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As-Salaamu ‘Alaikum Beloved And Beautiful Chosen People of Allah
Oh my God! I knew how detrimental this travesty of justice was to the So-Called American Negro but I just learned what my home state of California had to do with it.
This Unjust “Law” was passed as a compromise between free and slaveholding states to allow California to join the Union (United States of America) as a free state, meaning slavery would not be permitted in California.
Up until this time, there had been a balance between free and slave-holding states with an equal number of both. The addition of California as a free state tilted the balance in the favor of free states BUT with the passage of this Act, slaveholders were given the freedom to RECAPTURE slaves who had successfully fled to FREE states and were living out their lives as free men and women.
With the passage of this FUGITIVE SLAVE ACT, slavecatchers went rampant, surreptitiously and overtly kidnapping “free” Black men and women and forcibly returning them to bondage!!!
*******
As the decendent of former slaves born in California, this really makes me feel some kind of way.
I mean, my family wasn’t here in the FREE state of California in 1850 (The Gold Rush).
We were still held in bondage.
My ancestors didn’t escape slavery. But the thousands who did were forced to flee to Canada, where the FSA didn’t apply, or continue to live in the states where NOW they had to be constantly looking over their shoulder and careful of snitches who would turn them in for as little as a piece of fried chicken, a biscuit and a pat on the head.
Being born in California, I feel responsible for the recapture of only-Allah-Knows how many fugitive slaves!
I guess that’s how I feel. Sometimes I have to write to sort out my feelings.
I know I didn’t have anything to do with the passage of that horrible piece of legislature. It’s just so UNJUST. I guess I just deplore how American politics and this whole world of the wicked devil Caucasian race is.
They slip poison in your good food just to get you to eat it.
As-Salaamu ‘Alaikum Ma Beloved And Beautiful Asiatic Black Bebies!!!
As-Salaam ‘Alaikum! How are you? I pray you all had a wonderful and fun, eventful weekend, as I had and pray the week and the coming month, the end of the year and the rest of your life are just as wonderful and fun, and eventful!
Well, you know I’m a journalist, so let’s get to the juice!
THE CENTRAL AVENUE JAZZ FESTIVAL
By far, the best performance of the entire festival (and I went both days) was Brother Kyle from Living Single – T.C. Carson.
I was a little skeptical because I had seen him perform on the show and I wasn’t impressed. But a truly gifted performer always shines when they perform LIVE and this Brother outshined them all.
He came out and immediately caught my attention. The first few numbers were uptempo and I wasn’t too shy to snap my fingers and dance in my seat. He was on point.
Then he slowed it down and finished his set with ballads. Which I enjoyed, albeit not as much as the uptempo numbers.
The crowd loved “My Funny Valentine” but my favorite was his cover of John Coltrane’s, “Naima.”
Which, I wasn’t even aware had lyrics, unless he penned them himself. They really spoke to my soul. Something like, “She is the mother of creation, keeper of the home and wife to her husband so he never has to roam.” And I really dug it.
However, when the solos came, he only had a rhythm section (piano, bass and drums) and it really sounded like it was missing something. And it hit me that he needed a saxophone! I mean, it was Coltrane’s song and the lack of a saxophone was tangible.
So, after the set, I mentioned to him that I really enjoyed his performance and he should get a tenor for Naima.
“I don’t want a tenor. I like it the way I did it.” Now granted this was the second time I mentioned it to him. (The first time I wasn’t sure if he had heard me.) But dang, why you gotta get all in your feelings? It was just a suggestion to try and better your show.
“But it sounds like it’s missing something…”
“To you!”
“Well, can I help it if I’m a jazz afficionado?” LOL
Anyway, Kyle… Boy Bye.
*******
You know, I just happened to come to the enlightenment that when someone gives you constructive criticism, it is a great act of maturity to accept the criticism, whether you welcome it or not, with humility, forbearance, and at least a show of gratitude.
Granted, some people just hate and want to make you feel less than, but my intentions and I’m sure most people’s, are genuinely trying to help you. So whether you agree with the suggestion or not, be humble! Don’t show negative emotions.
He really hurt my feelings. All because of his arrogance. I guess it’s because he’s a celebrity and and has grown accustomed to obsequious fawning that his head is too big to accept CONSTRUCTIVE criticism.
I mean, it’s JOHN’S song! The least you could do is pay homage to him for letting you get paid off of it!
But he’s old and feeble and looked like he would fall over if you breathed on him too hard. So, I guess there’s the justice.
*******
The festival overall was pretty good as far as festivals go.
I mean, I’m a little biased because I’ve been to New Orleans and Jazz just isn’t the same once you’ve been there.
I mean there was the cutest little trombone player and I saw him before he hit the stage. I was looking forward to hearing this band called “The West Coast Get Down.” I mean they had to be good with a name like that, right?
So, showtime was nearing and I see a Brother with a trombone case and you know I’m in love with the trombone. So, I’m like, (I was sitting right by the stage) “Is that a trombone?” And he’s like, “Yeah” And I’m like, “Can you play Brass Band?” And he’s like, “Yeah.”
So then I get all excited thinking I might hear some Brass Band.
Later, I see him walking around with his trombone and it’s this funky, orange and black airbrushed paint job on the trombone. So fly.
So, then the announcer gets up on stage and announces the Band, “Ryan Porter and the West Coast Get Down.”
Then the announces comes off the stage and I ask him what instrument does Ryan Porter play? And he says, “Trombone.”
And I’m to myself like “What? That was the leader?” LOL Who knew?
So Kamasi Washington is in the group and some other local young cats and I’ve heard Kamasi’s c.d. and kinda dug it. I mean it wasn’t on heavy rotation but I dug it.
I’m sorry but I think I’m kind of prejudiced toward him because he’s overweight and yesterday, he seemed to be copying Pharaoh Sanders or Lonnie Liston Smith’s style. I think. Or some eclectic type of Bohemian style that I went through in the nineties and just rather think it’s kind of dirty now. So, I don’t mean to be judgmental but cheah.
Anyway, their music was too avant garde for my taste. I was thinking, maybe I’m just too old or maybe I’m just too New Orleans. Because when I think of trombones I think of Corey Henry and Delfeayo Marsalis and out here (in L.A.) they think Phil Ranelin and this other brother I saw yesterday, who Ryan mentioned was one of his mentors and his name is right on the tip of my tongue but I’m not familiar with his music so it escapes me at the moment. Let me see if I can G it. BRB
Can’t find it.
I’m sorry because I saw him right there with his trombone. He played yesterday too.
But New Orleans has spoiled me.
Everybody was up and dancing and talking about how out-of-this-world the closing was. And I was just sitting there wishing I was in New Orleans.
This was the first jazz fest I’ve been to since I’ve been back in L.A. and it was fun, I have to admit. I’m glad I went. I’m grateful for Central Avenue and it’s rich musical history and the part it has played in the development of Jazz and my development but I can’t wait to go back to The Big Easy.
*******
I saw the extremely talented visual artist EnkOne. He was doing a live painting of the phenomenal Angeleno, Brother Eric Dolphy.
And I just realized the instrument he’s holding in the picture is a bass clarinet. I thought it was a soprano saxophone. The first day me and Enk got into it about who came first, man or woman? I said Man, of course. He said, woman. So, I asked him “Where did the first woman come from?” And he said what all men say, “Not from no man!” LOL They never say where she came from. Just where she didn’t come from. LOL Which could be anywhere and nowhere. It was so funny. Black Men are so cute. 🙂
The next day, we talked about how long we’ve known each other and how he thought my firstborn’s name was Roxanne because of this piece I did when she played the daughter in this family, “The Emcees” and her name was, “Roxanne-Roxanne.” LOL
That was cool because I didn’t even know he had seen that.
Then it was cool because this other artist was playing music and this song came on and I almost couldn’t believe it.
I HATE when that happens.
I find out a song I think is an original is a cover or a sample. But Brother Enk said he knew. Which only frustrated me more. But what can you do? LOL
*******
There was a booth from Jefferson High School which is right in the area and they were pointing out all of the famous alumni. Here is a list.
There was also a booth about the history of Central Avenue and I got to talk to some elders about the old street car lines and Dolphin’s of Hollywood.
I made a button of our Holy Flag and heard some really good live music. Brother Terrence and the Latin Jazz were the best in my opinion. Brother Ryan sat in with The Latin Jazz All-Stars and he played better with them IMO than on his own set as leader.
Or, I’m just old.
*******
I went to Leimert both days as well. There were events all over the city for Black People this weekend. The Jazz Fest. There was a Samba event and the Artwalk in Leimert and Inglewood had something I would have liked to go to to had it been another weekend. They had “A Taste of Inglewood,” a spinoff of “A Taste of Soul.” KJLH was a major sponsor but bad timing.
I missed the Samba event on Saturday but I saw Baba Ben and I decided not to trip because he still calls me Cheryce.
I told my cousin whom I hadn’t seen in like twenty years, that only he (Baba Ben) and Beaux can call me Cheryce. Everybody else LOVE.
I met a Brother named Love at The Club. But his name is Love Jones. LOL Blackmen are so cute.
Sometimes, the really sexy ones just parade in front of me like, “You Want Some?” And I’m like
ROFL (You peep his “Ol’ Hell” shirt? WTF?)
I have to call them “The Temps” to keep from approaching them. (That’s what hip people call “The Temptations”) Seriously though, Blackmen are like my “crack.” But I can’t… ❤ Beaux!!! ❤
Oh yeah, I almost forgot. I met a Black Publisher at the Jazz Fest, who was selling his books and we talked about putting this into print.
I told him I would send him something by Friday. But the thought of actually doing the work is not appealing to me AT ALL.
All I want to do is WRITE.
But I feel a responsibility to Black People to provide some upliftment and exhortion to Truth, Patience, Righteousness and Mercy and not all Black People are on the Internet and sometimes the Internet Gods trip so, In sha Allah, I’ll be able to get it done and we’ll have a HMFTBW book for you soon.
Other than that, oh yeah. I was at my spot on the pier yesterday morning and this family came and stood near me and I don’t look but I hear them talking in a foreign language. I listen and it sounds like Portuguese. So I look over at the family and they are snow white. I know there are snow white people in Brazil but they just didn’t strike me as Brazilian.
So, I asked the mother where they were from and she replied, “EE-taly.”
I thought that was pretty cool. I’d never met anybody from Italy before. People come to L.A. from all over the world.
I continued to listen to them talk and I picked up “Venice” and I know there’s a Venice in Italy, but I’m pretty sure they were talking about Venice Beach. And, it occurred to me that although Santa Monica and Venice are both beaches in L.A. and they are right next to each other, they are vastly different.
I never thought about that before. You can’t just visit one and think you’ve seen them all…
*******
I’m so lucky to be able to visit the beach every day. I went this morning and it was so different than any other morning.
The tide was in and the waves were MONSTROUS! It was so EXCITING!!! I felt a thrill with every crash and they kept coming – one after the other!
The surfers didn’t seem to notice though. They were just sitting out there like they always do. It seemed like it should have been more or something. But I didn’t want to leave.
But the Christians… The devil sent a pawn to come disturb my peace and that made leaving much easier. 🙂
I passed three nights in peace, woke up to picturesque surroundings and what more could I ask for? I am humbled by my life experiences and grateful to be able to share them with you.
May Allah Bless You All and Thank-you for reading!!!
As-Salaamu ‘Alaikum!
❤ Love Allah ❤
***** LATER *****
This was the first time I’ve been to the Drum Circle in about two years, I think and it is on it’s last leg. There were about one-quarter of the vendors that used to be there. And it was The Artwalk!
There were noticeably fewer people at The JazzFest as well. But I loved it like that.
I’m wondering where everybody went…
I was thrilled to see Brother Sameer giving FREE haircuts with sterilizer and everything and my Brother Ramsess giving pugilistic workouts with the youth. It made me proud. Keep up the good work, Brothers!
As-Salaamu ‘Alaikum Ma Beautiful Asiatic Black Brothers and Sisters!
How are you? Did you wake up happy and refreshed? I pray Allah you did. I woke up to a beautiful sunny day after a night of sprinklers. They don’t turn them on every night, I’ve discovered, but some nights, it’s like, “Alright, already!” Because they only turn them on for about four or five minutes, but they do it like three times a night. So, it doesn’t really get me that wet because it’s just sprinklers and I wake up as soon as they come on, it’s just annoying because it wakes me up and I have to move until it turns off. But all praise is due to Allah, I know there are many people in worse situations.
So, yesterday at the Club I did laundry and there was this tranny, who I’ve been trying to avoid ever since I started coming here, but it was doing it’s laundry right before I came and as it took it’s clothes out of the washer, I put mine in.
So, because of what happened the other day, the HNIC decided that you can’t sit in the laundry room while you wait for your clothes. He locked the door five minutes before both of our cycles finished, and said we had to wait outside, Dumb ass.
So, we’re both standing outside the laundry room and the HNIC knows we’re going to need to go back in in five minutes, but some people like to abuse their power and he didn’t come back.
But there was another employee and the tranny asked him if he could let us in. He did.
Naturally, because of our shared experience, me and the tranny had something to discuss, so we got into a conversation and I found myself wondering if it was really a tranny.
I know it was. I just didn’t want it to be just because it was nice to me and I have no friends.
But the Holy Qur’an and Our Beloved Messenger (May the Peace and the Blessings of Allah Forever Be Upon Him) say something like, “Strive hard against the disbelievers and the hypocrites.”
So, I have to be strong and not be seduced by their “kindness.” I know it’s only a trap to get me to accept them.
But anyway, it mentioned it was going to do this, this and that and then it was going to get dressed for the “Twilight Concert Series” on the pier.
Now, the TCS has been going on since I was in jail and the only act I was interested in going to see performed the night before I got out of jail, so I figured Allah Must Not Want me to go.
But, after it mentioned it was going, I saw a list of the acts and there was a retro soul dance band performing that night.
I thought it might be cool. So when I left the club, I headed towards the Pier.
They had a free “Bike Valet” but I was not about to let nobody ride LuLu. Even though I think it was just a parking lot for bikes, but still…
So, I took her with me all the way to the entrance and then security told me I couldn’t bring her in. But I noticed a bike rack, RIGHT INSIDE THE ENTRANCE.
They told me they couldn’t allow bikes “inside the venue.” But the place was swarming with sheriffs and police and one of them told the worker I could park Lulu there. That was a great comfort to me. I don’t like to be too far away from her. And with her right there, near all those security and police, inside the venue, I felt comfortable wandering around and observing everything freely, knowing she was safe.
I made a video of everything. But my phone battery is dead so I’ll have to upload it to YouTube and post it later, In Sha Allah.
OMG why did I get to the show early and by the time the main act was about to come on, I was so tired of standing up. There was nowhere to sit and I was desperate. So, I looked around and you know I’m good at finding places, “hotspots,” but also little overlooked or “underlooked” 😉 places in the cut.
So, I go all the way to the back of the venue where they’re serving food and you know I didn’t have any money. But I found a spot in the corner, where there were no people and I could sit on this little sandbag without observation.
So, I sit down and look around.
There was a corn roasting vendor, a Mexican drink vendor and a popcorn vendor.
The popcorn vendor was right on the end, closest to where I was sitting.
So, I casually look over and I notice the popcorn vendors are BLACK! And just as suddenly, my heart skips a beat and I notice the Brother is Beaux’s doppel!
I gasp. And think, “Okay, what am I supposed to do!?!”
The Holy Qur’an mentions people who are wandering around in the dark and how they have to wait for a flash of lightning so they can see their way, but the lightning is so quick that they can only go so far, so then they have to wait for another flash of lightning.
Our Beloved Messenger, The Honourable Elijah Muhammad (May the Peace and the Blessings of Allah forever be upon him) continues The Holy Qur’an by telling us that what these lost people REALLY need is the Light of the Sun and that that Light is Our Saviour, Master Fard Muhammad, To Whom Praises Are Due Forever.
So, I sat there and decided to wait for my flash of light.
As I sat, I observed.
The Brother was so fine! He looked like Ghost on Power, but taller and cuter.
Now, it has been my experience that you and your soulmate look alike. I’ve heard the resemblance referred to as “twins.” I’ve also heard that you are supposed to “marry your father” so to speak.
So, consequently, me, Zawji and my father all look alike.
Also, consequently, my father’s “twin” is not my mother.
There are women who use talented men like my father and my “twin” for whatever purpose (money, sex, power, &c.) And they always have pointy noses and wear glasses, like witches.
So, last night Zawji’s Doppel was with one of these women.
They (Zawji’s Doppel and the witch) were running the popcorn stand and an older man who looked just like the witch was overseeing.
