بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
As-Salaamu ‘Alaikum Dearly Beloved Gods & Goddesses
Of The Holy Tribe of Shabazz
GUESS WHO I RAN INTO YESTERDAY?
It was as if he conjured me up to help him with his business meeting. I’m a muse/lady luck and I rolled right up on him in the middle of a meeting on a patio overlooking the ocean.
It was kismet.
Even with all of the “coincidences” that happen in my life, I still almost couldn’t believe it. I was kind of expecting to see him soon though, having just seen his daughter.
I was looking for a park that I had visited several years ago by the beach. I knew I had passed it but I kept rolling.
Then for some reason, I decided to just forget it and go to the beach. So, I turned onto this random little “street” between the houses and there he was.
He was holding court with a crowd of obsequious admirers but it sounded like he was wrapping up.
“A.J.!” I called from the sand below.
A devil peered around him to look but he kept talking.
“A.J.!!!” I called louder.
Still nothing.
I stood there for a minute trying to understand why wouldn’t turn around.
Allah Gently Told me to just, “Forget it,” trying to preserve what little dignity I still possessed and so I started toward the water.
But he was right there! And I hadn’t seen him in so long. I couldn’t believe he would just ignore me! And I couldn’t just give up on him.
It was worse than the last time I saw him.
It’s like he’s ashamed.
It took him what seemed like ten minutes just to LOOK at me!
This time he wouldn’t even do that.
I was still kinda in shock because I had just walked up and there he was!
I listened to his voice for a minute, trying to grasp that I was right here and he was right there.
Eventually I looked up and one of his obsequious admirers was looking down at me.
I gestured for him to get A.J.’s attention.
He shook his head like, “Uh-uh. If he doesn’t want to turn around, I’m not going to be the one to MAKE HIM!”
Then his devil girlfriend handed him a drink.
A. He was with a group of people and he was the only Black person. I could live with that.
B. He drinks. I could live with that.
But then he did something that I couldn’t handle.
He lit up something.
And I lost it.
I had the hardest time turning Lulu around.
It was as if Allah Didn’t really want me to leave.
But eventually I forced her.
*
I don’t think it’s me anymore.
For some reason… No, I know why. It’s his devil girlfriend.
Apparently, he doesn’t want to leave her. Yakub’s Law of “Opposites Attract” is causing him to choose her, smoking and drinking over Allah and Islam and me.
So, I continued back on the straight path I was going in before I turned off onto that little street, but by now I was completely in shock.
That little detour changed my life and brought me to another milestone in my life.
When I was in Vegas, I knew he smoked. But it was as if he was trying to quit.
I know the problem is his devil girlfriend.
THE WHITE WOMAN IS THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL.
She gives him liquor, so even if he was trying to stop she won’t let him.
Drinking and smoking go hand in hand.
I know because I used to do both.
But, with the help of Allah, I was able to quit.
So, it’s impossible for me to submit to someone so weak.
I know after she handed him a drink, he automatically wanted to smoke.
And that was the straw that broke the camel’s back.
*
I rode to the end of the beach, where the Marina opens.
I had never ridden that far before.
And I paused when I got to the end of my little path, because suddenly there was a crowd of people walking on the main trail that outlines the Marina where my little path ended.
Why do people always take my picture when I’m at my lowest?
This man snapped my picture and I looked away. Then covered my face and looked at him and he took another one. The camera actually was one that used film so I knew he couldn’t delete it. I just told him, “Don’t take my picture!”
That happened in New Orleans too, when I was actually crying and this guy would not stop taking my picture. I had to get up and leave.
