Author: ام حكيم و كبيره

M.G.T. & G.C.C.

Zawji’s Birthday 2016

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

As-Salaamu ‘Alaikum Ma Bebies!

OMG! My life is so amazing.

Let me go back to the day I was hospitalized.

Ever since 2014 when I first became homeless, I’ve been meeting Brothers who are my Zawji’s doppelgangers. We connect on one level or another but I can never hook up with them because they are not him. However, I know that his desire is to take me away from someone. I’ve been vehemently opposed to this plan but he and Allah are the Best Planners and despite my opposition I have finally “hooked up” with one of his most attractive and sweet doppelgangers. It is going to be interesting to see how this plays out. Especially considering tomorrow is a special day. Allah, Master Fard Muhammad, to Whom Praises are due forever, plans monumental events to occur on specific dates.

For instance, he timed the day of His Coming to deliver us to coincide with our slavemasters’ biggest day of celebrating – July 4. Another example is the date of the passing of our Beloved Messenger – the day before Saviour’s Day – February 25.

So, despite the fact that in The Nation of Islam we do not celebrate birthdays, there is a special significance to dates.

Tomorrow is my Zawji’s birthday.

I was discharged from the hospital earlier today and had no idea what Allah Had Planned for me.

On the day I came to the hospital, I was experiencing some strong spiritual warfare from the place and people where I lived. I was literally driven out of the house in the wee hours of the morning.

I had been, for about two weeks, rising up before sunrise (as is customary for Muslims) and after making Salat (prayer), I would sit outside my house and view the Shurook (sunrise). This particular day, my roommates decided to come outside and disrupt my revelrie.

I was not able to sit out and enjoy the Shurook, undisturbed, as I had been doing for weeks.

I ended up in the parking lot of the neighboring CVS and just walking around in my own world.

Medications are probably a billion dollar industry in America and I watched, as I have on many occasions, the huge 18 wheeler truck come and deliver boxes and boxes of medication to the CVS.

Then I watched, as I have every morning, the smaller truck deliver boxes and boxes of alcoholic beverages.

This really disturbed me. America is so wicked, adults think they are not living unless they smoke and drink. Everyone in America takes some type of drug. Whether it is pharmaceutical, alcoholic, narcotic, carcinogenic, marijuana, meth, vapes or whatnot. Life in America is so hard to take that one must drink or smoke just in order to cope.

Why not get high on life – Just LIVING!?!?!? I am probably the ONLY person I know who does not smoke or drink. But I have psychotic episodes that leave me hospitalized where  I am FORCED to take antispychotic medications, against my will.

Allah is justified in bringing about an end to wicked America where drugs and drinking are the order of the day and one is hard-pressed to live without them.

But I digress.

This alcohol truck was making its daily delivery and something drew me into the store.

I am the person who is known for taking the road less traveled. And I was drawn to an emergency exit in the back which I used to exit the store. No alarm went off but I found myself on the outside of the store and there I saw a Brother whom I had seen just prior to my entering the store.

As usual, when I see one of my Zawji’s doppelgangers, I began following him.

He went into the Family Dollar across the street and asked me to watch his backpack, which the store manager told him he had to leave in the front of the store. I willingly obliged.

He made his purchases and we left. I followed him to his house. He dropped off his purchases and we began conversing.

He told me he was headed uptown and I said, “Let’s go.”

We walked through beautiful historic New Orleans, through Louis Armstrong Park and took a rest at the main Library, where several people were waiting for it to open.

I was nervous because I had stolen a book there that was not even supposed to be checked out and was afraid that I was going to be detained.

However, we entered the library. He relieved himself and we exited uneventfully.

We continued our trek from downtown to uptown and reached a destination under the freeway where he positioned a crate and provided me with a cushion to sit on while he began panhandling. I watched his form and became more and more enamored. When I noticed him becoming fatigued, I took the sign and gave him the seat.

I immediately, handed over every donation of food or money and when he gave the signal, we resumed our trek deeper into uptown New Orleans.

We reached a location where there were more people panhandling and he began a conversation with one of the Brothers sitting on the sideline. I am still enamored with the New Orleans accent and I like to just earhustle. But sometimes I actually listen to the topic of the conversation.

Apparently, the Brother with whom he was conversing, was being shorted on his opportunity to panhandle. He was next in line, but the white devil woman who was currently panhandling was not giving him his turn. I went and said something to her and he was able to have his turn.

I bet you didn’t know conditions in America were so bad that people have to wait in line to panhandle!

So, anyway, we took turns there too.

But, I was a little too enthusiastic and got caught up tapping on people’s car windows, despite warnings not to do so.

I kept thinking of the Aretha Franklin performance of “Til you come back to me” when she say’s “I’m gonna tap on your window pane” and she makes the tapping motion. So, I kept tapping on people’s windows thinking about one of my musical sheroes.

Next thing I know, I turn around and he’s talking to a police officer sitting in his car. I knew he was talking about me, so I saunter over to the police officer, daring him to take me to jail.

Two more police cars pull up and the officers get out. I gave him a fake social security number but he still found me in the system. We managed to get away with just citations. Of course, I threw mine away. He told me today, he went and they threw it out. I was in the hospital, but I didn’t think the court date would be so soon. It’s only been two weeks. I was just happy to not have to go to jail.

We left after that.

He smokes and if I knew any better I would have left him as soon as I found that out. But I think men need to smoke sometimes, or used to need to smoke to do some spiritual stuff. So, I wasn’t tripping. But we are living in the bright spiritual light of Allah and He Has Done away with all those old practices. We can do the same thing, achieve the same results, without having to smoke. Allahu Akbar! Allah is the Greatest! But he is just a doppel, so I tolerate it.

We walked back through Central City and while we waited for the streetcar, he rolled a blunt. I didn’t trip off of that either.