So, after I sat down, inevitably my presence was felt.
I have a pretty powerful presence and can’t help it.
So, the witch, I guess she wanted to let me know who was boss. Or make me feel inadequate because she was working and I was not.
Some Blackwomen are so backwards. We’ve been poisoned by the whitewoman to think we are supposed to be equal with men and breadwinners. And it just has us going totally against our nature and we are blind to it.
So, she starts really trying to dominate the business.
The Brother was taking the orders and she was supposed to be filling them. But when I showed up, she started trying to take over his job too. When he was taking an order, she would get the next person’s attention and take their order. Like she really didn’t need him.
He seemed to just cower. And I felt so sorry for him. Obviously, it was her family’s business and I guess he married her and joined her family instead of starting his own.
He had his baseball cap on backwards too and to me he looked like a little boy.
I never noticed that about wearing a cap backwards before.
So, when I showed up, (you know I’m the “hotspot”) they started getting all this business and they knew it was because of me.
I do that all the time. (When I went to that museum in New Orleans, the same thing happened.) But I have to be extremely careful about the places I go, because I represent Allah and Islam and the last thing I want to do is empower the enemy (devil Caucasians).
So, she starts taking over. The Brother tries to maintain his dignity and the Papa just stands back.
Meanwhile, I’m sitting there wondering how they got into the kettle corn business. I know kettle corn has got to be an old business because how old are kettles?
I also wanted to get up and take a look at how it works. Let me G it. BRB
Okay, I just watched a video on YT, but I’m not going to post it because Our Beloved Messenger (PBUH) taught us not to eat popcorn. But I forgot all about that last night.
And one night I met Our Saviour’s Doppelganger and I already told you His Doppels do stuff that I’m not supposed to do. I wonder if He’s testing me… Anyway, He had some “Popcornopolis” and people have offered it to me before and it looks really delicious, the packaging and caramel and whatnot, but I stopped eating popcorn after I read How To Eat To Live.
So, last night, I’m sitting there wondering if they’ve been in the Kettle Corn business since slavery and how much money they’re making at $5 a bag. I didn’t estimate very much, but if it’s a side hustle, it is what it is.
And after awhile, I thought, wouldn’t it be nice if one of these people bought me a bag? Then just as soon as I think it, this old man comes and stands right in front of me and starts counting his money, like he’s thinking about it!
But he didn’t.
Then I really start feeling like the poor, little, hungry, homeless girl and I’m like, “Oh well. Let me just see what happens.”
So then the line goes down and Oh yeah!
After I realized the Brother was Zawji’s Doppel, I got really uncomfortable and giddy and felt like a little school girl. I know I’m Beaux’s, but he washis Doppel and I felt like I was supposed to be there. Even if just in HIS “twin’s” stead.
So, I averted my eyes from the stand and tried to look at everything else going on around me but eventually I had to have another look. So, I casually glanced back over at the stand, and at the same time, he casually glanced over to my little spot in the dark corner.
Our eyes met.
And for a split second I was in Seventh Heaven.
But guilt…
I quickly turned my head.
But the connection was made and I’m getting discomfitted just thinking about it!!! 🙂 He was so fine!!!
So, this was just a few minutes after I had first sat down and noticed him.
Then the witch started being overbearing; the line came; business heated up; then cooled down; and lightning struck.
With the crowds gone, I look at the stand again and he picks up a pre-packaged bag of popcorn and looks at me like, “You want it?” ❤ ❤ ❤
And I’m nervous and the butterflies are all tied up but I’m like “Yeah.”
So, then he’s like, “Well… Come and get it.” ❤ 😉
So, I get up and go get the popcorn. Thank him and leave.
❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤
I’ve learned that when somebody is begging, if you want to get rid of them, just give them something. So, even though I wasn’t really begging, I took that as my cue to leave.
I mean, what else was I supposed to do?
Go back to my corner and eat the popcorn right in front of him???
I’m not even supposed to be eating popcorn!!!And what about Zawji????!!!!!
Nevertheless, all night whenever I looked at that popcorn, I experienced a loving warmth in my heart and a pleasurable feeling – just being noticed by someone as fine as him (Zawji’s Doppel). *sigh* ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤
I know the pigeons enjoyed it when I fed it to them this morning as I reminisced about last night and Zawji, sitting on the pier.
❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤
They gave us roses last night too and other flowers. I got a red rose first. Then I went down to the water. I hadn’t been down there in a while. I think since I got Lu. But I jumped at the opportunity last night, since Lu was parked. It was aight. I went under the pier and took a picture so you could see how it looked, but it looks better at night. I’ll try and post the picture later, In sha Allah. The computer gods are trippin’ today.
So, when I left the pier to go down to the water, I asked the Security if it would be a problem when I tried to get back in. He emphatically assured me that there would be no problem.
But when I was on my way back, I noticed the sign that I couldn’t see from the other side that said, “Exit Only” and I was like “Wtf?” and the security was no where to be found. The new guy wouldn’t let me in and I had to go all the way around back to the entrance.
So, I got another rose. This one was grafted – mixed orange and yellow.
I got a Calla Lily too. I think it was grafted too because it was orange and yellow too. I think Calla Lilys are white by nature.
But I had to ask what kind of flower it was and when the vendor told me, I immediately thought about “Stage Door.” Let me see if I can find that clip. BRB
❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤
Yesterday I saw some triathletes training. I caught them swimming from wherever they had left their bikes to the Pier.
I think that was the best part of the three sports.
One man kept swimming right on past the pier.
A couple of women stayed in the water when they were supposed to get out and just talked for a while.
Then a few other men stayed and played in the waves before beginning the run on the sand back to the bikes.
That looked like so much fun! I would like to do something like that. But I’m not much of a runner. Never have been… And I wouldn’t be much of a competitor as far as trying to finish first. I would like to take my time and just enjoy the athleticism of the activity.
It’s so funny because I ride the bike paths on the streets and I ride like I drive. Very Slowly. Everybody seems to be in such a hurry! I enjoy the trip – taking in the sights and sounds and making frequent stops in stores and shopping like I’m married to a billionaire. That is one of my favorite pasttimes. I get baskets and everything sometimes. Other times, I just pick out my favorite items and talk to the salespeople.
❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤
I saw dolphins at the beach yesterday too. They are so amazing. They look like they are having so much fun. And are absolutely beautiful. They were my firstborn’s favorite animal when she was growing up. So even though we are mortal enemies now, I still have fond memories of her growing up.
Seeing the dolphins also confirmed my observation that Summer is over. I haven’t seen them since Spring. I think they don’t like the crowds like me. I haven’t seen the seals either since Spring. They like to play in the waves and that’s where the people like to play too. So, maybe they’ll be back since Summer’s over.
❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤
The lifeguards are training too. They are using a rowboat, I guess because they can go farther out into the water. But it’s so silly because one of them is a female and if she could just see how she looks….she would choose a career more suited to her gender.
❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤
Last night was aight. I mean the music was good but the band was gay, so I couldn’t stay. I don’t know what kind of lyrics they put over that music. All I heard was something like, “I want to change the future.” And that was enough for me.
I like the future. It’s in my favor and not theirs (homos). So, I left.
I went to the spot and one of Zawji’s Doppels came and went to sleep on the bench right next to mine. I left before he woke up.
❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤
The good thing about going to shows is that you find out about more shows. I found out about this Brass Band that’s going to be performing next Saturday, I think. The 5th. I’ve never seen a Brass Band outside of New Orleans. I definitely want to go. I’m going to do my best to make it, In Sha Allah.
Tomorrow is the Central Avenue Jazz Fest. It’s usually fun but I looked at the lineup and it’s a bunch of devils. Most of the people I used to go see are the names of the stages now. So, I don’t know. I probably will just because I don’t have anything better to do. I hope I don’t get too frustrated, annoyed and ulitmately pissed off…
So anyway, it’s early and I haven’t taken my shower yet, so I think I’ll go do that now. I may write later. In sha Allah.
If I don’t, have a great day! Do something fun and exciting! 😀
❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤
OMG, I almost forgot! Last night they did this segment where they had told people to send them stories about The Twilight Concert Series and they had the best stories there.
So, of course, life is about love. So they brought up the Love Story First.
There was a couple who had met three years ago, that week, at the TCS and they came up and told their story, then the man proposed and she accepted.
Then the host admitted that there was no TCS stories. They just staged the whole thing so he could propose.
It probably would have been more romantic for me if the two Sisters who had come and stood right next to me hadn’t spoiled it by saying, “He’s probably going to propose…”
Ordinarily, I would have tagged along with them when they left. I mean, it looked like we were together, and I’m apt to do that type of thing. But they were like the women in my family. MEAN. And spoiling my happiness. But worst, made me love them and meanness. But I didn’t go with them. Al Hamdulillah!!!
I stayed by myself. I think that shows progress.
I’m okay being self-sufficient or at least Zawji is sufficient.
If I had gone with them, I wouldn’t have gotten the popcorn.😉
As-Salaamu ‘Alaikum Beloved and Beautiful Asiatic Black Bebies!
Well, it’s official. For L.A. anyway, Summer is gone.
I knew when I was sitting on the pier this morning and 8:00 came and it still looked like this:
The tourists have gone back to Nebraska. LOL
But trip this little bit. Yesterday, I went to see the Sunset as usual, even though I was at the Library charging my phone and really was trying to miss it but I found myself racing it to the beach right before Sunset, and I saw this Muslimah with her three boys. The boys had chingy eyes and I had never seen anybody who looked like them before.
So, I asked the Sister “Where are you from?” And if I remember correctly, she said Kazakstan. Or something like that.
One of those white Muslim countries that used to be a part of the Soviet Union (USSR) before they invaded Afghanistan and went head up with Osama bin Laden and the Taliban.
You see what happened to them. No more USSR.
And now America is up against the same enemy.
Watch what happens…
I’m glad. America has it coming and the evil world of the devil Caucasians is fuel for the fire of Hell.
I haven’t checked my favorite website lately. Let me see what is up.
A suicide blast outside a business park kills over two dozen.2017.07.24 (Nigeria)
Fedayeen suicide bombers claim eights souls at two displaced persons camp.2017.07.24 (Afghanistan)
Thirty-five lives are snuffed out by a massive suicide blast along a street in a Shiite area.
Christians act like they’re so innocent. pffffff They are the ones who started the whole thing.
But, I remember one time, I think it was on this website, there was an article about the Red Cross or some other Christian so-called charity, “feeding” Muslim refugees from some war-torn country and the Christians were calling the Muslim refugees ungrateful for refusing the pork sandwiches the Christians were trying to poison them with.
It’s all about perspective.
* * * * * * *
But cheah. Summer is over. I got my beach back. I even drew my first drawing of the beach this morning. As you can see from above, I’m going to have to go back and fill in the blanks with the pix. But homeschooling Ibnana taught me that sometimes, a lot of times, it’s easier to learn how to do things or just to learn period when you teach it or approach it from a child’s point of view. So that’s how I approached my drawing.
I had a lot of fun laughing at the tourists. White people are so stupid.
I overheard this one devil with his two teenage sons as we were watching the sunset and overlooking the bike path. The eldest of the two sons remarked that the bike path goes all the way to Redondo Beach and the airport.
His father agreed, saying, “Yeah, I’ve ridden it. It’s not that hard. I rode all the way to Venice!”
ROFL For those of you unfamiliar with L.A. Beaches. Venice is the beach right next to Santa Monica where we were. It’s walking distance.
Then, one time I overheard a group of devils about to hit the Promenade and one of them said he wanted to eat at “Chipottle” LOL ROFL
Devils are so funny.
Summer vacation went by so quickly. I mean, I remember how annoyed I was when the swarm first arrived. But now that it’s gone, I kind of miss it. I mean, I’ve grown accustomed to the crowds and now it’s kind of boring.
But, upside is the stores are stocked with Back-to-School products. I bought a composition book for a dollar. And In Sha Allah, they’ll still have the crayon/colored pencils I like when I get my check.
If not, I visited this Art Store yesterday and he has ERASABLE colored pencils. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that before. But it’s like an Art Center. They have “workshops” every weekend where they serve a light meal and everybody paints whatever the center tells you to paint.
I would go, but I want to paint what I want to paint. I’m not that type of artist that likes to compete with other artists. I just do me.
So anyway, let me tell you about something that I didn’t like so much.
You know how when guys like you, they’re mean to you sometimes?
I hate that. It’s so annoying.
Well the HNIC at the Club is feeling me. I know because I would be feeling him too if I wasn’t Beaux’s. But he’s old. I mean, he’s my age, maybe a little older, but why you gotta be hunched over and stiff. He’s tall and cute but OLD. He looks like he can’t move. And that is a definite turn-OFF! Get in shape, Bubba.
So anyway, whenever we have meals, I always eat by myself in the Ladies’ courtyard and they don’t like that. But you have to keep in mind that I’m a Muslim and we have an entirely different culture.
Men and women do not socialize. Much less eat together. Eating can be very sexy so to keep any type of indecencies from occurring, Muslim men and women eat separately in social gatherings like this.
So yesterday, the HNIC decides he wants to give me a hard time and tells me I have to eat in the dining room with everybody else. I can’t take the plate in the courtyard. I protest and say, “They eat on the other courtyard.” But he’s not having it. I thought about just putting my plate back and leaving. But I don’t get my check until the tenth and I didn’t even want to THINK about fasting that long.
So, I do not eat in the dining room. That would be going too far against our rules. In the Nation of Islam we are instructed not to eat nor drink with Christians.
So, I go on the “men’s” courtyard find a bench next to a corner and sit cross-legged facing the corner and proceed to eat my meal with my back facing everybody else.
I know I looked crazy but I didn’t care. There were devils and they are savages. I couldn’t eat with them.
Let me tell you what I heard going on behind my back.
The devils took every opportunity to call the Black people Niggers. They were talking about “Nigger Power” and I know it was just because of me. I’m a Black Nationalist somewhat and just give off that RBG vibe naturally.
But nothing they do surprises me. The first time a devil called me a Nigger, it really hurt. But now I’m like teflon. I kept eating.
So nobody got upset at the devils calling us Niggers unless that’s why the fight broke out.
This Sister and a devil woman started fighting. I still didn’t turn around. But I think the devil was getting her clock cleaned because I heard her tell the HNIC, “Why aren’t you doing your job?” (Breaking up the fight, I guess). I did hear him say something but it was over by then.
I tune out stuff that discomfits me. I know it was all for my benefit. So, I just ignored the whole thing and went on like nothing was going on.
But devils are known for breaking the peace of the righteous. So next thing I know, some devil comes right by me. Then another one. Then another one. I just kept eating.
They can’t bother me anymore. TEFLON.
I went and got seconds and defiantly took it in the Ladies’ courtyard and ate there.
When I finished, I walked right past the HNIC and took my plate in the kitchen.
He didn’t say NOTHING.
So, we’ll see what happens today.
After I left, I went to the Library, charged my phone, read a book I don’t want to tell you what it was about. Saw the Sunset. Went back to the Library. Felt really pensive thinking about Zawji and skipped the Promenade and the Pier and pushed to an old peaceful spot.
I was chilling there, eating an apple and this Brother walks by. It’s rare to see regular, normal looking Brothers, so I greeted him and he replied. He asked me could he ride my bike to the store.
He was serious.
I didn’t even know what to say.
I mean, of course, I wasn’t going to let him. I got my street smarts in New Orleans, where they play CUTTHROAT! So, he could have been just as honest as the Blackman is by nature, but I couldn’t take any chances with Lu.
So, I was like, “No, you can’t ride my bike to the store.”
He said, “I’ll bring it right back. I’m an assistant manager on the pier and I just gotta get some stuff from the store. I’ll give you $5.00.”
He was so innocent. But I was like, I don’t know you and we are not teenagers who live on the same block.
I told him my bike is worth more than $5.00.
He said, “What you think I’ma steal your bike?”
I said, “Yes. I think you are going to steal my bike.”
He could get on my bike with every intention of returning it and then rethink the whole thing while he’s gone and I never see him nor Lu again.
He said, “I could hook you up on the pier, wristbands and passes and everything.”
I said, “My bike is worth more than wristbands and passes.”
Then he was like, “Okay, okay, but you don’t really think I would steal your bike or you would have grabbed it so I couldn’t jack you.” As he walked away.
I yelled, “IT’S LOCKED!!!” and we both laughed.
But that was that.
I don’t know why but everybody wanted to come be by me yesterday. You know I’m the hotspot but dang! It was so annoying.
I’m thankful I got a good night’s sleep though. Al Hamdulillah!
I woke up at like five and went to the Pier to see the Sunrise and it was magnificent.
