بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

As-Salaamu ‘Alaikum Ma Beautiful And Beloved Asiatic Black Bebies!!!

I love you all and would give my life for your salvation.

READ

RIGHT NOW!!!

CLICK ON THE BOOK COVER!!!

I feel funny even writing about the reputable details of my respectable life because I feel like you should be reading Message To The Blackman.

BUT

Zawji told me to listen to Brother Calvin sing instead of Our Beloved Messenger (May The Peace And The Blessings Of Allah Forever Be Upon Him). So, I guess.

I’ve been called a robot on so many occasions because all I do is live and breathe and quote The Divine Supreme Wisdom Teachings of Our Beloved Messenger (Peace Be Upon Him) and I thought it was kind of flattering because I know that that is our ONLY SALVATION.

But Zawji is making me more human. LOVE is an emotion and robots don’t experience LOVE or any other emotions.

In Islam, we are taught to NEVER SHOW OUR EMOTIONS.

I guess that contributes to the robot accusations too.

But that makes you more refined

AND

DIGNIFIED.

I think emotions make you weak.

If you LOVE someone and people know it

They can use it against you.

Like threaten to hurt them to get you to do what THEY

Want you to do.

That’s why In ISLAM,

We say,

“MY PRAYER, MY SACRIFICE, MY LIFE AND MY DEATH

“ARE ALL FOR ALLAH, THE LORD OF THE WORLDS!!!”

WE LIVE AND DIE SO THAT ALLAH WILL BE PLEASED WITH US.

THE DEFINITION OF A MUSLIM IS

“ONE WHO SUBMITS HIS OR HER WILL TO THE WILL OF ALLAH“

WHICH IS THE VERY NATURE IN WHICH WE WERE CREATED

WHEN ALLAH CREATED BLACK PEOPLE

(WHO ARE THE ONLY CREATED PEOPLE ON EARTH –

(EVERYONE ELSE WAS MADE FROM US

(AT ONE TIME [PRIOR TO SIX THOUSAND {6000} YEARS AGO]

(EVERYONE ON EARTH WAS BLACK)

WHEN ALLAH CREATED BLACK PEOPLE

HE GAVE US ISLAM

(ENTIRE SUBMISSION TO HIS WILL)

AS A WAY OF LIFE.

IT DID NOT ORIGINATE WITH PROPHET MUHAMMAD OF 1400 YEARS AGO

(MAY THE PEACE AND THE BLESSINGS OF ALLAH FOREVER BE UPON HIM)

AS MOST PEOPLE BELIEVE

(ESPECIALLY THE ORTHODOX MUSLIMS)

WHEN ALLAH CREATED US

HE WOULD NOT JUST SAY

“OKAY, I’VE CREATED YOU

NOW

GO

ON

AND

DO

WHATEVER

YOU

WANT

TO”

NO!!!

HE GAVE US A WAY OF LIFE –

ISLAM –

THAT WOULD ENSURE

WE WOULD LIVE IN PEACE AND HAPPINESS

ENTIRE SUBMISSION TO HIS WILL

AND

THAT IS THE ONLY WAY TO

ONCE AGAIN

HAVE

PEACE ON EARTH

THE ENTIRE CREATION

WAS MADE TO SUBMIT TO HIS WILL

EXCEPT

THE WICKED DEVIL CAUCASIAN RACE

WHICH IS WHY THEY WERE GIVEN A LIMITED TIME

(6000 YEARS)

TO LIVE ON OUR PLANET.

THAT TIME WAS UP IN 1914

THE FIRST WORLD WAR

WAS THE BEGINNING OF THE END.

THE ONLY REASON THEY WEREN’T DESTROYED IN 1914

IS BECAUSE OF THE SO-CALLED AMERICAN NEGROES.

IF ALLAH HAD DESTROYED AMERICA

AT THAT TIME,

HE WOULD HAVE DESTROYED US AS WELL.

WE ARE MEMBERS OF THE ABORIGINAL ASIATIC BLACK NATION

AND HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO BE SAVED

WHILE THE DEVIL CAUCASIAN RACE DOES NOT

THE ONLY PROBLEM WAS

WE DIDN’T KNOW IT

THE DEVIL SLAVEMASTERS HAD KILLED US OF

THE KNOWLEDGE OF SELF

SO

IN

HIS

INFINITE

WISDOM

AND

MERCY

ALLAH RAISED UP A MESSENGER AND TEACHER,

THE MOST HONOURABLE AND HUMBLE

ELIJAH MUHAMMAD

(MAY THE PEACE AND THE BLESSINGS OF ALLAH FOREVER BE UPON HIM)

TO DELIVER HIS MESSAGE OF TRUTH, RIGHTEOUSNESS,

SALVATION AND REDEMPTION

TO SAVE US FROM THE DESTRUCTION

THAT IS COMING TO WICKED AMERICA.

WE ARE THE PEOPLE OF ALLAH’S CHOICE

TO RULE THE HEREAFTER

(HERE AFTER THE DESTRUCTION OF THIS WORLD)

BECAUSE OF OUR HISTORY OF SLAVERY.

WE ARE THE PEOPLE OF THE BOOK.

THE BIBLE AND THE HOLY QUR’AN ARE ALL ABOUT US.

BUT THE CHRISTIAN PREACHERS WOULD NEVER TELL US

LEST THEY LOSE THEIR SLAVES.

ISLAM WILL FREE YOU FROM THEM

AND THEIR SLAVEMAKING RELIGION.

OUR BELOVED MESSENGER (PEACE BE UPON HIM)

TAUGHT US

THAT IF CHRISTIANITY WAS PUT IN A WET RAG AND WRUNG OUT

EVERY DROP WOULD SPELL SLAVERY

God the father, Jesus the Son, The Holy Spirit, The Virgin Birth, The Resurrection, Life after Death, Love your enemy, Turn the other cheek

All things to make you a harmless, willing slave.

WHO WAS OUR ENEMIES?

THE VERY PEOPLE TEACHING US THE JESUS SAID TO LOVE.

THAT IS SLAVERY TEACHINGS!!!

WHAT MAN IN HIS RIGHT MAN COULD LOVE HIS ENEMY???

ALLAH DOESN’T EVEN LOVE HIS ENEMIES.

HE DESTROYS THEM

JUST LIKE HE IS GOING TO DESTROY WICKED AMERICA

AMERICA IS MORE WICKED THAN THE PEOPLE

WHOM ALLAH DESTROYED IN THE PAST

SODOM AND GOMORRAH WAS DESTROYED BECAUSE OF HOMOSEXUALITY

BUT

THEY DIDN’T HAVE THE SCIENCE TO CHANGE A MAN INTO A WOMAN

LIKE AMERICA DOES.

AND

YOU

SEE

WHAT

BECAME

OF

THEM

THERE IS NO TRACE OF THEM EVEN TO THIS DAY

ALLAH COMPLETELY WIPED THEM OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH.

THIS IS THE LAST TIME ALLAH WILL DESTROY A PEOPLE

WE ARE LIVING IN THE

WAR OF ARMAGEDDON

(THE WAR TO END ALL WARS)

RIGHT NOW!

THERE IS NO WAY THE STARS AND STRIPES WILL SURVIVE

THE SUN, MOON AND STARS

SO IF YOU WANT TO LIVE TO SEE THE END OF THIS WAR

YOU MUST BE A MUSLIM

WE WILL HAVE PEACE (FINALLY) AT THE END OF THIS WAR

BECAUSE ONLY THE MUSLIMS WILL SURVIVE

ALLAH IS RIDDING THE EARTH OF EVERY OTHER

SO-CALLED RELIGION

AND RE-ESTABLISHING ISLAM

AS THE RELIGION OF EARTH

WITH THE DESTRUCTION OF THE DEVILS

EVERYONE WHO SURVIVES

WILL BE ONE WHO SUBMITS HIS OR HER WILL TO THE WILL OF ALLAH

AND

YOU

CAN’T

HELP

BUT

LIVE

IN

PEACE

UNDER THOSE CIRCUMSTANCES.

