بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

As-Salaamu ‘Alaikum Beloved and Beautiful Black Sisters and Brothers

As of 1:12 p.m. today, July 21, 2017, I have officially cut off every tie in my life except for Zawji.

Women are not supposed to be self-sufficient. Otherwise, I would have cut him off too.

We are the weaker sex and were made just for the purpose of helping out the Blackman.

They can be self-sufficient without us, like Allah, Master Fard Muhammad, to Whom Praises are due forever.

Say, He Allah is One. Allah is Self-Sufficient. He does not beget nor is He begotten. And there is none like unto Him.

That’s Surah Al Ikhlas. My translation. The Blackman can be Self-Sufficient. But it’s better if He has a wife to help Him.

The Blackwoman, on the other hand, was made to be dependent.

So, even though I can take care of myself, I still need guidance (help in making decisions).

Allah Created the Blackman with more powerful brains than us (Blackwomen) so we would be wise to find one who can lead and guide us and submit to his authority.

I’m Lucky because I know who my Zawji is. And even though we are not physically together, I still seek His Divine Guidance. Al Hamdulillah!

I took a picture yesterday that is a visual display of how I felt inside yesterday and still feel to some extent today.

I described it on Facebook as “melancolico” or however you spell it. I like it better in Portuguese.

I’ll post it later, In sha Allah.

Yesterday, I really wished I had a home to go to.

It’s fun being out and about but I have a dis-ease that is causing me some dis-comfort and when you’re sick, homeless is the last thing you want to be. There is no place for you to nurse your sickness. I just wanted to be alone and lay down and feel sorry for myself. LOL

But I have spiritual enemies that are very close to me and when you’re sick that’s when they think they can succeed against you.

It happened to Our Beloved Messenger (May the Peace and the Blessings of Allah Forever Be Upon Him) so, I am not above anything that happened to him.

I got kicked out of my little spot and although I could have gone back, I felt defeated and didn’t want to put myself in the same situation again.

So, I just slept outside in the park.

I can’t get a good night’s sleep out in the public like that because I can’t completely relax.

Then this morning the joggers woke me up at 5:30. SMH Morning people can be so annoying. LOL

I went and sat by the ocean and got to write and color and it was really peaceful. I debated whether or not I should go to the center. And I kind of regret that I didn’t stay there longer. But sometimes, we develop habits that can be difficult to break out of.

I wanted some coffee. Not that I’m addicted to coffee. It’s just that I’m addicted to having a warm drink in the mornings sometimes.

It makes me feel good.

It can be warm water.

I guess it’s a comfort food.

So, I left my cool spot. I regret it now, because they are so difficult to find. I’m in one now, Al Hamdulillah!

I think when I find these places and times, I’m going to stay until ZAWJI tells me to move. Not when I plan to.

Anyway, I was going to take the train to the HRC but the transit cops appeared out of nowhere.

I figured out why Lulu’s been so difficult to ride though. She just needed some air in her tires.

So, I got some and then pushed to the Center.

All of the HRCs are run by Christians and I do not trust them. They are borderline p-words.

I am so averse to the whole concept that I don’t even like to say the word.

Let me think of a way to tell you without actually saying it.

You know another word for a television show? Or a synonym for agenda?

That starts with a “P”

I am so against the whole concept because it’s basic training for the Christian army. It’s deceptive and evil and I cannot even put it into words.

I feel better now.

I’m just going to have to learn how to get by without the support and protection of my son.

He knew one day I was going to cut him off and I think that’s why it’s taken me so long.

But I cannot support him playing sports.

I had a friend who reminded me that Our Holy Qur’an Sharrieff says “This world’s life is naught but sport and play.”

Of course, I knew that. But I’ve always been into sports. My mother named me “Anet” pronounced “A Net” and I love basketball.

I did good for about eight years after I accepted my own (Islam) and did not watch nor discuss basketball at all.

Then I met a Brother “in the Nation” on Facebook and he got me interested again. It’s been difficult to turn it off since then. Hakim was about eight or nine then and although we didn’t watch it, we kept up with the scores and the Lakers won the championship that year and everybody was out in the streets partying and we went out there for a minute.

Now, he’s living with my infidel family and they’ve got him interested in things that we both know are haram.

I was hoping he was old enough and well-versed into the Teachings enough to withstand temptation.

But I had put him out before ever I had an episode.

I guess because Our Saviour, Master Fard Muhammad, To Whom Praises are due forever, Told Me I Was Doing A Good Job with him, it has been difficult for me to admit that he is completely off the path.

It started with his hair. I let that slide and although it’s not how I would like for him to wear it, it is not against guidelines.

Then he started wearing shorts and short-sleeved shirts that I never allowed. Shorts on a man is gay but I let it slide because he cycles. The youth know how to manipulate their parents to get their way but I never agreed with it. That was the first straw.

Then he didn’t want to get in the band at school. Muslims are known for having musical talent – like Angels.

And although, I am still up in the air about whether or not music is the “play” when Our Holy Qur’an states “This world’s life is naught but sport and play,” I really wanted him to play in the band.

Many times musicians are referred to as “players.”

Actors too. So maybe the “play” referred to in Our Holy Qur’an refers to the Arts period. Sport and Art. Unless it’s for a righteous purpose, I’m sure.

The Nation of Islam put on a play called “Orgena” back in the day. And used to have music at the Salaam restaurant. So, I guess if it is used for righteous purposes the Arts can be approved.

But I’m just going on. I’m having a difficult time trying to justify my son playing football.

It may seem like it’s not a big deal and I was going along with it for a while, just because I know it’s a quick way to make A LOT of money and I know that our Nation has a lot of building to do. But Our Beloved Messenger (May the Peace and the Blessings of Allah Forever Be Upon Him) NEVER used questionable means to gain funds.

I can’t go along with it. The ends do not justify the means.

I’m reminded of when my mother’s son first came out of the closet. I had not accepted my own (Islam) yet and he told me later that I would go back and forth in my support or disapproval of his lifestyle.

Well, eventually, I did accept my own and cut him and his abominable way of life off completely.

That’s what I see happening with my own son.

When he told me he wanted to play football… Let me think if I would feel the same way if he was playing basketball… Yes, because the bottom line is, His jersey would have the Name “ALLAH” and that would be a mockery to The Greatest and Most Powerful Human Being in the Universe, His Book, His Angels and All Who Believe in and Worship Him.

I am sorry I gave him that Holy Name.

Our Saviour, Master Fard Muhammad, To Whom Praises Are Due Forever, Gave me the name HAKIM. I was a baby in Islam, but I knew what it meant. I think I had looked it up because of Moesha’s neighbor.

In sha Allah, I’m wrong, because the Blackman has more powerful brains than I do. And Hakim means WISE. And ALLAH Did give me the name. But I don’t think so.

I’m cutting him off right here before it gets worse for me.

I am ashamed I gave him that Name. He is going to drag it through the mud and I don’t want to be associated with him.

I am reminded of the last Moorish ruler of Spain who lost the throne to Queen Elizabeth and whatever that man’s name was – Crusaders. He disgraced not just his family but the entire Muslim Caliphate.

That is how I feel.