بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
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MONDAY
MARCH 13, 2017
8:29 P.M.
NEW ORLEANS
As-Salaamu ‘Alaikum Ma Beloved and Beautiful Asiatic Black Bebies!!!
I did it!
I went to the hospital and as usual Zawji was right.
I feel one thousand per cent better.
I didn’t even know I was suicidal
BUT
When I finally got in
(you know I resisted )
I just started thinking and feeling bad and worse and just eventually gave in and admitted it.
My life was going nowhere.
I had nowhere to go.
Nothing to do.
Nobody to talk to
(except Ibni but he’s a teenager and I don’t want to impose on his fun and eventful teenage life)
SO
I just took the time to regroup
AND
Plan my next move
AND
I know I’ve said it before but NEW ORLEANS is TOPS when it comes to placement.
Also mental health treatment and facilities.
It makes me wonder why I have such a hard time checking myself in when I need help.
I know.
It’s hard admitting I need help.
I’m fiercely independent
BUT
This time I learned how to submit.
When I and Zawji get together I’m going to have to submit to him
AND
That’s new for me.
I’m used to having my own way ALL THE TIME.
BUT
This time, they paired me with a roommate who was not having it.
AND
I gave in to her with no fight.
She was mad.
She wanted to fight.
BUT
Zawji told me
If I can submit to a woman he knows I can submit to him.
I feel like there is no woman better than me in the universe so why should I submit to one?
Thus, his reasoning.
🙂
So, I passed Homemaking for the Blackwoman Graduate Course How To Take Care Of Your Husband 402
❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤
While I was in the hospital I blogged and wrote my son a letter.
I think I’m going to include them both here instead of writing two more blogs
First, the letter:
I WOULD RATHER YOU BE A GARBAGE MAN THAN A PROFESSIONAL ATHLETE!
Provide something useful to our nation – products or services.
NOT SPORT AND PLAY!!!
Please, Please, Please Clear Your Mind of any such thoughts.
These are only distractions from the essential work of building Allah’s Kingdom.
We only know YOU and those other darling children we met at S.D.
The responsibility is therefore on YOU!
* Food * Clothes * Shelter * Transportation * Communication * Sanitation
Please, Please, Please consider FARMING
WE CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT FOOD – AGRICULTURE!
You cannot imagine how proud I would be to say, “MY SON IS A FARMER!!!“
Cows (Milk)! Beans! Vegetables! Wheat! Chickens (Eggs!) Fruit!!!
Believe it or not, there are TWO companies out here –
A.J.’s Produce and Bubba’s Produce
I kid you not. On YOU. They are out here and you know who they are…
ENGINEERING is also CRUCIAL.
Problem-solving and developing products to help our nation survive. We are beyond building. We have to thrive and grow now.
When was the last time you invented something?
~ Umi
❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤
So, the hospital placed me in a really cool spot.
The owners are a cool Black couple.
They remind me of me and Zawji.
Probably because they’re the Beautiful Ones.
But I hope they don’t break each others hearts or whatever Prince said they do every time.
Anyway.
I have a radio and I’m listening to my favorite New Orleans station (WYLD 98.5 – Google it) and Keith Sweat is playing all these love songs.
I haven’t heard R&B in a LONG Time.
I’ve been listening to second line and New Orleans music like (“Side piece” SMH ya’ll know what I’m talm bout SMH) I would post a video but I’m scared to actually listen to it. They have another song talm bout “Get out” too. But I think that one is getting played out. It’s funny NO has local music. )
So, I get out the hospital TODAY, get settled in, turn on the box and hear ALL these love songs and can’t stop thinking about my Beloved Sweetest Zawji.
It’s like he’s doing it on purpose.
I’ve been locked up over a week and now that I’m out, he’s like
“ALL YOU’RE GOING TO THINK ABOUT IS ME!!!”
What can I do?
I was reading some old e-mails I sent him last year and resent a couple of them.
I don’t know what to do
BUT
Think about him.
So, I’m gonna do that for a while.