EVERYONE SUBMITTING TO THE WILL OF THE ONE GOD

YOU CAN’T HELP BUT AGREE AND

LIVE IN UNITY

WHICH IS WHAT THE SO-CALLED NEGROES SO DESPERATELY NEED

ISLAM IS THE ONLY SOLUTION TO OUR PROBLEM.

WE ONLY HAVE ONE PROBLEM.

THE DEVIL CAUCASIAN RACE.

EVERYTHING ELSE WE SUFFER FROM IS A SYMPTOM

OF OUR ONE PROBLEM.

EVERYTHING.

GAMBLING, DRUNKENESS, PROSTITUTION, ADULTERY, LYING, CHEATING, STEALING, UNEMPLOYMENT, LACK OF LOVE FOR SELF, LACK OF UNITY, DRUGS, HOMELESSNESS, MASS INCARCERATION, MENTAL ILLNESS, SICKNESS AND DISEASE, SHORT LIVES, UGLINESS, SLAVERY, MURDER, RAPE AND ANYTHING I MISSED

ARE ALL THE RESULT OF HAVING LIVED UNDER THE RULE OF THE MOST WICKED AND EVIL RACE OF PEOPLE TO HAVE EVER LIVED ON EARTH.

BUT ALL PRAISE IS DUE TO ALLAH

THEIR TIME IS UP

****

Okay, now I can tell you about what’s been going on in my little life.

I had a safe night, which is the most important thing.

I got up early like I always do before everybody else wakes up, which will lessen the chances of me getting caught where I’m sleeping.

But I went to another HONEYCOMB HIDEOUT to pass the time until the day REALLY begins but it was a spot that I used to feel so secure. Until yesterday.

They know I’ve been posting up somewhere in the building and they narrowed it down to the floor and why did they post a Security Guard right at the entrance to THE HIDEOUT!!!

So, I couldn’t get out without getting caught!!!

That was the closest I’ve ever gotten to being caught right there.

I’ve never ever even felt threatened before yesterday.

BUT

My Amazing Zawji got me out, miraculously.

So, it was late by then

(about eleven)

SO

I went back to that beautiful library

AND

Why did it seem like every devil in Louisiana had read my blog?

BECAUSE

They were all in there like they had never been there before

LOOKING

At me like

“There she is.“

It was a bunch of old, white devils.

And I saw one old devil man, tap his wife so she would see me.

He looked like he didn’t care so much, but she looked star-struck.

Like he knew she would want to see me.

I left.

But not before Zawji told me to look for another cheap hotel

(under $40)

That was too close a call and he wanted me to lay low for awhile

So, I hear and obey

Even though my coffers are not full

And I found a nice hotel with a dorm too that’s even cheaper.

(This says ‘Al Hamdulillah’ which means ‘All Praise is Due to Allah’ in Arabic)

(It’s pronounced ‘Al HAM-du-lih-LAAH)

****

The hotel used to be an orphanage, which is kinda creepy and it’s in a really old facility.

BUT

I kinda dig it

BECAUSE

It seems to cater to homeless people.

It’s cheap and I would probably be pissed if I came from out of town to stay in New Orleans and ended up here.

BUT if you’re used to sleeping under the freeway or in a HONEYCOMB HIDEOUT…

It’s definitely a step-up.

I woke up feeling depressed that I’m homeless

AND

Don’t have my own place.

BUT

I know Allah and Zawji WANT me to be Homeless.

I think it makes me more resourceful.

I am completely dependent

AND

That’s how I’m supposed to be.

It’s definitely humbling to give someone else

COMPLETE

CONTROL

OVER

MY

LIFE

But if that’s not the definition of

SUBMISSION

I

DON’T

KNOW

WHAT

IS.

He gives me rewards.

I mean my neck, wrists, ears and wedding ring finger are laced up

No makeup

(Scenes 1 and 2 only)
(Sometimes I wonder if the person who wrote this song knew me. It’s almost scary how much she acts like me and her name is Cheryce! But whoever wrote it was mad at me because they made me gay at the end. But that’s what Brothers always do when you don’t want them. Or they think you don’t want them. My last boyfriend told me “You must be gay” when I wouldn’t have sex with him anymore after I converted to Islam. But cheah, Sugar and Spice isn’t the only thing I’m made of… everything nice too 🙂 )

He always gives me ROSES too

RED

Even though yellow is my favorite.

He makes me take red because red roses mean love and he wants me to know how much he loves me.

Symbolism is big in ISLAM.

Yellow roses mean Friendship and we’re best friends but LOVE is the most important thing.

So, red is my favorite color, but I still prefer my roses yellow.

BUT

I have to submit

SO

I guess I’ll change my favorite rose to red

❤ ❤ ❤

But I’d rather be with him…

So, I’m getting a heaping helping of humble pie learning how to be completely dependent on someone else to take care of me. Once I get used to it and have complete faith in Them, I know I’m going to be living on “easy street” in “The Big Easy.“

I mean what could be easier than being dependent on the man you love?

All you have to do is make him feel good so he’ll WANT to go out and work and he will enjoy taking care of you if you make him want to. He’ll take care of you

NO

MATTER

WHAT

HE

HAS

TO

DO

He’ll feel good knowing he’s got a good woman at home to come home to and bring his check to

He’ll be thinking about her all day.

She’s his motivation enabling him to endure the devil’s plantation

And he’s her comfortee. Women naturally want to comfort somebody.

That’s easy.

Like New Orleans…

That’s what we were created to do.

And Blackmen were created to provide.

So what could be easier than reaping the benefits of being yourself.

HIM > Work to Make that check = Comfort from Her

HER > Comfort Him = His Check

Islam is as True as Mathematics and Mathematics is as True as Islam.

When you look at things Mathematically,

IT

CAN’T

HELP

BUT

MAKE

SENSE

I was going to say, “when I start running out of money…” then Zawji reminded me that I lived here for three months last year without a dime to my name and ate good every day and not once did I have to sleep under the freeway or outside period.

I can’t.

If I couldn’t do it in Leimert, I know I can’t anywhere because Leimert is the safest place in the world to me. But it’s America and in the Black community, so there’s winos and pimps and hoes and stick-up kids and rapists and robbers and drugs and whatnot. And Virgil was even there! He has looked out for us since we started going regularly. Hakim was riding his bike and the chain kept coming off and Virgil fixed it. That’s how we met. We called him “The I-love-you-man” for years. Me and Hakim had nicknames for everybody. “Queen Crazy” “Garbage Mouth” “The Sexy Man” LOL Man I miss Leimert sometimes… Then I think about how it’s changed. And I’m reminded of why (regentrification) I’m not that anxious to return. Sorry Hakim. 😥 But I can’t take it. Anyway, I still couldn’t do it.

I can’t close my eyes unless I KNOW I’m safe. And that’s just not possible somewhere on the street. You’re too visible. I have to hide. Hence the HONEYCOMB HIDEOUTS.

(FOR ALL MA BEBIES WHO ARE TOO YOUNG OR TOO OLD TO KNOW WHERE I GOT THE NAME)

But anyway, Zawji brought me to a wonderful place and I am so happy I wasn’t niggardly and obeyed

When I saw this I was speechless

I’ve seen one before but it was like in a window in a clothing store, but I actually sat at this one and was able to work the foot pedal. It felt so natural. It even had the instruction book and you change the needle the same way I do on my sewing machine, but threading was something else. I would really have to study and practice to figure that out. I looked in the drawers and it still had the implements. I saw some tools for repairing it and it had one of these that I didn’t know what it was until I was looking for a picture of the foot pedal which I learned is called a treadle.

