 A.M.A.D. – Jamal

Al Hamdulillah!!!

All Praises Are Due To Allah, Master Fard Muhammad,
To Whom Be Praised FOREVER!!!

As-Salaamu ‘Alaikum Beloved And Beautiful Asiatic Black Bebies!

I feel like I’m in New Orleans already!

You know what?

I used to say “Nawlins” because I thought that’s how people from New Orleans say it.
I was at the Women’s (Or rather Bull-dyke and Trannies :/ ) Center yesterday and these Sisters were reading my bag and one of them said, “Nawlins” like I used to. Apparently I wasn’t the only one who thought they say that.

I think New Orleanians got tired of people mocking them and started saying New Orleans, or New Or-le-ins, or New Orlins, but I have NEVER heard anyone say “Nawlins” I’ve heard “Rawlins” 😛 but never “Nawlins” 😉

I got my ticket and I’m sitting here thinking about Zawji, listening to Musiq Soulchild and it made me feel like writing.

It’s so strange but the Holy Qur’an says, “We plan and Allah Plans. Surely, Allah is the BEST OF PLANNERS.”

It is so true.

I had this schedule of all the things I wanted to do today,


When I woke up this morning, nothing went according to MY plan.

But everything Went according to ALLAH’S PLAN.

And, I must admit

I love HIS Plan.

I just wish He Would Tell Me BEFOREHAND.

I mean

Surprises are nice


He ALWAYS makes me sad first

Or mad

Or stressed.

I met this guy named Mr. Wright in the nineties,

On one of my adventures.

We were at Cal State Long Beach at nighttime for some reason,

And we were having a good time.

He must’ve been Zawji’s Doppel because he danced the whole night.

I didn’t know anything about Doppels back then.







I mean, his NAME was Mr. Wright (Right).

I told him I should call my mom and tell her I met Mr. Right. LOL

He ended up calling HIS mom and letting me talk to her.

That was flattering.

Guess I was wifey material.

Anyway, he was talking about how Christmas is so awesome because it’s a surprise. I wish I could remember exactly what he said because I agreed. Although, Christmas as a practice is evil as Hell. But I think about how I felt when he told me something like, you have to go through some pain or patience, before you get to the good reward.

I think that is just in this world.

In the Hereafter, In Sha Allah, it won’t be like this.

We Can Just Get Straight To The Good Part.

And Live Happily Ever After.

With no bad parts.

That’s what I’m expecting.

In this world, we think there has to be some type of antagonism.

But Islam is not that.


I started not to post this because they don’t have on shirts


MC Hammer was NOT an MC.

He couldn’t rap for nothing.

Although I did like one line he said.

But he could dance his behind off.

I remember in the nineties I had one of the best days of my life.

Boys 2 Men, Jodeci and MC Hammer were having a show at The Forum.

So, me and my cousins went to see Boyz 2 Men at some press thingie they had earlier in the day, at the Hard Rock in the Beverly Center. I had a camera and used up the whole roll.

Who knew we would be face to face with Jodeci later?

The radio station had announced they were having some secret location joint, but I guess Allah Told me where it was going to be because we went and there they were.

That was when I almost got in the limo with Dalvin. LOL

It reminds me of that video with Aretha Franklin “A Rose is Still A Rose” where the Sister left her friends to roll off with Tip.

I didn’t go though.

I looked at my friends.

Then I looked at him sitting there.



I Was In The Limo Door Halfway In…

He Was Fine As Hell


I just felt like a hoe.

There are more important things in life than









I haven’t seen this video in a few years and it reminds me so much of myself.

I am so thankful for Allah and Islam.

Otherwise, I would still be out there trying to replace Zawji.

Promiscuous and ending up used up;




Al Hamdulillah!

Sisters, don’t give a man your most valuable possession until after he’s proven he deserves it by marrying you first.

Even still, some men will just marry you to get it or for reasons other than love.


And Ask Allah

If he is your Zawji.


Even if you don’t like the answer.

I just told you

He hurts you sometimes first.

Then surprises you with something better than you could have ever dreamed!!!



So, I’m sitting in the bus station bawling.

I don’t even try anymore.

To hide my tears.

They’re just going to have to see my crying.

I just don’t look to see if anybody is watching


Let them flow.

So, when we saw Jodeci, K-Ci walked right in front of us singing TLC’s “Baby, Baby, Baby” right along with the music they were playing –

I thought that was kinda cool.

He’s singing somebody else’s song. And a girl group!

So anyway,


Like he was TRYING to get our attention,

And I really regretted wasting all my film on Boyz 2 Men who were a little distance away on stage.

I could’ve taken a picture WITH him. :/

Oh yeah,

After the Boyz 2 Men press conference

Why did we follow them when they got in the car? LOL

They drove for a little while, then I guess they realized we were following them, so they pulled into this empty parking lot and we followed them right on in.

Then they stopped and their bodyguard got out the car and came up to my window and told me to stop following them, real mean like.


So, we went to the Jodeci thingie.

Then we got into a car accident but nobody was hurt.

I think one of my cousins got paid.

But I didn’t want to go to therapy.

So I didn’t get any money.



We went on to the forum and saw both groups and MC Hammer.

