بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

Bismillahi Rahmani Rahim

MY MEMORIES OF US

1. Received a note from a boy I didn’t know. Asked me if I liked him. Don’t remember what I said. Most likely, “Yes” considering the turn of events that followed.

2. You rubbing your feet on the carpet and shocking me. Ouch! I don’t know how you did that. Boys…
3. A butterfly landed on you and I was so JEALOUS!!! I had no idea how rare an occurrence that was. I’ve never seen anything close to that again in my life. I guess that was Allah’s way of pointing you out to me as “The One for Me.”
4. You showed me honeysuckle and how to partake of its sweetness.
5. You having two last names.
6. Me writing down the lyrics to love songs and timidly giving them to you.
7. Blue Jay finally being alone together and our classmates pulling us apart, breaking my heart to this day, it hurts. Finally alone together. And never able to get back together since.
8. Basketball games. I seem to recall you being the youngest (smallest) member of the team.
9. Rancho Cienega – you told me you didn’t play baseball. You played Basketball. That was the coolest thing I had ever heard in my life. They didn’t even have a gym yet. I guess that’s why you were at the playground with me. 🙂 
10. Saw you at L.A. and didn’t know who you were. Stephanie Trice told me you were “A.J.” now. I thought that was cool. But still thought of you as My Jamal.
11. Tennis
12. First kiss by the girls’ gym. Braces and all. 
13. Walking to work holding hands and passing The Merchant of Tennis which is gone now. 😦
14. You told me you played tennis at Jim Gilliam. I had never even heard of that park back then.
15. Ditching class on the stairs listening to your Walkman. Patti Labelle and that devil. I hated that song. Now, I know why. Sweetheart with the devil; Go to hell with the devil.
16. Going to Burger King and you borrowing money to buy me something.
17. You and Al coming over and me getting mad because you would always be in the office with my father.
18. Al jumping in front of and getting hit by a car and ending up with a broken leg. Crazy! I don’t remember him coming with you to my house after that.
19. Sitting on the couch, listening to Stephanie Mills feel good all over (I hated that song too), not wanting to go to work and you making me.
20. Me getting mad and poking my bottom lip out and you flicking it making me laugh.
21. You wanting me to go to your Homecoming. I didn’t even ask. I knew my parents wouldn’t let me go to a night dance. 
22. Writing a rap about you that I lost. I think I gave you a copy. Hope I did anyway. All I could remember was the first line. “I know this COLD-CRUSH guy. His name’s A.J.”
23. Laughing at you because you couldn’t dance.
24. You doing the Guess with your hand behind your head when you went low.
25. Singing A.J. by K.B. 

