بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

tupac bday

As-Salaamu ‘Alaikum Dear Brothers and Sisters!

Today is TUPAC’S 45th Birthday.

It’s been almost twenty years since he was murdered.

But I know people who still listen to nothing but TUPAC.

I’ve heard of women getting TUPAC tattoos.

Naming their sons TUPAC.


Claiming that TUPAC was a prophet.

I met TUPAC twice.

Well, kinda.

The first time, he was in a VW bug packed with his homies, early in his career.
The second time, he was in a convertible Double R, by himself.

pac in the double r.jpg

But this is for MY memoirs…

I was never one of those girls who was a TUPAC groupie. I know there were women who were smitten by him, but I didn’t start liking him until
He was murdered.

I ended up working for the production company that produced his videos.
It was run by a Sister and she was my mentor.


(On the set of “Two of Amerikkka’s Most Wanted”)

TUPAC was murdered between the time we met
and when I first started working for her.

pac and tracy workin.jpg

So, when I started, she was HEAVILY IN MOURNING.

She gave me big mail bags full of his fan mail.

I read letters from people in places as remote as Luxemberg, claiming vengeance for his murder.

I remember when my Boss told me they had set his ashes free over



Once she sent me to Death Row to pick up some posters.

death row.jpg

We walked into the building and the elevator doors opened by themselves. The Sister I was with said, “I think we’re supposed to get on.

So, we got in the elevator and it took us right to the floor where we were supposed to pick up the posters. That’s creepy now and this was 1996!

I will never forget the look on his face on that poster.

It was a photo he had taken near the end of his life and the look on his face made me want to cry. I felt so sorry for him. It was one of the “Made Men” posters. I was going to try and find it to post, but my first effort was in vain, and I think Allah doesn’t want me to see it. So, I’m not going to put myself through that.

I never liked that “Made Men” concept. It didn’t sound right. The Blackman is God. He is the Creator. I wasn’t even Muslim back then, but I knew it wasn’t right. It sounded like he was a product of a negative environment. Instead of being CREATED BY ALLAH, HE WAS MADE by drugs and money and guns, etc. I think Suge came up with that.

I read pictures and in the poster, he looked like he was in torment. Not physical pain, but emotionally so unhappy that there was not a trace of joy in his eyes. He looked broken down. Like in that picture of him and Suge in Vegas, right before he got shot. You can see it in his eyes.

pac and suge in the car vega.jpg

I am convinced that he died of a broken heart. He gave up.

He KEPT getting shot. Everybody was trying to kill him, it seemed. Like everybody else, I thought he was going to pull through and keep making records and acting crazy like the other time. I mean, this was TUPAC! He was invincible!

But after seeing that poster, I know he was really tired and broken down, probably frustrated and fed up too.

Okay, I just did a THOROUGH search of the Internet for that poster and it’s not there. Somebody knew and destroyed that picture. Let’s just remember the good times and be thankful that he FINALLY found some peace.
If he had only accepted Islam….


25 is a critical age.

It is the point wherein you truly start cementing your adulthood.

If TUPAC had made it past 25, he would have been unstoppable.

TUPAC AMARU SHAKUR was born three days before me.

We were both 25.

I was studying Islam and discovering that everything I had been taught my whole life was a lie.

Even My Name Was A Lie.

It was very traumatic for me and I suffered a nervous breakdown.
– the first of many.

TUPAC had just been murdered.

I was in the mental ward in the hospital and for some reason I thought he was hiding around the corner, playing with me.

In retrospect, I know I was in denial. I didn’t know I loved him then.
I don’t think I knew his birthday was three days before mine.
I didn’t know how significant my birthday (Juneteenth) was to the progress
(history and future)
Of Our People.

did know how much he loved Black People, just like I do and always have.

So, I’m in the emergency room, 5150, and yelling at the top of my lungs.

For some reason, when I have breakdowns, I don’t talk or I’ll close my eyes, like just relying on my other senses to interact with people.

Once my grandmother visited me, and she taught us sign language when we were little and I took her hand and signed “Where’s Amber?” (my daughter) in it, as if she was the one who was deaf, dumb and blind and not me. I learned how to do that from reading Helen Keller’s book.

Anyway, I’m yelling at the top of my lungs, “TUPAC!!!!” like he’s around the corner playing with me.

There was no one else in the emergency room and only one nurse was on duty.

So, I have my eyes closed, oblivious to what’s going on around me, but after I had yelled his name for the third time, the nurse comes and asks me,
Who’s TUPAC???

I was stupefied.

I couldn’t believe there was actually somebody in the world who didn’t know who TUPAC was.

But it helped me awake out of my episode and come back into reality.

Now, when I come across a person who seems to be too far gone, I try and “wake them up.” All it takes is the right word. Sometimes, all it takes is your attention. You will see the light of recognition in their eyes. Don’t ignore them. That’s what they want. Show them you care about them by talking to them like they comprehend. They might wake up.


❤ ❤ ❤



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