So, the streetcar comes and we board. This was going to be my maiden voyage on the new streetcar that they just built that takes me right by where I used to live and now where I currently live (his house).

Unfortunately, right when we get to the main highway that the new streetcar was supposed to go down, it went off the track right in the intersection. We ended up having to alight and take the bus. I was able to take it today though!

So we get of the bus and take the short walk to his house and I’ve seen inside these three hundred year old houses before but it never dawned on me that they are actually shotgun houses. I mean I used to think a shotgun house was just a house that you could go from the front door to the backdoor without making any turns. But these houses are a rectangle divided into sections. You literally have to go through every room in the house to get to the back. No hallways. Just straight through everyroom. And I couldn’t take it. You walk in the front door and you’re in the living room. Go through a door and you’re in the bedroom. Next door, his brother’s bedroom, next door, another smaller room, to the right the bathroom, the left, the kitchen and that’s the whole house.

The backyard looks like a forest though. So creepy! But so fun! 😀

Now, you know how much I love New Orleans, and I am immensely blessed to be able to get the real New Orleans experience, living in one of these beautiful, charismatic houses, but I need my privacy and the thought that his Brother could be right there with us, was a bit overwhelming.

So, when his phone rang and he took me on a walk through the neighborhood, we ended up being separated and I told him I would meet him back at the house.

I was sitting on the porch, mentally deliberating, oh wait, I forgot to tell you, we went back to my house and I got all my stuff. I was already packed because, I had planned to move to NYC that day. I had my ticket and everything. But I don’t know if somebody put “roots” on me or what, but for some reason, I decided to stay in NOLA.

So, we got my stuff and took it back to his house.

But while I was waiting for him to meet me back at his house, I got anxious and started walking down the street. I ended up sitting on somebody’s upstairs porch and this incredibly hypnotic Brother and his white friend showed up and coerced me into their car and they took me to the hospital.

I had no idea about my belongings. I had left my wallet (ATM card, ID), my iphone, my laptop, my only other change of clothes, my Holy Qur-an, my Message to the Blackman and my jounal!

So, for the past two weeks, while I was in the hospital, my life was completely in limbo with this amazingly similar to my Zawji, Brother who was in possession of my life.

Fortunately, the hospital said I could use their address to have another ATM card sent to me, just in case, and they had a copy of my ID on file from when I was hospitalized there last year, so I wasn’t really worried.

Worst case scenario,  I would have to hide out in my cubby hole, steal food and just wait for a new card to arrive.

MY plan upon my discharge, was to go back to his house, see if he still had my stuff, get it, go to the library, print out a ticket to Miami and be en route on Zawji’s birthday tomorrow.

Keep in mind, I met Our Saviour, Master Fard Muhammad, on a Greyhound bus on another significant date (February 27), so I was really expectant that something amazing would happen tomorrow.

The hospital said they couldn’t discharge me to an unknown address (I didn’t have his address, I just knew how to get there) so they called a cab to take me to the shelter. Why did the cab driver ask to take my picture? (Happens all the time. So, I obliged 🙂 )

I ended up revisiting the places where we panhandled, looking for him, just in case, he was there and not at home, so I wouldn’t have to backtrack.

And I got to finally see the Convention Center, where all that Hurricane Katrina stuff happened. There is no sign of it there now. That is the only Convention Center I’ve seen except L.A.’s. It was nicer than ours. Newer and bigger, I think. I wanted to see what was on the OTHER side because I knew the river was back there. I walked all the way to the end and saw “Mardi Gras World” but I got a bad feeling about it, (I have a healthy fear of Mardi Gras) so I turned around and went back toward the French Quarter.

I finally got to go to the Riverwalk Mall or whatever it’s called and came up on  some beautiful satin gloves with pearl accents that I really needed because I lost my other ones.

So anyway, here I am with my Zawji’s doppelganger, not knowing what’s in store, but just trying to stay chaste and not make him mad and kick me out. If that happens, I’ll just go to Miami, which was MY original plan anyway.

But I submit to the Will of Allah and I know I’m where He and Zawji Want me.

So, Jamal, my Love, you get your wish.  I couldn’t do it in L.A. because that doppel didn’t have his own place. I need food, clothes and shelter. And I’ve got that with this one, in this beautiful, wonderful, incredibly jazzy city, with so much personality and the best accents in the world! Allahu Akbar!

As-Salaamu ‘Alaikum!

Still in NOLA

Bismillahi Rahmani Rahim

As-Salaam ‘Alaikum Ma Bebies!!!

Well, I’m still in NOLA. I bought my ticket to NYC and was scheduled to leave on the the sixth, but Allah (swt) had other plans. I was all set to stay but ended up in the hospital. Which is where I am now.

My life is so up in the air. I don’t have any commitments anywhere, even though I consider New Orleans my new home. I know where I think Allah Wants me to go (Miami) but I never know until it’s time for me to go.

I could stay here, just as easy as I could go somewhere else.

I mean.

I have no responsibilities anywhere.

I wanted to go to NYC because I’ve been there before and I loved it.

I knew Allah Wanted me to go to Miami a long time ago, but I’ve never been there and I was scared. My Zawji went last year, I think, and Allah Always Has Me Follow him, but I can be proud at times and not want to admit that I’m following him. But he’s my husband and I’m supposed to follow him. So, that’s where I’m headed next, I think.

I am sure I’m over my fear now. But sometimes Allah Makes spur of the moment decisions to the point where I may have my ticket, be at the bus depot and He Changes the plan, at least, MY Plan.

But anyway, I just wanted to check in and let my babies know I’m okay and happy and pleased to be where I am right now.

I’m supposed to get out of the hospital in time for my Zawji’s birthday on Saturday.