I had seen Boyz 2 Men before

But that’s another story… 😛

I used to really like them.

I had this cassette tape of the “Motownphilly” single

And it had “snippets” LOL

Of songs from the whole album.

I used to wear that thing OUT!

I even made a plaid shorts outfit with a matching tie like they used to wear.


First outfit I ever made myself!

I used to wear it with a long-sleeved, button-down denim

And you couldn’t tell me nothing.


I thought I was so cute.

You could tell me a lot now.

Like how women shouldn’t wear anything masculine –

Like button down shirts


Definitely not TIES!


We Should Try To Be As Feminine As Possible!

In skirts and dresses and delicate jewelry,

Ribbons and bows and pink stuff.

Allahu Akbar

For The Honourable Elijah Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him)

And The M.G.T. & G.C.C!



Hammer put on a bomb show.

He can’t rap but he can entertain so I’m not that mad.

I have higher standards now.

You can’t distract me with music and dancing.

I listen for vocal ability.


Remember that dancer with the triangle haircut? LOL

Let me find that Addams family video.

We used to wear that video into the ground on the strength of his dancing.

At the show he was up on a riser by himself and I didn’t even see Hammer because I was too busy watching him.

We were far away which was unusual for me, but still had a great time.

I’m trying to remember if TLC was on the lineup too.

I don’t pay any attention to the females. LOL

This was before I started doing my show.

But, we used to have so much fun.

I had so much fun in my twenties that if I never have fun another day in my life

I’m Gucci.

Okay, that Addams family video takes too long if there is a good part.

This one is better.

So, I guess he knew he wasn’t an emcee because he dropped that part of his name and just started going by Hammer.

Good lookin’, Kid.

So, I guess I’m just gonna chill until it’s time for my bus to ship out.

This time I’m going to The French Quarter instead of the regular Greyhound station.

Should make for an interesting trip.

I was able to book a room at the Guest House.

It cost more than I was expecting, but Zawji told me not to be niggardly. So, I went ahead and booked it.

It feels good knowing I’ll have a place to stay and freshen up and thank Allah for my safe arrival.

It always rains when I leave or arrive in L.A.

I think I make her emotional.

One time when I arrived, she was raining. I was sad expecting sunny skies, but I think she was happy for me to come home.

Now she’s crying because I’m leaving.

I kinda wanted to go to the beach one more time before I left but Zawji wants me to leave wanting more.

I heard that’s the mark of a good performer. Leave your audience wanting more.

I used to think that was unfair.

I want to leave them satiated.

But Zawji is the God, so I have to go along with Him, if I’m wise.

If I went to the beach yesterday or today, I wouldn’t be in a big hurry to come back.


I have NO IDEA how long I’m gonna be in the New


Anything that makes it easier to leave is welcome.

I NEVER want to leave New Orleans.

I have a pass for the Jazz Festival waiting for me, so

In Sha Allah

I’ll be there for that.

It would be nice to see The Roots again.

And they’re performing with Ursher. LOL

I like him now.

Even though I hate that “do your thing, girl” song he has telling his girl he doesn’t care if she’s a stripper. What kinda mess is that?

These young folks need some boundaries.

He has another song with some rapper, I forgot his name, Future or somebody, but I thought he was a girl when I saw the video. I don’t like that song either.

Let me think.

It’s “No Limit” with Young Thug.

In sha Allah, he’ll reign it in before he gets too far gone.

I couldn’t even watch the video, I was so grossed out when he turned around and I saw he was a man.


I hate that.

It happens in real life and never ceases to creep me out.

Men cut your hair.

Long hair and mustaches is the grossest thing in the world.


You gross me out.

There is nothing creepier than not knowing if a person is male or female.


Or thinking they’re female and then seeing he’s a male or vice versa.

America deserves everything coming to her for such abominations.

Our poor children are growing up confused.

I remember this little baby girl asked my son if he was a boy.

Her mother was a bulldyke and had her around all these freaks.

I wanted to cry for that poor baby.

😥 😥 😥 😥 😥

So back to the JazzFest…

I’m kinda sad about the Roots.

I liked when it was just Tariq, Ahmir, Hub and the guy on keys. Let me G him. BRB

Oh yeah, I remember – Kamal.

They all have Muslim names. Probably Hub too, although I don’t know his real name.

I wonder why he left the group.

He did seem to be A LOT older than the rest of them.

I hope he’s not sick or nothing.

I also hope it wasn’t creative differences.

Although, I wouldn’t be surprised.

They have changed a lot since they used to be at the House of Blues every month.

They have horns now, which, surfacely, looks like a good thing.

Christian McBride told me he used to play bass with them in High School.

I guess before they got Hub.

I miss him and his licorice stick.

I hope he’s okay.

Anyway, they’re like the O/G Hip-Hop band.

Now, it seems more emcees are incorporating live bands into their shows.

I love acoustic.

Drum machines have no soul.

It’s not the same.

Pushing buttons… :/ LIVE?

I play drums a little and there’s no feeling in the world like hitting the drum or a cymbal.

It communicates your emotion through sound.

Using a drum machine instead of drums is like pushing a button on the side of your steering wheel for your horn instead of the big thingie in the middle.

You can’t BANG down on it!!!

