بِسْمِ اللَّهِ الرَّحْمَنِ الرَّحِيم

As-Salaamu ‘Alaikum Beloved and Beautiful Asiatic Black Brothers and Sisters

For some reason I am always in jail when they ring in a new year.

Our (The Muslims’) new year was a few months ago and I am still celebrating. 🙂

But last year I was in jail and this year, my exes got together to see me imprisoned and it worked.

If you recall, last year, I was arrested for trespassing when I was kinda blessed with a house in Malibu.

It was great for three days, then (*crinkled fingers* *scrunched up face* AAAHHHH!!!!! AAAHHHH!!!! KAAAAHHHH!!!!! KAAAAHHHH!!!!!)

Ended up at the sheriff’s office and ever since my very first arrest, back in the late nineties, I have been averse to the fingerprinting process.

Back then they still used ink and paper and I used the residue left on my fingers to write boldly on my cell block “F*&$ BABYLON!” (Not a Muslim yet…)

Fast forward twenty years and the computerized fingerprinting process has only exacerbated my aversion. Thus, last year, I fought wildly against the fingerprinting process and was given two add-on charges of resisting arrest (because there were two officers trying to forcibly fingerprint me), which I was under the impression I had served the sentence for consecutively with the trespassing charges.

Not so, I found out yesterday. Apparently, the deputies were highly indignant at my resisting them (which I have learned all officers of the law are very sensitive to any form of resistance) and also discovered that I was looking at a year and a half in jail and $45,000.00 bond.

Ridiculous, of course. California is the bomb, but she is still in America.

After conferring with my defense, I was convinced that he was on the side of the prosecutor and did not have my best interest at heart to put it mildly.

So when he recommended a bail reduction hearing to the judge, my ears were alert. The judge asked why I did not show up for my arraignment. My “defense” shuffled his feet, looked at the ground and feigned ignorance, although I had made it crystal clear to him that I thought I had already served the time.

“BECAUSE I DIDN’T KNOW!” I yelled from behind the cage. The counsel and judge continued as if I had not spoken and the deputy warned me to remain silent.

The counsel continued to confer with the judge and I continued my intermittent interjections.

I could sense I was winning favor against both attorneys and for the judge when he reached under the bench and pulled out a thick book and referred to it.

Next thing, I know, he mentioned an O.R. (Own Recognizance) which was not even on the table. But then, I knew I was going to be released, in spite of the designs of my “defense,” which despite his lie that I would have been released that day would have actually had me sitting in jail until the date a bail review was set.

I will share with you something I observed during my time in police custody. Well, perhaps, I shall keep it to myself. But I will tell you this. LEARN SIGN LANGUAGE.

Here is another website that I have found useful: SIGNING SAVVY

And one of the best ways to learn is from the vantage point of a child. SIGNING TIME

When I was taken to the courthouse, I had a personal book in my possession, which coincidentally is a biographical account of Helen Keller and her teacher Annie Sullivan Macy (Assuring me that I am on Al Sirataal Mustaqeem 🙂 ) and the deputy after promising to return it to me upon depositing me in the cell, seemed to quite forget.

I tapped the window incessantly, banged on the door all the while the deputies seemed to have suffered hearing loss like Miss Keller.

Finally, in my frustration, I ceased making noise and resorted to silent hand signs, albeit seemingly to myself. I did the sign for book repeatedly, and after a while, I seemed to hear one of the deputies say, “BOOK.”

Next thing, I knew the deputy had my book in hand, and although somewhat reluctantly, made her way to my cell and gave it to me.

Also, as the counsel and judge were deliberating, I began to do the sign for “FREEDOM” also, to myself and then suddenly, out of nowhere, the term “O.R.” surfaced and entered the discussion.

This is new to me, but it seemed to be quite effective. There is something to be said for nonverbal or telepathic communication. The Force, if you will.

Remember, we only use one-tenth of our brain. The other ninety per cent must be reserved for this type of usage.

Many people downplay it (scientists, most notably) referring to it as pseudoscience or parapsychology and whatnot, but nevertheless, there is something to it.

Helen and Miss Sullivan were very often assumed to communicate in such fashion, however unaware of it they may have been.

In any case, I often try and exercise this faculty. I’m not going to tell you how because I want to win.