I’ll check in again, ASAP.

Love you all, and remember to keep Allah First in EVERYTHING you do! Before you make any decision, ASK ALLAH for guidance. Say, “Allah, would you have me do this first or that?” “Allah would you have me go here first or there?” Even simple things like which direction to take to a destination. Always seek Allah’s guidance first and you will be sure to stay on  ال سيرة ال المستقيم  The Straight Path.

In the Name of Allah,

As-Salaam ‘Alaikum,

Your Sister,

Love Allah ❤

SEX- A COMMODITY

BISMILLAH

IN THE NAME OF ALLAH

AS-SALAAM-ALAIKUM

I went to the movies several years before I converted to Islam (Muslims don’t go to the movies) and I was in a crowded movie theatre watching a movie wherein a young girl wanted to thank her teacher or some adult authority figure for some act of kindness and she offered her body to him.

I yelled out in the theatre, “That’s not how you thank him!” Thinking someone would confirm and say, “Yeah” or something! No one agreed with me. Not even the person I had come to the movie with.

The sad part about it is – I WAS RIGHT! But in this society women are taught to give sex as a favour or as a gift or as a product for sale.

Where is our sense of decency???

We have such little respect for ourselves that we offer our most valuable possession
– OUR DIGNITY –

for small favours!!!

Sex has been prescribed for MARRIED COUPLES ONLY!!! It has only been allowed within the boundaries of the marriage tie.

Our slavemaster, the devil Caucasian has carried us so far astray from our God and our people – the Righteous – that we have followed him in indecency and disgrace.

Black People! Please preserve your dignity and self-respect by saving yourself for your husband or wife. Your spouse is the only person you are authorized to have sex with YOUR ENTIRE LIFE. You should not have sex before you are married.

And if you are married, you are not to have sex with anyone outside of your marriage.

Please stay married until death do you part as you vow to do when you get married.

However, if you make the mistake of marrying the wrong person, please do not have sex again until you have asked Allah for Guidance and remarried.

WE ARE ONLY TO HAVE SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH OUR SPOUSE – THAT MEANS ONE PERSON OUR ENTIRE LIFE.

Epiphany

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

As-Salaam-Alaikum Beloved and Beautiful Asiatic Black Family

These past few days, I don’t know what it is in the air, but I think it’s love. I have been extremely reflective and pensive and since I’ve also been kinda broke, I’ve been fasting and it has given me deeper insight.

I don’t really go out anymore.  My Zawji wants me to stay home. It’s safer and he’s right. I went out one day when I wasn’t supposed to and it was horrible. Even when I AM supposed to go out, like today, it was horrible. I feel so uncomfortable with strange men being able to feast upon my beauty like I’m some cheap whore. I really am going to do my shopping online and have it delivered because even going to the store now is becoming too much.

But I digress. These past few days, well starting right before the end of last month – August 2016 (for some reason I’ve noticed I get very emotional and reflective, very sensitive and thoughtful at the end of the month, probably because we’re entering a new time period and change is inevitable) – I started, no, I began right after I visited my therapist on the 17th.

I started seeing a therapist to help me get over my father molesting me. I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I won’t be able to get justice from anyone other than Allah and I have to take medication until I’m better able to cope.

I took medication regularly for about fifteen years (1999 – Dec. 2013) always knowing that there was a reason for my mental disability, but my father – the reason behind my chemical imbalance – was ALSO THE REASON WHY I KEPT TAKING THE MEDICATION INSTEAD OF GETTING TO THE ROOT. He was adamant about me taking my medication and also constantly in my business when I would visit my doctor. Now I know he was trying to keep the truth of his guilt from being made manifest.

However, in 2013, I told my doctor I wanted to get off the medication and he started weaning me off of it.

For one, I did not want to take medication for the rest of my life and two, I needed to find out what was at the root of my PROBLEM. Every problem has a solution but you must get to the ROOT of the Problem before you can solve it. I DIDN’T KNOW YET MINE WAS/IS MY FATHER.

Eight months after I completely stopped taking the medication (Aug. 2014), as I had expected, I suffered from a massive psychotic break (nervous breakdown) and I came to realize that the cause of my mental illness was due to my being molested by my father when I was very young.

I think he may have been molested when he was young because one of my cousins made it known that my grandfather (his father) had molested her.

I am believing that this curse has been handed down in my family since slavery. As with every other ill facing the Black community, incest is a product of our devil Caucasian slavemasters.

THE PROBLEM IS, NO ONE EVER SAID ANYTHING. EVERYONE ACTS LIKE NOTHING IS GOING ON WHILE THE CHILDREN SUFFER.

But we are living in the day when the veil of falsehood MUST be removed and the truth made manifest. I know for a fact that mine is not the only family that suffers from incest. Many families have that “uncle” that molests the little girls and/or boys. But NO ONE EVER DOES ANYTHING TO STOP HIM and the children grow up abused and suffering from dysfunction.

Until we, as a Nation, deal with this demon in our homes we can never heal.

Acknowledge the truth if/when the victim confronts you and take responsibility for your inaction.

*WARNING – VIDEO CONTAINS PARTIAL NUDITY*

Stop denying that the MOLESTATION IS TAKING PLACE and ACTING LIKE nothing is going on. IMMEDIATELY TELL THE PERPETRATOR TO STOP!!! Let him know that you and everybody else knows about his abominable behaviour and if he doesn’t stop you are going to get together and beat his you-know-what. You should beat his you-know-what anyway for the acts the he has already committed and for the sanity of the victims.

Please talk to the victim and let him/her know you know what is going on. He/she may not even realize they have been or are being molested like me but if you see questionable behaviour – SPEAK UP!!! WE MUST PROTECT OUR CHILDREN. THEY ARE OUR FUTURE!!!

