Three years ago….

Bismillahi Rahmani Rahim

I drew the picture and the lady called me earlier.

I would post the picture but the one I uploaded on facebook, I forgot to color your bowtie. And I think the other one hasn’t uploaded yet. Let me check BRB NOPE Can’t even copy the one up there Oh well.

It came out really good too. Makes me feel all lovey-dovey inside.

Nobody commented.

That’s a good sign.

Whenever nobody comments that means they are really impressed and speechless.

I’m proud of myself. Not boastful. But I feel good that you and Allah allowed me to create such a beautiful piece of artwork. I made it my profile picture if anyone wants to see it. Click here.

The only thing is, I didn’t make you as tall as you are in real life.

You are about the height, maybe a little taller, that you’ve always been.

In the picture you can’t bend down and put your chin on top of my head like you did in real life.

I’m STILL trippin’ about that and it’s been THREE years.

I was just thinking about that this morning.

I posted something on facebook last year about something I posted three years ago.

It was March 24, 2014.

That was the last time we’ve seen each other in person.

I remember like it was yesterday.

You were so handsome and scary! You came stomping out the back and I was petrified. I could not move, then you looked and saw it was me and your handsome face lit up with that beautiful smile that is reserved for me. I love you. I miss you too.

It doesn’t seem like three years.

I think about my life back then and I was consumed with you.

I heard a song this morning that I used to listen to on my playlist when I used to catch the bus up to your plantation and it took me right back there. I was sitting on the bus again.

It used to take TWO HOURS to get there.

I didn’t have anything else to do though and I really enjoyed the trip.

I love catching the bus.

I love catching cabs.

I love taking the train (metro not Amtrak – at least I don’t think so – who knows? I never thought I would love taking the metro either. I just can’t do the subway. I don’t trust myself after that suicide attempt.)

I love flying.

I love traveling.

Cars? Sometimes. Depends on who’s in there with me.

I love bicycling.

I love walking.

That’s it.

❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

The Sister called me about the room

BUT

I

WAS

IN

THE

SHOWER

AND

NEVER

CALLED

BACK

I feel like, landlords play too many games.

I guess it’s the same with any type of barter.

Everybody wants the upper hand.

Well, I might call her next week.

I realized, I have too many options to play her games.

I’m starting to want to go back to L.A.

The only thing making me want to stay here is

The Dental School.

I REALLY WANT TO GET MY TOOTH FIXED!

❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

I’m trying to wait until four to eat.

I have only had some milk and honey today

BUT

My eating habits have gotten so bad since…

I guess, since I’ve been homeless.

I use the traveling excuse

BUT

EVEN

NOW

I feel like I’m traveling

BECAUSE

This is not really home.

I won’t be home until I’m in the home you made for us.

Now “Home in a minute” just came on.

😉 😉 😉

I can’t bring myself to post it.

It’s kinda filthy and I can’t let people know I listen to that type of music.

LOL

Low Key

LOL

I can’t wait to order Ibni’s clothes.

The jacket came up while I was on Facebook.

I think he’s avoiding me so he won’t make me mad and I change my mind

LOL

Smart boy.

He knows me. 🙂

Well, I guess that’s all

JUST

THAT

I

PROBABLY

Won’t know where I’m going to be next month

UNTIL
NEXT
MONTH

In Sha Allah

I just know I’m going to have fun!!!

“Life is a PLAYGROUND!!!”

It’s funny because He said “park”

I didn’t call it a playground back then.

I used to call playgrounds “parks”

But I have since learned that there is a difference.

Not all parks have playgrounds, unfortunately.

That makes me feel sad for our children.

All you can do is toss a football or play tag, which is fun

But what if you don’t have a ball

Or are all by yourself???

There’s nothing to do but sit in the grass.

And what child just wants to sit in the grass???

I learned on A.J. Day that playgrounds are probably the most fun you can have for free in the world

And Our Saviour wants us to have fun all our lives.

That’s Heaven.

I love you I love yo I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you Il ove you I love you I love you I loveyou I love you Il ove you Iloveyou I lvoe you I lov eyou I lov eyou I love you I love you I love you I love you i love ou I love you I love you I loveyou I loveyou I loveyou I love you Il ovey  Ouio I louve ou

This was so weird because it’s centered.

But it was still fun.

Okay, I think the dryers almost done with my roommates shoes in it and I want to record the rain.

I don’t really have too much to say (Who is that? Salt n Pepa?)

I really don’t have too much to say…

Now I gotta G it

BRB

❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

Anyway, I guess I just wanted to document our third anniversary since we haven’t seen each other SMH

WOW!!!!

See, this is why I love writing.

It’s time for me to eat now.

Time flies when you’re having fun.

If anybody out there is trying to eat one meal a day,

Just find something else to do.