The leather cord thingy looked exactly the same, so I googled it and found out it’s a belt that connects the upper wheel to the lower wheels that are operated by the treadle.

I hate when I don’t understand something.

I wanted to learn how to build one, just in case I’m somewhere with no electricity but look

Okay, I kinda understand now. And Zawji thinks I could make one if I had the parts.

I’m gonna go take a GOOD look at that machine later.

Underneath it and see how the treadle is connected to the leather belt with that hook and see how it makes the wheels move or the crank and whatnot. I WISH I COULD TAKE IT APART.

Hakim used to do that all the time. And it would be SO challenging watching him put stuff back together.

BUT

That is how Benjamin Banneker learned how to make clocks.

If you didn’t know, he was the first man to build a clock in AMERICA.

He took apart a pocketwatch, which were the only type of clocks at that time in America, and learned how it worked.

Then he took his pocketknife and some wood and carved out all the parts to build a WALL CLOCK, which had never been seen by him nor anybody else in America.

People used to travel from all around to see it.

AND

It kept perfect time for FIFTY years – even after Brother Benjamin’s death.

So, Mommies and Daddies, if your child takes something apart

DO NOT REPRIMAND HIM

Encourage him as he rebuilds it

YOU HAVE A LITTLE GENIUS ON YOUR HANDS.

Stand by and encourage him.

Tell him that is an act of inventorship.

Tell him about Brother Benjamin and Elijah McCoy.

Both of whom learned how things worked by taking them apart and putting them back together and later went on to become famous scientists and inventors – Black Gods – CREATORS.

Unfortunately, all the Black inventors in America gave the credit for all of their inventions to our slavemasters.

They didn’t think to keep their inventions for the benefit of our people.

Teach your little Gods to give the benefit of their knowledge and brainpower to our own people and don’t go looking for recognition from the devil Americans.

Our Beloved Messenger (May the Peace and the Blessings of Allah Forever Be Upon Him) addressed the dichotomy between the success of the Black individual for America as opposed to the success of the Black individual for the Black Nation in the following interview

On a side note

I figured out why America puts homeless people in jail for trespassing.

They want to make you pay rent.

In Cuba, everyone gets food, clothes and shelter for free.

That’s why America hated Castro and killed Ghaddafi.

Any leader that is just to their people is hated by wicked America.

She sees them as a threat to her “freedom” to charge her citizens for these things

How can you charge someone for water and electricity?

BASIC NECESSITIES.

It’s bad enough I gotta pay rent. You want me to pay just to turn on the lights?

That’s why working people get mad at people taking advantage of government benefits.

They don’t see their taxes being spent on anything that directly benefits them so they take it out on the people who are benefiting.

YOU have to continually work for the devils because we have to make the money to pay them for these things that we cannot live without.

People in Muslim countries are shocked to learn that Americans have to pay rent. They have owned the land their family resides on for generations.

And we don’t own one square foot of land.

And when you are fortunate enough to purchase some land,

They TAX you to death.

American Government is so corrupt that they will allocate $100 for a hammer, just to enrich the coffers of their devil brother who manufactures the tools.

Why does life-saving medication cost $175 MONTHLY???

I hate America.

THEY

CHARGE

US

TO

LIVE!

AND

You have to work for them to make the money that it costs because they own everything
Making us perpetual slaves

UNTIL

We get the idea to take the little money left after taxes

AND

GO FOR SELF!!!

****

I wanted to post a video about all of the wonderful things Our Half-Brother Fidel Castro did for his country. But I couldn’t find one to my liking.

AND

Then I got the heartbreaking news that our Dear Beloved Comrade died last week.

I don’t watch news. I usually find out about stuff like this on Facebook, but I didn’t see anything about this.

So, I will tell you what I know.

Cuba used to be filled with corruption.

The leader was an American flunky and used his country to cater to the whims and wickedness of America while the Cuban people suffered under his rule.

Fidel Castro led a revolution overthrowing America’s pawn (Batista)

AND

Established a Socialist Government that supplied every citizen with housing, college education, medical care, food and clothing for free.

He did this by Nationalizing (taking control of and giving the profits back to the people) industries that had been owned by private American firms and government.

America hated him and vilified him because of this.

They called him a dictator and cut off all trade ties with Cuba, even though Cuba is only ninety miles away.

Castro did not cave but built his country using their own natural resources and

EVEN

TODAY

OPENS

THEIR

DOORS

TO

ANYONE

IN

THE

WORLD

To Come to Cuba for Medical School and Become a DOCTOR

FOR FREE!!!

May he forever rest in peace

ALUTA CONTINUA

****

But back to your little Black Gods…

You will be SO PROUD when you turn it on again!!!

I bear witness having watched my son do it.

****

So, anyway on my way home from the Library I finally got to visit this place I have been interested in since I first moved to New Orleans.

There’s this Glassblowing Workshop on Magazine Street which is apparently known worldwide.

I remember seeing glassblowing as a child at The Farmer’s Market on Third, I believe.

I was only in the fifth grade, so I’m not sure.

But I used to love it.

I didn’t realize how much I’ve loved glass all my life until just now.

I mean let me Google how it’s made.

I know it’s made from sand,

AND

That is remarkable to me.

I think about how Allah Told Abraham to count the grains of sand on the beach to give him an idea of how numerous his seed would be on earth.

That’s us.

Black People in America.

Because the whole Bible and Holy Qur’an are about us.

My  favorite glass are light bulbs.

They make an amazing sound when you throw them up the air and let them break on the ground.

I think they have to be blown out first, but I’m not sure because I’ve never broken a new one and am not stupid enough to waste one just for experimentation purposes.

That’s something the devil does.

ANYWAY

Glass-blowing is wonderful because it’s actually an artform and I’m really artsy, but I believe in FUNCTIONAL art.

I mean I dig paintings but that’s about it. But paintings are functional if properly placed. They decorate an otherwise bland wall. I hate statues. They are borderline idol-worship and creepy. If I had a nickel for everytime I’ve mistaken a statue for a person… I mean that is almost as creepy as seeing a woman with long dreadlocks and she turns around and has a mustache and beard! (It was really a man) I hate that. Brother’s PLEASE cut your hair. You look like a woman from a distance. And Sisters, you DO NOT cut your hair. Let’s cut out the confusion. Pun intended.

I like quilts and clay vessels and woodwork and ironwork that’s artistic.

I believe that’s the Muslim in me.

Muslims make EVERYTHING BEAUTIFUL

ARCHITECTURE, LANGUAGE

Even our writing is an art

So, I go in and the devil behind the counter was so racist.

He told me when I asked if they were still doing demonstrations

AND

He told me NO.

Then this white liberal devil came out and told me they were!

So,

I got to see a demonstration.

I could really enjoy doing something like that.

Why was he making a glass HEART?

My name is LOVE.

I thought about buying it but I can’t see paying over $30 for something I can’t do anything with but look at. FUNCTIONAL ART, remember?

I think it’s so cool how they use a rocking chair for that sewing machine

Probably because of the treadle

I was also surprised when I saw these

 

The one on top is really old and I’ve NEVER seen a piano that looks like that.

It is beautiful, which is probably why they still keep it because it sounds terrible.

They could probably fix it, and it looks like it would play lovely.

I took a better picture of the strings.

It’s probably a transition from Grand to smaller pianos before they created the upright.