If you are a child molester, ask Allah for forgiveness. Our Beloved Messenger, The Honourable Elijah Muhammad (May the Peace and the Blessings of Allah Forever be upon him) taught us that there is no sin that is unforgivable. The only thing that is unforgivable is this: that you will not accept Allah as God and not accept His Messenger as His Messenger. These two things are one, we say, the belief in Allah is the belief in the Messenger or the Prophet of Allah.

Seek professional help and get to the ROOT of your problem. There is always a root cause for any dysfunction. YOU MUST SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP. Therapy and maybe medication will help. Acknowledge that you have a problem and seek the solution before someone kills you.

WE MUST PROTECT OUR CHILDREN FROM THE PERVERSION THAT WAS TAUGHT TO US BY OUR DEVIL CAUCASIAN SLAVEMASTERS. INCEST AND CHILD MOLESTATION ARE DISEASES OF THE DEVIL CAUCASIAN RACE. HAVING BEEN REARED UNDER THE WHITE RACE AND HAVING NO OTHER TEACHER – DUE TO OUR ENSLAVEMENT TO THE WHITE DEVIL CAUCASIAN RACE – WE HAVE ADOPTED MANY OF THEIR EVIL AND WICKED WAYS AND PRACTICES.

HOWEVER, THE BLACK NATION IS RIGHTEOUS BY NATURE. THEY LIED WHEN THEY TAUGHT US THAT NONE IS RIGHTEOUS – NONE OF THEM ARE RIGHTEOUS. THE BLACKMAN IS GOD AND IS CREATED RIGHTEOUS, BY NATURE.

We must stop being cowards. Our children deserve to be protected. Save our future generations from degradation and preserve their innocence. It is a shame that I even have to write this. But I have visited a teen support group at a local High School and I was floored by how many of our young women have been molested by a family member or family friend (mother’s boyfriend usually). Almost the entire population of Black girls.

But when they told their parents, they said they didn’t believe them. I believe they didn’t WANT to believe them. Fear of accepting responsibility and protecting our children has caused this abomination to be handed down from generation to generation.

Abuse MUST be treated so it will not be repeated. But first it has to be acknowledged. At the very least, remove the victim from the culprit’s reach, if you are not able to get justice. We must protect our children.

*****

After my psychotic break, I did not resume the medication. I also never sought therapy and as a result, was hospitalized several times over the next two years.

This last hospitalization (July 2016), I decided that I don’t like being hospitalized and in order to prevent it from happening again, agreed to resume the medication.

My Zawji convinced me to seek professional therapy also and to take the medication until he tells me I don’t have to.

I was lucky to find a Blackwoman therapist. I have to have a Blackwoman. Devils are unfathomable (I can just see them making mockery of me). Members of other races don’t relate and I have issues with men, so I could not see anyone but a Blackwoman.

I went to see her and I was deeply intuned to the spirit world that day. But I opened up to her somewhat and the session was going very good.

I realized that I have never gotten over the fact that I’ve had so many abortions. FOUR. And that that was the purpose of that visit. To face that fact.

Before becoming Muslim, I did so many things that I am ashamed of. But Allah is so merciful that He doesn’t even bring them up and it is actually a sin for Muslims to talk about their shortcomings.

The only reason why I am writing about this now is to prevent you, My Beloved Brothers and Sisters, from making the same mistakes.

I know you’re out there getting pregnant, My Little Sisters (and you are making them pregnant, My Little Brothers). If you are pregnant, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE DO NOT ABORT IT. IT WOULD BE BETTER TO GIVE IT UP FOR ADOPTION. There are ways you can do this without having to cut off ties completely unless you want to. But why would you want to?

Of course, abstinence is the BEST and RIGHTEOUS route, but if you are already active please stop and obey the Divine Law of Allah and WAIT until you are married. It is safer and better for your physical, mental and spiritual well-being to be celibate. Encourage your children to remain virgins until they get married. Don’t be ashamed to talk about it. Don’t assume they are not going to have sex. Tell them to focus on getting an education and acquiring the skills they will need to support a family (boys) or keep house and rear children (girls). Teach them not to have boyfriends and girlfriends. They have no need for them until they are ready to get married.

This is the the Best prescription to build a healthy and productive Black Nation. We must start with the physical, mental and spiritual well-being of ourselves and teach our babies self-respect from the cradle.

Our Beloved Messenger, The Most Honourable and Humble Elijah Muhammad (May the Peace and the Blessings of Allah Forever Be Upon Him) wrote in Message To The Blackman, that if you have an abortion, you will regret it for the rest of your life and I bear him witness.

Maybe not right away, but one day you will wake up to what you’ve done. Probably around the time you go through Menopause, like me. And, you realize you will not be able to have more children. You will regret the one(s) you aborted immensely.

I would have had six Black babies.

I also had a miscarriage, so actually seven.

Growing up, when I was a teenager, I always wanted seven babies like my Grandmother.

But I listened to my boyfriend and after the first one it was easier.

I didn’t want to. I was sixteen but I still wanted the baby. He didn’t. And I ended up marrying him! Sisters, if your boyfriend or husband wants you to have an abortion, he is not the one. I don’t care what happened in the movie, “Baby Boy.” He doesn’t love you.

The mistakes of our youth are carried with us for the rest of our lives. I ignored the first red flag, and every one after until about five years, physical abuse and one child later, I finally left him for good. I went through one bad relationship after another trying to find the love that I had lost due to pent up emotions.

Brothers and Sisters, pent-up emotions are the worst thing you could ever hold on to. Face them and deal with them or they will come out another way and possibly ruin your life.

So these past few days, I realized that I had made the biggest mistake of my life due to emotions that I had pent-up.