It will take your mind off your hunger

AND

THE

NEXT

THING

YOU

KNOW

IT

WILL

BE

FOUR

And you can eat!!!

Which is what I’m about to do.

Oh yeah,

I tried to record the rain

BUT

My phone be trippin, right?

Just keep finding something to do until it’s time to eat

BUT

I’m going to warn you

If you’re just sitting in front of the idiot box, you’re going to want to eat.

You have to do some type of activity

Like writing or art, playing an instrument, create something, take a walk…

Until it’s time to eat!

❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

Crossing

Bismillahi Rahmani Rahim
I wish I had some good music I could write to and access to a recording studio where I could record it.
Barbie went online and bought some music, rented studio time and came out with some good music.
I suppose I could do the same thing if I really wanted to. Let me see where I can find some music. I’ve done it before (found some beats) but I want JAZZ – STRAIGHT-AHEAD JAZZ. That’s probably impossible to find some music that needs vocals. Most of the music (straight-ahead) sounds fine without vocals. I guess Karaoke it is until I can prove myself worthy of a backing band. Oh yeah. I didn’t want to sing until we get together. Or until the devil is destroyed. I just have all this music in me. I got that sheet music yesterday and since it looks like I’m going to be staying in the NO, I’m already thinking about hitting the piano again.
I called Keith but I’m starting to wonder if he’s full of it because I never got the music. It’s just as well because it’s not jazz and I didn’t really like what he let me hear. I think about Kahlil – he had some fire but it’s not jazz and I know he wants to get paid. I feel guilty not paying them.
I think I’ll window shop for some beats. When I have time. Maybe.
I found Ibni’s clothes. I can’t wait to order them. He better like them. He says “They’re Alligator!” LOL I want to get him a Kangol too. May. I can get the jacket and shirt for two hundred. Three hundred for rent. One hundred for phone. That will leave me with one seventy to play with. I think I’ll buy a bike. It’s getting hot. I can’t be walking in this heat. I can also ride to the French Q and the river and the lake. Cheah. This time I’ll have some place to keep it so I won’t have to worry about somebody stealing it so much. Hopefully I can get one for less than a hundred. I always get the fly bikes. I can’t help it. This last one was flyer than I knew. I also realized I need the bar across the middle to rest my knee on. I didn’t know that and the last one didn’t have it. It was annoying when I wanted to rest my knee on it and it wasn’t there.
I can’t wait until next month to ride through the quarter. I’m excited now. This is why I love writing you! I always come up with good ideas that make me happy. And give me something to anticipate!!!!!
I’m watching the Biggie movie. It’s aight. I’ve never been a fan but it’s interesting to see what his life was like. It’s sad his father was such a jerk and how he hid his money from his mother. He just got incarcerated. That was a punk move whatever happened. The way they showed him calling his moms like a little girl. West coast people are harder than east coast. I think. Compton period. It comes in handy when people try to punk you like my roommates. They have no idea. I’m just waiting for that devil to tell Derrick I did something. She keeps eating my food. I stopped keeping my food in the fridge. It can last. The milk I have to keep in there. And she drank some of that too, but Allah will pay her back cause I’m out on the third whether I move or go back to L.A. She can kiss my derriere.
I’m in love with you, Love. That sounds more serious than I love you. I’m IN LOVE with you. I’m IN LOVE WITH YOU. I’m IN LOVE WITH YOU. I’m IN LOVE WITH YOU. I’M IN LOVE WITH YOU. I’M IN LOVE WITH YOU. I’M IN LOVE WITH YOU. I’M SO IN LOVE WITH YOU.
I never thought about it that way. That sounds like something only men and women can say to each other. I mean you can’t tell your child or parent or friend I’m In Love With You. It reminds me of Eric Benet’s song. I can’t wait to hear you tell me that. Let me get the song brb
I used to love this song He is good at reworking old hits into new hits or what should be new hits. I’m just glad that’s not his daughter he’s singing with. I thought it was.
Just tell me something you don’t tell those other girls around you….
That’s what I used to think about you being around all those other girls. Made me so insecure. I never thought you could love me the way I loved you. You were famous and fine and everybody loved you. I never thought you could love only me – around all those women. I don’t see myself as beautiful, certainly not beautiful enough to compete with model types but if you love me you love me and it doesn’t matter what they look like. I understand that now. It’s not about looks. It’s about hearts. Yours is mine and mine is yours. I wouldn’t jeopardize what we have for anything in the world. I know you wouldn’t either. It’s not worth it. Sex with somebody else, even though it could be super hot, wouldn’t be worth it. I’m not going to experiment. Because I don’t think sex with anybody else would be hotter than sex with you – my best friend. Even if he has the body of that brother I met in Tuba Fats Square and worked it like a pro, I couldn’t kiss him and feel what I feel for you. Sex without kissing is empty. And, kisses without love (anybody other than you) are always empty. I would have to force myself to feel aroused. But, arousal without love is empty lust. And afterwards you feel empty and used. I have had enough of that.
I don’t want anyman touching me but you. Much less kissing me. I don’t even want to think about it. I’m depressing myself I want to kiss you so badly. Master Fard Muhammad, to Whom Praise is due forever, Said We’re almost there so be happy. I can see the finish line and there is no one close to me. I picture myself, and Allah said, it’s like dragging yourself across the finish line – we’ve been through so much but what comes next? I picture a wreath of roses; red roses and you.
I’m going to be happy. I’m lucky all I have to do is think about all the people who don’t know who their nafis is. I’m lucky just on the strength of that, whether it has materialized or not. I’m luckier that 99 per cent of people. I think one percent, if that many, truly have found their soulmate. I think that couple I saw in the quarter found theirs. I was mad at her for dancing up on that brother but now I know he was her brother. I cannot see myself dancing with real world jay like that but hereaafter jay maybe. LOL It wasn’t so bad now that I look back on it. I didn’t know Muslims dance in the streets but it’s so much fun dancing and partying and being happy unconditionally.
With the right people though. This world people ruin everything. I guess that… No, I know that’s why we’re still in waiting. I see the finish line though. That’s closer than the Light at the end of the tunnel… You’re closer…. It’s only been two days since the light. In sha Allah, it’ll be two more days before we cross, maybe less 🙂
I’m in love you I’m in love with you I’m in love with you I’m in love with you I’m in love with you I’m in love with you I’m in love with you I’m in love with you I’m in love with you I’m in love with you I’m in love with you I’m in ovew Ith You  I’m in love with you I’m in love with you I’m in love with you I’m in love with you I’m in love with you I’m in love with you I’m in love with you I’m in love with you I’m in love with you I’m in love with you I’m in love with you I’m in love with you I’m in love with you I’m in love with you I’m in love with you I’m in love with you I’m in love with you I’m in love with you I’m in love with you………
❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