That’s when I noticed that Summer is over when there were no tourists.
Then I pushed to the Club and here I am.
Grateful for life and a good life with lots of fun and excitement, everything I need. Good health. Peace and Contentment. Righteousness and Truth. Food, Clothes and Shelter. I just got my Tap Card! So, it’s on. I can go back to Malibu and ride the train again.
As-Salaamu ‘Alaikum Ma Beautiful Asiatic Black Bebies!
Do you know what it means to miss New Orleans? Sometimes, I get so homesick for New Orleans.
Feel me?
I wasn’t even going to write today. First, because the Club Computer Center used to be closed on Wednesdays so I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to in the first place.
Second, because when I was in school, my mother used to make us go EVERY DAY and I used to want to miss school sometimes, just to be missed. But I felt guilty today. I feel like some of you really like to read what I write, so I’m not going to be selfish. K? 😉
We used to get Perfect Attendance trophies and awards every year in school. I didn’t care.
When I got grown and me and Ibnana used to go to Leimert every week, I would take some days off just to be missed and see who would try to take over my place as Queen.
Then I would come back and reclaim the throne.
It was fun, fed my hunger for power but Ibnana used to just note how “unpredictable” I was.
I think I’ve outgrown such pettiness and can get down to the business of writing for the purpose Our Saviour, Master Fard Muhammad, To Whom Praises Are Due Forever, Blessed Me With This Gift.
English Translation of the Holy Quran by Maulana Muhammad Ali
In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful.
103:1 By the time! —
103:2 Surely man is in loss,
103:3 Except those who believe and do good, and exhort one another to Truth, and exhort one another to patience.
* * * * * *
As your Muslim Sister, and as Muslims period, we are obligated to exhort one another to Truth, Patience and in another place it says Mercy. I try to do this through my writings as well as in my daily interactions and I pray Allah, you do the same.
In this way we will strengthen ourselves, our families, our communities and our NATION.
So, I’m just going to keep on going in the same vein that I’ve been writing and just relate the daily events of my life, In sha Allah.
Yesterday, after I left the Club, I found that park where they’re having the Summer Jazz Concert Series. The Best Word I can think of to describe it is quaint. It’s like a little suburban community park, but it’s cute and comfortable and safe.
They were playing Soccer and softball. 🙂
I thought about spending the night there. I didn’t want to stay there right then because I thought someone might report me to the police. You know how corny devils are. But I thought I might stay there a bit and just cool out and then come back when everybody had gone home.
But when I went to that other park, they were kind of doing the same types of group activities and they didn’t leave until ten!
The Sun had not even gone down yet.
So, I swung on the swings a minute. Tried to write. Tried to color. But deep down I think I wanted to see the Sunset. So right before it went down, I found myself racing it to the beach. I made it just in time. 🙂
It was nice, but it’s always nice at the beach…
So, I was kind of worried about where I was going to spend the night. I didn’t have anything solid. But I knew Allah Would Point Something Out To Me.
I just have a dollar, but I want to keep that to make sure I can get to court next month, but I really wanted some tea. I debated panhandling, but my pride.
I mean Our Beloved Messenger (May the peace and the blessings of Allah Forever Be Upon Him) talked about begging so badly that it is extremely hard for me.
I see people with signs (now most of them have a little sob story “Homeless veteran” or “Trying to feed my kids” or “No drugs, just need money for food…“) and then the new thing they say now is “Anything Helps.” There’s even this Muslim Sister and yesterday I saw her counting her money and thought, “All I need is $2.00 for a cup of tea. That should be easy to get. Or maybe I could just ask somebody to buy me a cup of tea…”
So, when I was in the bathroom, I saw this Muslimah with her children and I asked her if she had $2.00 but she barely spoke any English and did not understand. I think she thought I was offering her $2.00 because she kept saying “Thank-you.” So then I was like forget it.
I get greater enjoyment talking to Muslims from abroad and practicing my Arabic. I found out they were from Palestine!!! And there were so many things I wanted to ask her I couldn’t narrow it down to just one question to begin with. So, I just contented myself with the fact that I had met a Muslimah from Palestine.
I think most of them go to New Orleans. I met a gang of Muslims from Palestine in New Orleans. DJ Khalid is from New Orleans and his family is from Palestine. But I don’t think he’s a good Muslim. I mean, I’m not too familiar with his music, except for one song I used to like with a bunch of people I can’t remember but in the beginning of the video he had two women getting out of a limo with him and that might be okay in Orthodox Islam, which he probably is, but that is the OLD ISLAM.
We don’t do that in the New Islam. It’s One Man One Woman.
Our Beloved Messenger (May the Peace and the Blessings of Allah Forever Be Upon Him) wrote the following:
MUHAMMAD SPEAKS NEWSPAPER – January 11, 1974 (Page 13)
“There are a lot of crazy and nasty minded people in this world. Some of them write me (husbands and wives write me) asking for freedom to take over other women and other men.
“You stand today as much to be charged with committing fornication and adultery as you were before ever you heard Islam!
“I wish you would stay out of the category of fools!
But I digress. I ended up going to a Coffee Bean and just asking how much for a cup of hot water. The employees were young and cool and he said it was free. So, I put a little milk in it, some sugar, cinnamon, chocolate and vanilla and it tasted just like Chai.
I chilled in there for a minute. I like Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf.
Starbucks is EVIL.
That’s Ester in their logo. The oversexed mermaid with her legs open over her head. SMH Just nasty. What kind of mermaid opens her legs period? And she got hers over her head!!!
If you have any decency and intelligence, Stay away from Starbucks!!!
If you notice, a lot of them are removing her picture from their signage. They don’t want you to know how filthy she is and they are for still worshiping her.
So, I go to the Coffee Bean and get some Jasmine Tea Chai when I have the ends. You can charge your electronic devices and use WiFi and the bathroom if you’re homeless like me.
Why did I hear this mother talking to one of her sons, she was ready to leave and you know how mothers act like they’re going to leave their children? (I hate that btw. It’s mean and disrespectful. You don’t have to scare your children to get them to obey you. Be nice. It’s nicer.) Anyway, he finally came and she said something like “See, you almost got left, and then you would be… HOMELESS!”
I was not expecting her to say “homeless.” I don’t know what I thought she was going to say. “Lost,” maybe. “All alone.” Or something. But I never knew the word “homeless” could sound so bad. I felt forlorn. But it made me see how most people view homelessness nowadays.
I guess being in it (homeless), I miss how it looks from the outside.
But to me, it’s not so bad. I mean, I get to wake up and the first thing I see when I open my eyes is the ocean, or the sky, or the Sunrise and to me that’s better than anything I’ve ever seen when I first opened my eyes when I had a home.
I guess it depends on your values. Some people value a roof over their head. I value ascetics. I’ve had roofs over my head, but they’ve never been as beautiful as the open sky, the stars, the clouds, birds and palm trees.
I guess, I’m spoiled now. I want a house, but I want a house where I can see all this stuff too.
So anyway, I stopped before I got to a more ideal spot because I saw an open bench and thought I had better claim it before someone else did.
There were three benches in a row. A homeless man was eating some chips or something on the far right one, and if I wasn’t so desperate, I would have just kept going, but I didn’t want to get to the end and they were all taken and then try and come back to this one and find it was taken too. So, I just took the one on the far left.
I sat there a minute and listened as he noisily ate his chips or whatever it was.
I’m supersensitive sometimes but when I’m really determined, I can tune everything out. So, that’s what I did and eventually I just laid down and went to sleep.
I woke up a little later and to my surprise, he was gone. I thought he was going to spend the night there.
I found out why he left later on in the night.
The sprinklers came on. SMH
I jumped up with my blankets and tried to move Lulu out the way but she wouldn’t budge. I forgot she was locked to the bench. So, I just left her and moved out the way. Luckily, she was out of the line of water 😉 but the bottom of my blankets and my skirt were pretty wet.
I thought about finding another spot, but I’ve never been intimidated or put off by water. I LOVE WATER. So, the sprinklers were only on for about five minutes, and the bench was just a little wet, so I just laid back down, wet blankets, wet skirt, wet socks and all and went back to sleep. LOL I thought maybe the water would turn cold and I would be too uncomfortable to sleep, but I have mind control over my circumstances and wasn’t even aware of the wetness.
I woke up early, like four a.m. which is the time I’m really used to getting up. In the Nation we pray at 4:30 every morning, so me and Ibnana used to get up as early as 3:30 sometimes.
The sky over the beach was so beautiful. I saw stars and just watched as Allah turned up the dimmer. 🙂
I tried to give names to the color of the ocean as it changed. It went from some color I can’t remember the name I gave it to Periwinkle. And I thought about when me and Ibnana used to watch “Blue’s Clues.” Ibnana is so good at impersonations. I think Zawji is too although I’ve never seen him do any.
You know, he went from Zawji to Beaux, which is kind of backwards. But whatever…
Oh! I just thought of the song I was trying to remember this morning.
“We are looking for Blue’s Clues…” LOL
So, I decided to be greedy and go back to The Coffee Bean. I still had my cup and thought they shouldn’t trip. It’s only water. And they have a COLD water jug right there for you to help yourself. It shouldn’t be too big of a deal that I prefer my water hot, right? Wrong.
I knew when I first walked in and saw the two Problem #2s that it was going to be a problem. Christians.
There was a Brother sleeping in one of the booths. And after I got my hot water and putting in my extras, Problem #2 #1 started banging on his table, “You got to go! I’ma call the police.”
So, I sit down and start writing in my notebook, “You got to go too. You can’t sit in here without buying something.”
“Why not?” I asked innocently.
“Call the police!” She said to Problem #2 #2. But I’m not afraid of her nor the police. In fact, why not wait until the police come? I’ve got nothing else to do. So, me and the sleep brother tried to ignore her and chat it up a bit.
But the police came in like 15 seconds!!! I was like Mm mm mm. Santa Monica rich devils.
There was a man sleep on the ground in front of the store and Problem #2 #1 told the police, “Him, him and her!”
So I kept writing and the police chose to single me out. “Come on, Ma’am. (I’m starting to hate when people call me “Ma’am.”) You heard her.”
But I was writing about how badly Christianity has poisoned Black people into the love of our enemies and the hatred of ourselves, so I just said, “Okay, I’m almost done.”
Meanwhile, the sleep Brother was really taking his time.
But eventually, I finished my paragraph and I shouted, “Jazakallah!” to Problem #2 #1 as I stormed out the restaurant.
She was the worst out of the two. I tried to be nice and give them my website. I heard her talking behind my back after #2 #2 gave me my hot water and I went over to the concession stand.
“What’s she doing now?” #2 #1 asked evilly.
“She’s writing something down.”
So, I finished and gave a “flier” to Problem #2 #2 while Problem #2 #1 was hairy assing the sleep Brother.
After I had sat down, I heard #1 ask #2 what I had given her. She told her. And #1 said, “She ain’t got no website!”
It amazes me sometimes how filled with Christianity poison and hatred of self our people are. The sleeping Brother and I were talking about how differently she would have treated us had we been white.
Anyway, I finally left and the sleeping Brother followed me out the store. Neither one of us had anything particular to do and he commented about Lu.
“Is that your bike?”
I felt like playing with him. I mean, who else’s bike would it be?
“Nah, I’m just using it...”
“How you do that?”
DUMB ASS. Of course, It’s my bike! Doesn’t it look like my steez? Jeez!
“Nah, she’s mine.”
So then, we start watching as the police and this lady from Department of Mental Health start talking to the man sleep on the ground.
In New Orleans, they have teams that go out and collect information on the homeless and they give them houses!
So, I went and asked the DMH lady if they help homeless people get housing here.
She said, they refer you to “resources.” And I’m just about up to my neck in “resources,” but I talked to her for a minute.
She told me to go to DMH and they could get me a social worker, blah, blah, blah.
I told her I can’t take medication.
She said, “You don’t have to!”
I was like, GTFOH! I been diagnosed for twenty years. You can’t fool a Muslim nowadays, Bih.
But she insisted. I told her I knew where the place is but took the paper she gave me. Upside is, she told me about a place I can take a shower on the weekends. The Club is closed on the weekends.
I even thought about actually going to DMH. But I don’t know if I want an apartment.
I mean, it would be so BORING.
I did it for a little while when Ibnana first went to go live with ______________.
And I was bored and depressed out of my mind.
Cooking dinner for one is THE most depressing thing in the world.
So cheah. IDK
When I went back over to Lu and the sleeping Brother, he had put on some sunglasses and was smoking. Like trying to impress me.
I said, “You smoke?” Disgustedly.
Then I thought he put it out. So kept talking.
“You homeless?”
He didn’t like his living situation, prolly with Ma Dukes.
Then he started smoking again and I bounced.
I told him I don’t like smokers and ran away.
I went to the pier and OMG The ocean is beautiful from near and from afar. I sat in my favorite spot and just watched the waves break. Then I went on the other side and it had cleared up and was just beautiful. I saw all of the houses in the hills and wondered what street you take to get up there. I know it’s only one.
So then I came on to the Club.
Supper yesterday was so good. They had beef stew with rice and salad. I just had the sauce from the stew. But the rice was like rice pilaf rice and the salad had Kalamata olives!!!!!!!!!
I started to get some when I went to the Farmer’s Market, but you know how sometimes, stuff is so good it scares you off? So, I just got some feta cheese stuffed green olives. But next time… In sha Allah…
I hope Supper is good today too. In Sha Allah it will be. I’m thankful either way.
So, my phone wouldn’t charge when I plugged it in but I had to go back to the place where I got it today and the Brother who gave it to me is my exes doppel and I came up on a new charger. LOL At his expense…!
I love going to the DPSS office. It is Liit!!! Zimbabwe works there and he seems to have the best job. I mean his job is to give people money! What could be better than that?
Comedians make people laugh. Thats the best job! If you do it in a decent and intelligent, righteous and approved manner. Most African American comedians make jokes about other African Americans. That’s mean.
Islamic humour is witty and I still feel guilty.
* * * * * * *
I also went to Subway on Monday, and Our Saviour’s Doppel was in there making everything wonderful for me. It trips me out because sometimes His Doppels curse and drink and all kind of stuff I try to do too. But I can’t because I’m a Lady.
So, He was complaining about all the things I was too shy to and as He left He said He was going to complain to the corporate headquarters or something and I took that as my cue.
I immediately went to the website and wrote a scathing email about what bad service they had at that restaurant.
They replied today and offered to send me some sandwich tickets.
I know they just do that to try and shut you up. So, I replied telling him his downplaying of the situation will not work and told him what still needed to be done.
I thought about refusing the tickets until I was satisfied with his reply but niggas is broke!!! LOL
We’ll see if he responds. I doubt it. I hope he really sends the tickets, but I won’t be surprised if he doesn’t. Remember the Good Samaritan Devil and the fictional dollar in the basket?
That’s all that’s going on in my little life. It seems so boring to me right now, but I’ve had that feeling before and when I went back to re-read it, it was interesting. So, I hope you’ve had the same experience and I haven’t bored you.
Oh, yeah. I don’t think Beaux wants me to tell you but Master Fard Muhammad, To Whom Praises are due forever, does and He Trumps Beaux.
So, yesterday, I tried to send him the video again after I had edited it down to ten seconds, but my phone still wouldn’t send it.
I got pissed at HIM and sent him a crazy text. Hey that has a nice ring to it. When you send somebody a text that seems like you have split personalities, let’s call it a “crazy text” LOL
Anyway, I wrote something like, “I tried to send you a video so you will know it’s me, but my phone won’t let me. So, I’m going to send you an e-mail In sha Allah and then you can stop playing games, Jamal.”
He told me nobody calls him “Jamal” but me and his mother.
So….. stay tuned.
One more thing. There was a bit of drama at the club today. You know I’m kind of aloof, right?
Well, I was sitting in the laundry room waiting for somebody to come and take their clothes out the machine so I could wash mine and then this devil man comes and says to himself, “Some lady’s gonna be mad at me for taking her clothes out but I’ve gotta wash my clothes.”
So, I’m the only one in the room and then this crazy Brother comes in and starts asking me if I took the clothes out. I said, “No. I didn’t.” Then he asks me if those clothes are mine. I said, “No. They aren’t.”
I’m like. Shit. If he/she had taken the clothes out in the first place, he wouldn’t be standing there wondering what was up. I’m not snitching.
So, then he goes and tells that I’m sitting in the laundry room with the light off and the door closed. I was trying to sleep!
Then I’m like, Forget it. I had that other stuff to take care of with my phone and whatnot, to be waiting around for somebody.
So, I get my clothes and walk out. Then this big ass devil lady comes getting all up in my face, “What were you doing in the laundry room?”