This chocolate isn’t helping either. 😛
BRB
Okay, now I’m going to type the blogs I wrote while I was in the hospital just so I can keep a record for myself of where my head was at.
SISTER CAPTAIN’S BLOG ٢٩
FRIDAY, MARCH 10, 2017
10:22 A.M.A.D.-JAMAL
NEW ORLEANS
I’m sitting here drinking this delicious coffee I know is making me shake! I got my Holy Qur’an. I’ve been reading but I want to write/plan.
Dr. Appt. Tuesday إن شاء الله
Trying to obtain housing but can’t afford to fix tooth.
Tooth is more important.
I can get housing anytime.
إن شاء الله I’ll be able to keep my appointment. And at least START the process! I’m anxious to get it out of the way. It’s terrible having to walk around and talk to people with a messed up grille. Embarrassing! But Allah is the Best Planner. Let me see if I can get out Monday. BRB I’ma talk to the Social Worker. إن شاء الله NM. الله told me just let it be. I can get an appt. anytime but I don’t want to start the discharge process and end up with nothing. I want to stay here as long as I can.
My food stamps came in today. But I still WANT to eat out at a restaurant. Self-Discipline. Wheat Bread, cream cheese & capers, cookies, milk, fish and fruit. I’ma hideout in the catcave a while. Kill some time. Lay Low. Get my cloak. Maybe the Tower instead. I’ll be glad when my P is over. Good I didn’t have to buy pads tho! الله أكبر
SISTER CAPTAIN’S BLOG ٣٠
SATURDAY, MARCH 11, 2017
(Happy Birthday Amir! 🙂 )
11:45 A.M.A.D.-JAMAL
NEW ORLEANS
Almost lunchtime. I had a really good night. At first thought was going to be worse than the worst nite of my life (when I tried to be a prostitute ), turned out to be the third best (after 1. that last night at the club with Zawji and 2. when I gave birth to Ibni).
Felt like all my dreams came true. Everybody in my family was happy and peaceful. Almost all my friends. I’m still having trouble with Erika. I feel like she’s jealous. But she’s going to be happy for us too. Well, she IS in this new world. But I’ll get to that later. 😉 But I was truly happy and at peace! الحمد لله الله أكبر
I’m hungry for lunch. I weigh 148 lbs. Jamal noticed I gained weight! 🙂 He is the sweetest! He’s not here today. 😦 I might see him before I leave on Monday. إن شاء الله I’m excited about leaving. Entering a new chapter. I’ma apply for low-income housing so Ibni can come visit me in the Summer.
I’m gonna act like none of the horrible things in my life happened and create a new world where I’m truly and everybody else is TRULY happy no lies. No fakeness. The Hereafter!
So, I’m leaving on Monday. I can keep my dentist appt! Yaaaay!
The doctor said I have a lot of talent. I didn’t ask her how she knew. I’m scared to be famous زوجي says. I think he’s right. I’m afraid it’s going to make me rich and I don’t want to be mean to people like Fatima was to me.
Money and fame change people and I like me the way I am.
So, I’m running from it.
I know they want me to be Ella. Or play the tambourine. Or something. But A. I don’t want to coon and B. I don’t want to change.
So, I’ll just sing for whomever happens to be around when I’m coloring. LOL 😛 And زوجي, of course.
Billy Dee said he only started acting in order to buy art supplies. LOL.
I’m like that.
😛
I just want زوجي and الله to be pleased. زوجي is always right. Kim (who owns the place I’m staying in now) says she is always right too. We’ll see.
I’m glad I came to the hospital. I’m off the street and I can apply for low-income housing. Section 8 too. إن شاء الله without living on the street.
I’ma buy a day pass on Tuesday and pick up my cloak إن شاء الله.
IHOP or Clio’s for a good meal and settle in.
Grocery store for food.
Bread, milk, cream cheese, capers, kippers, fruit, veggies, beans, fish, garlic, rosemary, ice cream, cookies.
الحمد لله
الله أكبر
SISTER CAPTAIN’S BLOG ٣١
SUNDAY, MARCH 12, 2017
1:12 P.M.