SisterCaptain’s Blog ٣٧

Bismillahi Rahmani Rahim

Please Click On The Book Cover Below And Purchase And Read The Following Book

62884_10200264979241599_1497845784_n

Thursday

March 23, 2017

11:46 A.M.A.D.- JAMAL

NEW ORLEANS

As-Salaamu ‘Alaikum Beloved and Beautiful Asiatic Black Babies

I really didn’t want to blog.

I wanted to write Zawji

BUT

HE

WANTS

ME

TO

BLOG

It’s harder because I can’t really be as completely open and free as when I write him. I have to guard my revelations a little when I write for the public. You understand.

But, it’s good I guess.

I reread my messages to him more than I reread old blogs though.

I think he just wants me to tell the world how I feel about him. LOL

Everybody knows I love him more than life itself.

Or at least you do if you’ve ever ready my blog.

If this is your first one, let me fill you in.

I fell in love in 1979 with a boy who sent me an “I like you, do you like me? Yes? No?” note. We were in the same class and I know I checked Yes because I liked him. Still do. A few years ago, Allah, Master Fard Muhammad, To Whom Praises Are Due Forever, Told Me this boy, who was now a man, is my soulmate, or as we say in Arabic – ZAWJI – which officially translates to husband, but I like to say “my everything a man can be to a woman” He is my Brother; my Provider; my Protector; my Baby; my Daddy, and my Husband…
So Cheah…

He Wants Me To Write You…

It’s so funny because two days ago I was planning to move back to L.A. next month, but yesterday (A.J. Day) was so eventful, I might be staying in New Orleans.

I really hadn’t resigned myself to moving to L.A. yet, so it’s all good.

I’m really feeling New Orleans and although I’m not as close to The French Quarter as I would like to be, I’m close enough to go to The Jazz Playhouse any night of the week. Also Lebanon’s Cafe… I still want to see Papa Ellis at Snug Harbor too although I’m not anxious to see devils in his band.

That’s the reason why I left the Congo Square thing.

It’s nauseating.

I have no tolerance for it, I’m learning.

So, I don’t know.

The last time I went to The Playhouse, I ended up leaving before the band even started their set because they had a devil in the band and I couldn’t stomach it.

I don’t know if I’m ever, well I did get to see a good show at the Congo Square thing unexpectedly and the children’s bands were all Black. That is very encouraging.

❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

In sha Allah, I’m going to see the lady’s house this afternoon.

It will have to be pretty bad for me to refuse.

I’ve lived in a horse stable. LOL

But I loved being so close to the horses.

They’re so sweet.

That’s another thing good about staying in NOLA.

I’m going to miss Ibni but last time I was in L.A., I didn’t see him once. So cheah.