The other one sounds beautiful though and I would be on it but there are devils.

So idk

Now, let me see

Okay, now I’ve heard of this Brother for several years

BUT

Never heard his music

UNTIL…

J. COLE

If you don’t have Tidal yet,

What are you waiting for?

It don’t get no bettah

Unless he didn’t curse

But you know I understand

I have my moments

BUT

We gotta do bettah

The So-Called American Negroes

Have a

FUTURE

Of

Unlimited Progress

❤ ❤ ❤

There’s a cafe in this “hotel” It’s called St. Vincent’s Guest House, so I think they know. LOL

I wasn’t going to give the name but Zawji wants me to. It’s hard to find out about places like this. I know because I was looking for one in L.A. and they keep them really hush-hush. I know there’s one in some spa but I couldn’t get any more information.

So, cheah.

Anyway, I had a pizza last night that was soooo good. It had spinach, onions, mushrooms, garlic (mmmm), cheese and sauce. The spinach was delicious but the garlic took it over the top.

And I finally decided to try this dessert I had never had the courage to pay for and try. I was thinking Baklava when I ordered it, but it was TIRAMISU and it was sooo good.

They say it’s Italian, just like they say all those Mediterranean foods are “Greek” but we know they come from those Muslim North African countries. I wish they would go somewhere with that.

Arabia is well-known for it’s coffee and Tiramisu is a coffee flavoured cake.

They need to have a seat.

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

As-Salaamu ‘Alaikum Ma Beautiful Asiatic Bebies!!!

First, the title of this blog is something I came up with a few years ago, before ever my name was LOVE.

I wanted to start a choir and give it that name.

But I don’t know anybody.

So, if anybody out there has a group of Singers and you only sing positive, uplifting, righteous songs – feel free.

Second…

Once, I really did that on the Warner Brothers lot in Culver City. The first time I got away, but I went back later and the employee had locked the gate so I couldn’t get away. I was looking for Zawji. He’s an actor.

But being homeless in Louisiana and trying to evade the Po-Po’s all the time, I feel just like them (The Animaniacs). And when I get caught, they lock me up in jail, just like they get locked up in the tower.

Wait, I don’t think that’s the Warner Brothers lot in Culver City, maybe, but there’s no tower. I believe that’s in Burbank.

Oh yeah, now I remember! It’s Paramount.

(You know I’m not posting that song!)
(…The music and the melody are really nice though… LOL)

*****

So yesterday, I went to Tai Chi class and loved it as usual.

I met the piano teacher and I might start taking lessons next year.

*****

Then, the main library is closed, so I Googled libraries that were near the class and I found one. It was far but it was the most beautiful building I have been in since I came out here. After visiting The Jonathan Club my standards of architectural beauty are so high and this library exceeded them.

Click to access LatterLibraryHistory_2016-10-03-21-05-10.pdf

I ended up getting very emotional because this was the first time I had seen children at a library (inside). White parents had brought their children. I’ve never seen Black parents bring their children to the library since I’ve been here.

I’m hoping maybe I just have been going to the wrong libraries or maybe the wrong time.

But it was very disheartening.

Mommies and Daddies take your children to the Library but only let them check out NON-FICTION books and educational DVDs.

****

I’m just thankful I survived another night without being caught trespassing

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

As-Salaamu ‘Alaikum Ma Beautiful and Beloved Asiatic Black Bebies!

I had such a good time yesterday chopping it up with the Big Homie.

I LOVE WHEN HE SAYS, “Behbeh!”

It tickles me.

Man, I love New Orleans.

So anyway,

I ended up shaking the spot last night before my premonition manifested itself.

If someone did find my HONEYCOMB HIDEOUT, I WASN’T THERE.
WHICH IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING.

I’m in a cafeteria charging my laptop and I swear, every devil I see, is clearly the child of the slavemaster.

That’s all I see when I see them.

The people who hate us so much that they used to buy and sell us between themselves and treat us as if we were livestock and worse because they didn’t whip their cattle.

Especially the women!

They KEPT the whip within arms reach

AND

Would not hesitate

TO

Whip A Little Black Child

FOR

NO

REASON

Other Than That

He Was The Spitting Image

OF

HER

HUSBAND

I see so much hate in their eyes when they look at me.

I’m not a slave

AND

They HATE it!

All of the other Black People here are slaves.

Because they WORK here

And I’m just sitting here drinking coffee and on my laptop

Enjoying my life

FREE

SO

The Black People kinda hate me too.

I hate to say it but they ARE still slaves

For the devils

BUT

Don’t realize it because it’s a

MENTAL SLAVERY

AND

When they see me

They Know I’m not

AND

It forces them to wake up

To the TRUTH

That they are slaves

EVEN

IF

THEY

DON’T

RECOGNIZE

THAT

THAT’S

WHAT

IT

IS

They KNOW something is not right

SO

They treat me kinda funny too.

But the devils!

The men look at me with lust and the women look at me with envy and hate.

You know the women are the ones who instigated the lynchings.

“Kill that Nigger!”

“Teach that Nigger a lesson!”

That’s what they told their men.

Every time I read about slavery, it reinforces everything I’ve ever read before of the cruelty of the slavemistress.

She was far worse than her husband.

Because she was the one abandoned when he snuck into the slave quarters and produced babies by us.

She also had to be angry because her man is so genetically inferior to mine.

Physically, aesthetically, intellectually and morally.

So she is exceptionally wicked and evil

AND

I see it when they walk by me.

The younger ones I just see, “Missy Ann” and Sister Harriet’s owner who was just a little boy.

Still devils.

The white race are devils when they come out of the womb.

They haven’t changed.

And will never change.

YOU CAN’T CHANGE THE NATURE IN WHICH YOU WERE CREATED

AND THEY WERE MADE DEVILS

EVIL AND WICKED BY NATURE.

Don’t think for a second that they love you now.

They cannot change the NATURE in which they were made

Which is to lie and kill the Black.

Some of them smile at me

BUT

You can’t fool a Muslim nowadays.

****

Yesterday, Sister Marion confirmed what I had suspected

When I was in Atlanta

AND

Crashed the City Club.

I had the premonition that all the Black people working there were related.

It was nauseating.

But, she tells everybody that she worked in the powder room at Brennans’ for 35 years.

But she told me yesterday

That several generations of her family had worked for them.

I’m convinced it dates back to slavery.

She told me she got her job through her uncle and that her grandmother and great-grandmother worked there too.

I just Googled Brennan’s but they’re not giving the complete story.

It says the restaurants opened in the seventies but Mrs. Marion said her grandmother and great-grandmother worked there too.

She also told me they had moved, so I think the information I found on Google just picks up from whatever they want to put out.

Masking their true and complete history of slave ownership.

Which is still going on in a worse way

BECAUSE

We don’t have to work for them anymore.

But when we become of age,

The only thing we are taught

Is “Go get a job.”

AND

The slavemaster seeming to be so generous

WILLINGLY OFFERS US A JOB

(Put chains back on us)

And we work for them our entire lives

AND

Encourage our children to go and work for them too

And the cycle never ends.

The whiteman has a forever slave.

He gives us gifts and makes much ado over our service

Gives us a “buttered biscuit and a pat on the head“

AND

We are content to be his forever slave.

We never think of going for self.

Working for ourselves.

OWNERSHIP NEVER EVEN OCCURS TO US.

We come here with nothing

AND

We work for the devil all our lives

AND

Leave with nothing.

Try and make something

SO

When your son gets here

He doesn’t come here with nothing

AND

He can expand on what you built

So When

His son Comes Here

He Has More Than What You

Made For His Father

AND

SO

ON

AND

We Can Finally End This Cycle Of Perpetual Slavery.