My soulmate told me his mother was putting him in a different school and he was smiling when he told me this. (circa 1986)

His mother doesn’t like me so I knew she was taking him out of our school to get him away from me. She even moved her whole family out to another county to keep him from me. But no man can tear asunder what Allah (God) Has Joined Together. Not even the ones He’s joined.

She probably told him that it was a better school since it was in a white neighborhood and he would have better opportunities so he would think it was a good idea and be happy about it.

He thought he had me no matter what anyway, so why not be happy? But I proved his mother right.

Some Black people love white people MUCH more than they love their own Black people. As hard as it for me to imagine much less believe. However, I had a roommate once, who was my Zawji’s mother’s doppelganger and she told me that when she was growing up her family taught her to stay away from Black people. They were no good. White people were the only good people.

I had never heard anything like that in my life and was completely astounded. This from her OWN FAMILY!!! BLACK PEOPLE!!! But I’m sure this is what my Zawji heard growing up from his mother who had heard the same thing.

I still don’t understand how you can tell your child to stay away from people who look just like YOU and HIM!!! But it just bears witness to the poison that the devil has put in our people – TO HATE OURSELVES AND LOVE THEM!!!

I really see it down here in the South.

A DEVIL PROPERTY OWNER CAME ONE DAY AND WAS TALKING TO HIS BLACK TENANTS AND HE TOLD THEM HIS MOTHER HAD JUST DIED. ONE OF THE BROTHERS SAID, “SHE LIVED A LONG GOOD LIFE.” LIKE HE WAS HIS SLAVE OR SOMETHING. I MEAN, IT SOUNDED SCRIPTED!!! I COULDN’T BELIEVE HE SOUNDED LIKE HE REALLY AND TRULY CARED ABOUT THIS DEVIL’S MOTHER. HE SOUNDED JUST LIKE A SLAVE. I COULDN’T BELIEVE IT. BUT I WAS STANDING RIGHT THERE AND HEARD HIM SAY IT. IT WOULD HAVE BEEN FUNNY IF IT WASN’T SO PATHETIC.

*****

So, my soulmate was smiling while he told me this (he was going to a new, white school) and my heart was completely broken. He was in a good position it seemed. I don’t think he ever knew how broken-hearted I was until I e-mailed him yesterday and told him how I felt.

I never told him nor anyone else how devastated I was about his leaving. I mean how could I?

I THINK I HAVE A SELF-PRESERVATION FUNCTION KEY IN MY MIND THAT CREATES A MENTAL BLOCK SOMETIMES WHEN I’M CONFRONTED WITH SITUATIONS THAT I DON’T WANT TO DEAL WITH DUE TO BEING MOLESTED BY MY FATHER AT SUCH A YOUNG AGE. It’s like a safety (protective) mechanism.

But anyway, he was obviously okay with it.

I wanted him to miss me. At least be a little sad. I wanted him to hold me and tell me it would be okay. He would come see me at school. And at home. And we could go on loving each other. But I never got that.

I never got to express my feelings of despair and grief and just went on like nothing. I never got to be sad about his leaving. Never knew why he was happy about it.

I was hurting inside and probably angry. But anger is a secondary emotion. Hurt was the main problem. And I never got to express it or let it out. Never even brought it up – much less talk about it. So it came out in another way.

I ended up cheating on him without even realizing what I was doing.

I guess I wanted him to say “Why are you with him?” or something! Trying to make him jealous I guess. He never said anything – TO THIS DAY.

I didn’t think it out or plan it, it just happened. I’m just now analyzing what went down.

I didn’t even realize I was seeing the both of them at the same time until last year when I did the math. I remembered I had a job and he walked me to it, but the other guy used to pick me up. So I had to be seeing them at the same time. It’s hard to admit even now.

He told a Sister at my school, who was dating the other guy I was seeing (SMH – Los Scandalous), to ask me if I wanted to switch boyfriends with her, since we were already seeing each other anyway. Most likely hoping I would wake up and see what I was doing.

My heart was broken further still. The way she said it made me think he had already made up his mind to be with her so I thought I was going along with him when I sadly agreed.

I ALWAYS do what I think will make him happy – effortlessly.

I never knew how he found out about the other guy until almost twenty years later. He just, all of a sudden, never wanted to talk to me again. I guess I wasn’t saying what he wanted to hear.

All I ever really wanted was him. Always have. Always will.

That’s probably why I refuse to get with someone else now – just to make him jealous. It didn’t work then.

I thought when he went to the new school, he would leave me for a white girl. He didn’t but I never knew until now how deep white supremacy has permeated my subconscious.

He didn’t get with a white girl until just a few years ago.

Whenever a Blackman or woman abandons the members of his/her own Nation in favor of a member of  the race of our enemy it is the most treacherous betrayal that one can commit.

Our Beloved Messenger (May the Peace and the” Blessings of Allah Forever Be Upon Him) taught us that traitors to our race should be “killed without mercy.”

We would be well within our rights if we killed every traitorous Black person who sweethearted with a member of our enemy, the devil Caucasian race.

But Allah, Master Fard Muhammad, To Whom Praises Are Due Forever, is showing them Divine Mercy by not killing them (all of them) just yet. He is giving them time, however, if they do not reform from their wicked ways before the destruction of this world (which is overdue) comes, they will go down with the devils.

*****

So now, he has a devil girlfriend and I am dealing with my issues of devil supremacy. All things in due time, Al Hamdulillah! All Praise is due to Allah!

Anything that doesn’t kill you will only make you stronger.

I’m sorry if this doesn’t make any sense. My life doesn’t make sense. And I really don’t know if I’m writing this more for me or for you or for him or for Allah’s Sake. Probably the latter because that encompasses all of the above.

Anyway, thank-you for reading.