I told him I was going to buy him a alligator shirt and he said “Those shirts are expensive” and I thought he meant to say them you-know-whats are expensive LOL

It’s funny because I used to always dress him in polo shirts and expensive Kangols now I can get him the expensive polo shirts too. I guess I’ll get him a Kangol too. I want to get him an alligator jacket and shoes but I don’t think he’ll like the shoes. The jacket yes.

He’s so cute.

Well, that’s all really. I just wanted to write about going to see the Sister’s house. I really hope I can stay in New Orleans. It’s the greatest city in the world.

Sorry Zawji. I know you love L.A.

You can make me love L.A. when you feel like it, but I’m not feeling it, so I think you want me to stay in Nola. Today anyway.

❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

3:09 p.m.

Before I moved into this new place, the owner said it was time for me to forge ahead with life. Or something like that.

Like it’s time to settle down and stop being homeless, moving from shelter to street to street to shelter to street.

At least that’s what I took it to mean.

I agreed.

That’s why I’m here.

I could just have easily gone back to the street but it’s so STRESSFUL.

I agreed to a ROOMMATE!

Which is something I thought I would never do.

BUT

I’ve really grown since my last fight, I believe anyway.

But it’s starting to look like, and I don’t want to speak prematurely, but it looks like I may have found another place without ever having to have a roommate.

I still have about a week and a half before I get my check and can move but I think I would be okay with a roommate especially now knowing my time is so short. I could do a week and a half, In sha Allah.

This living with a devil is really getting on my nerves.

Admittedly, it’s better than last time.

I think I know them a little better.

That doesn’t mean she’s any less annoying and vindictive but I’m better able to cope.

Again, a week and a half.

People always try to test me.

See how much I can stand.

But my teacher taught me that the righteous are like water. It takes 212 degrees Farenheit to bring us to a boil, whereas spirits boil at 170 degrees or something like that. Let me G it. BRB

WOW!!!

Google said 78 degrees!!!

That’s a HUGE difference.

That’s probably why they can’t affect me. LOL

They’re used to spirits. LOL

I’m water, Baby. H2O….

I’m so cool, it’s not even funny.

She used the pan I use everyday to cook my dinner and put a big roast in it and stuck it in the refrigerator. Nobody even ate it.

But Allahu Akbar

I found a pan that works even better because it’s smaller and better suited to my meal for one. Allahu Akbar!

You cannot phase the resourceful.

LOL

All I can do is SMH at the efforts of the wicked.

I know there’s a scripture in the Holy Qur’an that applies.

All I can think of is that they plan and Allah Plans, surely Allah is the Best of Planners.

LOL

That’s not how it goes, but it’s still true. LOL

❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

Our Saviour, yesterday (A.J. Day), Told Me To “BE HAPPY!!!” And I didn’t say it but I truly was. I was almost like that Second Line I saw where everybody was happier than any people I’ve seen in my life. The only thing that would’ve made it better would have been sharing my joy with someone else.

I’ve never had that. Someone who was truly happy for me too. Except maybe when I got married. I think my friend was truly happy but now I think it’s only because I was marrying the wrong man. Because when I told her how I felt about Zawji, she disappointed. 😦

But, Allahu Akbar! I’m happy ANYWAY!!!! Can’t Steal My JOY!!!!!!

I have a wonderful Zawji and that makes me happier than I’ve ever been in my life.

We’re the best couple ever.

Have you ever known two people to get together and they just seem like they were made for each other? Especially if you knew them separately – and then they hook up???

That’s us.

When we get together, everybody’s going to be like
Ya’ll are perfect for each other!
I know you’re already thinking it. 😉

Everybody who knows both of us (and that’s basically everybody I know) knows we are supposed to be together. We just sound right together – make sense….

A match made in Heaven by Allah, TRULY.

TRUE LOVE

It’s only a few more days…

ALLAHU AKBAR!!!!

❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

The Curtain is Being Ripped

Bismillahi Rahmani Rahim
I was just surmising that these e-mails are really making me feel close to you.
More than or not even that I was expecting. I wasn’t. I just have things and feelings I want to express and since I’m a writer, I write. It really doesn’t matter if you read them or not I understand the power of putting things out into the universe. I know we create our own reality. I bear witness. You are my Zawji whether it appears that way or not. I’m just waiting for it to be made manifest. True Love cannot be denied and I know you love me. Whether it appears that way or not. Just being patient. WE are living in the day when the Truth must be made manifest so it is only a matter of time. I see so many signs. The Devil is at her wits end. LOL And I am just waiting for my turn. Allahu Akbar. Nobody can love us like we can love each other. But you must’ve known I would come around one day. Thirty years is a long time to wait for somebody and it’s not over yet. But at least you can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Almost there, Sweet Zawji, My Beloved….

SisterCaptain’s Blog ٣٤

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

PLEASE CLICK ON THE BOOK COVER BELOW

62884_10200264979241599_1497845784_n

Thursday

March 16, 2017

Late Afternoon

NEW ORLEANS

Bismillahi Rahmani Rahim

I was going to make this a blog, but I feel like being brutally honest and i can’t be that open and honest with my readers. Only you.