But yesterday, I ended up finding a place that was semi-private (at least it was hard to reach, if not completely concealed) and broke down. Allah Lets me blubber sometimes. I really hate to cry. To me it symbolizes weakness. But I have to let it out. I tried screaming too – later at the beach when it was fairly deserted. But that didn’t do much. I would rather do this: aldkjf la’etueotu ‘ljgkao’erut’owejdg’laewtuq4e u0e[4yu’;er je’rgj’earlkjgrkgjoer;gjw re;oyunpjdfg rpeoiupdfg9 LOL
It’s kind of like banging on a keyboard. I guess it is banging on a keyboard. Just not a musical one. 😀
So, I just rode around and explored the scenery of this new neighborhood. This section of the beach is almost private. The houses open right onto the beach but there’s no bike path between the houses and the beach, nor a parking lot nearby. So, the beach is reserved almost exclusively for the people who live there.
There were people who didn’t live there enjoying the beach too but when I tried to sleep there the police came and told me the beach was closed.
I was like, “Nigga, you didn’t open the motherfucker, so how the fuck are you gonna try to close it? Get the fuck out my face.“
He told me it was like a park.
I was like, “Did you build this, Nigga?“
He was like, if you’re still here when I come back, I’m gonna issue you a citation.
I thought about it. And decided, I could live with a citation. But he would still make me leave and if I refused he could and probably would take me to jail. I was cool with that too.
But then Lulu was like John Coltrane’s solo on “Freddie Freeloader”
Ibnana used to always sing, “What about meeee? What about meeeee? What about me me me me me?” when his part came on LOL
So, I bounced.
But I found another pier, which was so peaceful and serene and since the police had already cleared the beach, they left. So, I could enjoy it without worrying.
I heard something that sounded like some type of sea monster, but I realized it was just sea lions barking. Then I saw them. They were so cute and playful. They swim differently than dolphins. But I saw them (dolphins) too.
The marina has more wildlife than any other area of the beach that I’ve seen so far.
The pelicans actually LAND (albeit on the water, but still 😉 )! And I think I saw some eagles.
I like to draw the birds.
I guess it’s a good thing the pigs woke me up because by then I was ready to think.
When I first layed down, I prayed for sleep to take me away from my misery.
But sitting on the pier, I had a lot of time to think. I prayed with the prayer beads I had just made, and that really helped me.
Eventually, the sky brightened but by then I was almost ready.
I walked almost the entire distance from the Marina to Venice; it was still very early so I was able to get the last of my tears out without observation.
And I was my usual annoyingly cheerful self by the time I made it to the Club. 😉
*
Last night I decided that that was the last time I was going to let him make a fool out of me. I threw my “wedding band” in the ocean.
I resigned myself to the fact that this world is just fucked up and sometimes your soulmate has issues. He’s still my soulmate and there’s no one who can replace him so I’m just going to have to live my life in solitude unless Allah Decides to clean him up.
My prayer, My sacrifice, My Life and My Death are all for Allah, so I’m Gucci.
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Turns out I DIDN’T miss the Cameron Graves show. It was Friday night. I went and enjoyed it. Although, he’s kinda sketchy with songs titled, “Satanic this and that” and “Lucifer something” so I’m going to be careful with him.
He’s worse than Prince because Prince didn’t come out and say “The devil thus thus and thus” but he still gave me the creeps.
Ro James is another one and I really like him, but something about him feels sinister and that big “Old Hell” in his video doesn’t help.
I’m going to have to force myself to forget that he has a free show coming up….
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Ibnana and I had plans to go learn how to “Lindy Hop” yesterday but they were filming and not paying. Not that it would have made a difference if they were, but I was not trying to help nobody sell a flick.
I was really disappointed about that because that’s my era and I was really looking forward to that class. Ibnana would have been the PERFECT partner, in Zawji’s stead. I can’t dance with anybody else and they both can REALLY dance!!! Cursed filmakers!!!
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- Why does everybody call Lulu, “The Barbie Bike?” I’m like, CHRISTIE!!!
- https://youtu.be/sldYmXPIPi8
- (I had the one at :33 and WHY was her boyfriend named JAMAL?)
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Homemaking For The Black Muslim Woman Journal ™ 