In the Name of Allah
As-Salaamu ‘Alaikum,

Your Sister,
~ LOVE ALLAH ❤ ❤ ❤

Rev. J.W. Loguen – Slave Narrative

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

Bismillahi Rahmani Rahim

In the Name of Allah, The Beneficent, The Most Merciful

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As-Salaamu ‘Alaikum Beloved and Beautiful Asiatic Members of the Aboriginal Black Nation in the Wilderness of North America!!!

Thanks, Thanks, Thanks to Our Saviour, MASTER FARD MUHAMMAD, To Whom Praise is Forever Due, for leaving Heaven and Coming to find and deliver us from our heartless and brutal slavemasters who have destroyed us and who now Our Saviour Plans to destroy for their wicked and evil acts of murdering us, the righteous, their poor, harmless and loyal slaves.

Al Hamdulillah!
All Praise is Due to Allah!

Beloved Brothers and Sisters, you may not know this if you are new to my blog, but I am an avid student of Black History, especially that history that pertains to our enslavement in the Hells of North America.

I devour slave narratives, but only those that were written prior to emancipation. Those written after are much more watered down with an emphasis on how grateful the slave is to have been freed. Whereas, the ones written by fugitive slaves emphasize the cruel conditions which forced them to take their lives into their own hands and seek freedom on some of this good earth – live or die.

I was on Facebook looking at some posts I had made “on this day” a year ago and came across the following narrative which I had never made time to read.

Well, I started reading it and it blew me away. The memoirs that can only be transferred to us by one who has actually experienced the horror of slavery are a must for our and future generations.

We can never forget the history of this Nation lest we be the worst losers. It puts into crystal clear perspective the harsh treatment we are still receiving at the brutal hands of our slavemaster’s children and I cannot overemphasize the necessity of educating our children of the murderous activities of the devil Caucasians who forcibly brought our foreparents to this country and among whom we still must live.

Please click here to read the narrative of fugitive slave,
REV. J.W. LOGUEN

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A List of Foods We Must Not Eat

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How to Eat to Live, Book One

CHAPTER 22

A List of Foods We Must Not Eat

Do not eat the swine flesh. It is forbidden by the divine law of Allah (God).

Do not eat field peas, black-eyed peas, speckled peas, red peas or brown peas.

Do not eat lima beans, or baby limas. Do not eat any bean but the small navy bean – the little brown pink ones, and the white ones.

Do not eat corn bread because it is very hard on the stomach, and not easily digested. Eat whole wheat bread, but not the whole grain. The whole grain is too hard to digest. Never eat freshly cooked bread. It rises and buckles in the stomach. Eating freshly cooked bread will shorten your life.

Do not eat the rich soy bean flour. Neither the flour nor the oil from the soy bean is good for our stomachs.

Do not eat the vegetable kale, nor sweet potatoes and white (Irish) potatoes, which are a staple food for people who live in frigid zones, or for people who cannot afford other vegetables.

The main thing you must do – I will repeat – is eat one meal a day, or once every 24 hours. And never eat – or even touch – the swine flesh.

When you begin eating once a day, certainly you will begin to lose weight until you are used to eating once a day. Then you will start gaining weight again. But fat is not wanted for health. It is an enemy to health.

Feeding Babies

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How to Eat to Live, Book One

CHAPTER 24

Feeding Babies

Mothers should feed their babies from their breast milk if they possibly can, as this is the best.

When you are able to start feeding them on solid food, give them weak bean soup – not the highly seasoned, strong soup that you eat. You also can start them out with orange juice and mashed apples. This is done whenever you think the baby is able – after he is about three months old. This depends on the health of the baby and its age.

Plenty of good milk and good, thoroughly cooked bread are good for you and the baby.

We must not get the idea that we can nurse the baby with everything we eat. This is what will start sickness and disease in the family.

Some mothers are very careless. The baby can act as if he wants what mother is eating, and even if it is a beef steak, she will cut him a piece.

We create sickness right in our homes, from the cradle to the grave.

ORTHODOX JEWISH FOOD

A Muslim, according to the Holy Qur-an, should not fear to eat food that the Jews eat. And the Jews do not fear eating a Muslim’s food, because they both eat the same type of foods.

Orthodox Muslims are very careful of what they eat. The only food we shun that they love are nuts. The Muslims are warned against eating nuts of any kind. And, they are warned against drinking the blood of the animals and fowls, because blood is in the fluid of life. Therefore, no human being should eat or drink the blood of anything. The Jews were warned against this by the teachings of Moses, the Servant of Allah.

You can read this book in its entirety by clicking here.

Do Not Take Birth Control Pills

How to Eat to Live, Book One

CHAPTER 30

Do Not Take Birth Control Pills

It is Allah’s (God’s) love and my love, as His Messenger, to teach you and keep you aware of the tricks the devil devises to trap you into accepting death and not life. As it is written, Allah (God) has come to you to save you from death and not life. As it is written, Allah (God) has come to you to save you from death and destruction by the wicked and to register you in the book of the living (the Black Nation) with unlimited future.

He has declared that we are the true members of the Nation of Islam, the righteous, who shall never be removed from the earth by any foe. He even laughs at plans to destroy the nation of righteous.

The birth control law the enemy is preparing for you, with the aid of their angels, the blind, deaf and dumb black preachers and ignorant black politicians, is not concerned about your future. The white priest knows what these plans will do for you. They know that Christianity has been exposed to the civilized world as nothing less than bait to enslave the black people of earth, the original people who serve the white race as slaves. He offers you death in a pill for your future generations of children.

He tells you what it is going to do to you. But it is like telling a world-be suicide: “Here is the loaded gun. Put it to your silly head, and blow your brains out.” Then he stands aside, throws up his arms and says to the world that he is not responsible for your suicide. This is what you do when you swallow the pills. He knows you are blind, deaf, and dumb.