I’m thinking, “Bitch, you ain’t my momma get the fuck out my face!”
But I just said, “Excuse me.” And tried to pass her.
She moved and kind of bumped into me so I couldn’t pass her.
“Is it your turn to do your laundry? What were you doing in the laundry room?!?!?”
“Who is you, Bitch!” I think. But I don’t say anything and eventually she moves.
So, I put two and two together. This must be the crazy Brother’s white bitch and he told her on me. LOL
So, I went and put my clothes back on, resigning myself that I’m just going to have to wash them tomorrow. And decided I better tell somebody before things get out of control and I lose my laundry privileges over some bullshit.
So, I told the HNIC and he was cool.
And that was that.
You know I was thinking earlier that it really is a shame that so many Brothers think white girls are so much better than Black girls that they expect the Black girls to compete with their white devil girlfriends.
As-Salaamu ‘Alaikum Ma Beloved And Beautiful Asiatic Black Bebies!
I had a wonderful day yesterday and I pray you all had just as wonderful a day as I did. It started out wonderful and ended even more wonderful!
You know how I missed the Sunrise, right? Well after I left “The Club” (I call it the “Club” now instead of the Center because I overheard the receptionist on the phone talking to potential new members and she was telling them that we aren’t accepting any new members until next month. Which made me feel like I was part of an exclusive club that only a certain privileged few were allowed to enter.
Nevermind that they don’t really help you find housing and after they get you on their list [which I know they give over to donors], you’re pretty much on your own. But, I am extremely grateful for all of the resources available to me. And consider myself very lucky to have a place like this to spend my time. Allahu Akbar!)
… I went straight to the beach. I went down the Promenade just to see what was cracking. I like to ride up the Promenade and ride down the beach. I stopped at this spot where the founder of Santa Monica used to sit every day and watch the Sunset.
I think it is the nicest point of view to see the Sunset and yesterday was exceptionally beautiful. There is a monument to him where you can sit without being observed by all the passers-by. I had passed by the spot scores of times before I ever noticed it.
I took so many pictures yesterday because I thought it couldn’t get any better but it stayed and kept getting more beautiful until the sky was gray and the color from the Sun was completely gone from the sky.
It lasted much longer than the actual Sunset.
It was so beautiful that I didn’t mind all of the people who came and crowded my spot to witness the wonder of Allah’s Creation.
I have an uncanny talent for finding “the spot.” I find a spot that no one is paying attention to and within five minutes it’s swarming with people. Depending on my mood, I may get annoyed and go find another spot, or I may just take it all in stride and offer to take pictures of people so they can all be in the photo. 😉
I made a video too. It’s uploading onto YouTube. I’ve decided to go back to an old way I had of uploading videos since I don’t have my laptop anymore. It just takes forever. So whenever it’s finished, I’ll try to catch up and add the many videos I’ve taken to enhance your reading, In sha Allah.
OMG! Why when I was on the Promenade I decided to look into Champs for “old times sake?” There used to be a “Champs” in the Beverly Center when me and Beaux used to work there and I seem to recall buying all of our kicks from there.
Anyway, there is a store right next door to Champs that I’ve always admired the outfits in the display window but never went inside. I felt like I wasn’t supposed to because the outfits are rather revealing.
So, I went into Champs first and they have the best selection of cute tennis shoes than any other the other athletic gear stores I’ve been in (Adidas, Converse and Foot Locker). I haven’t been in the Nike store or Foot Action yet. But Champs is cool because you can get any brand there and their selection of cute shoes was the best.
But I had never seen a $200.00 pair of tennis shoes before. I have expensive tastes and the shoe I picked up was $200.00. It was the same style I had seen at the Adidas store but I wasn’t looking at prices back then. At Champs, you can’t miss the price tag. It’s right there, like BAM! LOL
So, after I left Champs, I was drawn into the store next door. I kind of don’t want to tell you the name because the clothes in that store were so slutty. But I LOVED it! LOL
I mean, when you’re married, why you can’t dress like a slut at home for your Zawji’s eyes only? For real though?
Those clothes were so cute! But every time I pulled an outfit out to get a better look, it was always slit on the side, or the midriff was missing or something equally as slutty. I was embarrassed every time! LOL But I couldn’t stop looking. SMH
I couldn’t believe somebody actually designed and made those clothes to be sold and for someone to BUY!!!
It wasn’t long before I found the cutest outfit in the entire store, but I didn’t have anything else to do so I kept looking.
I made a joke with the salesgirl after finding a green and white short in the front, long in the back dress that she was returning to the stock. I said, you can buy it and wear to church on Easter. LOL
You know those women in churches dress like thots. Not so at the Temple of Islam. We will give you something to cover up with. You won’t be sitting in front of our Minister trying to tempt him and disgracing the True House of Allah (God).
Then some sequins caught my eye. And I like sequins so I pulled it out and why was it a purple, gold and green dress. I immediately thought Mardi Gras and had to take a picture.
I did even better and went Live on Facebook. Let me see if I can post the video or a link. BRB
Gotta click “Watch on Facebook” if you want to see the dress.
So, after I had looked at all the slutty clothes, I went back to the best outfit in the whole store (it reminded me of Forever 21 but sluttier LOL) and I thought, “You’re not going to buy it, but why not try it on??? Hee hee hee”
So, I’ve learned that alot of times, clothes can look cute on the hanger but it’s a totally different story when you actually put it on, and vice versa.
There used to be this company of male designers in Leimert and one time I was at their headquarters and this Brother showed me this dress. It looked like a big denim sock with the foot cut out. LOL And I was like, Ewww, this thing is ugly. But he convinced me to put it on and it looked so good. It was stretch denim and hugged every little curve I had back then. LOL I didn’t show him but it just illustrated to me that you have to try every thing on before you buy it because it might not look right once you get it on, and vice versa.
So, this outfit was so cute. It was a black, low v-neck, spaghetti-strapped leotard that was overlaid with heavy lace. The lace continued where the leotard ended and it was like a see-through ankle-length black lace dress.
So, yesterday after I finished the blog, I sent Beaux a song.
Because remember he had sent me that text saying he had no idea who I was?
I wasn’t ready to tell him yet so I sent the song and even I was kind of annoyed that all she says is, “Me” or something but doesn’t say who “me” is. Sorry Beaux, but I wasn’t ready yet.
So, when I tried on the outfit, I made a video and decided that was how I was going to let him know it was me, right? Wrong. When I tried to send it later on that night, my Obamaphone wouldn’t let me attach the video. 😦 I even trimmed it until it was half as long (about 14 seconds). I tried to take a screenshot, a little. Not really. I mean, I might still try and do something with it, but my battery was dying so maybe later today, In sha Allah. Maybe if I edit it down to ten seconds…
So, why when I went into the dressing room, they were all empty, but when I came out there was a line? I told you I always find the hot spot. Hell, I think I am the Hot Spot!”
Then, I give my outfit to the saleslady and go to leave the store. When I look at the place on the wall where the outfit was, why were there none left? And there had been about four or five of them!
I wish I could post the video (kind of, but not really LOL) so you can see how cute it is, but I’m in it. LOL Sorry
So, then I went to see the Sunset.
After the Sunset, I was in a oh wait, let me see if it finished uploading BRB
I might post the pictures too.
So, then I found out I had more food stamps than I thought. Oh, tell me why is the picture on the California EBT card, the place in Malibu where I almost drowned? Actually, it’s the place I was trying to get to when I almost drowned.
But that just goes to show how beautiful it is. I would post a picture but this computer won’t let me. Maybe later on my phone, In sha Allah.
I know it’s the same place because, if you look closely, you can see the Paradise Cove pier.
So, to celebrate the food stamp “surplus” I decided to go get some ice cream. And I really like Ralph’s better than Vons now, because Ralph’s says “Thank you, loyal customer” or something like that, and that makes me feel appreciated. So even though Vons is closer, I rode all the way back to the Club to go to Ralph’s, which is right down the street and who makes me feel like they appreciate my patronage.
There is also this park I found out about and wanted to find, just because I’m homeless and parks are one of the few places (public) homeless people can go without being hairy-assed. LOL
They are having a Jazz Summer Concert Series next month and I wanted to go until I saw out of all the four acts, there is only one BLACK person! In a JAZZ Concert Series! That is disturbing. So, I probably won’t go even though one of the groups specializes in New Orleans jazz. I know it’s just going to piss me off.
So, I got some ice cream and tried to find the park. I couldn’t find it but I did find the Santa Monica Arts Center, where there are all these fine art galleries. They look so expensive. They have auctions. Rich people live in Santa Monica, I’m discovering.
So, since I couldn’t find the new park, I went to an old park I really like that has a Library, and it’s so crazy because it’s only about a block away from Santa Monica College (where “The Parkers” and everybody else who lives in L.A. went to college LOL) but I never knew there was a public library right there.
Anyway, I got to listen to basketballs, which is one of my favorite sounds. I love the way basketballs sound when they bounce. I especially love the sound of the “swoosh” when it’s nothing but net. This court was outdoors, but the sound of tennis shoes as they squeak on the court makes me feel some kinda way.
I read Miles’ autobiography and he liked the sound of basketball games too. He mentioned how quiet it would get in the gym when the ball traveled from the shooter’s hand to the time it made or missed the basket.
The sound of the rim when the basketball hits it (brick) is like scratching a chalkboard to me almost.
I should have stayed at that park. I had a premonition that it was time to find a new spot. When you’re homeless, you have to keep it moving. But I had grown accustomed to my spot, so back I went.
I still felt like riding around, and took the long way “home.”
I went down Pico towards the beach but had to turn off when I neared a place that held bad memories for me.
I turned down 14th Street and why did I come across a cemetery!?!? For some reason, Allah likes me to visit cemeteries, so when I saw the gate was wide open, after visiting New Orleans, where they lock the cemeteries so they can charge you for tours, I had to go in.
It was pitch black and so creepy and scary! I LOVED it! There were tall trees lining the path and they overshadowed it making it even darker and scarier. But I had to.
I rode slowly through the cemetery. I don’t know what time it was, maybe about nine thirty. And all I kept thinking was, “I’m surrounded by dead bodies.” That was a weird feeling. But I kept going. It was so quiet and peaceful, I thought about spending the night there, but it was too dark and I didn’t feel safe. I thought I saw somebody who had already decided to sleep there, but I think it was just a sleeping bag or some other bulky something or another. I didn’t stop to inspect.
So, I rode through and came out a little further down. It was so weird because I had been over there before on the back street. It was directly across the street from Santa Monica College but the entrance was on a side street. So going down the main streets on the side, you would never know there was a cemetery right there.
I thought it was a golf course when I had seen it before.
So, I’m still riding and I come across a park. And you know I love parks. So, I decided to ride through. I had been on the other side when I was feeling particularly bad about being homeless and don’t really have good memories about that side.
But this side had a gym and so I had to look inside and see all the Brothers.
It was tiny and there was only one Brother.
Disappointing.
But I rode farther into the park and discovered a “skate park”/”bike park”
I had never seen anything like what I saw before.
There was a deep pit that looked too deep to even climb out of but there it was.
So there were bikers all around and I love watching sports. I can’t help it. I know Sport And Play Keep One’s Mind off of Allah, so I try to stave off the attraction.
But they were right there. I do the same thing with skaters. I love the sound of skateboards almost as much as basketballs. And I like to sportscast, like we’re on T.V. It’s so fun. But I know girls aren’t supposed to do that kind of stuff.
So, I got out my camera and as soon as I got it going, he got out of the pit.
So, I rode around the park just a little bit more, then I pushed to the spot.
Why were there these devil teenagers RIGHT next to my bench, acting devilish?
I moved to another bench.
And got comfortable and eventually fell asleep.
Why did later, I feel someone tapping me? I thought it was the police, so I was like, “WHAT!?!”
It was some devil asking me if I needed any money, a dollar or something.
That’s the thing about being so conspicuous. Even though I was completely wrapped in my blankets from head to toe, (why did I pick up some white jail blankets at the Club? LOL) I know he recognized Lu. I’m kind of cute and I know a lot of these men would like to have me.
But I’m Beaux’s, so I was like, “All I need is for you to leave me alone!”
He would not leave, so I was like, “Just put the dollar in the basket on my bike!”
I heard him reach in and then get on a skateboard and leave.
After a while, I looked in my basket, but there was no dollar. Devils.
But, as if that was predicting what was going to happen later, at about 4:40 a.m., somebody else is tapping me on my shoulder. This time it really was the po-pos. I knew I should have stayed at the other park.
But I just went to the pier and looked at what a difference a day had made in the beach. Whereas, last night was beautiful, colorful and sunny, this morning was gray and drab.
But it was still beautiful! All Praise is due to Allah!
As-Salaamu ‘Alaikum Ma Beautiful and Beloved Asiatic Black Bebies!
How was your A.J. Day WEEKEND?!!?!?!?!?
A.J. Day was Saturday, but I was niggardly and didn’t buy the Lindt chocolate I was supposed to have to celebrate with on Saturday, so I extended it to include Sunday too and just had the first A.J. Day Weekend!!! Al Hamdulillah!!! I hope you had as good a time as I had! Allahu Akbar!
In college, I studied Journalism and as opposed to storytelling where you build up to the apex of a story, in Journalism, you are supposed to hit straight for the most important part of the story first, so I’m going to begin with the most important part of A.J. Day Weekend for me.
Last night, I had a good time on the Promenade. I noticed something that had escaped me before. Remember I told you about Sheharazad and the other Arabian singer? Well, two more Arabian acts were there this weekend. A female and a live guitarist and drummer band.
They have by far the best and most popular entertainment on the whole Promenade and I told you over seventy-five per cent of the patrons are Middle Eastern. So you know I just love it there.
BUT what I noticed last night is that the Muslim women who are dressed like me (covered) know the songs, tip the performers and videotape the performances, but they NEVER dance.
The women who dance know the songs and do all the above, BUT they look like Americans. They don’t cover. They usually have on shorts and tank tops and look just like all other American women.
This struck me as kind of disappointing because I love to dance and I know how to dance like the women who dance, but I can’t because I am representing Islam and although I pick up on some Islamic terms in the music, I don’t think it is representing Allah and Islam in an entirely positive way.
Here is what I think.
The Muslim women know how to dance like the other women but we only do it in private.
I was reading a book I picked up for free at a giveaway at the Library. It was a book I had heard of but had never read. I stopped reading it after I was reminded why I try to steer clear of anything produced by devils.
But anyway, the book talked about two kinds of women: prostitutes and decent women.
That’s about all there is. Either you are one or the other.
The decent women cover and don’t dance in public.
The prostitutes come out half-dressed (or covered) and don’t carry themselves in a modest fashion, i.e. dancing in public.
I understand why it is best not to cross the line because one of the women who was dancing, did it in an acceptable manner (imo) but there was another woman who just looked slutty.
Another thing I observed is that the older women danced better.
I think it is because of experience.
But another thing that held the younger women back is that they are Americanized. I felt sorry for them because you could see they felt the pull of the culture but it just wasn’t in them like it was in the older women. When they tried to do the dances, it didn’t look as natural as it did for the older women.
So, I left the Promenade earlier than usual, and went to see what was cracking on the Pier.
I’m so thankful for Lulu. She makes getting around so much EASIER and more convenient. If I didn’t have her, I probably would have just pushed to the spot.
The Pier was cool. But at night, I like the Promenade better. The people are more refined on The Promenade because there are nothing but shops so you have to have some ends.
The Pier is more for children, with Pacific Park and whatnot.
The Pier at night is more beautiful than in the daytime, however. And I like to “read” the lights on the ferris wheel. They’re different every night.
The Promenade is better for the performers. The patrons are more apt to tip since the Promenade is designed for spending money. At least, that’s been my observation.
The musical artists on the Pier seem to be there more for atmospheric background music accompanying all that water.
It’s interesting but The Pier seems to have it’s own type of music. It’s like world music and “meditation” type music. The musicians play foreign instruments like sitars and whatnot.
Sometimes it creeps me out because it is eerily close to Buddhism or at least it feels like it to me. But Islam is first and everything good in any religion originated with Islam – like Tai Chi and meditation, so I’m sure that that type of music is in there too.
So, I had a good time on the Pier and then decided to push to the spot.
I got there but didn’t feel like sleeping. So whenever I don’t feel like sleeping, I don’t sleep. I don’t care what time it is nor how long I’ve been awake. If I’m not sleepy, that means I don’t need to sleep.
I’m not taking sleeping pills just because I’m not sleepy and everybody else thinks I’m supposed to sleep.
If I’m not sleepy that means, I’m supposed to be doing something else.
