بِسْمِ اللَّهِ الرَّحْمَنِ الرَّحِيم

الإخوان المسلمين السلام_عليكم

As-Salaamu ‘Alaikum Beloved And Beautiful Black Brothers and Sisters!

The subject of marriage or Zawuj has been heavy on my mind lately.

And as a consequence I have also been thinking about separation and divorce that too often occurs in today’s wicked society.

NO ONE WINS! 

No one wants to go through a separation or a divorce. It is an admission of failure. It leads to loneliness and sadness, confusion and desperation.

My focus in this blog is the children.

It seems when I was growing up, divorce had hit critical mass. There were television ads regarding the new phenomenon of what was termed “latch-key kids.”

For my younger readers, “latch-key kids” were children whose parents were both busy during the time they were released from school, and they were forced to carry their own keys and let themselves in the house.

There were no homemade chocolate-chip cookies and ice-cold whole milk waiting for these children, nor the welcoming open arms of their homemaking mother.

Due to Christianity, divorce or working mothers, which was a primary factor in causing divorce, our children were left alone – along with the parent(s).

When I was growing up, there were also ads and subject matter assuring the child that the divorce/separation was not their fault.

Naturally, most children do not want to see their parents separate (verb). Unless abuse is a factor, most children feel deeply torn between their parents and separation/divorce can result in painful and wicked custody battles.

Regardless of who wins, there is always animosity, from which the children suffer the most.

My parents separated when I was about fourteen and my father told me he left because of something he had read in my diary – which was traumatic in itself – that I wished I had had a different mother.

It has been over twenty years and I am still suffering. I still hate my mother. I look at her as a whore. I am ashamed when I see her manner of dress and parade of men she entertains. I guess I was correct in my wish for a different mother.

Regardless

A.) my father should never have invaded my privacy and read my diary and

B.) he should not have blamed me as the cause of his leaving our family.

I hate him too.

However, as a mother and “x-wife” I have witnessed my own children’s desire for me to reunite or remarry. I can sympathize with them because I have gone through the same thing.

However, I would like to tell my and all other children of divorced or unmarried parents, please do not bring up the other parent to the one you are with.

Accept that the separation or singularity is best for your parents and any attempt to reunite them or pair them with someone else (except under the crescent, sun and star of The Nation of Islam) will only result in your frustration and in them, an unwanted rekindling of painful emotions or exasperation from your unsolicited match-making.

ما شاء الله Masha Allah, (May Allah be pleased) if your mentioning of the other parent is honourable and not out of spite. Find productive and healthy, educational or artistic ways to cope with your own feelings. Maybe a conference with Allah is necessary. Pray and Master Fard Muhammad, To Whom Praises are due forever, Will Give You Succour.

HERE IS A LIST OF PRODUCTIVE HOBBIES AND EDUCATIONAL PASTTIMES:

GIRLS                                                                     BOYS

HEALTHY CUISINE                                              MODEL BUILDING
HOW TO EAT TO LIVE
MODEST COUTURE                                              WHITTLING
KNITTING                                                              CYCLING
CROCHETING                                                        SCULPTING
QUILTING                                                              CARPENTRY
EMBROIDERY                                                        READING
LATCH-HOOK                                                        WRITING
BASKET-WEAVING                                               MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS
LANIARDS                                                              MARTIAL ARTS
SOAP-MAKING                                                      PRINTMAKING
CANDLE-MAKING                                                BLACKSMITHING
JEWELRY-MAKING                                              FOREIGN LANGUAGES

Just google any of these or “HOBBIES” and find something that interests you. Stay away from sports and theatre, music, and other forms of entertainment. Find a hobby that will produce something useful or improve your health, but not for monetary benefit.

Brothers, you may find something you can commercialize off of and embark on the road to self-sufficiency if not already.

In any case, remember that you must go on with your own life and allow your parents to go on with theirs. Pray Allah Blessses you with the wisdom and divine guidance that will result in your own successful marriage and do not carry any blame for the result of your parents mistakes.

بِسْمِ اللَّهِ الرَّحْمَنِ الرَّحِيم

الإخوان المسلمين السلام_عليكم

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