I know you do not know the plans and secrets of your enemies, but Allah and His Messenger have known for a long time – for this was ascertained when we first learned to read the history of Pharaoh, who sought to destroy the future of Israel through the midwives. We know that this, too, is aimed at you in these last days.

We know by the words of the Holy Qur-an on this attempt to destroy your newborn babies; to destroy the very seed of you. You also are warned against birth control law. They say you are not able to provide for the many children with which Allah (God) is blessing you. They say you should be willing to stop giving birth to children they will have to feed.

Who is responsible? Is it not the slave master’s and his children’s fault that you are not able to care for your family? It is theirs not yours. Why don’t they divide the country with you, give you a few of these United States and let you raise all the children you want so you can provide a proper living for them.

But, no! He would rather you were dead than to see you living free of his authority and power to enslave and murder you at will.

You are aware of this, but yet you are a fool. You do not understand that they are after your life – and you are seeking death by following and agreeing with them to destroy you and your Nation.

The earth belongs to the black nation, and its people will rule it in the near future. God never gave the whites any of the earth. He only gave them time to live on it; time to make fools of you and me. However, that time was limited, and I now can say in truth, that “time is up.”

I will defend the interest and life of my people, even at the destruction of my own life, and the lives of those who follow me – for that is why I have been raised among you. It is a disgrace upon us black people of America to permit ourselves and our future generations to be cut off and destroyed by ignorant, foolish, pleasure-seeking girls and women of our own, who do not know what they are doing when they swallow the birth control pill.

I repeat: If you accept Allah (God) and follow me and if you give birth to 100 children, each of you girls and women is considered more blessed and right in the eyes of Allah (God) than those who try to kill the birth seed.

Because of the advice of those who hate you and hope that you destroy yourselves, the clergy – the priests and elders – is united to help deceive you. The Catholic religion is our greatest enemy today. It seeks to woo you into its net where your future will be hopeless in the Hereafter. This old scheme of attempting to destroy the so-called Negro when the day of his salvation comes to him from God, has long been known by us and Allah (God). The nation of righteous is fully prepared to meet it.

Jehovah thwarted Pharaoh’s wicked plan to prosper through destroying the future of Israel. Pharaoh was afraid of Israel’s population, who was populating Egypt faster than the Egyptians. However, he did not want the Israelites to leave Israel. He decided to kill off the male children, which would have stopped Israel from increasing her nation. The birth control laws employed by the white race were used by his father, Yacub. It is no new thing today. He does not teach you this, nor does he teach you the sciences of modern warfare or chemistry. Of course, we do not care to learn any more about warfare, for it is the purpose of God to erase war from the human family. He now plans to destroy those who delight in making war against humanity.

Who said the white man had to carry us forever? Who gave him the right to cut our birth rate so that he could take care of a small number of us? Who is willing swallow the pill? The 20,000,000 so-called Negroes can be placed in Africa or Asia. The country is so large, they would not know they were there. Or they could be put on an island in the Pacific. But he wants to exterminate all of them with the pills so that he and his people can have free reign of the earth. But he should have reckoned with Allah (God), Who has come for the purpose of saving the poor, black man from their wicked plans.

The Negro has been a group of people, held in the hands of the white man, for 400 years and yet, today, he is like a lazy horse or dog who does not want to leave his master because of fear – and has taken all kinds of abuse in order to get a little food or whatever the master has to give. It is a shame. It is not because of lack of education, but because he holds the offer of Allah (God) in mockery.

But this pill is a bold offer of death, openly made, inviting the Indians and so-called Negroes to accept death – and also the people they have under their power in the Pacific islands. It is accepting extermination through a harmless looking pill designed to take away the future birth of our Nation. Think well, you “white Christian lovers.” You sign up to be swallowed up.

Israel was taken into a country where she could do all of the populating she wanted to without the interference of Pharaoh. Allah (God) had Pharaoh drown in the Red Sea, and the white race is going to be thrown into a lake of fire for its plans against the so-called Negro.

I shall always rise to your defense against such an artful, wicked race of people, who has nothing in mind but death for the black man – its scheme covered with a semi-bait of good. Once you have swallowed the birth control pill, it is death.

Foods To Avoid

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How to Eat to Live, Book One

CHAPTER 32

Foods to Avoid

We should not be asking questions about what kind of foods to eat as much as we should be trying to eat one meal a day. This is where good health and the prolongation of life come from. Good health and the prolongation of life come from abstaining from filling our stomachs too frequently with food of any kind – good or bad. Of this I can assure you from self-experience.

If we keep food going into our stomachs only once every 24 hours or 48 hours, and do not get the foolish idea that this cannot be done, then we can train our stomachs to eat once a week and our stomachs will not call for food more than once a week. This has been tried. If we could eat one meal a week, we could live as long as Methuselah.

We can get away from eating animal flesh and all kinds of scavenger sea foods. Do not eat large fish that weigh over 50 pounds – such as canned tuna. Sometimes this canned tuna comes from a fish that weighs nearly a thousand pounds or more. Do not eat halibut, catfish, or carp.

There is a cheap fish called buffalo (white buffalo) that you can eat. But do not eat any stale fish if you can help it.

Even fish is not very good for us, due to their animal-like instincts in the water. But we eat them, and it is not a sin to eat them (edible fish).

Many of the bass fish that are found in lakes, rivers, and running stream water are good to eat. White fish, channel trout (which is better), river trout and most perch are good to eat. You may eat fish that weigh from one and a half to four or five pounds.