Or like pushing a button to hang up the phone as opposed to slamming the receiver down.

You can’t put your HEART into it.

I like acoustic pianos better than electric.

You can put feeling into an acoustic piano depending on how you play it.

With electric pianos all the notes sound the same.

I was talking with this musician about combination acoustic/electric pianos like they have guitars.

I would like the pre-recorded beats and ability to record like they have on electric pianos but with the option to play acoustic to get that wonderful sound and feeling.

Let me G it. BRB

Okay, they’re called “Hybrid Pianos


I’ve seen them before

I just didn’t know what they were.

Hakim took a piano class and that was they type of pianos they had.

They looked really cool.

Like electric keyboards with the body of a little upright.

They sound pretty good.

But a real acoustic is better.

I have given up on playing the piano at the U.

At least for now. 😉

They made me feel like Biz.

Making me beg to get on the piano and play that day.

I know they just want me to play and sing to some spook that doesn’t exist and his fake son,


I would rather not play than do that.

People think music is the most important thing in the world.


It’s not.

There are a lot more important things,

Like Allah and Family Love.

Then comes music.

They keep hoping I’ll sell out.



It’s so funny.

People talk about salvation all the time


I ask them

Salvation from WHAT?

They never know or they’ll say salvation from sin.

And, I don’t even have to say anything because they know that to be saved from sin all you have to do is stop sinning. LOL

Oh My Goodness!

I was just looking for a better picture of Dalvin.

I wanted one closer to the image I have in my mind of him sitting in the limo.

Before, when I G’d it, him and T-Boz came up but I didn’t know they got Married!

She always marries guys I like. LOL

Mack Dime and Dalvin.

Pepa too.

I wonder if they’re my doppels.

Okay, I just saw, they didn’t get married.

The picture I saw is from Jodeci’s “Love you for life” video.

I saw so many things wrong with that wedding.

First, the argument before they even get married.

I feel like if you’re arguing, you don’t need to get married.

You can disagree and say it can’t be done


Me and Zawji have never had an argument and we’ve been in love since 1979.

11:00 A.M.A.D. – Jamal

Okay, we’re into the P.M.


My Departure Time is Nearing.

I’m starting to feel some kinda way.

I think I’m actually going to miss Skid Row.

There’s something about the familiarity.

The every day sameness.

The recognition of faces that I used to know after I’ve seen them ten times.


Oh, THAT’s So and So!

That’s kinda fun.

I’m starting to miss the beach already.

I remember the first time I came to New Orleans.

I went to sleep one night thinking I would go to the beach the next day.

Then I remembered I was in New Orleans.

I almost had a heart attack.

I’m going to miss the mountains too.

That was hard getting used to.

When you grow up in L.A.,

You kinda take it for granted that they’re always there

In the background.

That took a while to admit.

They’re no mountains in New Orleans.

There are not even any hills.

I’m still coming to grips with that.

In Sha Allah, I’ll be too preoccupied with the music to miss them.


I’ve decided not to post this until my bus has left.

I don’t want anybody to know where I am.

I mean.

I don’t fear America


I’m not stupid either.

3:52 p.m.

I just saw the cutest little bad Black boy.

He was absolutely adorable.

I was just watching him.

First he went in between the vending machines.


Then he climbed onto the shelves.


He started hitting this old white lady.

I was cracking up.

She was like,

“Dont…. hit… me!”

Then he hit her again.


Then she raised her hand and said,

“Don’t… hit… me!”

He put his little purple balloon animal in his mouth and hit her again.

Then she started looking around for security!


He has to be about three…

Oh, he just took this blind lady’s walking cane.


Man, gotta love Black boys…

He is outta control.

Mom is young and talking on her cell phone.

I would reprimand him, but he’s just so cute.

So much


He is all over the place.

Okay, Mom is off the phone, walking him around.

Looks like she might be taking him to get a snack.

Gotta luh da kids…

5:07 p.m.

I’m sitting next to my son, Hakim’s, doppel.

I guess he had to see me or let me see him before I left.


5:28 p.m.

Uh-oh, Bad Little Black Boy lost his mom.

He’s running around crying.

I got him.

Mommy heard him crying.


5:37 p.m.


Bad little Black Boy’s lost again.

I got him.

Somebody gave him a dollar and he’s talking about buying some cookies.

He told me his name’s Michael and he’s TWO!!!

I told Mommy, this can be a dangerous place for children.

Someone might snatch him up.

She said, He Keeps Running Off.


I told him,

“You don’t go anywhere you can’t see Mommy!”



5:45 p.m.

I saw Acey downtown when I first got back to L.A.

He was standing outside this cafe/bar

And said,

“Girl, lemme get in that coat with you!”

Not even, “Hey Cheryce, how you been?”

Just came at me like I was some hooker.

So disrespectful.

I acted like I didn’t know him and kept on walking.

I used to have a big crush on him back in the day.

He didn’t have time for me then.

I used to see him when we took our children to the Drum Workshop.

He started liking me then.

When Islam started making me beautiful.

I said, “As-Salaam-Alaikum”

And he acted like he didn’t know what to say.

And he started his “theme music” with the same words.

I hate when people try to commercialize off of Islam.

Allah Will Pay Them Back Their Mockery.