The ONLY way we can do that

IS

THROUGH

BUSINESS

OWNERSHIP

AND

THE

CREATION

AND

MASS PRODUCTION

AND

MARKETING

OF

OUR

OWN

PRODUCTS

The devil owns everything.

So, whatever he pays us

He gets it right back

When we go to him for food, clothes and shelter

AND

EVERYTHING

ELSE

WE

NEED

Just like in the days of servitude slavery.

Only now he gives us the money and we go buy it ourselves.

But we don’t OWN anything.

We don’t PRODUCE anything.

Not for ourselves.

We are nothing but laborers for the whiteman 150 years after

He said he freed us.

When will we WAKE UP and

Take a free step

AND

Offer our children

MORE

Than an opportunity to go be a slave

For the whiteman?

PLEASE

READ

MESSAGE TO THE BLACKMAN IN AMERICA

AND

GET

IT

IN

YOUR

MIND

TO

DO SOMETHING FOR SELF!!!

****

I found out the Tai Chi class I took last year started back up again.

SO

(In Sha Allah)

I’ll be able to relieve some of this stress I feel over the condition of my people.

I get so much attention

Sometimes, I just want to crawl into a little hole and hide.

Mrs. Marion thinks it’s just an act to get money from people

AND

Sometimes people do just walk up to me and hand me money

BUT

It’s not nearly enough to convince me to dress like this. LOL

I wear my garments because I love them.

I couldn’t wait for the day when I would be able to wear them everyday

Other clothes

Seem inferior

Even long skirts, long-sleeved shirts and head-wraps/hijabs

Like most Muslim women wear are normal and boring

Compared to my beautiful garments.

Whenever someone tries to tempt me to do some type of wickedness

The first thing they do is say something about my garment.

When Wallace, The Messenger’s (Peace Be Upon Him) son) attempted to destroy the Nation of Islam

The FIRST thing he did

Was tell the Sisters

They didn’t have to wear their uniforms anymore.

I cannot overemphasize the importance of wearing my Holy Garments.

Before I ever open my mouth

I’ve made a statement.

Brothers know they can’t treat me any old kind of way.

It protects me when I want to sin

Because it hinders the Brothers from disrespecting me

EVEN

WHEN

I

AM

WILLING

!!!

It’s like a BARRIER TO SIN

And I don’t care if it’s filthy, ripped and torn, mismatched or whatever

I’m not changing it for anything in this world.

I have to be super careful

BECAUSE

I can’t just go to Walmart or any other store

AND

But one of these.

They have to be made.

AND

I’m supposed to make it myself.

You wear clothes that you make yourself

DIFFERENTLY

Than clothes made by someone else.

SO

That’s an important factor too.

I feel like I can do anything

IN

MY

HOLY

GARMENTS

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

As-Salaamu ‘Alaikum Sisters and Brothers!

Ma Bebies!

So, remember I gave my HONEYCOMB HIDEOUT a three on a scale of one-five as far as being secure last night?

Well, I was visited by company security this morning at 6:30.

But he was so COOL!

I cannot overstate how surprised I was.

This is the Second time I’ve been busted and was able to tell the officer about Islam!

It’s so unexpected, I can’t help but laugh. LOL

BUT

Basically, they are so-called Negroes in America just like me

BUT

More Importantly,

They are Black Gods With Infinite Intelligence

AND

ARE

Aware of the Time that we are living in

(Christianity vs. Islam)

SO

When they meet me

I get to answer all the questions they have

BUT

I don’t know what it is about Law Enforcement.

As much as I despise the position,

I have to remark how exceptionally bright they are

Compared to the everyday average Brothers I talk to.

I don’t know why.

They are making me reconsider my disdain for pigs

Cops…

I mean,

It’s REFRESHING being able to have such intelligent conversations.

I know right?

I’m just as surprised as you are

Probably

MORE so.

BUT

Anyway, I went to pickup Lulu II

AND

I am not going to deny my relief

When I saw her still parked where I left her.

Being robbed really tests your faith.

But she was there.

So, I decided to kill some time before the library opened

(at ONE)

And go to Waffle House

Instead of IHOP.

I had just had a cream cheese / caper sandwich

Before I got busted

So, I was NOT hungry

And was just going to get some coffee

BUT

I felt pressured to buy something

SO

I bought something called a Hashbrown Bowl.

The Messenger (PBUH) taught us to

“Leave those old white potatoes alone.”

And, if I had thought about that I would’ve ordered differently.

BUT

I’ve always liked hash browns

And the bread on the breakfast sandwich was too thick for my taste.

I’m pretty sure it’s not wheat bread either.

I don’t eat waffles because they are half-cooked bread

Like pancakes and are very hard on the digestive system.

So, I asked what kind of cheese they use

And when the waitress answered

“American”

I should have just rolled out then and there.

“AMERICAN CHEESE” IS NOT CHEESE

“Owing to its highly mechanized (i.e., assembly line) methods of production, and additive ingredients (e.g., oils, salts, or colors), some softer varieties of processed cheese cannot legally be labeled as actual “cheese” in many countries, even those in which slightly harder varieties can be. Such products tend to be classified as “cheese food”, “cheese spread“, or “cheese product”

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Processed_cheese

But, I just opted out of the cheese

And, of course, the pork sausage.

The eggs were poached and were good.

But those were not real potatoes.

I don’t know WHAT they were!

It was terrible.

I don’t see how people can eat there.

It’s about half the price of IHOP

BUT

You get what you pay for

AND

My health is too important for me to be

Eating poor foods.

But they had a waiting list!

I am baffled at why anyone would pay good money

For such inferior quality foods.

And A LINE???!!!!!!

I can’t see myself going back

But

I’m

Homeless

And

They’re

Open 24 hours

So

I won’t say never.

The eggs were good…

And the service was excellent.

I had the cutest little waitress.

She was so adorable.

AND

It was so cute because she had never taken an order for

Poached Eggs Before

And

She was kinda stoked.

I’m the type of person who can overlook other factors

If you make me feel welcome

I like to go where I feel comfortable, naturally

AND

She made me feel welcome

In spite of my extended stay

While I charged my laptop and phone.

She just asked if I wanted a refill on my coffee

And did not try to rush me at all.

So, I didn’t try to take unnecessary advantage of her.

****

It was such a beautiful morning.

It was overcast but warm and humid.

The weather here is fabulous.

There weren’t many people out

AND

Me and Lulu just rode around.

I try to take the bike path

Whenever possible.

AND

I made a video for Facebook

Of this massive tree

They always make me think of lynchings.

They don’t have trees like that in L.A.

I should have saved it.

Because I’m supposed to be able to upload videos

Directly here

BUT

I haven’t had any success at that yet.

BUT

In Due Time.

I did get a picture tho which is just as good

Maybe Betta

SO

We went by Armstrong Park

AND

I saw some vendors,

SO

I

Asked What Was UP

BUT

YOU

WOULD

Think I would know by now.

It’s just so strange.

I always seem to find The Second Lines.

LOL

Wherever I go.

They seem to find me!

BUT

It wasn’t til later.

SO

I was going to hang out in the park

BUT

I ended up going by Mrs. Marion’s and her grandson’s.

AND

He was outside

And

I LOVE talking to him.

There are not too many people

I can talk to for more than five minutes

Without arguing.

And Mrs. Marion is so challenging.

Nobody likes me over there

Because I don’t like devils.

So she tried to be mean to me

BUT

I’m so used to it

AND

For some reason

 I just love her.

Both of them.

He is the strongest

(mentally, spiritually [morally] and physically)

Man I know

Next to Zawji.

We agree on everything.

Especially male/female roles.