NEW ORLEANS
I was going to write Jamal a letter but why? He’s sweet but he’s not MY JAMAL. I like him like I like Broke and Corey and Thomas (the Zulu) – A LOT – But I can’t get with neither of them. So why entertain them? One man – Amad Jamal. I have no time or space to waste on anyone else. It’s better to be homeless than live with a man other than My Baby, Jamal. That’s what I learned in Graduate Homemaking Class – How To Take Care Of Your Husband 401. It’s Better To Be Homeless Than To Live With A Man Other Than Your Husband.
I had to take remedial Muslim classes because I failed the Christian classes with Costello LOL I should have learned then. I got it now.
It is better to be homeless than live with a man other than Amad-Jamal.
100%!!!
I Love Him So Much It’s INEXPLICABLE!
I KNOW he is the man Allah Created Me To Help.
I just have to wait until the proper time and place.
New Orleans is the place now.
I don’t know how long.
I don’t want to live anywhere else.
I got stagnant for a minute but زوجي remedied the situation.
إن شاء الله I’ll be able to take some classes at the Rec Center. Summer is coming! إن شاء الله I’ll have my place and Ibni can come.
I can’t believe it’s almost been a year since I left L.A. June I went to the A. July NO. Jan LA. Feb NO. I think I live here now. Maybe I’ll get an I.D. but I want to change my name. Man. Here I go again. I was in this exact same predicament in 2008. It’s going to be interesting to see how زوجي works this out.
I have to get my birth certificate, my name change document, change my name in court, then get a Louisiana I.D. simple enough 🙂
I wonder if I can just change my name with my California I.D. Hmmmmmmm
I’ll have to look into that.
It was easy to do in L.A. Should be easy here too.
Anybody changed their name in Louisiana???
HMU @ SisterCaptainLoveAllah@gmail.com
Thanks!!!
❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤
I can’t stop thinking about that Tiffany’s diamond!
Here’s a poem I wrote in the hospital…
JAZZ WAS BORN IN HEAVEN
LOUIS ARMSTRONG IT’S FATHER
NELLIE LUTCHER MOTHER
BASIN WAS THE STREET
TUBAS AND TRUMPETS ANNOUNCED IT’S BIRTH
TROMBONES, THE FIRST WAIL
2ND LINES PARADED THROUGH
THE ONLY TOWN WHERE FUNERALS
MASK AS FESTIVALS
TASSLED UMBRELLAS DANCED HIGH IN THE AIR
AS HORSE-DRAWN CARRIAGES WEAVED IN AND OUT
OF PURPLE, GOLD AND GREEN CLAD PARTY-GOERS
TOSSING CONFETTI BEADS AND STREAMS
FAT TUESDAY WAS MOST LIKELY THE DATE
HEAVEN, THE PLACE
ALSO KNOWN AS NEW ORLEANS
OMG! I had THE BEST MEAL!!!
I knew about this restaurant (halal) but it was so far from everything, I threw the flier away.
Well, turns out the spot I’m in now is walking distance, so I G’d it, found it and went and had the best meal I’ve had since I went to McCormick & Schmidt’s two years ago and this was much better.
The restaurant is called Lebanon’s Cafe.
I had the sauteed vegetables and OH MY GOD!
They were covered in feta and mozarella cheese (and the variety of vegetables was outstanding. I had broccoli, cauliflower, green beans, green and red bell peppers, eggplant, onions, tomatoes, squash) and it was absolutely amazing. They roasted it in the same pan it was served to me in and it was layered over a bed of Basmati rice and it was delectable! Cost the same as IHOP but tastes ten times as good AND you get twice as much food.
They also have something called Lebanon-styled Iced Tea and it was like drinking roses. So Good and refreshing! I would kill for the recipe. I think I might pick some roses and make a tea out of the petals. It tasted that good.
Anyway. I’m sorry I had to move over here to try them out. Would have been well worth the trip from downtown and there’s a streetcar stop right out front. (St. Charles)
Next time, I’ma try the salmon! إن شاء الله

(I have to remind myself occasionally that this is a HOMEMAKING BLOG 🙂 )