Time Makes All Things Manifest.

He had a show with Zawji back in 2007.

Zawji wanted me to come


That was when I had to be in the house before Sunset and I didn’t go anywhere without Hakim, who was four at the time.

I stopped liking Acey and all other men when Allah Revealed Zawji as my Zawji.

I’m so glad I didn’t hook up with him EVER.

I don’t know what he wants from me.

Whatever it is,

I can’t give it.

That ship has sailed.

I wish I could do the sign.

Let me see if I can make a video.

I’m so technologically ahead of technology.


I always have things I imagine that they haven’t come up with yet.

At least not on my hardware.

I want to make a live video on my blog


Record video on my laptop.

My iphone only works when she wants to.

Maybe I can find it online.


And I can’t remember where I learned it.

Oh well.

It feels weird though.

At first it felt good.

Knowing someone I used to like wants me now.

But now it’s kinda annoying because he won’t leave me alone.

A lot of Brothers look at me as a challenge.

No one has been successful in stealing my heart.

They don’t understand

BUT they will.

I haven’t seen Batman in weeks.

I deliberately went where he usually opens his store yesterday

And he was nowhere to be found.

This was his Doppel’s second time.

 He took what he learned the first time and came back stronger.

But I’m stronger too.

Stronger than him.

He didn’t even get to first base this time.

Struck out in two swings.


This is a different ball game.

6:27 p.m.

So, why did I go to the store to get some A.J. and some mixed fresh fruit and my ATM Debit card was handed back to me?

I was like, “Whuh?

Went to check my balance and found out that they changed my check amount to the New Orleans rate.

So, I’m going to New Orleans flat broke!

But I’m going!!!

Allahu Akbar!!!

As soon as I come back to L.A., they change my check.


But I guess since I’m getting New Orleans rate, I might as well live in New Orleans.


I don’t know what I’m going to do about my dentist appointment.

I was kind of reluctant to go in the first place

Considering it was a dentist who messed my teeth up in the first place!

8:25 p.m.

❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

I just got to play with the sweetest little girls.

Kimora about 2 and Brooklyn about one.

Kimora is so smart. All she wanted to do was listen to the ABC song on my laptop

And Brooklyn was singing right along.

These generation whatever Moms are just too much.

Always on the phone…

But their babies know how to get their attention!

I got to play Mary Poppins and teach letters and numbers to two beautiful Black Baby girls, so Mommy could talk to her friends on the phone.

I wish I could have taken the phone with me when I was younger!

We had to get off if we had to leave.

‘Member that?


Allahu Akbar!

❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

Okay, my bus is leaving in about an hour and I’m starting to feel separation anxiety at the thought of being so far away from Zawji.

But he can come to New Orleans anytime he wants.


There’s no need to trip.

He could be anywhere in the world.

Coming to New Orleans is nothing.

It’s part of the continental United States.

I’m taking a bus!

I could probably walk if I really wanted to.

Forrest Gump it.

If he can run I can walk.

I’m in no hurry.

Somebody told me where to go to hitch a ride with truckers too.

So, if I know how to get somewhere


Being the God of the Universe.

And I did what he brought me out here to do.

– Get his phone number.

So, I can call or text him anytime I need to.

That is, when my iphone is working…

All I wanna say is, “I’m sorry.”

But I want to say it to his face.

Something gets lost in e-mails, texts, IMs and telephone calls.

I’m so sad.

It’s emotional


I don’t think I’m gonna cry though.

At least not about leaving.

I’m just glad I’m not at that shelter.


The chaplain started coming in at night

Calling himself praying for us.

I would suddenly have an uncontrollable coughing fit

That would only last the duration of his prayer

And then miraculously disappear.

It’s a miracle!




 ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

February 4, 2017

5:35 A.M.A.D. – Jamal

SisterCaptain’s Log ٧

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم



January 31, 2017

10:22 A.M.A.D.-Jamal 😉

I remember when my daughter was little, I found out she was upset because she had to wait until THE LAST DAY IN MAY for her birthday.

I felt guilty because I let my doctor induce my labour. 😥

If I had not, she would have been born in June like most of my family. 😥

And probably earlier in the month… 😥

Sorry Pumpkin. 😥

I don’t think I ever told you that. But I’m like most old boring people…. Telling the same stories over and over and over and over and over and over…. 😉

My Grandmother told me not to let my doctor induce my labour.

But girls are bigger to carry than boys and to put it quite frankly, not trying to excuse my behaviour, but I felt like a “beached whale” and was tired of being pregnant. :/

Maybe if my grandmother had told me “WHY” I shouldn’t let him induce my labour I would have listened and maybe wouldn’t have done it.

Now, I really regret it and would advise women to just let the baby come on naturally. Even if you’re “overdue” like I was. The Baby knows when it’s time to be born. Everything should happen when it’s supposed to. Especially something as important as a birth date and time. Science shouldn’t interfere. 

It could set off a chain of events that is hard to correct.

My daughter and I don’t even speak to each other now.

Maybe if I had let her be born when SHE wanted to be born, we would have a better relationship.

But only Allah knows.

My sister told me later that doctors just do that (schedule deliveries) so that they won’t have to get up if you go into labour in the middle of the night NATURALLY.