AND

He is so Zawji’s Doppelganger.

I guess that’s why we get along so well.

He is so easy to follow.

It’s astonishing.

It feels so NATURAL.

BUT

I’m Zawji’s wife.

AND

There’s some Sister out there for him.

Mrs. Marion came outside after we had been talking for awhile and he made himself scarce so I went to talk to her.

She was hostile towards me and

asked me who do I think I am and why do I dress like I do?

In all-white and whatnot?

For some reason she asked if I thought I was everybody’s mother.

I said “Yes, I am!“

(Ma Bebies 😀 )

She said, “You not MY mother!”

Which was kinda flattering that she would even feel like she had to say that.

Of course, I’m not her mother!

But obviously she could feel how maternal I feel towards Black People.

I told her,

“I just feel like taking care of people.”

She told me

“I’m almost 89 years old. I know you. I been dealing with people over there (in The French Quarter) All My Life. It’s just an act to get people to give you money!”

That was the first time I had heard anything like that.

I mean I had met a Brother on the bus in L.A. once who thought that we, so-called Negroes in America, just become Muslims to get that “Arab Money”

(I’m not gonna post the video because Zawji knows I like Buster, and he doesn’t like him because of it. And I’m HIS WIFE, so….)

But anyway, I didn’t really know what to say to her accusations.

The defensive is always the worst position to be in, so I just let her go on.

 I mean, I told her I wear my garments because I feel comfortable in them. They are like my protection. You see I wear them every day!

She said, “Where do you live? You don’t live around here, do you?“

And I told her how hard it is for me to live with people. She knows better than anyone how everybody hates me. And she reminded me she remembered when I got into it with that old goat at the museum.

She said, “Why don’t you get a job?”

And then I felt more comfortable.

Contrary to me and her grandson,

Me and Sister Marion bumped heads when it came to male/female roles.

But I’m very versed with women who share her sentiments

AND reveled in the exchange.

Steel sharpens Steel.

And Mrs. Marion is a double-edged sword.

But then so am I.

At least she wasn’t talking favorably about devils

WHICH

Used to be our point of contention.

The three of us and their neighbor even discussed political issues

Like the murder of that football player recently.

To me, he’s just yet another Blackman murdered by devils

BUT

To most so-called Negroes, his murder carries more weight

Because he was famous.

So, I felt a little left out of the conversation because I wasn’t as informed as I guess I should have been on the details surrounding his murder, I guess.

Which is a rarity for ya gurl.

Unfortunately, these murders are becoming so common that I didn’t even think about adding him to my list until just now.

I don’t even remember his name.

SMH

BUT

Anyway, we talked until we ran out of things to say.

Sister Marion had gone back in the house,

Which I thought was hella cool.

Because that meant she didn’t mind leaving me alone

With her Grandson.

Oh yeah,

We heard the Second Line.

His well-trained ears picked up on it well before mine

But

When I asked him if he wanted to go

He said NO.

Which was completely in opposition to my well-laid plans,

But again, it’s about choices.

I could go be in a big rowdy crowd

OR

At peace, sitting on a front porch, with a handsome, decent and intelligent Blackman.

That’s a no-brainer for me.

PEACE TRUMPS EVERYTHING!!!

And there was no telling when I would have that opportunity again.

So after Sister Marion went in, and we had exhausted all topics, there were a few minutes of comfortable silence,

AND THEN

He just said he was going to go watch the Saints’ game with his uncle

And bid me a good day.

It wasn’t uncomfortable or awkward or anything

AND

I didn’t have to be the one to come up with some way to part!

The Big Easy.

That’s what I should call him.

He’s so easy to be around.

And he’s one of those Big “Scary” Blackmen

My son always says I’m attracted to

BUT

Anyway,

I just got on Lulu and rolled out.

I was tempted to go by the Second Line

BUT

I felt like that would have ruined the good time I had just had.

He is just as if not more disgusted at how Blackwomen carry themselves like whores as I am. And told me how they disgrace themselves to get his attention. For instance, he told me how one Sister in a short mini skirt bent over in front of him to pick something up, and basically showed him her shame just to get his attention.

I told him I wear long skirts, but I still don’t like to bend down much less bend OVER. I told him how I do it. I would have waited for him to catch up and said sweetly, “Brother, can you pick this up for me?” With the same end in mind – to get his attention but in a ladylike manner. Gently stroking his male ego at the same time.

There’s a big difference between classy and trashy.

PLUS, we would have spoken to each other breaking the ice.

I should give lessons. But that’s what this is.

That’s exactly how LADIES used to do it back in the day. They would “accidentally” drop a handkerchief or a glove and the GENTLEMAN would pick it up for her and thus would blossom a beautiful relationship.

It was demure and modest, but accomplished the mission without having to disgrace yourself. I am appalled at how far away from decency and morals we have gone as Blackwomen.

We are universal whores.

The product of 400 years of being used as the slavemaster’s bed wench.

We have no self-respect and will disgrace and abase ourselves for money or attention or a misguided attempt to win the affections of our male counterparts.

We are GODDESSES.

THE MOTHERS OF CIVILIZATION

THE ORIGINAL WOMAN

WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE THE PARADIGM FOR ALL OTHER WOMEN OF THE UNIVERSE.

THE EXAMPLE OF PURITY AND MODESTY

FOR ALL OTHER WOMEN TO EMULATE!!!

HELD IN THE HIGHEST ESTEEM

AS THE WOMAN FROM WHOM ALL NATIONS SPRUNG

THE ORIGINATOR

BEHAVING LIKE TRASH

UP! YOU MIGHTY BLACK WOMEN!

YOU CAN ACCOMPLISH WHAT YOU WILL!!!

And that means, no matter what you’ve done in the way of indecency and immorality, you can ALWAYS reform yourself.

We both agreed that the reason the Blackwoman is in such a terrible condition is because the Blackman, who is supposed to control and PROTECT her, is more interested in pimping her. As sad and shameful as it is.

But he is also the victim of 400 years of slavery and mistreatment by the devil Caucasians and must reform himself as well. This can only successfully and permanently be done through the Divine Supreme Wisdom Teachings of The Most Honourable Elijah Muhammad (May the Peace and the Blessings of Allah Forever Be Upon Him).

You Can Read Message To The Blackman In America by clicking HERE.

He told me he saw a two-year-old, still in diapers, twerking.

I already know Allah (God) shields me from the worst of things because I’m extremely sensitive and I just can’t take it but when he told me how he hears mothers talking to their children, it brought me to tears.

Black mothers telling their little Black boys they ain’t s*#! I’m having a hard time just writing about it. How could you say that to your own flesh and blood?

Black mothers calling their little Black daughters B’s.

I don’t understand how someone could be so hateful to a Black child – ANY Black child! Not to think of YOUR OWN BLACK CHILD!!!

If I didn’t know the future, I would think we were completely and totally lost.

BUT

I

KNOW

THE

FUTURE

And that same little Black boy, whose mother said he wasn’t s*#! and wasn’t ever going to be s#*! is one day going to rule the world.

All Praise Is Due To Allah For The Honourable Elijah Muhammad (May the Peace and the Blessings of Allah Forever Be Upon Him)

Master Fard Muhammad, To Whom Praises Are Due Forever, Helped Keep Me On The Straight Path because toward the end of our conversation, I told him that one day, there were going to be Messengers asking, “Whose side are you on, America’s or the Muslims?”

He had a little difficulty with that and said something like you would hear in church and then that the question would be, “Whose side are you on God or the devils’?”

I said, “That’s the same thing. American devils or God and the Muslims?”

That idea took a little getting used to, but he’s on our side.

So, I left and went to the store and got caught up in some Saints’ traffic.