So cheah.

I went to the homeless place but they told me you have to be referred. So, I would have had to go to a shelter and it’s not that serious especially since she gave me a few sheets with housing agencies and low-income apartments and transitional living places where I would have my own room.

That is a major concern now, after last night when I almost got a roommate.

I’m trying to move next month. Because Derrick is too anxious to put someone else up in here with me and well, you know… I cannot have a roommate. I was willing to try, but this time of being by myself just reinforced my independence. In sha Allah, I’ll make it through the month without having to get a roommate, In Sha Allah, but I’m leaving come the first, In sha Allah.

She gave me too many options to have to have a roommate for too long.

I’m not like most people.

Why did he move in a devil who used to be in the NGE? SMH She came up to me talking bout “Peace Earth” I was like What? LOL I put her in her place quickly. She tried to tell me what the NGE believes. I told her I know what they believe after all they got it from us. And just walked away.

She’s a joke. A devil in the NGE. SMH

But anyway, I’m gonna try and get on some of these waiting lists so I can hurry up and get my own place. I’m anxious for Ibni to come out here.

One of the places on the list, I went to when I first came out here. It was nice. I wonder if I’m still on the list. Let me call them. BRB Yeah, I figured they would be closed. It’s after six. But you know me. I don’t take no for an answer.

I wanna eat my sunflower seeds. Where did they come up with the term “poly seeds?” LOL How did they get “poly” from sunflower? Anyway. I can’t type and eat at the same time. Not those anyway.

I’m watching New Jersey Drive. It’s aight. I mean it’s better than that other movie with Nas and DMX. The acting is better, so I’m gonna say the director is better. I can’t even remember the name of the other movie it was so bad.

Everybody is talking about the movie Get Out. I have no desire to see no movie about an interracial relationship. I don’t even know why Black people allow ourselves to get caught up in the devils’ hype. Blind, deaf and dumb sheep, I guess.

I’ve got a new favorite radio station. It’s a new station. Throwback 96.3 I think, or something. They play music from the nineties when we were in our twenties, so you know I am digging it. It’s not lit or nothing but it’s nostalgic and I’m with that.

Downside is they play bad music from that time too. I wish I could skip or ban artists. Like on slacker or tidal.

I went to Family Dollar and got a frame for your picture, Love. They’re playing some song that is making me feel some kinda way. It sounds familiar but I don’t know what it is or who sings it. It’s called “I’m so alone” I think. It’s about death or an ended relationship. It’s sad. I would skip it if I could. I don’t like songs that make me sad. Life is too valuable to put yourself through sadness unnecessarily. I turned it off. I can’t take it.

It’s easy to wait until it goes off. 🙂

I’ve learned that. Nothing bad lasts forever. Just be patient, it’s going to end soon enough. That’s why I can listen to music with other people – djs and whatnot. If they play a song I don’t like sometimes I leave, other times I just wait. Depends on if I have something to do or somewhere else I could go.

At Mardi Gras, I waited.

Man, I never thought I would ever go to Mardi Gras!

It feels good saying I’ve been. I feel privileged because I know so many people wish they could go.

I even got your fedora! I’m so blessed! That fedora was bomb. You know I had to floss. 😀

img_20170301_081253

Now they’re playing I miss you by Aaron Hall. What is up? Are you trying to tell me something?

I hate when you make me think about stuff like that. And you know it. Stop depressing me for nothing. Why are you depressing me? You just like playing with me, Buster.

I can wait.

I got some manicure implements too. I stole them. It’s so easy to steal from Family Dollar. But when I went to Rite Aid, they were watching me like a hawk! I sure was about to walk out with that charger, but I procrastinated and she got hip. I should have just left but cold feet. I got it on sale though so I can still go see Corey Henry. That was close. I almost had to spend my transportation. I could probably walk now that I think about it. I just have to look at my map to see what would be the quickest way.

New Orleans is crazy. When they told me it was a circle I really didn’t believe them. But it’s true. If you keep going, you’re going to run into the same street. It’s crazy. That’s probably why the buses are so crazy. I’ve figured it out for the most part.

I’m still learning how to pronounce streets.

Trip this. I live by a street spelled LEONIDAS but they pronounce is LEONDAS like the “i” is silent or something. LOL I love New Orleans. I learned how to say “How ya duuhn” like they do too today. I’ve been working on that since last year. I finally got it. I usually say “As-Salaamu ‘Alaikum” but sometimes I feel like a native. 🙂

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.

SisterCaptain’s BLOG ١٣

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

PLEASE CLICK ON THE BOOK COVER BELOW

MESSAGE TO THE BLACKMAN

February 15, 2017

2:20 P.M.

img_2233

(If it were true you wouldn’t have to say it!!!)