A lot of people who suffer from “mental illness” don’t sleep at the designated times.
It has something to do with melatonin.
One of the first things the psychiatrist asks is “Are you sleeping okay?”
I know many people who stay awake for three to five days at a time.
If the doctors really wanted to help, they would see the connection between this length of time and the typically prescribed “72-hour hold” which is generally how long an episode lasts.
But Allah, Master Fard Muhammad, To Whom Praises Are Due Forever, Does Not Sleep At All. And we are Gods and Goddesses, so we should not think it is unusual for us to not sleep as well.
The dominant society just wants to slow us down and nothing except death is slower than sleep.
So, as we say in the Hip-Hop Community “Don’t Sleep” LITERALLY.
So, I was also feeling a deep longing for Beaux. (That’s my new name for Zawji. 😀 I’ve always liked that name for a big strong handsome man. Bo’s are always big, strong and handsome except for Bo Buchanon who used to be on “One Life To Live” (IMO) but he was one of the stars of the show.
I’ve like that name since “Bonanza.” LOL I’m sorry but I’m from the Wild Wild West and I can’t help it but I like cowboys. I used to like the theme song from that show. Let me see if I can find it. I liked “Little Jo” too. He died in the same hospital as I was giving birth to my firstborn. 😦 R.I.P. “Pa” Even though he was a devil.) Hoss was cool but ugly. I guess he was the DUFF.
Then one time I was coming home from New Orleans and I met this guy named Bo from Atlanta. He was big, strong and handsome. Man, I love that name. But I like to spell it Beaux, like they would in New Orleans. Or Beau, like they would in Paris.)
So anyway, I was really missing Beaux last night. And I haven’t really thought about him in that way and haven’t written too much about him either. So, even though when I was in jail, I had resigned myself to fall back, I decided to send him a text.
I didn’t really know what to say. It was like 11:30 and I debated whether to send it at all, since it was so late. But you know I’m crazy, right? So that’s never stopped me before. I just debated what to send and decided to just be honest and wrote, “Just thinking about you…”
Now, sometimes I get messages from other dimensions and I got one that told me he got my text. And I was happy so I sent an emoji blowing a kiss.
Then why did I get a text from him???!!!!!
I was like OMG!!! This is major! Although I didn’t really trip. I think I’m cool after all this time. I’ve been texting and e-mailing him for over three years and in all that time only got one response. (Which I don’t even think was from him. I had just gotten him fired from his job and he let Malik cuss me out LOL)
So when I got the text, I think I may have been in shock.
I wasn’t sure how I felt.
Usually I ask Allah.
But I didn’t think to ask last night.
Allah Told Me Don’t Say Anything.
So I didn’t.
Fake world A.J. replied and I want to hear from Beaux.
Then this came on. But the Internet Gods were in an uproar because of his text and I didn’t hear it until this morning. Same message. Just delayed.
I went to sleep.
Allah Told Me Don’t Respond So I Didn’t Want To Make Being Obedient Difficult.
I saw a little ladybug crawling on the park bench I was going to go to sleep on. And I just played with him/her and thought about what had just happened.
I didn’t tell you what he wrote.
I guess I’ll put it for my and posterity’s sake. So when I’m rereading this in one, two, ten, twenty or a hundred years I won’t have to try and do the impossible and remember what he wrote. Although…. 😉
Anyway, He wrote, “I have no idea who this is.”
This pleases you haters. But I know that which you do not know.
I thought about things I could reply but Allah Is The Best Knower. And I submit to His Infinitely Wise Will.
Beaux knows exactly who I am. But he is not who sent that text. A.J. sent that b.s.. But Allah Is All-Knowing and All-Wise so I Hear and Obey.
I think I know what I’m going to reply, but that’s if my phone and the Internet Gods allow me to. LOL
I’ll let you know how it goes, In Sha Allah.
❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤
Ordinarily, I would just leave the blog as it is but sometimes, a lot of times, I do things that no one but I understand, and then when I go back and read it later, I exercise my brain by trying to remember what I meant when I wrote what I wrote.
But, I don’t want to do that with this one.
So, I’m going to explain.
When I woke up this morning on the park bench in the park, and opened my eyes, I was met with the most beautiful sight in the world – a clear blue sky and sunshine.
That feeling has been with me all day.
I wasn’t even disappointed that I missed the Sunrise. Sometimes the Sunrise is not even that beautiful. But when I woke up this morning!
The first thing that popped into my head was the video I posted at the top. I know they’re devils but I grew up in America…
Anyway, when I went to type the blog, “On A Clear Day” was what Allah (swt) Seemed to Want me to post. But I had posted that before I think. At least, I know I posted it on Facebook.
So, at first I had both. Then I deleted the Clear Day.
But kept the title.
So to help you, who may not be as into music as I am, understand the relationship between the title of the blog and the opening video, as well as what a beautiful day I’m having (and hope you are too 🙂 ) I’m going to post “On A Clear Day As Well.” Enjoy.
Oh my God. One time I was at the World Stage and I was going to sing this and the trio started off so good (swinging!) and I got through the first 32 bars LOVING IT!!! Then someone came and said they had to close early. SMH. Only me….
❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤
I was going to write about the Farmer’s Market in Samo this weekend, but there isn’t really too much to say except it was dope, better than dtla and I got some bomb food.
I have video of this singer I want to post later, In Sha Allah.
She was French and her guitar was dope.
But I really want to fill you in on what happened after I got out of jail.
I wasn’t going to say anything but when I wrote about what happened to my laptop, I think there might be some confusion. So, I want to relate what happened.
I got out of jail, didn’t have any money, or else I was going to buy new everything.
But since I didn’t have any money, I HAD to go back to the house to get the stuff I left (my computer and sleeping bag).
So, I go back to this quiet little neighborhood in the Malibu Hills and I kind of had a feeling I might run into the man who ran me out of the house.
I had on the same thing and I was on foot.
Sure enough, I see the car he was driving and he was following me.
I turned around and started walking towards his car. He keeps driving and passes me up.
So, I turn back around now that he’s gone and continue walking towards the house.
To make a long story short (it’s almost Suppertime 😉 )
I went to the house and he was out there with some more evil hateful devils and started recording me on his phone.
I asked “Where is that white girl?”
One of the other devils mockingly said, “WHAT white girl?”
So, then I was like whatever and started walking away.
The devil who ran me out the first time was still recording but get this. He starts reciting John 3:16.
I was like, “For real?” SMH
But I keep walking.
Then he repeats it. And I couldn’t take it anymore.
I said loudly, “THAT’S A LIE!”
A. God does not have a son
B. He is all-powerful and doesn’t have to kill anybody just to forgive your sins.
So anyway, I went around the corner, called the Sheriffs, and they came and got my stuff.
I just thought it was interesting that that devil would start quoting the Bible.
If you don’t think we are living in The Holy Spiritual War of ARMAGEDDON, you’ve got another “think” coming.
As-Salaamu ‘Alaikum Beloved and Beautiful Black Sisters and Brothers
As of 1:12 p.m. today, July 21, 2017, I have officially cut off every tie in my life except for Zawji.
Women are not supposed to be self-sufficient. Otherwise, I would have cut him off too.
We are the weaker sex and were made just for the purpose of helping out the Blackman.
They can be self-sufficient without us, like Allah, Master Fard Muhammad, to Whom Praises are due forever.
Say, He Allah is One. Allah is Self-Sufficient. He does not beget nor is He begotten. And there is none like unto Him.
That’s Surah Al Ikhlas. My translation. The Blackman can be Self-Sufficient. But it’s better if He has a wife to help Him.
The Blackwoman, on the other hand, was made to be dependent.
So, even though I can take care of myself, I still need guidance (help in making decisions).
Allah Created the Blackman with more powerful brains than us (Blackwomen) so we would be wise to find one who can lead and guide us and submit to his authority.
I’m Lucky because I know who my Zawji is. And even though we are not physically together, I still seek His Divine Guidance. Al Hamdulillah!
I took a picture yesterday that is a visual display of how I felt inside yesterday and still feel to some extent today.
I described it on Facebook as “melancolico” or however you spell it. I like it better in Portuguese.
I’ll post it later, In sha Allah.
Yesterday, I really wished I had a home to go to.
It’s fun being out and about but I have a dis-ease that is causing me some dis-comfort and when you’re sick, homeless is the last thing you want to be. There is no place for you to nurse your sickness. I just wanted to be alone and lay down and feel sorry for myself. LOL
But I have spiritual enemies that are very close to me and when you’re sick that’s when they think they can succeed against you.
It happened to Our Beloved Messenger (May the Peace and the Blessings of Allah Forever Be Upon Him) so, I am not above anything that happened to him.
I got kicked out of my little spot and although I could have gone back, I felt defeated and didn’t want to put myself in the same situation again.
So, I just slept outside in the park.
I can’t get a good night’s sleep out in the public like that because I can’t completely relax.
Then this morning the joggers woke me up at 5:30. SMH Morning people can be so annoying. LOL
I went and sat by the ocean and got to write and color and it was really peaceful. I debated whether or not I should go to the center. And I kind of regret that I didn’t stay there longer. But sometimes, we develop habits that can be difficult to break out of.
I wanted some coffee. Not that I’m addicted to coffee. It’s just that I’m addicted to having a warm drink in the mornings sometimes.
It makes me feel good.
It can be warm water.
I guess it’s a comfort food.
So, I left my cool spot. I regret it now, because they are so difficult to find. I’m in one now, Al Hamdulillah!
I think when I find these places and times, I’m going to stay until ZAWJI tells me to move. Not when I plan to.
Anyway, I was going to take the train to the HRC but the transit cops appeared out of nowhere.
I figured out why Lulu’s been so difficult to ride though. She just needed some air in her tires.
So, I got some and then pushed to the Center.
All of the HRCs are run by Christians and I do not trust them. They are borderline p-words.
I am so averse to the whole concept that I don’t even like to say the word.
Let me think of a way to tell you without actually saying it.
You know another word for a television show? Or a synonym for agenda?
That starts with a “P”
I am so against the whole concept because it’s basic training for the Christian army. It’s deceptive and evil and I cannot even put it into words.
I feel better now.
I’m just going to have to learn how to get by without the support and protection of my son.
He knew one day I was going to cut him off and I think that’s why it’s taken me so long.
But I cannot support him playing sports.
I had a friend who reminded me that Our Holy Qur’an Sharrieff says “This world’s life is naught but sport and play.”
Of course, I knew that. But I’ve always been into sports. My mother named me “Anet” pronounced “A Net” and I love basketball.
I did good for about eight years after I accepted my own (Islam) and did not watch nor discuss basketball at all.
Then I met a Brother “in the Nation” on Facebook and he got me interested again. It’s been difficult to turn it off since then. Hakim was about eight or nine then and although we didn’t watch it, we kept up with the scores and the Lakers won the championship that year and everybody was out in the streets partying and we went out there for a minute.
Now, he’s living with my infidel family and they’ve got him interested in things that we both know are haram.
I was hoping he was old enough and well-versed into the Teachings enough to withstand temptation.
But I had put him out before ever I had an episode.
I guess because Our Saviour, Master Fard Muhammad, To Whom Praises are due forever, Told Me I Was Doing A Good Job with him, it has been difficult for me to admit that he is completely off the path.
It started with his hair. I let that slide and although it’s not how I would like for him to wear it, it is not against guidelines.
Then he started wearing shorts and short-sleeved shirts that I never allowed. Shorts on a man is gay but I let it slide because he cycles. The youth know how to manipulate their parents to get their way but I never agreed with it. That was the first straw.
Then he didn’t want to get in the band at school. Muslims are known for having musical talent – like Angels.
And although, I am still up in the air about whether or not music is the “play” when Our Holy Qur’an states “This world’s life is naught but sport and play,” I really wanted him to play in the band.
Many times musicians are referred to as “players.”
Actors too. So maybe the “play” referred to in Our Holy Qur’an refers to the Arts period. Sport and Art. Unless it’s for a righteous purpose, I’m sure.
The Nation of Islam put on a play called “Orgena” back in the day. And used to have music at the Salaam restaurant. So, I guess if it is used for righteous purposes the Arts can be approved.
But I’m just going on. I’m having a difficult time trying to justify my son playing football.
It may seem like it’s not a big deal and I was going along with it for a while, just because I know it’s a quick way to make A LOT of money and I know that our Nation has a lot of building to do. But Our Beloved Messenger (May the Peace and the Blessings of Allah Forever Be Upon Him) NEVER used questionable means to gain funds.
I can’t go along with it. The ends do not justify the means.
I’m reminded of when my mother’s son first came out of the closet. I had not accepted my own (Islam) yet and he told me later that I would go back and forth in my support or disapproval of his lifestyle.
Well, eventually, I did accept my own and cut him and his abominable way of life off completely.
That’s what I see happening with my own son.
When he told me he wanted to play football… Let me think if I would feel the same way if he was playing basketball… Yes, because the bottom line is, His jersey would have the Name “ALLAH” and that would be a mockery to The Greatest and Most Powerful Human Being in the Universe, His Book, His Angels and All Who Believe in and Worship Him.
I am sorry I gave him that Holy Name.
Our Saviour, Master Fard Muhammad, To Whom Praises Are Due Forever, Gave me the name HAKIM. I was a baby in Islam, but I knew what it meant. I think I had looked it up because of Moesha’s neighbor.
In sha Allah, I’m wrong, because the Blackman has more powerful brains than I do. And Hakim means WISE. And ALLAH Did give me the name. But I don’t think so.
I’m cutting him off right here before it gets worse for me.
I am ashamed I gave him that Name. He is going to drag it through the mud and I don’t want to be associated with him.
I am reminded of the last Moorish ruler of Spain who lost the throne to Queen Elizabeth and whatever that man’s name was – Crusaders. He disgraced not just his family but the entire Muslim Caliphate.
As-Salaamu ‘Alaikum My Beautiful and Beloved Asiatic Black Brothers and Sisters in the Wilderness of North America
Man, oh man! My life is so unusual. I mean, even more than my life usually is!
I’m living homeless in Santa Monica and it’s crazy because Zawji’s facebook page says (or said) he lives out here too.
I’m not here because of him though.
I’m here because it’s the best place to be.
I even have a (310) area code on my Obama phone.
I had to let T-Mobile go after ten years due to Social Security cutting off my crazy check. But I’m grateful to have a phone.
California is so dope. Our Obamaphones are smartphones. In Atlanta, they only have the flip phones and I don’t even recall seeing them giving them away in NOLA.
And Santa Monica is the dopest of all because the whole city has WiFi. You don’t have to go to the library or a coffeeshop. But the computer gods pick and choose who can get logged in.
It was a while before I was able to get plugged in but now it’s on and crackin’.
So, there’s so much to do out here!
First, the BEACH!!!
I got so dark, I hardly recognized myself when I looked in the mirror.
I love to play in the sand and I had seen men bathing in the ocean water but never realized what a positive effect it has on your skin.
My legs are so silky smooth. I’ve always had nice legs but now! There is something about the ocean water that is good for your skin.
I only got in all the way twice because I don’t like the salty water taste. It is supersaturated almost with salt. And I don’t like it.
I like to walk on the shore and play with the incoming waves.
It’s crazy because I’ve been coming out here since Easter and during the week it was pretty empty but now! The parking lot is full all the time and I’ve NEVER seen that in my entire life.
I saw a Black family have to walk the bike trail just to get to their car! And this was like a TUESDAY!!!
At first, it used to piss me off because I like to be alone with the beach and the water and the sun and the birds and things but now, I just get my beach time in early in the morning before the crowds arrive.
I like watching the Sunset too. It is so beautiful.
I never fully realized how beautiful the beach is. I mean. We’ve got the beach (sand), the pier (the ferris wheel), the waves breaking, the ocean, the sky. There are just so many dimensions to the beauty.
Everyone should put Visit the Pacific Ocean on their bucket list. I’ve only seen it from California and Hawaii but I’m sure it’s beautiful from any location.
The past couple of nights, I caught some good entertainment. The night before last there was the cutest Black couple. They must’ve been in their fifties but they were so cute. They were singing and dancing and I just loved them. I got some video but I’m going to have to figure out how to add it later, In sha Allah. Click HERE
Then last night there was this group of Black teenage boys dancing. They were so cute but I was more impressed that they were all BLACK. Usually, they are interracial and you know how I hate that.
But they performed to “Flashlight” LOL And it was so cute watching these little babies do dances we used to do in High School. They were good though. I got video of them too. In sha Allah later…
I’m taking my time going into all the shops. My favorites are Anthropologie, Armani Exchange, Urban Outfitters, Converse (where you can design and make your own shoes!), Adidas and some others I can’t think of right now. Adidas has a golf line for men that I absolutely adore.