They lost, of course.

I hate to say it because it’s so sad. Everybody here LOVES the Saints but I can’t remember them ever winning. Maybe they win when I’m not following the game but if love and support could win a game, they would never lose because they love them some SAINTS in New Orleans.

But I made it through the traffic just as it started to rain.

I went to the library and charged my phone.

Started writing this and when I left it was pouring.

So, I left Lulu there and went to the HONEYCOMB HIDEOUT.

I don’t feel as secure here as I usually do.

I felt like I felt last night.

And my gut instincts are usually right.

Like they were last night.

I

THINK

I

MIGHT

ABANDON

THIS

SPOT

LATER

When the heat dies down…

Maybe

Maybe not…

ALLAH IS THE BEST GUIDE AND THE BEST PLANNER.

TO HIM DO I SUBMIT.

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

As-Salaamu ‘Alaikum Ma Beautiful and Beloved Black Bebies!

I knew when I published my last blog that I was going to wake in the middle of the night and write some more.

But I didn’t say anything because sometimes I like to keep things to myself.

Anyway, I watched “Emperor Jones” starring Paul Robeson and was really surprised to see the level of romantic drama there was back in those days.

For some reason, I thought people were less scandalous then.

It was interesting to see Brother Paul in his signature film and I was not expecting to feel the emotion toward his character that the film manifested in me.

It was a good movie.

And judging by how many times they said, “Who dat?” and the Yoruba references, I would not be surprised if the writer was from New Orleans.

That was a complete surprise.

Brother Paul was a significant character in Black History in the United States, as far as entertainment. But he was political too.

I don’t watch movies (dramas) as a general practice, but this was more like a history lesson than anything else.

So, I woke up a little while ago and realized, you don’t have to be in jail to have those lonely late night thoughts.

For some reason, I feel like it’s time to write about Costello.

I feel like I have to start from when I messed up with Zawji in High School.

I cheated on him and started dating this other guy who went to my school.

I wasn’t capable of loving from a distance.

I’m getting a crash course in it now.

So anyway, I ended up marrying the other guy but he cheated on me and we divorced after two years.

We had a daughter though, who has Zawji’s initials. That was completely by chance. I didn’t even realize it until a few years ago.

I saw him at the beach one day when she was still in the stroller

AND

HE

BENT

DOWN

AND

KISSED

HER

FULL

ON

THE

MOUTH

Then got up and walked away without even looking at me.

He’s so wise.

I wasn’t ready

BUT

He still loved me

AND

He showed me by showing his love for my daughter.

I think he knew/realized

We were going to get back together one day

Because

She has his initials.

I think he knew back then,

Even when I didn’t.

But was just biding his time.

Allahu Akbar

❤ ❤ ❤

Anyway, I was with Costello at the time.

So, I really didn’t deserve any more than what he gave me

Which was nothing

But tough love

❤ ❤ ❤

After I found out my husband cheated on me,

We had a physical altercation

AND

I put him in jail for abuse

BUT

Later went and dropped the charges.

I think even then I had a disdain for pigs.

We tried to work it out

BUT

The Trust Was Gone

AND

I started seeing other men.

He was in the Navy

SO

He was away from home a lot.

I think he gave up

WHEN

I was dating this Brother from Compton

He called it “Camptown“

I didn’t know why then,

BUT

I think it’s because of all the horses

AND

Big Backyards

ANYWAY

He carried a gun

AND

I

REALLY

LIKED

HIM

He Was Fine!!!

I met him on Crenshaw

AND

I know I must have really liked him because I still remember his name.

Anyway,

They ran into each other outside our apartment

AND

The Brother from Compton shot at my X.

He had already told me what he would do if that situation occurred
(shoot in the leg so as not to kill him)

So, I knew not to worry.

He didn’t get shot though.

❤ ❤ ❤

Anyway, I was working at a typist job I got through the Navy

And it was for a company that photocopied medical records for lawyers.

I used to type up the legal documents necessary to procure the records.

So, they hired this new Brother to go out and photocopy the records

AND

He was cute

SO

I told all the other Sisters who worked there that

He was mine.

Well, one day, he came to the clerical section to run off some copies at the photocopy machine and when I saw him, I made everybody in my department find something for me to go copy.

So, I sashayed over to the photocopier and worked my mojo on him.

We hooked up and I knew he was cheating on me very early in the relationship.

He was ALWAYS talking about his X and comparing me to her.

He used to make me feel so inadequate. I didn’t know the word back then but now I can never forget.

He used to say, “There’s just five pounds between fat and fine.”

And here I am 125 pounds.

The perfect weight and he’s making me feel inadequate.

He used to sell weed, so he’d be gone “on a run” often

And most of his clientele were women.

Well, one day I figured out he had lied to me about his whereabouts and a Sister we worked with confirmed my suspicions.

BUT

I didn’t break up with him.

I guess I thought I was “in love”

BUT

That’s no excuse for stupidity.

I was 22 and had been reared in Christian America

Where they don’t teach values and morals and self-respect.

WELL,

Yes, they do

BECAUSE

Growing up my goal was to stay a virgin until I got married

THEN

I

FOUND

OUT

ALL

MY

FRIENDS

FROM

CHURCH

HAD ALREADY DONE IT

!!!!

So America preaches values, but it is hard to actually find them

In America.

❤ ❤ ❤

Anyway,

He was a good provider and when I got fired from my job

OVER

(him and another woman who worked there )

Me and my daughter moved in with him.

My X never gave me a dime in child support.

Even though it was court ordered.

So, we were playing house

Living it up in the LBC.

We were both in college

And I used to go watch him play football

AND

He was such a showman!

Every time they played,

Somehow his shirt managed to get ripped off

LOL

He had a roommate

AND

It was like Party Central at our house

There were ALWAYS people there

We had a rule

You couldn’t hit the bong until you brushed your teeth LOL

There was always a game of dominoes going on

Or a freestyle session.

I remember one time Lil’ 1/2 Dead was over

AND

ALL

The guys were dickriding

Me and the girls were just so annoyed

It was so bad that my three-year-old daughter said,

“He’s getting on my nerves.”

I was like, “Who?“

And she pointed to Lil 1/2 Dead

LOL

He used to cook too.

He’s the reason I stopped eating pork

Way before I became a Muslim

But he’s also the reason I started smoking weed.

He used to leave his stash at my house

Before we moved in together

AND

One night me and my cousin were bored

SO

We decided to smoke some.

Why did we call the radio station

Because they were taking calls for people who wanted to tell a joke

AND

I

GOT

ON

THE

RADIO

High as Hell

And tried to tell a joke.

The DJ was like,

“Oh, okay, thank-you.“

And I wasn’t even through.

SMH

So, anyway, he introduced me to Reggae

And we used to go to Dancehall clubs

And “wind.”

He could really dance.

Not as good as my Zawji though.

We’d go to holidays with my family

AND

Even hooked up our friends.

Two of them are still married to this day

And have three children.

BUT

He used to tell me that

He could get with my cousins

If he wanted too.

I didn’t really pay too much attention

To that kind of talk.

I just let it go in one ear

AND

Out the other.

But years later,

AFTER

He went to jail,

He wrote a book,

AND

One of my cousins (the married one) was asking about it

I thought that was strange

BUT

Didn’t put two and two together

Until a few years ago.

She had said she wanted to read it.

She was the ONLY one out of all our friends

Who showed so much interest in wanting to read his book.

I mean, we all wanted to read it

BUT

She wanted to read it too badly.

So, I know something was up.

That has taken me a long time to admit.

It hurts.

And I love her husband like a Brother.