As-Salaamu ‘Alaikum Ma Beautiful Black Bebies!

I had a good night’s sleep.

It was weird because somebody came right by me, but he didn’t say nothing and I definitely wasn’t going to say nothing.

He let me watch him do his man work and I really dug it but I felt like I wasn’t supposed to know what he was doing.

Dang feminist made me take electric shop in school so I knew exactly how to do what he was trying to do.

He was connecting his truck brake lights to the back of a float.

I think I jinxed him

BECAUSE

It didn’t work.

I would’ve took everything apart and started all over until I got it to work but he may have been pressed for time because he just took it the way it was.

Probably wanted to hurry up and get it to wherever they’re going to decorate it. Mardi Gras is only two weeks away.

It was cool.

He almost left his power tool and I wasn’t going to say anything. Not because I wanted it (I didn’t) but because I didn’t want to compromise my position. I would have had fun with it. Maybe. It was a drill. I probably would’ve started taking stuff apart. LOL

I feel like I’m not supposed to know how to even drive much less how to use a power drill. It was so cool too because it had a light on it.

Girls are not supposed to know how to splice wires and put together cars.

I was remembering when my daughter was little, I bought her a Barbie Jeep (it was pink) but girls are not even supposed to know how to drive much less how to put it together. But I didn’t know then what I know now.

She’s supposed to be riding around with Ken or Jamal (Christie) not pushing her own whip.

Girls.

❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

This morning I got up early, buried my hair and then went to see Rock.

I keep changing his name.

The only other person close to me that I’ve done that with was my mother.

I started out calling her Mama, then Ma then Mamacita.

I don’t like her.

I wonder if that says anything about my relationship with Rock.

We still get along well but I had to use a little “magic” to stay with him because his family is trying to tear us apart.

I love them but they don’t like me because I hate devils.

Everytime I see him he has on a Treme’ something.

I LOVE IT!

The shirts call it “The Jazz Corner of the World”

I DON’T LIKE IT!

It should read, “THE BIRTHPLACE OF JAZZ”

I think they may be scared.

That statement holds a lot of weight.

BUT

It’s the TRUTH.

ALL

YOU

HAVE

TO

DO

IS

GO

THERE

And you’ll see.

Jazz oozes up out of the cracks in the street.

It’s carried in the zephyrs.

It rides on the clouds above.

In lives in the hearts of the people.

Everything about The Treme’ spells J.A.Z.Z.

I know the guy who makes the T-shirts.

I’m sure I told him.

BUT

Sometimes it takes a while to admit you’re in error.

In Sha Allah, he’ll make new ones.

I will definitely buy a hoodie for my son.

He should put the fleur de lis somewhere on them too.

I saw Rock in his work clothes.

He tried to start an argument with me so he could leave.

I wouldn’t let him.

I’m too hip.

So, he offered his hand

AND

I took off my glove and let him grasp mine.

That was the first time we’ve ever done that.

The other day when I went to see him,

I was singing

Coloring

And he was quietly listening.

I like to sing around people

BUT

I try to sing like they’re not there

BUT

AT

THE

SAME

TIME

I’m gauging they’re responses

Taking

Note

To

When

They

Stop

Talking

But still singing when they are talking

Like I don’t care if they’re listening or not.

I’m just practicing anyway,

Right?

But he said

Kinda just loud enough for me to hear

“Sing it, Mama”

At the time I didn’t really feel anything

I just tried to sing better.

BUT

NOW

!!!

Everytime I think about it

My Heart Skips A Beat.

This was Sunday.

Men and women are not even supposed to be friends.

And I have a Zawji

It’s just that we’re not together.

AND

Sometimes

That’s my problem.

I need attention.

I even had a t-shirt with those words on it back in the nineties

When everybody was wearing those t-shirts from the seventies.

I didn’t realize how true it was

Until today.

That’s how I lost Zawji

In High School.

I hate that I’m like that.

I don’t want to be like Billie.

In Lady Sings The Blues.

She was supposed to be happy cooking and cleaning for Louis

But he thought his applause wasn’t good enough.

I think it was plenty.

I would love to sing for my Louis/Billy Dee/Zawji

While I’m baking him chocolate chip cookies or a bean pie or roasting vegetables or making bean soup or a milk and honey fruit shake or chocolate ice cream or marinating salmon for him to cue.

I wouldn’t have to sing another note

I WOULD BE AS HAPPY AS A QUEEN

IF

I could do that for the rest of my life.

He was the only thing that was missing when I WAS doing all that

SO

My L.A. landlord called me yesterday.

It was nice to know he still thinks about me.

I know he had a place for me but I wouldn’t let him tell me.

I just interrupted him and informed him of my whereabouts.

I told him he would be the first one I call whenever I decide to hit the Shaw.