Why is there an “It’s Sugar” store on the Promenade now? LOL I thought I left my addiction in New Orleans!
There is good entertainment on the Promenade too.
Oh My God! Last year or so ago, there was this Sister singing Opera and I didn’t really listen to her. I just supported her because she was Black. But I got a chance to really listen to her and she just blew my mind. I love opera and she is top notch. Her high notes were off the register. And she just sounded so beautiful. She’s up there with Kathleen but she doesn’t LOOK like Kathleen which is why she is blessing us with her talent on the Promenade. She’s usually there for the Farmer’s Markets on Wednesdays and Saturdays from like 9-1.
One day I was there and I saw this old devil woman setting up. She had a sign with her name. I think she spells it like this: Sh’herezad. And you know that is the name of the woman who wrote 1001 Arabian Nights or whatever that book is called. So, I was like whatever. She’s just trying to steal our history and culture like devils always do.
But one night I heard someone singing “All of Me” and I went for a closer look and it was her. But it seemed that she only sang that song to get my attention because as soon as she had it she stopped singing and just started playing some Arabian music and dancing. I was captured.
I think she’s a gypsy. But she has Arabic writing on one of her signs and the bulk of her audience is Muslims.
Oh let me say this. Muslims have taken over the Promenade. I would say 75 per cent of the people are Middle Eastern.
And one night they just took over her whole show. It was Abdullah’s birthday. And Muslims don’t celebrate birthdays but I guess being in America…
Anyway, they had taken over her bluetooth and were choosing the songs and dancing. One of the Sisters came over to me and pulled me in with their group and we just danced.
Then when it was time to go, another one of the Sisters came up to me and outstretched her hand to introduce herself. I shook her hand and she slipped me forty dollars. Low key.
That was the coolest move ever.
There are some other good performers like this guy who I think does the music for Sh’herezad. They act like they’re not together but the similarities are just too apparent for them not to be.
I think they’re gypsies like I said. I didn’t know gypsies were Muslims. But I don’t know much about gypsies. I think they are like the entertaining Muslims. Let me G them. BRB I didn’t find anything to verify my claim that they’re Muslims. Under religion, it listed just about every religion, including Islam. But Idk. I wanted to talk to her but she was rude to me and acted like she didn’t know what I was talking about when I asked about this song she plays all the time. So, now I’m like whatever.
I try to catch the sunset everyday. But I never know where I’m going to be.
I have a spot I go to at night and it’s really cool. But last night why did this woman try to take over my spot?!!!? I was like Un-uh. You got to go. So I started banging on the door and she got mad and called the police on me.
But the police see me there all the time and know me (kinda), so they ended up making her leave which is all I wanted in the first place.
If I gave her a pass then everybody would be trying to come and you can’t do that when you’re trespassing. If a lot of people come, the police will make everybody leave, so I had to handle her myself.
I could not believe the nerve she had to try and take over my space and then call the police on ME! Justice served.
I finally rescued LuLu from the Union Rescue Mission. We’ve been traveling around SaMo and just enjoying life.
I have no plans. No goals. Just living and enjoying life. Master Fard Muhammad, to Whom Praises are due forever, said, “Life is a Park” so I’m just going to play and have fun.
I’m already planning my next trip to New Orleans. But I go to court next month to change my name. And I want to get my new I.D. before I go. So probably not until September/October. Which will be cool because the hot weather will be over but it will still be hurricane season. I’m not afraid but I don’t know why I always end up in New Orleans during hurricane season.
So cheah.
I’m just writing now while I have access to a computer. It is bittersweet not having my laptop anymore. I go through phases where I give all my stuff (burdens) away. Hence, no laptop. But now I have to wait until I can get to a computer to write. Upside is I don’t have to carry my laptop everywhere I go. I’m really trying to keep my burdens light.
When I met Master Fard Muhammad, to Whom Praises are due forever, He Only Was Carrying A Messenger Bag. Not even a change of clothes. So, I’m trying to really travel light.
I’ll probably get another laptop one day, In sha Allah. But who knows?
As-Salaamu ‘Alaikum Dearly Beloved Asiatic Black People!
I’m not married to زوجي yet. But I’m getting closer everyday. Even though I just got out of jail where I learned three lessons.
Fall back when it comes to زوجي and LET NATURE TAKE ITS COURSE.
Never stop writing.
I can’t tell you. Sorry.
I started writing this long “book” (blog) while I was in jail about everything that has happened to me since I stopped writing so since I have a lot of time to write, I’m going to go ahead and enter it. Here goes…
الحمد لله
I pray you all are enjoying peace and prosperity and abundant blessings from Our Saviour, Master Fard Muhammad, To Whom Praises are Due Forever! I, myself am locked up in jail but I hope to get out within the next few days. إن شاء الله
As you know, I had planned to complete the blog a few months ago, never to write again but as it is written in The Holy Qur’an, “We plan and Allah Plans. Surely Allah is the Best of Planners.” So Here I Am.
I humbly return to you seeking your forgiveness for having left you without something to exhort you to truth, righteousness and patience. That is the reason I’m in jail. الله Told me to start writing again over a month ago, but I was unwilling due to foolish pride. But as it is written, الله Has the Power to Force us to submit to His Will – willingly or unwillingly.
Never stop writing is one of three Lessons I have learned thus far during my incarceration. The first Lesson was Let Nature Take Its Course when it comes to زوجي. I have spent the last three years and six months trying to force myself on him and it has gotten me nowhere. I knew for the last three years and two months that الله Willed that I fall back. But I also learned in jail that I’m stubborn! That’s what the deputies said about me. الله Said I’m stubborn “as a mule!” That really hurt my feelings because a mule is grafted and Our Beloved Messenger (May the Peace and the Blessings of الله Forever Be Upon Him) taught us that anything grafted is a devil.
So now that I know, I’m really trying not to be stubborn. It hurts my pride though. But as it is written in the Psalms of King David, “Pride goeth before a fall” and I fell right into the hands of the Sheriff. SMH
So, since you’re probably wondering why I’m in jail. I’m going to pick up where I left off in New Orleans, March Two Thousand and Seventeen.
I “finished” the blog near the end of the month and I had decided to return to L.A. on my pick-up day (the 3rd). The third arrived and I bid farewell first, to my landlord (Thank you, D, for your kindness and generosity. You and Kim are up there when I think of all the sweet people I met in New Orleans. May Allah Bless You Both With Peace and Contentment, Money, a Good Home and Friendships in All Walks of Life! Muah! 🙂 )
Then I had to say goodbye to Miss Mary, my roommate who taught me how to close a door peaceably when I leave a room. I miss our afternoon walks in the embracing New Orleans humidity. I forget how old she is (seventyish, I think) but I wanted to take her out for walks because she spent all her time in the house and I remembered my Grandmother taking my Great-Grandmother (her mother) out for afternoon walks.
Miss Mary had fibroids when she was younger leaving her womb barren. So I took it upon myself to be her adopted daughter and just loved her.
She was so supportive when I told her about زوجي and he was my main reason for leaving so she understood.
I pray Allah you get to take walks sometimes, Miss Mary, and if I decide to not be homeless next time I’m in New Orleans, I’m coming to see you so you can give me Derrick’s number.
One day after I returned to L.A., I was on the Expo Line and this young Brother was on the train with two Sisters. Then this gay Puerto Rican (I think) gets up and switches over to the Brother and sits down. So, I could not restrain myself and I told the Brother he was wrong for being gay when he was with two Beautiful Black Sisters and he was the reason there aren’t more Beautiful Black Babies, and I just really let him have it. So, instead of the Black girls and other Black people on the train agreeing with me, they told me I was wrong! And pretty soon everybody on the train wanted to kill me.
I was completely shocked. But I have done like الله commanded us in The Revelation and “Come out of her” so I was caught completely off guard; unaware of the extent that the abomination of homosexuality has corrupted people.
So we get to the end of the line and I’m still running my mouth and then we all get on the escalator and the Brother reaches over (he’s about 6’3″ with long limbs), snatches my phone out of my hand and breaks!!!
I should have chased him but I just saw those long legs stretch across the train station and felt like I would never be able to overtake him.
So, that’s how I lost Derrick’s number.
But I made a video as soon as I left the house. I went Live on Facebook. Let me see if I can post it. BRB
It won’t play from here but if you click “Watch on Facebook” you can view it.
I can’t post it for some reason. FB has changed their settings again but I might be able to figure it out later. إن شاء الله
So, I made it back to Los Skanless and went straight to the shelter. I couldn’t get a bed but I ran into my musician friend, Wans from Belgium. Yes, he’s Black. You may have heard about King Leopold of Belgium and all the atrocities he committed against the people of the Congo when he colonized their land. Well apparently, they imported some of the African people to Belgium because there I was talking to Wans.
He has Stockholm Syndrome though insisting that there’s no prejudice there and everyone lives in peace and harmony. The white man is the devil regardless of time or place.
We met one day when I heard some live music coming from the cafeteria and there he was playing his alto. I love live music so I sat down next to him and listened. We struck up a conversation and Voila!
So, one of the first things I noticed about Skid Row is that there’s always good music playing. When you’re homeless, music really helps, so a lot of people have speakers and they are generous enough to share their music. Not like in New Orleans, where everybody (well, not everybody but this one lady, who has this souped up bike) wants a tip.
In the eighteen years since I’ve been going to Skid Row, I’ve only met one person who was playing music I didn’t want to listen to and I have extremely high standards when it comes to music.
So, another thing I learned is that there’s a community of artists within the Skid Row community and whenever there is an event down there, they pull from this pool of artists for entertainment. But I could not find it to get in it!
But one day, after I had been on Skid Row for awhile, Wans told me that there was going to be a jam session the next day across the street and I could be his guest. I’ve learned that musicians don’t like people just coming out of nowhere into their circle. They prefer if someone brings you in and introduces you.
So, I went to the jam session and had I known they were going to be that good I would have recorded it. But the group was interracial and I’m with that separation, so I couldn’t get with them.
But! I met the man who is over the artists’ space and he told me there was going to be a new artists’ orientation the next day!
So, I went and signed up and reserved the music room so I could practice the piano. But I had been playing this janky baby grand in the chapel at the shelter (they used to have an upright in the women’s day room but it’s gone now) and there would always be people there who would applaud whenever I finished a number so playing all by myself was boring and I left early.
I also found out about this singing group and it sounded interesting so I decided to check it out. One day I would like to have a choir and call it L.O.V.E. (Lifting Our Voices Everywhere). But in the meantime, I thought I might join their group. So I went and the director was this Jewish man who told me his girlfriend was Muslim and after visiting the group, I realized he practices Buddhism.
He assured me the group was non-denominational and the songs were all non-denominational too. But later he’s telling us that they just performed Handel’s Messiah.
And they were about to perform “Noah’s Ark” both of which are Christian. They also have to wear certain clothes when they perform and I’m not coming out of my garment for NOObody!!!
But it was an opportunity to sing in front of a willing audience (the group) and he said I didn’t have to perform if I didn’t want to. He made it seem real laid back and tried to make me feel comfortable. But I had seen almost everybody from the group around Skid Row and two of them I openly disliked and the others were people I would NEVER associate with. They were a group of misfits. But I wanted to sing so I made allowances for their many shortcomings.
That first day was “Songshare” where you could perform a song of your choice or he would play it from the Internet. So, I sang “Misty”
I was really pleased with how I sounded and they liked it too. I also wanted to be a part of the group to get the constructive criticism from the director who was a professional voice instructor but I learned that I’m a soloist and I need ALL the attention. But I wanted to sing so I tolerated the other people.
The sessions were on Mondays and Wednesdays but I could never make it on Mondays because I was always taking care of homelessness business. But the director assured me that it was okay; no worries. He wanted to put me on the text list though and I would get all the texts that the group got. I didn’t want it but I let him talk me into it.
Now the first week, he had us do some “breathing exercises” which were really meditation but I didn’t mind because I used to do Muslim meditation so I wasn’t trippin’. One time I did feel a little uncomfortable but I just brushed it off.
So, the next week he knew I’m into jazz and some of the other members were too so he decided to do a jazz history Lesson but he wanted to start from the beginning of “recorded music” and I said “white music history” and he agreed. So, he goes on to say that music started with Buddhist monks and their one note chant. But I interjected because ninety-nine per cent of the class was Black. So I said, “In Africa we had been singing in harmony and using drums and other instruments for thousands of years before their one note chant!”
So then he starts getting defensive saying that scholars argue over that fact. I said, “It’s true they just don’t want to admit that Black people did it first!” So he said they debate and blahzay blah blah then he went back to the Lesson and I knew more than he did.
We were talking about the birth of jazz and New Orleans is my second home and he had never been there. So, I’m telling them how Pops has this huge park with this huge statue of him and the airport is named “The Louis Armstrong International Airport” and I could not believe none of them had ever heard of a Second Line! I told them Pops wrote the first autobiography by a jazz musician.
Then we talked about Ellington, be-bop with Bird and Diz and he tried to say Monk wasn’t be-bop! I told him Monk was the piano player at Minton’s where be-bop was born! Then he tried to say Miles was be-bop. I said “True, Miles did play as a sideman for Bird but he is known for ‘The Birth of the Cool’.” So he ended up saying I could have taught the class.
So, the next week was Songshare again and I sang “Summertime” But I sang it kinda jazzy/R&B/gospel. This one Sister said I have good voice control which really pleased me because I pride myself on my ability to hold my breath for a long time; holding long notes and whatnot.
So, every week at the start of the session, we would do the meditation and after each singer we would take a deep breath so I’m not realizing it but he’s using Buddhism to hold sway over the group and also to knit us together. But I didn’t want to be knit together with them. I just wanted to be applauded for my singing. So, I asked to be removed from the text blasts and the next session I deliberately arrived ten minutes late.
When I walked in they were deep into the meditation and no one looked to see who had walked in. He continued giving instructions but nodded at me. So, I’m taking this all in and in Islam, we meditate but its’ more like a prayer between us and الله. There is no middle man.
So, I really did not like how much control he had. Everybody was in a trance. And he was using Buddhism to do it. One time when he ended the meditation, he had everybody sing just one note and it sounded just like the Buddhist chant “Om.” I should have known then.
Buddhism has been around for thirty-five thousand years. They have been an enemy to الله and the righteous much longer than Christianity, which is only about six hundred years old. So Our Beloved Messenger (صلى الله عليه وسلم) taught us that Our Saviour taught him “If you meet a Buddhist and a Christian walking together, kill the Buddhist first.”
So, I left the session and never returned.
There are a lot of “starving artists” on Skid Row; musicians, visual artists, thespians, dancers and many are really talented but they’re all Christians or on this “I love everybody” kick and trying to “coexist” but I know that path leads straight to Hell.
Wans is in it too. I always tried to ignore that cross hanging conspicuously from his neck. But churches use music to ensnare the people. There are many musicians working in churches just for the paycheck. Wans even told me he knew of a church that was looking for a singer. What I look like singing to a dead Jesus just because the song is pretty and I sound beautiful?
* * * * * * * *
These girls in jail are so cute. I used to didn’t like nineties babies because they call me “old” and they are some of the most arrogant people you ever met.
I had a bunkie who was 26 and Oh My God! You would think she created the universe or something. She was so full of herself and her generation! I couldn’t believe how conceited she is. She wants to be a motivational speaker but she curses. LOL You should’ve heard her speeches. It was so funny. She was dead serious though. It’s just that these girls curse like nothing. Every other word is a female dog and every noun is preceded by effin. It’s even worse than that though. They don’t say they’re their man’s “Lady” or “Girl.” They call themselves his female dog. I only heard one girl do that so it may not be that many but I’m sure the Brothers call their girl their female dog because I heard this lesbian refer to her girlfriend as that. But I loved hearing them talk to each other. Girls that go to jail are so COOL! LOL They talk differently to each other though -than when they talk to me or any other elder.
I love how they say “You feel me?” Because I know they got it from Pac. Knawmean? and “You know whut I’m sayin’?” sound like relics from the past. It could be an L.A. thing because I didn’t hear it anywhere else. But these kids want to be felt!
The Sister might make it as a motivational speaker with the cursing because her generation seems to know no other way to communicate.
When I went to court the other day, they had everybody in tanks that were going to the same court and there were bound to be some familiar faces. This happened TWICE! Once on the way TO court and again on the way back.
Girl 1: Ay, don’t I know you?
Girl 2: You do look kinda familiar.
Girl 1: You know so and so from (gang name) ?
Girl 2: YEAH! You’re so and so from (gang name or street name) !!!!