26. Pee-Wee’s Playhouse
27. You working at cool Intellitoys in The Beverly Center while everybody else worked at the food court.
28. You making me feel good about my jacked-up braids.
29. At some point your mom took you out of L.A
30. Thought you were cheating on me with a white girl at your new school and didn’t have the confidence to ask you about it. Gave up and just started cheating you.
31. Suddenly you didn’t want to talk to me anymore when I called and you never calling me.
32. Being at the Beverly Center and we must’ve seen Michael Bivins and you made me feel stupid for still liking him. “You still like him?” (Thank-you for that, Bae)
33. Saw you at Paradise 
34. You Leading me up the stairs to V.I.P.
35. Slow-Dancing to “Adore” every week
36. You buying me a rose seems like every week
37. Asking how you got so good at dancing and you saying, “I practiced.” 
38. Being in the audience with Michelle cracking on your suit and then you leaping from the audience onto the stage like Plasticman or something, stunning the whole audience and shutting her up. That was the dopest thing I have ever SEEN in my life.
39. YOU BUGGING ME ABOUT THAT BELT!
40. You coming up to the Plantation and taking me to Taco Bell where they had that un-carbonated soda that was super-sweet. It’s a subway station now. 
41. Me and Michelle driving you and Kaiu to some party.
42. You not wanting to talk to me again all of a sudden.
43. You kissing my daughter (who shares your initials, 😉 ) ON THE MOUTH at Venice Beach and left me feeling dejected wanting you to kiss me too. 😥
44. Seeing you at that party on 59^th and Alviso that Damu told us about earlier that day at the Fox Hills Mall. And being the only girl slam-dancing with you guys to that song by those devils.
45. My cousin having a picture of you out of some magazine (you had dreadlocks and mudcloth on) on her mirror.
46. Asking my cousin if she could have any man in the world who would she choose and you were my choice unquestionably. 
47. Seeing you at The Roots’ show, I don’t know how many times. Once some Indian girl asked me if I wanted to stand near you. I shook my head vigorously, “No.” I was insecure back then. Never, no more.
48. Seeing you at that birthday party that I realized later must have been for you and you kissed me on my lips and sent me spinning. I managed to make it outside before I had to sit down and nearly passed out. #seriously
49. Seeing you at that club, I think it was called Chocolate something, and the next week again, it was your birthday.
50. Going back to the same club and giving you a rose and the lyrics to Endless Love.
51. Being in the pool/Jacuzzi at that hotel when The DF was in town. And the party in Bel Air.
52. Seeing you at the club for the last time. That was the best night of my life. Oh, to be able to sit on your lap and cuddle up with you with your arms around me! That was the closest I’ve ever been to Heaven. Perplexed, wondering why none of your friends said anything about me sitting on your lap.
53. You waking me up at 10:22 and making me think about you at 10:22 twice a day every day ever since.
54. Not being able to get you off my mind until today.
55. Coming back and it was a completely different scene.
56. Your wife being so interested in me.
57. Ma’Kaya as uncomfortable as I was.
58. You asking me where was my camera, which I had completely forgotten about for the next 15 years. Someone stole it before I ever had a chance to view the footage of you.
59. You taking me home in that cool little Supra. And you HATING The Dogg Pound. “What is this?” Me testing you to open the sunroof that I knew you had never opened and you doing it!!! I was so impressed by your strength and determination and ultimate success.
60. Wanting to wear your Shawn Kemp jersey as if it were a dress to whatever awards show you were working at.
61. You again, not wanting to talk to me anymore.
62. You telling the police your name like it means something.
63. Me feeling so disgusted at the pride you showed saying it.
64. The police taking my sunglasses off my head.
65. You telling me to “Never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never come back.”
66. You telling your neighbors some story about me that I wanted to hear SO BADLY.
67. On my way to your house and Erika showing up out of nowhere and taking me to the movies instead.
68. On my way to your house again, but hearing all those “Nevers” in my head, and ending up at the police station where I sat for hours until they took me to the hospital.
69. Trying to replace you and getting burned every time.
70. Reading about and going to your show. And leaving so embarrassed, when the D.J. played “Ms. Fat Booty.” Too many “nevers” still in my head to try to get backstage to see you.
71. Finding you on Myspace, right after you signed up.
72. Being so happy to be able to actually send you the actual song instead of just the lyrics. Allah U Akbar (Allah is the Greatest) for technology!
73. You having a show with Acey and asking me to come. But I couldn’t. I would now.
74. Missing you. Wanting you. Loving you. Coping by writing poetry.
75. Wondering when I was going to see you again. I knew it was going to happen eventually. You had been in my life all this time, popping up unexpectedly. So, since I didn’t go to the club anymore at all, I figured it would be in Leimert. Then I heard you were performing at the Artwalk. But it was at night, so I couldn’t go.
76. Trying to get my mind right so, I would be cool when I finally saw you again. It was inevitable.
77. Learning where you worked and resumed my pursuit.
78. Being cool while you were trembling like a leaf. Why didn’t you look into my eyes, Baby? You know what was there. Love. Love. Love. And you knew you were not deserving of it in there with a devil. Couldn’t handle it. But it’s still here (LOVE). Still. Still. Still. Still. After all this time. I still love you. I’m so sorry for hurting you. Please Forgive Me. I don’t have any other options. I have learned over the last thirty years that you are meant for me. Allah (God) told me I was put here to submit to Him and to serve you.  I cannot marry another. You are the only man for me. You are the BEST and I’ll not settle for less. I’ll just wait until you come to the same conclusion. We were made for each other and no one else is going to work for either of us. We are SOULMATES. Trying to make it work with anybody else is a waste of time. I know this and you will soon come to know. I’ll be waiting. Still. I’ll Always Love You.