😉 😉 😉 😛 😛

And don’t wait until a holiday to call me!

Also tell Paul and Shaun I said As-Salaamu ‘Alaikum

I kinda have a New Orleans hook-up but she’s too into Yoruba and Catholicism

And is low-key trying to make me into her ho.

SO

Cheah

That’s a no-go.

I am trying to get some low-income housing but it takes so long.

I rescheduled my dentist appointment so I’m going to be here at least another month.

In Sha Allah

❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

Until then…

4:42 p.m.

SisterCaptain’s Vlog ٢

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

PLEASE CLICK ON THE BOOK COVER BELOW

MESSAGE TO THE BLACKMAN

Monday, February 13, 2017

6:31 p.m.

Tuesday, February 14, 2017

2:00 p.m.

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!!! ❤ ❤ ❤

Now, you know I’m in the Nation and we don’t celebrate nothing but Saviour’s Day.

Valentine’s Day just reminds me that Saviour’s Day is coming!!!!!

Yaaaaay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀

Everyday should be like Valentine’s Day when you’re really in love anyway.

Like ME & ZAWJI

He gives me roses and chocolate every day of the year and don’t say nothing about nobody named St. Valentine!

He gives me those things because he loves me

AND

I LOVE HIM

Because he shows me how much he loves me

BY

Giving me things I love.

Complete your cipher.

Valentine’s Day is not about roses and chocolate.

It’s about appreciating (or should be) the person who loves you.

BUT

The problem with the devil and his days is that he designates one day a year to celebrate important things.

And belittles the importance by commercializing on them.

I think if you have to set aside a day to show someone how much you appreciate them it shows you might not really appreciate them.

Let me give you an example.

I used to be married and when our anniversary came, I didn’t remember.

I felt stupid when my husband came talking about “Happy Anniversary.”

I felt bad because I didn’t remember. I thought maybe I didn’t love him like I should. I guess I really didn’t seeing as how we’re not married anymore.

But not only that, I felt stupid celebrating and I didn’t know anything about the nation yet. Well, not much.

For me, anniversaries are unimportant because I planned to be married for the rest of my life so what difference does it make that we made it a year?

I mean, why celebrate?

We should celebrate our love (marriage) EVERY DAY and grow deeper in love EVERY DAY if we’re really meant to be together.

We weren’t.

This society puts emphasis on the wrong things.

Who cares what day you got married on?

As long as you marry your one true love.

EVERY DAY you’re together should be celebrated.

Just on the strength of appreciating that you were lucky enough to find each other

Knowing that there are many people who are still looking.

I mean, at least celebrate a week!

Love is important.

Valentine’s Week SMH

Should be all year.

EVERY DAY OF THE YEAR

❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

So, this year has been kinda weird.

A couple days ago I was feeling very emotional.

I had just “broken up” with those two Muslims and was lonely as hell.

I went to see Pops and sat on his lap and just cried cried cried.

He told me something like I have a responsibility to music.

I dig that.

But, I’m not singing or playing music publicly until the devil is destroyed.

I thought maybe just for Black people but somebody might record it and the devil might get ahold to it.

So cheah

Anyway, the next night, I went back to see Pops and there was this Brother there.

He came and really started talking to me.

His voice!

He reminds me of this Brother but better because he doesn’t have to turn it on, it’s just naturally like that AND he has a NEW ORLEANS ACCENT!!!

SO

He makes jewelry and sells it which is really admirable to ya gurl.

I was thinking this morning while I was sitting across the street from a Black-owned car wash that I admire this Brother more than Bebe (the owner of the car wash) because although Bebe probably makes a lot of money, he is still a servant.

Brother T

IS A PRODUCER!!!

It takes more ingenuity to develop a product (design, manufacture, produce, market) and sell it than to just serve people.

Anybody can wash a car.

Not everybody has the power to create something from nothing.

SO

We kicked it that first night (Sunday)

Early in the morning, he told me his mother was going to call and he was going over her house and told me he wanted to introduce me to her.

I didn’t go.

He knows all about Zawji, of course.

I even told him that Zawji sent him to me so I wouldn’t be alone.

It didn’t dawn on me that it was Valentine’s Day until yesterday.

He was at his mom’s all day and then last night when he went to the Quarter to sell his wares, I went to sleep and when I woke up this morning, he had gone to Ma Dukes’ again.

Let me G why Dilla called his Mom “Ma Dukes” BRB

How did you come to be called Ma Dukes? My son, Dilla, and his friends just started calling me that and I never asked why.”

You know hip-hop people… ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

Click Here to see where I got that quote.

So,

He had left me a note.

I already knew though.

I am probably the only woman in the world who would admire someone like him over Bebe, but across the street is a store that sells stripper paraphernelia and next door is a restaurant and written in the cement is the name of the owner of the restaurant and Bebe’s name together. They are a couple.