Then they may hug or bump fists but after that the conversation gets really juicy.
Girl 2: You know Weezo told me he would pay me to beat you up.
Girl 1: What? I hate that nigga.
*Note – Mexicans and white people call each other “nigga” like it’s the same as “dude” or “fool.” I know. I had heard that too but it’s a whole ‘nother thing to actually hear it.
Girl 2: Yeah, but I told him No. That nigga was supposed to bail me out and I don’t do that s!#t no more. I’m trying to be cute and ladylike.
Girl 1: What you in here for?
Girl 2: I got pulled over in the G-ride on my way to make a pick-up.
*Note – There are so many girls in jail for GTA. I know it’s because of that video game.
Girl 2: What about you?
Girl 1: Possession.
*Note – Everybody smokes meth (“Pookie”)
Girl 1: You know Lil Bit is in here for spousal abuse…
*Note – Three of my six bunkies were in jail for spousal abuse/domestic violence. I heard domestic violence is a felony.
Girl 1: …And they picked up her kids this morning.
*Note – Everybody’s kids are in the system.
You know, this is not so cute anymore. It’s making me want to cry. They’re cute, but their lives are HELL. All they know is CRIME and JAIL. The men they deal with are womanizers. So a lot of them are lesbians.
I guess that’s why I’m here. Whenever someone says (and someone always says) “Everybody smokes meth.” I raise my hand and say loud and clear “I don’t!” And their jaws drop and eyes widen then I go on to say, “I don’t smoke, drink, do drugs and I don’t have sex. And then I start advising them on how to quit because they all want to quit.
Mostly I tell them to pray and ask Allah for help. I tell them that’s how I stopped smoking cigarettes. By then I have everybody’s full attention and I’m like the Queen Mother.
I met one Sister who, other than “Read Message To The Blackman, I didn’t know what to tell her. I thought she was a boy but I learned she has a hormonal imbalance so although she has the reproductive system of a female, she looks and sounds like a male.
I’ve had a little time to think about it and hers is the only instance when hormone pills should be used. NOT for men who just want to be female but for females who, for whatever reason, their bodies are not producing them!
They should have given them to her when she was a little girl so she could have had a normal childhood and wouldn’t have had to suffer the taunts of her peers. Because now she’s embraced the masculine traits and is living, unbeknownst to the casual observer, as a lesbian.
So, if you’re reading this, my Dear Little Sister, pray and ask Allah to help you make your body produce the chemicals to produce estrogen to override the testosterone and get some hormone pills so you can stop living the abomination of homosexuality. You are causing your girlfriends to sin.
So, after I saw Wans and couldn’t get a bed, I went to a hotel and stayed there until my money ran out. I like this particular hotel because it’s very clean and I had tried to get in some more popular motels in the area but they wouldn’t let me stay longer than three hours! They are just dens of iniquity catering to whores and whoremongers.
So when my money ran out, I went back to “The Row” and they still didn’t have any beds, so I had to be “overflow.” That means you have to wait outside on the street until all the people with bed and cot tickets get their beds then they let us in and we have to find a spot on the floor between the people who are already on the floor and it’s just bad.
They say they let us in at seven but, in a month, I only got in at seven once or twice. Every other night they leave you standing out on the street in the cold susceptible to the lascivious fantasies of all the men on Skid Row (and there are a lot of them), only finally letting us in between nine and ten.
The ones in the front got the best spots. If you were at the end of the line, you could be walking around for twenty minutes trying to squeeze in somewhere where nobody wants you.
So one night I was waiting outside, at the front of the line with this Sister (we both used to cut in the front of the line, so we got along good and she used to talk alot so it made the time go by faster. I feel a little guilty about cutting now because some of those women used to get there at three (when the Women’s Center closed; there’s nothing to do and nowhere to go when you’re broke and homeless) to be first in line and they wanted to kill us. Nobody ever said anything to staff but I heard them talking amongst each other. But hell, in that type of situation it’s go for self).
And so, we’re at the front of the line, right outside the front door, and I hear “As-Salaam-Alaikum!” So I turn around and there’s this Brother. He has his phone in front of him and I think he’s recording but I’m like “Nah, why would he be recording this?” So, I ignore the camera and we start talking. He tells me he has an SRO (Single Room Occupancy. It’s just a room in a hotel where you share the kitchen and bathrooms and it’s only about one per cent better than the shelter) but it was better so I made him feel okay about his little SRO and I joined him on his walk back home from the store.
During the walk, I learned his name and that he grew up in the Nation but he smokes weed and curses like a devil. But he said I could have the bed and he would sleep on the floor.
Turns out he was Live on Facebook when he picked me up and I added him, so I saw the video. Man. I am so embarrassed I wouldn’t post the video if I could.
I knew I was aggressive but I’d never seen how I look in action. It did not look good. The only thing I can attribute it to is the fact that my father molested me but it was so unbecoming. I don’t even care that I got what I wanted. My body language was so suggestive. On the up side, at least, now I’m aware of it, so I can consciously pump my brakes.
So, we got into a little argument about the proper foods to eat but when I left the next day, I thought everything was cool. I think he wanted me to stay, but I didn’t want him to start catching feelings or nothing. I’m still زوجي’s. Nothing can change that fact. So we made arrangements for him to come pick me up from the shelter again that night but he never showed up. We talked on FB and I chalked it up to miscommunication but other than commenting on each other’s posts we never hooked back up.
I saw him three times in one day, one day and every time he acted like he didn’t see me. I mean, he went out of his way to avoid me. IDKY.
So, I’m going to the shelter every night. Eventually, I did get a bed ticket (a “cot ticket” to be specific). The homeless situation is so bad in L.A. that the Women’s Dorm is completely filled. The Women’s Day Room is completely filled. And the Chapel is completely filled with women sleeping on the floor packed like a slave ship almost.
So, I didn’t have to wait outside anymore, which for an M.G.T. like me, was the worst part. I felt like a whore standing out there on the street at night. You see how easy it was for me to get picked up. And I wasn’t on the floor anymore but it was still cramped.
During the day, I would go to the “Women’s” Center. I put Women’s in quotation marks because it seems like there are more men in there than women! All of the volunteers in positions of authority are men. And I just couldn’t stomach these MEN trying to be women bossing the REAL WOMEN around! It was NAUSEATING!!!
I stopped going after one of them came in the bathroom right after I got out of the shower. I was dressed but what if I wasn’t? It’s disgraceful the depths of evil and filth to which this world has sunk.
I was in Santa Monica at the pier one night and there were men in the Women’s restroom! And they weren’t even trannys. Where was I supposed to use the bathroom?!!!!!!!
I would also go to the Library. At one point, I had a little show where I would go Live from the Library on FB. I couldn’t talk because it’s supposed to be quiet, so I used sign language and written signs.
That was a lot of fun until I reached into my bag and my purse was gone. But I knew nobody stole it. It was just in The Twilight Zone. Sometimes my stuff just disappears. Sometimes I can conjure it up again but if I can’t, it’s gone for good.
So, I was getting burnt out on the shelter and it was Easter. I had a couple of hours before I had to be at the shelter so I decided to take the Expo Line to the beach. I got there and I could not believe how packed it was but the ocean looked beautiful. I only had about five minutes to look at it but I was hooked. I started going every day.
I found out this Homeless Resource Center (HRC) I used to go to back in 1999 had moved, so I went to the new address but it’s co-ed now. I don’t like that but there’s one side where the men don’t usually go so I just hang out there.
In any case, I can shower, do my laundry, take a nap, charge my electronic devices and get a hot plate. So, I started spending my days there and just went to DTLA to sleep.
For March A.J. Day, I went to Tiffany’s. I like to go there and see if they have my wedding set. So the saleslady LOVED me for some reason. I was homeless, broke and couldn’t afford anything in the store but she treated me like I was married to a BILLIONAIRE!
I went around the store and she went with me showing me all the different pieces of jewelry and the pieces that were exclusive to Tiffany’s. I decided which ones I would buy if I really was married to a Billionaire and satisfied my thirst for looking at pretty things but she did not want me to leave!
She offered me some water, Perrier or Evian, but I already told you I had satisfied my thirst but she kept insisting, so I told her Evian. I don’t like Perrier having tried it when I worked at Sbarro’s in The Beverly Center back in the eighties. But everybody thinks Perrier is high class.
So she comes back and says they don’t have any cold Evian and I let her talk me into the Perrier. She brings out a silver tray with the bottle of Perrier and a little blue Tiffany’s cup. There’s also a piece of chocolate on the tray. She said that was to apologize for not having the Evian.
So she pours the Perrier into the cup for me. I take the cup and the chocolate and leave.
I wished I had taken the room temperature Evian. Carbonated drinks are not good for you anyway. So, I just ended up tossing it.
But OH MY GOD, when I tasted that piece of chocolate, I was transported to HEAVEN!!!
That was the BEST CHOCOLATE I HAD EVER HAD IN MY LIFE. AND I’M A CHOCOHOLIC!!! I eat chocolate EVERY DAY!!! Candy, cookies, muffins, chocolate milk…. SOMETHING CHOCOLATE EVERY DAY!!! And I had never felt this way about chocolate before. It was beyond words.
I had seen the brand in the store many times before but I never bought it because it’s kind of expensive and I didn’t know how good it is.
It was Lindt Lindor.
It looks so delicious. It has this creamy, milky inside that is just indescribable.
There’s a Lindt store in the Riverwalk Mall in New Orleans but when I was there it was almost Easter and they had all this Easter stuff and I hate Easter. So, I didn’t go in but I watched a video they were playing showing where they get the chocolate. Africa. I was kind of offended because all of the workers were Black and I feel like they’re being exploited for their resources but not offended enough to not buy it. They have the BEST chocolate in the world. إن شاء الله one day they’ll nationalize all of those privately owned corporations that are stealing the resources and I won’t have to feel guilty anymore.
So, I got back to the shelter and I’m talking to this Sister who is Oprah’s doppelgänger. I see Oprah’s doppels all the time. I think because I wanted to be the next Oprah when I was growing up. I wanted my own talk show and I went to college to be a news reporter like Oprah when she started out. But this sister said everybody tells her she looks and talks like Oprah.
So we’re outside waiting in line (I hadn’t cut to the front of the line yet) and this Brother comes up selling candy. Why was he selling Lindt? Not the balls. This kind.
I knew that was my A.J. Day present, so I bought two. Chocolate is always better when you share, so I gave some to Oprah and OMG! It was even better than before!!! Happy A.J. Day to me!
So May comes in and I get my crazy check and I wanted to take a break from the shelter and spend a night or two at the motel. But when you have a bed ticket you have to get an overnight pass if you’re going to miss a night or else you lose your bed.
So I went and asked for an overnight pass. And she made me feel worthless. “For a COT TICKET? Hell No!”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m not!!!“
So I spent the nights at the motel anyway but I kept the ticket. I knew it was no good but the guard at the back door didn’t so at least I got in and didn’t have to wait on the sidewalk all night. I also got a better selection of spots on the floor.
A few more nights of that and I was fed up. One morning I kept the blanket, left and never returned.
I started sleeping on the beach. I know this place that’s open 24/7 and it’s public. I had seen people sleeping there before and it’s right next to a guard tower so it’s safe.
A couple of weeks or one week and a few days before Mother’s Day, I rode the bus up the coast to Malibu like I used to do the first time I became homeless.
The bus used to go from DTLA to Downtown Malibu but now there’s the train that goes from DTLA to Downtown Santa Monica. So the bus starts from Downtown Santa Monica and goes even farther up the coast!
So, I always like ابننا to see how rich Billionaire’s live so the week before Mother’s Day, I took him up there. We had lunch and took some pictures.
The next week was Mother’s Day and I felt like الله, زوجي وابننا had given me The Pacific Ocean for Mother’s Day. What could be better or bigger than sixty-eight million, six hundred thirty-four thousand square miles of water? It’s the biggest thing on our planet!
Last year زوجي gave me a song that’s still in heavy rotation
But he topped it this year. I made a video live on FB. Let me see if I can post it.
Same as the other one.
May A.J. Day I was having an episode and didn’t even realize it had come in. It was on a Monday. However, on Tuesday I decided to catch the bus up the coast just to chill out and one of زوجي’s doppels got on the bus. I made up my mind right then and there to get off the bus wherever he got off. So he got off in DTM, but the guy he was talking to on the bus got off with him. I got off anyway.
So they go in this convenience store and start buying all kinds of stuff. I’m broke as usual and can’t make up my mind whether or not I should stay or go. So, I keep going in and out the store.
Eventually, they come out and I fall in step behind them. He turns around and says, “You coming with us?” And I’m like “Yeah.” Then he says something about his wife and I’m like “Whatever.” They always have a wife. Which is the reason I’m in jail. Lesson #1 – Fall Back and Let Nature Take Its Course.
But I hadn’t learned that Lesson yet, so I went with them anyway.
We got back on the bus and got off at the beach. So I’m like, “Cool, now I can go off on my own” like Al B. Sure said to do. I’m not gonna post the video because I never liked the way he sang. I just watched some of the video and he was doing way too much.
So I let them get ahead of me and I went down to the shore. I kept walking and I see them coming in my direction. He had said something about a campsite and then I see a place in the sand where there had clearly been a campfire. So they laid their sleeping bags next to the spot and I had acquired a sleeping bag at the HRC so I laid it on the opposite side in an attempt to establish a boys’ side and a girls’ side thus keeping the sexes separate.
So I felt like the friend was using magic trying to steal my laptop and the doppel was trying to get my gloves. Someone is always trying to steal my gloves. I know why but you won’t believe me.
So after awhile, the doppel told me he lives in Santa Monica but he works as a chef in Hollywood. So he says he’s about to go to the store. Naturally, I wanted to go with him but he starts talking about he has to do things by himself. So it’s dark… Oh! Wait a minute.
When we first got to the campsite, one of the surfers (there was a gang of them in the water) comes over talking about he left his keys over by where we were and they start talking but I know the game. They were selling drugs to those white boys.
I’m not saying all Black guys sell drugs but that would make the fourth time I’ve hung out with drug dealers.
Okay, so it’s dark now and I walk with him as far as I could go. (I couldn’t keep up) then he goes off a little ways and stops. It’s dark and he looks like a shadow. So then he starts shape-shifting into something that looks like a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle and then he takes off like lightning out of sight.
I’m like “Okay…” That’s not the craziest thing I’ve ever seen so I’m not tripping. I go back to the campsite and the friend is in his sleeping bag. We start talking and he’s 50’s doppelganger. He sounded EXACTLY like him and he was from NYC. I tested him. ابننا always told me that 50’s mom was gay and he didn’t like her. So I asked him “Do you like your mom?” He sounded like a little boy, “NO!” We talked about Islam. He sang “Al Fatiha” and I was impressed. I don’t even sing it. But he was 50’s doppel so he’s got to be into music.
The doppel had gone to get him some cigs so we talked about how smoking and drinking are bad for your health. He said he knew that but he likes to do it anyway.
So LL came back and he was ready to start the campfire. He wanted to wait until it was late, so as not to attract unwanted attention. He had to go up the beach to get some wood. I went as far as I could. I was scared الله Was going to change the matrix and I wouldn’t be able to get back to the campsite. I didn’t trust the doppel.
So I learned how to start a campfire that night which is good to know since I’m homeless.
He put his hand over the fire and told me to take his picture. I was so taken aback by how much he looked like ابننا that I didn’t fully comprehend that he had his hand right over the fire!
So he took my picture by the fire too and I grabbed one of the flaming pieces of wood and held it up like a torch but he wouldn’t take my picture like that. I told him to add me on FB so he went to my profile and I have the picture of me and ابننا I posted above as my profile picture and he asked me “Who is dude in the picture?” LOL I said, “That’s my son.” Then he mumbled something about me having a 25-year-old son LOL ابننا is fifteen. He was fourteen when that picture was taken. I’m not tripping though because ابنتنا is 26, so I’m definitely old enough to have a 25-year-old son. He just didn’t know it!
So I laid down by the fire and almost suffocated from invisible smoke. Then I got up and moved to the other side. The doppel objected for some reason but he was already in his sleeping bag and wasn’t much of a threat. He talked until he fell asleep. 50 fell asleep shortly thereafter but I didn’t trust either of them so I stayed up and waited for the sun to rise.
Sometimes I’m scared it’s not gonna come up and it’s gonna be ten a.m. and still dark. It’s like that in Norway. I think that’s why they have a city named “Hell.”
My uncle lives there and they have a period of about two weeks when the sun doesn’t rise at all. It stays dark. They always come to the states during that time of year. They say a lot of people commit suicide.