I feel like such a victim.

But my poor daughter has to go through the rest of her life waiting on THE LAST DAY IN MAY for her birthday. Sorry again, Sweet Pumpkin! 😦

We don’t celebrate any days in The Nation Of Islam anyway except SAVIOUR’S DAY (February 26th). But I didn’t start practicing Islam until she was 14. Wow! It doesn’t seem like she was that old. She’s almost 26 now. Unbelievable.

I still picture her as an adorable chubby little toddler. I can’t believe she’s old enough to marry and make me a grandmother!

When I was her age, I was already divorced, about to graduate college, working full time and raising a 5 year-old. I had had a nervous breakdown but at least I made it past 25.

At that time, it was a big deal (for the Brothers anyway) to live past 25.

Pac didn’t make it. 😥

Although I’ve heard some music that sounded like him if he put it out now.

No lie.

Blew my mind.

But, Michael Jackson puts out a new song every day to this day.

Low-key though…

Janet was better.

I read that when they did “Scream”

They were real competitive with each other.

I don’t believe that.

I remember watching the Jackson’s movie that Jermaine produced and it showed when Michael went solo that they were proud of him, not at all jealous. Also, I read the introduction to a J5 compilation written by Janet wherein she said how proud she was of her brothers growing up and how much she loved their music.

So, I think that competition thing is just media hype

Most people prefer girl singers though for some reason.

I think it’s something about the pitch of the female voice that’s more entertaining.

Some Muslims believe women are not supposed to sing publicly.

I don’t.

The Messenger (PBUH) did say we were not supposed to be singing filthy Love Songs though; tempting men and whatnot.

I just sing to my Zawji

❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

Mike was a biter too.

He bit his dances from Jeffrey Daniels (of Soul Train and Shalimar fame) and he bit the Moonwalk from some Breakers.

I wish more people knew.

I wonder if THEY knew he was stealing their moves.

That would be different.

But I feel deceived.

I thought Mikey came up with that stuff on his own.

I can’t stand biters.

Even if he did get clearance from them. What about your fans who think YOU came up with it?

It’s like Rakim penning “Summertime” for Willard, Jr.

When he sold it to him, he had to give up all rights and he may have been cool with that, but it’s DECEPTIVE.

I almost feel like singers and rappers should only sing songs that they’ve written.

Jazz singers and players will credit the songwriter before or after they perform a number but who knew Ice Cube wrote all of NWA’s songs before the movie?

Unless you buy the album (but who buys albums nowadays) you may never know who wrote a song. I guess you can Google it. But even still people lie.

A journalist asked RA if he wrote Summertime and stood there and lied straight through his teeth.

Look how Flav looks at him

That money can be a big incentive.

 But that’s hard for me to accept, especially being a writer.

Biters take credit for somebody else’s creativity.

It’s deceptive.

I mean, I don’t know. The whole thing is confusing.

It almost makes me never want to sing or play music publicly again.

I heard this Brother sing a song in my style and it just shut me up.

I never even knew I had a style until I heard him. LOL

It was when I used to go to Day Therapy and they would pick us up from L.A. and take us up to the mountains. So we were in the car about three hours every day and he had been listening to me sing for about a week and then one day he started singing sounding JUST LIKE ME.

It really opened my eyes.

I didn’t know I had a sound that was imitatable. LOL (making up words again 😉 ) But there he was. Singing just like me.

It made me more conscious about who I sing around, especially over an extended period of time.

I remember once I was in the hospital and I drew this picture of some flowers and left it in the day room with the other pictures other people had drawn and/or colored.

Then, one day in Art Therapy, this she-devil starts talking about she was going to draw a picture.

Why did she draw the exact same pictures of flowers I had drawn.

I was pissed.

I said, “You stole that from me!” and went to get my picture.

Then, like a real devil, SHE GOT MAD and knocked the paint water all over my picture.

I was stunned.

I mean, how you gonna get mad at ME for biting MY style.


I know she was just mad because I called her out.

But I didn’t tell her to bite.


I guess when you put your art out there, you leave it open for someone to bite. Truthfully, she didn’t know that it was me who had drawn the picture, so I shouldn’t take it personally. But the fact that she announced that she was going to draw a picture, and then drew MY picture like she had come up with the concept, was too much for me.

Anyway, I said all that to say, that this is THE LAST DAY IN JANUARY

And it feels like it.

This morning was so-so.

Kinda cool, kinda not so cool.

I get sick and tired of biters trying to be close to me, trying to steal my shine.

I just move.

Then they sit in my seat.


First breakfast was aight, I got to drink some milk.

Second breakfast we had Cream of Wheat, which I was so thankful was not grits.


A while ago, there was this big debate on Facebook about whether grits were better with sugar or with salt. :/ Either way they are too hard on the digestive system for your good health. Do not eat them at all.

I had them one time when I was little. We used to pick up this Brother for school and every morning he would get in the car with a mouthful of grits. Thankfully, my mother never prepared grits for us. Well, one morning, I happened to go inside and I tasted them for myself. I almost threw up. Literaturely. I gagged on them.