I’m afraid Bebe is a low-key pimp, using the Car Wash as a front. :/

No talent.

Leeches.

I realized that those two Muslim Brothers are just like other homeless Brothers I have met. I wrote about two Brothers I met in Atlanta.

They are always two Brothers. One is significantly older (maybe fifteen years) older than the other one, has a habit (cigarettes, coke, liquor or whatever) and uses the younger brother (phone, energy, contacts, ideas, creativity usually) and the younger brother misguidedly looks up to the older Brother. But when the younger brother starts to come up, the older brother holds him back. It’s sad. He feels obligated to the older Brother and doesn’t want to leave him, but the older brother is holding him back and knows if the younger brother leaves him, his life is basically over unless he can find another source to leech off of.

That’s why Tip said the music industry (rule #4080 ) and I think life in general, is made up of so many shady people. They find someone with talent (artist) and leech off of them.

That’s why I fly solo dolo because I know it’s harder for a lady. We are naturally dependent. I’ve got Allah and Zawji (who are both unseen on me) but talk to me five minutes. 😉

❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

T is a great guy but I’m too old to be with a Brother who is still dependent on his mother. I did that in High School. I’ve been out of school thirty years and if you are introducing me to your mother at her house something is wrong.

Invite us both to dinner. I would prefer it to be at your house more than a restaurant because your house will be our house and gives me a firmer foundation for future dinners. If you’re really serious anyway.

Some mothers don’t want to pass the baton to their son’s wife.

They want him to remain dependent on her forever.

Some fathers are the same way with their daughters.

I think it’s like that when they are not satisfied with their mate.

So they look for love from their children.

It’s sickening.

They can’t let go and let their children find their fulfillment in their mate.

Your spouse should be your everything.

That’s why I call him my ZAWJI.

He is my father now.

I don’t need to ask my daddy for anything monetarily anymore.

Zawji got it covered. I’m dependent on him financially.

He is my BEST FRIEND.

I don’t need any girlfriends.

Zawji got it covered. I’m dependent on him for everything including advice about girl stuff.

The Honourable Elijah Muhammad (May the Peace and the Blessings of Allah Forever Be Upon Him) is a MAN, but he made ladies out of former prostitutes. And if you think about it, it makes sense. Who can teach a lady how she should act better than a man? He knows what men like. And The Messenger (Peace Be Upon Him) was chosen by Allah, to be HIS MESSENGER. So He Knows How To Make Women of Allah. That’s what I want to be.

Zawji is my Brother.

I don’t need anybody else to protect me.

Zawji got it covered.

He is my son.

I get to mother him and do all the things he would go to his mother for.

I got it covered.

Maybe not because he’s not with me yet.

In Sha Allah, soon. 😀

❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

Oh, and He is my husband.

So we get to do all the things I can’t and don’t want to do with the other men in my life. 🙂

❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

Everybody on Facebook is talking about that movie.

The Funny thing about the Johnsons or something.

Maybe Strange things.

I don’t know.

But that movie is really sick.

I saw part of it and it really messed me up.

Having been a victim of incest, it made me really feel like something was wrong.

With me!

The victim!

I turned it off but somebody on FB said it gets worse. Much worse.

No, I didn’t turn it off right then.

I saw one more scene that made me turn it off.

I think America is the no I KNOW America is the most wickedest place that has ever been on our planet.

I wanted to be a Nun growing up.

I think because there is solace in being in solitude.

I could totally live in a cave if it had central heating and a bathroom.

I don’t even need a kitchen. A hot plate every now and then would be nice but I could live without it in exchange for not having to be around any people.

Prophet Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him) of fourteen hundred years ago used to go up into the cave to get away from it all. And that is where he received the first revelation of the Holy Qur’an.

The Messenger (Peace Be Upon Him) taught us that Allah revealed the Holy Qur’an to him.

Most people think He (Allah) used an Angel (Jibril/Gabriel).

But the point is he was alone and away from everybody and everything.

This world makes you think something is wrong with you if you do that.

They even have a medical/psychological diagnosis for it – isolating.

And they FORCE you to go to group.

#trialsofapsychpatient

❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

Anyway

He gave me a bracelet.

I let him put it on me.

He tried to cuff me.

I let him

for one day.

He told me Don’t Talk To Anybody Else.

I even did it.

For one day.

I took it off.

And it was almost physically painful.

Bracelets are just as important as a ring almost.

It’s symbolic of cuffing you.

I haven’t figured out the ring yet.

Oh yeah, someone said it’s because the ring finger is connected to the heart or something.

Let me G it. BRB

Yeah, that’s why

Here is a playlist I made for Valentine’s Day. :/

https://tidal.com/playlist/53c3f819-e2ad-43e7-9d70-220d348b744a

❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

4:00 pm