He’s in the Nation

(albeit with Farrakhan)

But out of all my family members

He’s one of the few I still talk to

I don’t even talk to my cousin

(his wife)

We’re just a few months apart,

I’m the elder

And always looked out for her

We went to the same schools

for Jr. High AND High School

AND

When we got older

AND

Her Mom

(My father’s sister)

Kicked her out

I let her come and live with me.

I didn’t think anything of it.

I subconsciously, look at her like she’s more of a Sister

Than a cousin

I always mistakenly call her children my niece and nephews

That’s how I know

She’s always been “The Golden Child”

In our family

AND

I was “The Black Sheep”

BUT

To think that she went behind my back

To try and get with my boyfriend

IS

Something that most people would probably

Expect to be the other way around

BUT

I would NEVER do anything like that

So

It is difficult for me to accept

BUT

As difficult as it is to accept

I know it’s true.

I am going to give her the benefit of the doubt

And assume it was before she hooked up with her husband.

BUT

I don’t know

Because Costello used to tell me about how he (her husband) had sex

AND

I don’t know

Any other way

He Could Have Known

UNLESS

She Told Him…

At the time,

I thought maybe one of her husband’s exes

Had told him,

Because they had been friends for a long time.

Now I’m not so sure.

I just saw him when I went to Atlanta

BY CHANCE

Because I didn’t look them up

AND

He is doing a good job taking care of her.

I’m sure nothing ever became of it

Otherwise, he would’t have told me

BUT

Just to know she went after him…

So scandalous.

Skanless.

It’s always the quiet ones…

She IS one of the main reasons I joined The Nation though.

When I saw her in her M.G.T. uniform

I couldn’t WAIT to get in one.

The difference is

She couldn’t wait to get out of it.

She only wore it to the Mosque.

I wear mine every day!

****

BUT

Anyway,

Things came to a head

WHEN

One of his side chicks got pregnant.

I stayed with him though.

But when he brought the baby home

I couldn’t take it and threw a brick through one of his windows.

I guess I had moved out by then.

Anyway, unbeknownst to me,

The baby was right there by the window

SO

Then he starts going on about how I was trying to kill his baby.

BUT

He said it like he was impressed with me

SO

He ends up moving back to Indiana

But

We’re still keeping in touch.

He ends up going to jail for fifteen years

For something I’m not even sure of to this day.

But I’m sure it wasn’t drugs.

I even flew out to Kentucky to visit him.

And caused so much drama that his fellow inmate whose girlfriend hosted me told her that she couldn’t talk to me after I left.

❤ ❤ ❤

He had a Best Friend in jail, named Killer.

Killer was from Watts.

But I didn’t know Killer was so FINE!!!

I

DIDN’T

KNOW

IT

THEN

BUT

He Was Zawji’s Doppelganger…

So, we’re in the visiting room talking and Killer and his guests are behind my back.

So, I get up and go to the bathroom

BUT

When I come back

I sit on the other side

SO

I could see

Killer.

This little move did not go unnoticed by Costello.

He commented on it.

BUT

Anyway,

Shortly after our visit, Costello got transferred to another prison

But inmates are not allowed to send each other mail.

So, I was the designated liaison between Costello and Killer.

Funny thing happened…

Me and Killer started writing each other.

And, I guess he told everybody because Costello started crying about how it made him look and the Sister told me her husband told her she couldn’t talk to me anymore.

I didn’t care.

Shoot.

He had had a BABY with somebody else!!!

But the thing with Killer was shortlived and I still kept in touch with Costello.

If I had had ANY sense I would have stayed with Killer.

He was so intelligent and had NEVER worked for the DEVIL.

I really admired that.

He also told me something that I still use today when people call me crazy.

He told me

“Where I come from, CRAZY is a GOOD thing!”

Watts up!

❤ ❤ ❤

So, next thing I know,

(This was in 1999 and we met in 1992)

He’s telling me they’re transferring him to another prison

AND

This time he’s going Greyhound

AND

He’s coming through L.A.

Can I rent a car,

Come pick him up,

AND

Drive him from Palm Springs to L.A.,

SO

We could spend some time together.

But Of Course, I can do that for you, Baby.

SO,

We get to spend the designated time together,

Then I drop him off at the Greyhound station in L.A.

But he tells me not to go in,

“Stay right here.”

That struck me as kinda weird

SO

I

FOLLOWED

HIM

AND

Sure enough, there he is

Talking to some girl who’s on the same bus.

I felt like a fool.

But I was acting like one

AND

Couldn’t blame anyone but myself.

I mean,

I KNEW who I was dealing with.

Why should I think he had changed?

But I was “in love.”

So, early in the relationship I had gotten pregnant

But he took me to get an abortion.

And unbeknownst to me

This time when I picked him up

I got pregnant again.

But I was taking medication and didn’t have a period

SO

I didn’t know

Until it was too late.

I had to hike up this steep dirt hill

To get home

And ended up losing the baby.

It was a boy.

BUT

Allah Knows Best

Because Now I Don’t Have Anything To Attach Me To Him

So, he’s at Lompoc in Northern California

AND

Hooks me up with one of his fellow inmate’s woman

AND

We go out there to visit them.

I had started going to the Mosque by this time

AND

The Sister was late picking me up

SO

I had changed clothes

AND

Was preparing to go to M.G.T. class

When she showed up.

So, instead of sexy and fly, in those pictures

I was modest and appealing.

Allah Knows Best.

That was my last visit.

I started trying to practice Islam but I was with Farrakhan

AND

HE Knew Farrakhan is not right

SO

He wasn’t trying to hear it.

BUT

AFTER

I

LEFT

FARRAKHAN

I

WAS

LIKE

I can’t talk to you anymore

Unless you become a Muslim.

That’s the ONLY way I’ll know

You’ve Changed.

SO

I finally stopped talking to him

Islam gave me the courage and intelligence to finally leave a toxic relationship

It was 2006 now

Fifteen years!

So, whenever I used to get mad at him, he would go to my mother to try and get her to get me to let him have another chance. So, even though I wasn’t talking to him, apparently they still kept in touch because the next thing I knew. Whoever was President at that time had issued some type of order cutting sentences for federal inmates and my mother told me there was a good possibility that he could be getting out sooner than later.

So, it’s 2008 and I just have a feeling that I’m going to run into him in Leimert Park. This was before I started talking to Allah. But I knew.

Sure enough, one Monday, outside of drum workshop, I see him walking up. We talk for a minute and then Osiris appears (now before I saw Costello, Osiris had told me he would pay for Hakim’s drum lesson he just had to go get some change) So here he comes and I tell Costello, “Watch this” and Osiris hands Hakim a five dollar bill.

I felt like The Mack.

LOL

So, we’re wrapping up our conversation and this woman pulls up and he starts showing her attention and making me feel ignored and inadequate like he always did. But I still talk to him on the phone later.

I told him about Da Poetry Lounge and he talked to my daughter, on the phone. He always made me feel like when she was old enough, he would have an affair with her. Because he was always talking about how he cared about her more than me. But it was different than when Zawji did it. Because they have different backgrounds with me. I never ever saw Zawji with another woman until 1999. But that’s too painful to write about.

But anyway, he went to Da Poetry Lounge, told me it was lit, and I’ve never heard from him again.

I didn’t want to tell him about it.

But I guess Allah Made Me To Finally Get Him Out Of My Life.

He Had To Replace Me With Something, I guess.

Artists can make love to their art.

(He sings and writes)

So, human companionship is not as…

Louis Armstrong said his wife knew she came second to his music.

And Duke Ellington titled his book, “Music is my Mistress”

I still feel a sense of loss after all these years.

And can only thank Allah for protecting me and giving me my Zawji.

Allahu Akbar!!!