I’ve come to learn that most foods that I don’t like are not good for you anyway. Like grits. And other foods that I initially didn’t like, but came to like because it was all I was given or made myself like because everybody else liked: peanut butter, greens, black-eyed peas, ham, lobster, MEAT, cornbread, pasta… None of these foods prolong life, rather they take life away.



We are one month into 2017. It is so funny how fast time flies. I’m still getting used to the idea of being in 2017. Next year, I will have been out of High School 30 YEARS!


I feel like I’m STILL in High School!!!



Seriously though.

Admittedly, I’m a year younger than most of the people I graduated with because I started school when I was four. I told you my mother never loved me. She just wanted me out of the house. But I’m younger than people who graduated AFTER me. It’s crazy.

I used to console myself about being younger than everybody, by telling them, “When you’re 30, I’ll still be 29!” LOL

Now, we’re pushing 50!

Al Hamdulillah!

So thankful to be here. Healthy and Happy!

With so much of my life ahead of me.

My children are growing up but I can still have another one, In sha Allah!
(If it Pleases Allah)

I can’t believe Makay-kay’s going to be 18!

❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

It seems like yesterday, Zawji was holding and kissing her in his arms…

While I was miserable wanting to hold and kiss her too


Her mother was oblivious to what was going on

Preoccupied with my camera.

I wanted her to go nurse our baby.

I did it instead.

You know I’m a Jersey Cow!

I always have milk.

If anyone is having trouble producing milk,

Call me (213)378-6798.

I’ll just charge you Room & Board

And if you are not Black

Don’t waste my time.

Those days are over.


❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

I’m thrilled because I didn’t hear the formerly sick Sister cough


Last Night.


If you have a dry cough/wet cough, whether it’s asthma, pneumonia, tuberculosis, yellow fever, leukemia, ANY COUGH, find some COLT’S FOOT. Click here if you missed the link yesterday.

You will have to take a walk or get out of the car, because it’s a weed and grows on the curb or in abandoned lots.

Now is a good time because it’s flu season and a lot of people have coughs. It also happens to be the time that it’s growing.

I would recommend not procrastinating because it’s growing in proportion to the rains and soon people are going to be mowing the lawns, so get it now.

Just heat up some water, put the LEAVES in the water. Let it seep for about three minutes and drink. You can sweeten it if you need to. I’ve never tasted it but sweetened it when I gave it to my son. The Sister yesterday drank it plain.

Zawji told me it worked before she even finished the remedy.

But I’m a Muslim Scientist and we have to have proof.

If anybody reprimands or belittles you for wanting proof of anything;


Especially Christians.

There is nothing wrong with wanting proof.

Tell them to show you Jesus if he is still alive.

They’ll say he’s up in the sky “on the right-hand side of the Father”

Then tell them to show you the father.


I can show you my God.

Show me yours.

Same thing with the Farrakhaners and others who say

Our Beloved Messenger (May the Peace and the Blessings of Allah Forever Be Upon Him)

Is still alive.

Tell them to show him to you.

I would LOVE it if the Messenger (PBUH) was still alive.

I would like to see and hear him in person.

Possibly shake his hand.

But I know he told us everything he had to say.

He even put it in a BOOK.

He taught until he was not able to teach anymore, so if he were still alive, he would still be teaching.

It makes me want to kill somebody almost when people try to tell me the Messenger (PBUH) is still alive.

It’s hard enough to accept that he is dead, then here you come trying to make me go through the pain of him dying again all over again!

Prove it.

❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

So, I’m just going to cool out until I get my check, then I can start all over.

This has been the longest month of my life.


I haven’t taken a shower or bath since I don’t know when.

But only some people smell me.

It’s like I can turn it on and off.

Not for real.

Zawji turns it on and off.

I told you I wasn’t taking one until I can take one with Zawji.

But, I’ma take one when I get my check.

Whichever comes first.

I was hoping someone would report me and I could take an emergency shower.

I hate waiting.

I hate begging.

And you have to do both to get a shower on Skid Row.


I’m just not gonna take one.

Ya’ll just gonna have to smell me.


It’s good though because people I don’t like will leave.

Or just have to suffer.

Sorry. Not sorry.

You shouldn’t love devils so much.

I’m realizing that my biggest beef with Black People is their love of devils.

That’s what it really boils down to.

They don’t like me because I don’t like devils.

I don’t like them because they love devils.

But We Are Living In the Greatest Day Of Separation.



No Skin Off My Nose.

You go with your people.

I will go with mine.

But don’t come looking for me,

When you realize that they are going to be destroyed.

❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

I can’t wait to get my check.

I’m Audi 5000, G


❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

So thankful I haven’t had to “prostitute” myself for a safe night off the street.

That’s literaturely how it feels.

He tells me he doesn’t want sex but has a condom and a bottle of KY on the dresser by the bed.

I can’t.

I slept on the floor two nights.

If I go back it’s going to be the third night and someone once told me that three nights is all he allows a woman to stay over after that she’s gotta go.

I feel like that third night he’s going to try and force me to do something I didn’t do the first two nights.

It’s scary.

I’m vulnerable being in some man’s home.

And I like ’em BIG & SCARY!!!


Anything could happen.

I don’t want to give him the slightest enticement.

He tried to say I let him kiss me.


Not after Buster or Edgar.