There is an equal amount of time when the sun never sets though. Let me G it to see exactly how long it lasts. From April to August!!!
But this is L.A. and, of course she came up. I thought they might get up early like those two “Muslim” Brothers I hung out with in New Orleans. But they didn’t so I packed up my stuff and got on the bus going farther up the coast.
Why was Prince’s doppelganger on the bus? And tell me why was he reading “Fall of America!?” ROFL I couldn’t.
So he told me he was on his way to work. But when he got off the bus he sort of stood there and looked at me like “You coming?” But Prince is what I call a sextrovert. He’s really out there with his sexuality. I love his music (most of it) but sometimes he makes me feel really uncomfortable and embarrassed.
He has this one song about sex with his sister and how much he enjoyed it. That’s incest. So I was cool. I had just gotten out of a situation and it was a little too soon for another adventure.
So I stayed on the bus and got off at my spot. But I didn’t feel like I usually felt. Like breathtaken at it’s beauty. You know? I walked on the beach but it seemed dirty and nasty. There was a lot of seaweed and beach flies and it just wasn’t as beautiful and serene as it usually was to me. Plus, I felt bored. But I didn’t have anything else to do so I continued my walk down to this place where I can pick up the bus again.
The bus to my spot only goes there six times a day; three in the morning and three in the afternoon. Just to drop off the maids for the rich devils that live up there.
So, you can see in the video, there’s a precipice next to the water but the last time I walked the shore (past the corner on the left where you can’t see around in the video) the tide was out and when I went around the corner where the water comes up to the shore, I just waited for the waves to subside and then I went around the corner not even getting my feet wet.
But this time it must’ve been High Tide because the next thing I know my feet were underwater. I still had my shoes on but I wasn’t tripping because that wasn’t the first time I had gotten my feet wet with my shoes on and probably won’t be the last. It’s only water.
So, I keep walking and before I know it my ankles are under water but I’m like as soon as I get around this next corner there’s going to be beach and sand. But every time I hit the corner there were more rocks!
So now, I’m up walking on the rocks right next to the precipice and the water just keeps getting higher and higher. But trip this! Every time I think I’ve gotten to the end of the rocks, I look up and there’s more rocks! الله was allowing the devil to change the matrix testing my faith because I know it didn’t take that long to get to the sand last time. Plus the water is getting higher and higher and then it’s up to my thighs and I’m starting to panic.
I didn’t think I was going to make it to the sand before the water was up to my neck or higher.
So just when I think all hope is lost, I look up and there is a pathway in between the precipice leading away from the water! الله أكبر!!!
I was still scared because I didn’t know where the path led but I took it because I knew I couldn’t win a fight against 68,634,000 square miles of water (The Pacific Ocean).
Under normal circumstances I would have really enjoyed the walk up this path. It was beautiful. There were tropical plants everywhere and probably birds as well. But I was recovering from a near-death experience and was probably in shock.
So the pathway ends at this residential street but there’s a locked gate at the entrance. But الله أكبر! as soon as I get there there’s this devil with a surfboard going down to the beach. Now, I hadn’t seen a soul on the beach all morning but just when I needed somebody, there she was. الله أكبر!
So, at first I think I know where I am but الله let the devil change the matrix and I was lost again. So, I just start walking not knowing where I’m going and everytime I think I recognize the location – matrix switch.
So, I’m soaking wet. I’m dying of thirst (usually I have a water bottle, but I had just gone grocery shopping so my bag was stuffed and my water bottle, which I always keep on top had fallen out somewhere and I had never replaced it) but worst of all I’M LOST!!!!!!
So الله Says Stop. Rest.
And for some reason, I got the feeling that زوجي lived in the house to my right. If I had been a little more confident, I would have gone to that house. But I wasn’t and I felt like the house across the street was my house. So الله Told me to go over to it.
There was a white pick-up truck in the driveway parked in front of a two-car garage. So I sat on the back of the truck. But I felt like I wasn’t supposed to sit there. So I sat on the motor for the gate but that didn’t feel right either. So I decided to just ring the doorbell and ask for a glass of water.
So I go up to the front door and it’s open a little. And I’m like Okay…. So I push it all the way open and I see the house is furnished but I could tell nobody was living in it.
So I go in and the entire back of the house was glass or glass doors. So I see this devil in the backyard throwing a ball with a little dog. I knew immediately, that she was living in the pool house housesitting. So she looks up at me, smiles and goes back to playing with her dog.
So I take that as my cue that I was free to explore. It was a nice one-story, three bedroom, three bathroom house. I always wanted a one story house so that when I get old I won’t have to climb stairs. But the best part about the house was the backyard. I took a picture. Let me post it. إن شاء الله
I go in one of the bedrooms feeling just like Goldilocks and took a nap on Mama Bear’s bed.
If you haven’t already guessed from all the unusual things happening (the doppel shape shifting and taking off at lightning speed, and the beach and the street matrix switching) I’m having an episode. I never realize it until after the fact though.
So when I wake up from my nap, I got the horrible feeling that the bedroom door was gone and I was in a room with four walls. So I immediately contemplate the window. But I remembered that window I broke in New Orleans and it had plexiglass behind it so I’m starting to panic but I slowly look over my shoulder and the door is there, of course. الله Wouldn’t do that to me. But I took that to mean I was in the wrong room so I moved into the Master bedroom.
It was nice but I didn’t like the bed. When I finally settle into my own house, it has to have a waterbed. I thought being one-story was good enough too but it can’t be too big either because there were times in this house that I didn’t feel like walking to the bedroom from the window seat because it was so far. You feel me? 😉
There was also no carpet in the entire house. I didn’t like that either. I like furry stuff like stuffed animals and furry blankets, so you know I need to walk on luxurious carpeting and there was not even a rug in the whole house! Not even in the bathrooms. Speaking of bathrooms, I couldn’t figure out how to work the jets in the tub for nothing. That was so frustrating. I didn’t take a bath the whole time I was in the house. Even though there were candles. So that means the house wasn’t meant for me.
There was a saddle holder though with a saddle and cowboy hat on it. You know how much I love horses. All that stuff was on the side of the house that reminded me of my mother’s house.
The other side with the office, kitchen, garage and service porch reminded me of my father’s house.
The part of the house that reminded me of me was this section of the office that had little girl stuff in it. There was an easel with all kinds of art supplies and a gang of stuffed animals. I have always slept with a big teddy bear, even as an adult. I only stopped because I didn’t want زوجي to feel neglected. It was hard for me to fall asleep for a while though.
So, I settled in, washed all my clothes, my shoes and my sleeping bag which were all drenched and covered in sand from my ordeal at the beach. It had been some years since I had used a home washer/dryer so I was a little annoyed at the hour and forty-five minutes it took to wash but my clothes came out so clean they were illuminating! Then I got angry at the laundrymats where the washers only run thirty minutes and your clothes don’t get that clean.
The owners only care about money. If it costs $2.00 to wash, they can make $6.00 in the time it takes a home washer to make $2.00. If they have a hundred machines they can make $600.00 as opposed to $200.00. They don’t care about quality of washing just about the Benjamins.
The bathrooms all had glass doors instead of shower curtains. And for me that is the test of whether or not the house is high class. Regular houses have shower curtains. Nice houses have glass doors.
There was a dusty Range Rover in the garage and a motorcycle. There was a pool, a Jacuzzi, a bench swing hanging from the trees and a hammock. But I spent all my time in the window seat overlooking the backyard. That’s where I took the picture. I saw a rabbit out there one day. They’re all over the neighborhood.
You see that point sticking out into the water where it says “Malibu?” That is where I was. It’s called Point Dume. And it is arguably the most beautiful place in the world.
So الله had been told me to restart the blog but I hadn’t married زوجي yet and I was embarrassed. So even though the conditions were perfect for writing all I did for three days was look out the window and listen to music.
I had a bag of cherries, a mango and an apple but I knew I needed to go to the store and get some food. I think ابننا wanted to bring me some food. But I wanted to have food for him when he got there so I went to the store. I found out where I was when I got a chance to use Google maps so I wasn’t lost anymore. My phone had been dead before.
So, I think going outside changed something in me.
I hadn’t really been outside the whole time. I was scared to go out into the backyard because of the devil but going to the store made me feel like I should be able to go in the backyard too.
So when the devil had company over and they were having a picnic in “my” backyard, I started feeling possessive. Then one of them started doing laps in the pool and I wanted ابننا to be able to go swimming when he came over, so I walked out into the backyard while he was out there.
I know, stupid. But I had been thinking about leaving anyway. I didn’t like the bed and although I wasn’t homeless, it wasn’t the home that I wanted. I mean, I liked it but it wasn’t perfect.
You know what? I’ve always felt like Brandy is my Doppelganger. When she first came out with “I Wanna Be Down”
And she was on the phone on the floor, I was like that is so me. I used to talk to زوجي like that when we were in High School. Then Moesha comes out and it’s set in Leimert. I always wanted to live in Leimert.
I remember being in High School and we would drive by The Good Life and I could never go because we were on our way to church. SMH I couldn’t go to nothing no way.
So anyway, remember on Moesha and her father wanted to buy her a car but she was like “No thank-you. I want to by a car myself!” ???
That’s how I was with this house. It sounds so stupid but it’s that “I’ve got to be independent” attitude that many women have picked up. It could be a tad ungratefulness too. Because after awhile she did change her mind and I think I might have been better off if I still was in that house but because of the conditions that led me there, I’m not sure.
It could have been a trick of the devil because I don’t regret it. I just hate that I went to jail but I appreciate the time I spent there.
Anyway, I went out in the backyard and I wasn’t doing nothing but set tripping and eventually I felt like “Okay, I’m out here. Now what?” So I saw the bench swing and I love bench swings so I went and sat on it and when I tell you I was at peace, believe me. It was the most peaceful three seconds I have ever spent in my life. There was a cool breeze blowing through the grass and it felt amazing.
So the man had waved. I waved back. But when I sat on the swing, he went back into the house and I knew he was going to get the devil. And this was the second time that I felt fear of something more than I feared الله. The first time was the water. Maybe that is a lesson too. Because I’ve never feared anything other than الله my entire life.
So, I got scared and tried to hurry back into the house before she came out. But that backyard was big and I was right across from her – halfway to the house when she came out and waved. Then she said, “Are you looking for someone?” I said, “No.” I mean, what else was I supposed to say? She’s acting like she didn’t know I had been there for three days all of a sudden. I guess because I had done like Israel and tried to take over her land.
So, I go in the house and I’m thinking everything is cool. Then I hear her “Hello? Are you there?” And I didn’t know what to do. So I just didn’t say anything. Then I hear her and I knew she was on the phone telling somebody she didn’t know who I was and what I was doing in the house. She said to me (I was in the bedroom and she was talking to me from the door leading from the backyard into the house, so we can’t see each other) she was talking to the property manager and she was just doing her “role” and that the property manager was on her way and she was going to call the police.
So now I’m trying to find someplace to hide in the house. (I guess deep down I did want the house.)
Then I hear a man’s voice. I’m thinking it’s the po-pos so I come out of the closet and he says something like, “This is not going to end well for you” So I had all my stuff together in the event that something like this was going to happen. I grabbed my bag but my phone and laptop were charging in the living room.
So the devil man tells the devil woman to go around to the other side of the house so they could surround me. I grab my phone and charger out the wall outlet leaving the laptop. The five seconds it would have taken to grab the laptop would have been all the time they needed to trap me.
So, I just leave the house and start walking, plotting my next move. I decided to just catch the bus to the beach and go on like I had never been in the house. But when I turned around to catch one final glimpse of the ocean, I see the man is following me in a Porsche SUV and behind him is the neighborhood security.
But worse, he’s on the phone and I knew he could not be talking to anybody but the police.
Sure enough, I turn back around after taunting him for a few seconds walking backwards, and the pigs pull up right in front of me.
“Put your hands behind your back!”
Next thing I know I’m sitting in the back of a patrol car and everybody in the neighborhood is driving by. I even saw زوجي ride by in one of the golf carts everybody has up there. They use them to get to the beach. They don’t drive their regular cars. Everybody uses golf carts.
*Note – I finished the part that I wrote in jail.
So, I’m thinking they’re going to take me to Santa Monica jail and I’m like cool. I get to see the coast on the way down and this is not going to be bad at all. But instead they took me to some jail I had never heard of called “Lost Hills” and we turned down this street I never liked the name “Kanan Dume.” It reminds me of Conan the Barbarian and I’ve never liked him. Berbers are North Africans for one, so they are BLACK and two the only reason the word Berber/Barbarian is associated with something savage is because they were trying to defend their land from white domination.
But anyway, we turn on this street and go up into the Santa Monica mountains. There is nothing but a two-way street going up and up and between all these “hills.” Before we got too deep into them, I turned around and saw The Pacific Ocean and it was so huge it looked “dreadful.” That is the word Our Beloved Messenger (May the peace and the blessings of Allah forever be upon him) used to describe The MotherPlane and that is the only word I can think of to describe how huge it looked.
So we get to the jail and it felt to me just like the first time I got arrested. I had the same uncooperative attitude I had when I first got arrested.
The first time I got arrested was for videotaping at the B-Boy Summit at UCLA. They said I had a warrant but police lie. They took me in anyway and I was spitting at the police and they put some type of mask over my mouth. But I’ve always been able to get out of restraints. But they took me to the station and back then they still used ink to fingerprint you and I had a little ink on my finger when I went back to my cell and I wrote “F&*% BABYLON” on my cell wall.
This time they don’t use ink but for some reason I did not want to be fingerprinted. I fought two female deputies when they tried to remove my jewelry. All of my jewelry is symbolic of something to me. So I was not giving it up without a fight.
They got my necklace and my bracelet but I kept the watch (the most important thing) and my ring (the second most important thing). It is hell being in jail and not knowing the time. There are no clocks and no windows so they only way you know the time of day is by the meal they give you. So I was very pleased I got to keep my watch.
Eventually they put me, handcuffed, back into a cell. That was very uncomfortable. I was handcuffed behind my back. In front is a lot better. So, I tried to lay down on the mat on the floor and get some rest. It was horrible so by morning I was ready to be fingerprinted.
They were courteous enough to call for a female deputy to do the work and then I was placed in another cell.
They arrested me on May 27th, so I spent Memorial Day weekend in jail.
On Tuesday, they took me to court to see the judge about violating my probation. The devils had not pressed charges! الله أكبر
But remember I got arrested when I went to Sony Pictures because I thought زوجي was there. Well I was supposed to go to court and never went. Then the time I first became homeless for trespassing at the house زوجي wanted for us. So I had two cases.
I went to see the judge but I was kind of having an episode, and because of my history of mental illness, I have to go to a special court to see if I’m competent enough to stand trial.
So, I went to the two courts but the court to see if I was competent wouldn’t be until the 20th! And it was like the third. I was deflated. My daughter’s birthday was the 31st. I had already missed hers. ابننا’s birthday was coming up on the sixth of June and mine is the nineteenth. So, I was going to spend all of our birthdays in jail!
That was a little disheartening even though I don’t celebrate birthdays.
Jail was cool. I had a little fun. The worst part was not being able to see the sun and birds and flowers.
I drew a big flag of Islam on my cell wall. If I had had any money on my books I would’ve bought some lipstick so I could have colored it in red.
My bunkies were cool. I got into a couple fights but it was a great experience because I’ve never been so embedded with nineties baby girls. They were so funny and cute.
Eventually, my court date came and I got “time served” for all charges and I was released the next day.
While I was in jail I had made plans for how I was going to spend my money when I got out. So, I got out, called ابننا and went to the ATM. To my surprise my bank account was empty.
I went to the Social Security office to see what was up. They had reevaluated my case and decided that I wasn’t disabled anymore so no more crazy check.
They told me I could appeal but I can’t take medication. The medication makes my symptoms worse.
So I was like cool. I’ll just have to live like I lived in New Orleans the first time I went there. Completely dependent on الله.
I found out later my food stamps had been cut off too.
Then I was SURE الله Willed that I live off the land.
But I went to the GR office and applied and attained relief and got my food stamps reinstated. So I have a little income. GR is $241 a month but it’s better than nothing. And my food stamps help. But I’m still homeless. It’s cool for now though. Allah is the Greatest. الله اكبر
They don’t turn them on every night, I’ve discovered, but some nights, it’s like, “Alright, already!” Because they only turn them on for about four or five minutes, but they do it like three times a night. So, it doesn’t really get me that wet because it’s just sprinklers and I wake up as soon as they come on, it’s just annoying because it wakes me up and I have to move until it turns off. But all praise is due to Allah, I know there are many people in worse situations.
Homemaking For The Black Muslim Woman Journal ™ 