It took me 35 years to realize no one can ever replace my Zawji

And I don’t hide my endless love for him.

The first thing they see when they see me is his picture.

I tell them, when they inevitably ask,

He’s my “Zawji”

What does that mean?
“It means, he’s my EVERYTHING. My husband. My Best Friend. My Daddy. My Brother. My Son. My Pooh Bear. My Soan Papdi. My Bay. My BOO. My Soulmate. My Nafis. MY ZAWJI!”

I don’t know what they want from me.



Probably whatever they think I’ll give them, which is nothing.

I just use them for what I need.

They get to be seen with a beautiful lady.

Again. I’m not boasting. But I’m the one. Just ask me. It shall be done.

Don’t Bother To Compare.

I haven’t even seen Batman.

I guess he’s hiding out because everybody know he messed up a good thing.

❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

Somebody actually called me the day before yesterday.

I started not to answer because it’s ALWAYS bad news.

But it was a 213 number and my phone was actually working. SMH

I answered and

Said, “Mm-hmm”

 Nobody said anything.

So I said, “Yes” Like you’re really supposed to say when you answer the phone.

Muslims don’t say “Hello” when we answer the phone.

We don’t have time or patience for gossip. Just get to the reason why you called.

They still didn’t say anything. So I hung up.

They called back and I said “Yes”

Still no response.

When they called again I didn’t answer.

Yesterday, I called the number and it sounded like a Black girl, then Zawji switched matrices and it was an Asian lady.

I just hung up.

Why did they call again this morning?

I didn’t answer.

NOBODY ever calls me.

Me and my son use FB Messenger. Sometimes I use Gmail calling. But I never actually use the phone. Maybe for business.

Everybody knows not to call me. Because I don’t answer.

FB is your best bet. That is, if you’re not one of the 2000+ people I’ve blocked.

You can always leave a comment here too. No one will see it. I have to approve all comments first.

What you tryna hide anyway? 😉

❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

I cannot WAIT to go back to the Jazz Playhouse

I need a fix.


I can’t remember the last time I had a hit of some LIVE JAZZ.

I think it was that “fundraiser” for the Candlelight with Mr. Henry with the smoky blue lights that I had to listen to outside because that mean lady who owns it doesn’t like me.

It was swingin’ tho!

Man! Do you know what it means to miss New Orleans???

❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

3:21 P.M.

Captain’s Log ٤

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم



JANUARY 29, 2017 11:09 A.M.

I am anxiously awaiting the beginning of the month (February) (Happy Belated Birthday, Rakim!!!) so I can open the next chapter in my life.

I really want to go back to Orleans, but I feel like Allah Wants me to revisit the A. (A-Town Stompin’ 😉 ) I might stomp through and then go to OHHHHHH! I forgot about my appointment. If it wasn’t Mardi Gras season, I might risk it. But I think, no I KNOW there are going to be a lot of people going to NO for Mardi Gras. And they’ve probably already started parading, if it’s anything like last year.

I don’t want to miss my appointment. I’ve been trying to get one since last July! So cheah. NOLA it is. FIRST.

I didn’t go to the A, last year, or whenever (this month) I left NOLA. And, I’m really regretting it because I went to Taj Mahal when I got back to L.A., and they had Pineapple Body Oil but it was watered down! I am so disappointed because I recommend them all the time.

Muhammad’s cousin is in The A and he watered down his oils but I didn’t know Muhammad did it too! I called myself telling Muhammad on his cousin, pfffffff. Muhammad needs to be told on himself! He always looks guilty. But I’m telling Allah anyway.

I had a funny feeling about him from the beginning but still patronized him because he gave me free stuff. But I’m going to go back to DAWAH on 48th and Crenshaw or whereever they are. They have the WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD smelling good. Like when I went to New York. It smelled so good!

I should have known DAWAH on 48th and Crenshaw was better on the strength of their name. DAWAH means to teach people about Islam in Arabic and convert them to Islam. Proselytize, iow.

And Taj Mahal is named after some shrine to a leader of India’s wife! I wonder what it means in English. BRB

It translates to “CROWN MOTHER.”


DAWAH is much better. As far as the name goes. But they’re hypocrites and treated me funny the last time I went there.

Even the store in The A was prejudiced.

So, I don’t know.

I need a connect in Africa for my shea and cocoa butters and Arabia for my oils and incense so I can order my stuff direct. One day, In Sha Allah (If it Pleases Allah).


❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

I still want to go to 1520 Sedgwick, In sha Allah, but I’m sure Zawji wants to take me. Since we grew up together; with Hip-Hop as the background music. ❤ ❤ ❤ 😉

❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

I am so thankful I did not have to sleep outside last night. Every night it’s like a spiritual battle trying to make sure I have a safe place to sleep. It is making your Sister Captain very humble.
Allahu Akbar! (Allah is the GREATEST!)

I even had the opportunity to have breakfast twice!

It’s sad how fat these women have gotten. Food is abundant on Skid Row. You have to be careful. I was gone about a year and some have picked up weight and aged so much you would think I was gone ten years.

And I wonder if they even know they’ve gained weight. Clothes are abundant also, so they may not even realize they’ve outgrown their old clothes….. Hmmmm…….

Anyway, I’m ghost next month, In Sha Allah. Allah sent me a reminder to be mindful of my food intake. It’s hard to eat one meal a day when you’re not sure when your next meal is going to be. I mean, I know I said food is plenteous but you never know what’s going to happen when you’re dependent on others who are not your Zawji. Even though, really I am dependent on Zawji. Everything I have is because of Him.

❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

So, for some reason I can’t remember, those three “See no evil, Hear no evil, Speak no evil” monkeys have been in my head.

I downloaded a picture but Allah Won’t Let me post it. I can’t find the one I really wanted and you’ve all seen them anyway.

The first one is covering his eyes, the second one has his index fingers in his ears, the third is covering his mouth.

I bet you didn’t know there’s a fourth.

He’s covering his private parts and it symbolizes “DO no evil.”




They’re called “The Four Wise Monkeys.” 

I used to be embarrassed when I saw them. Thinking they had something to be ashamed of. Like they were embarrassed because they had done something wrong, but in actuality, it’s the exact opposite.

They are trying NOT to even see, hear, say or DO anything wrong!!!

America corrupts everything and tries to change good into bad.

I could not believe some of the things that came up when I Googled them.

You will have to do that yourself, if you want to find out, because I am not going to entertain it here!!!

     BOTTOM LINE     

Our Beloved Messenger (May the Peace and the Blessings of Allah Forever Be Upon Him Taught us to “Cast Your Eyes In ANOTHER DIRECTION.

The music nowadays is filthy. Don’t listen to it.

Gossip is one of the worst things you can do.
I hate it.

Someone once told me they had heard I was in the alley smoking crack! I can laugh about it now, but at the time, I was incredulous. I still can’t believe that people can outright lie like that. But I know it originated with Yakub and his made devils. Then and there I realized that people will say anything and everything to try and get people to think negatively about you.

Cover your private parts. And, treat people the way YOU want to be treated, not the way you HAVE been treated.

❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

They’re having something called “Night on Broadway” or something downtown and I walked through on my way home last night. That store that sells the hats with my new logo was open and it’s Black-owned (low-key). (You know we can’t let devils know we own stuff or they’ll boycott us. Black people too, unfortunately. 😥 )

Anyway, the owner gave me a pink one. I feel so proud. I’ve seen Brothers and others rockin’ ’em, but not any Sisters. I’m the O.G.

I made a video on Facebook of me in it. I was going to screenshot it, but for some reason Allah is not allowing me to post any pictures to this entry.

Want me to try again?



I have a Google Chromebook and the videocamera playback quality sucks. You can’t even make out the “L.A.” I’ma try and take a snapshot of myself. BRB

Okay, I took a snapshot, but Allah Still Will not allow me to post any pictures.

The logo is so cute. It’s like the traditional L.A. logo but in cursive kinda.

I posted pictures of the hats a while ago on Facebook.

If you REALLY want to see it, it’s just like this, but smaller and pinker. 😉

I’m pretty sure they’re doing the Night on Broadway again today.

They’re doing something because the bus took a detour.

In Sha Allah, I’ll go by again. I’ve got two hours to kill before they start letting us in the shelter. So, why not?

It was fun and I got to see the cutest kid bands. They were devils, but one had a Brother Bass Player and a speckled-up girl singer. They did all original material too! I didn’t ask, but she sang them like they were original songs.

Hopefully, I’ll have as good a time as I had last night, In Sha Allah.

It beats sitting outside with a bunch of chain-smoking homeless women.


But, I’ll just be happy if I get in.

In Sha Allah.

Allahu Akbar anyway.


Al Hamdulillah.


4:35 P.M.

Captain’s Log ٣

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم




JANUARY 28, 2017 7:26 A.M.


Al Hamdulillah!



I went to the Union and they took my bed ticket AGAIN! That’s four times in less than two weeks!

So. Our teacher and leader and guide, The Honourable Elijah Muhammad (May the Peace and the Blessings of Allah Forever Be Upon Him) Taught us that if someone doesn’t want you there, find somewhere else to go.

So, since they keep taking my bed ticket, I figured they really don’t want me there.

So, I tried to get in another shelter. But, they didn’t want me there either. So, I found a place outside, but I really didn’t want to sleep outside. So, I went back to the U, and got in.

I slept in a different place.

I’ve been in the chapel so far.

I like it because it’s a chapel and it made me feel close to ALLAH.

But Allah is everywhere I am. So, I was cool in the new place.

They threw me out this morning. :/





Whenever I’m out in the cold


Somewhere Uncomfortable



It makes me feel better.

It reminds me of our poor ancestors who used to sing to make themselves feel better.





was a code worded song slaves used to use to alert other slaves on how to successfully attain their FREEDOM.

“The Drinking Gourd” was the Big Dipper.

“The River” was the Mississippi.

I think “Dead Trees” means dead bodies. 😥 😥 😥

They used to sing them like Negro Spirituals.

Most people don’t listen to lyrics in songs.

So, we could deliver secret messages and the slavemasters and overseers would not be privy to what was going on right under their racist noses.

I remember my daughter used to make up songs and sing them when she couldn’t tell me how she felt.

Music is a wonderful form of expression





Delivering Coded or Subliminal Messages