We were reared on the animal flesh that was the divinely-prohibited flesh (the hog). We must not eat or put our hands on the carcass of the hog, or sit around a place where it is being slaughtered or cooked. We should not even get the odor of it in our nostrils. It is a sin to deliberately stand and smell it being slaughtered or cooked. The devil did this harm to you and me and to the people all over the earth. Of course, we cannot blame him for doing this, because he was not created to do righteousness, anyway. Do not think hard of them for anything they do or teach you to do, because they are just doing their job. Nature has made them to be as they are. I pray Allah that He will remove them from the planet earth, so they will not deceive and misguide people from the right way.

Eat only one meal a day and do not take food between meals, unless you are sick. A person that is sick and weak is excluded from the above said time of eating.

Remember, do not eat those ugly horse beans that you have been eating (lima beans, field peas, etc.). Eat only small navy beans. They are white and pink in color. There are also large beans of the same color, but do not eat the great big beans — eat the small ones. Cook them thoroughly. Feed them to your children.

Do not eat freshly baked cakes. Give them a day to dry out, after baking. Do not ever hurry bread to bake, because it is better for us if it has been baked twice.

Stay away from eating fried foods. Do not make a habit of filling your stomach with aged cheese. Eat cream cheese as much as possible, it is better for your digestive system.

Stay away from eating all meat and vegetables that are canned in metal cans as much as possible. Sometimes we are forced to eat them because we do not have any other. Try to get your food canned in jars; or while the food is in season, buy it and can it in glass jars yourself. If you eat a vegetable meal, try to get fresh vegetables, if you can purchase them from a market.

Remember to eat one meal a day, regardless to your type of work. You can live on one meal a day. This will help keep your doctor away from your door. Of course, eating one meal every two days or three days is even better, but you are not going to apply yourself to eating once every two or three days, so try and eat only one meal every 24 hours. Make a habit of this and you will feel better and have fewer ailments.

You can read this book in its entirety by clicking here.

The Poisonous Animal Eater

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How to Eat to Live, Book One

CHAPTER 34

The Poisonous Animal Eater

God, in the Bible, through his prophets, has condemned the eating of the poisonous animal (swine).

Leviticus 11:7-8 “And the swine, though he divide the hoof, and be cloven-footed, yet he cheweth not the cud; he is unclean to you. Of their flesh shall ye not eat, and their carcass shall ye not touch; they are unclean to you.”

The dietary law given to Israel by Moses is true today. Israel was given the proper food to eat Jehovah approved for them, and that which was forbidden to eat we should not eat today.

The Christians have said that since Jesus the swine is good to eat, because Jesus made it good in his teachings. But this is all false and a shield for the Christians’ eating the divinely-prohibited flesh of the filthy swine. They even teach you that he has a poison in his flesh. They call it the trichina worm, that is only revealed under a microscope. High school children have microscope sets to see this worm in the flesh of swine. But yet they eat it. Why? Because their teacher eats it and their teacher was the slave master and his children. The white race teaches that we should obey the law of God, but they themselves disobey. And they want you to disobey the law of God. Why? Because they are the devil-opponents of righteousness and all the right laws given from the author of righteousness. They want you and me to disobey Allah’s laws, so that we will come under the curse and destruction of Almighty God, Allah, as they know they are doomed and they hope that you and I will suffer the same.

Through the eye of the microscope, we see this poisonous worm, that will creep in our own flesh if we eat the poisonous animal, swine, hog, or whatever you may call him.

The nature of the hog is to eat and thrive on anything edible – filth, or clean food. But, clean food will not remove the pork worm (trichina). The worm travels from our mouth into our stomach; from our stomach into the walls of the intestines; from the walls of the intestines, he weaves his way into the muscles of our body; from there, into the spinal cord and up to our soft gray matter (brain). He is there to stay, until the preacher says “from dust we came, and to dust we returneth.”

The hog or swine causes many ailments of various symptoms (names) mentioned. Medical scientists know what has caused these symptoms that we are troubled with. The medical scientists know that the hog is unfit for our consumption. Medical scientists also know that the swine will shorten our lives. But, medical scientists also know that they can get rich from the effect of the swine in our bodies, as the hog raiser can get rich by selling 100 or 200 pounds of poison that will take us away gradually. It does not take us away quickly, but gradually. The pork worm will finally bring you and me to our grave.

Not to think of eating the swine, Leviticus mentions in the 8th verse that we shall not even touch the carcass of the swine. But, we are not only touching the carcass, we are eating the carcass.

Isaiah 66:17 condemns the people who think it is all right to eat the swine, just because white people eat it, and they think they can be holy in the presence of God, or in religion they call Christianity (which they received and have been taught is a God-verified religion). This is wrong. God never verified Christianity as being His religion. If He did, He changed His Mind when he taught the prophets to submit to Him. His religion is entire submission to Him. The Arabic word for this is Islam, which means to submit.

There are so many little new groups that call themselves sanctified, holy, Jesusfied, Christified, and Godified. Such people should read this chapter, Isaiah 66:17-18.

“They that sanctify themselves, and purify themselves in the gardens behind one in the midst (the one in the midst is the preacher, inviting them to disobey the law of God), eating swine’s flesh, and the abomination, and the mouse, shall be consumed together, saith the Lord.”

Death is for you who eat the swine. God will not accept swine eaters as His people, after knowledge that the swine is a divinely-prohibited flesh. The hog (swine), God has taught me, in the Person of Master Fard Muhammad, To Whom praise is due forever, was made from the grafting of cat and dog. The rat is mentioned in the above quoted verse of Isaiah, but the cat and dog are not mentioned. The white theologians knew that if they had given the names of these two animals (the cat and the dog), you would have probably not accepted the hog. But, Who is better knowing than Allah.

The hog was made, Allah taught me, for medical purposes, to cure the white man’s many diseases, since he had been grafted out of the black man, and he attracted germs and diseases easily that were possibly incurable. At that time, the Arab medical scientists did not have anything that would kill most, or probably all, of his diseases, so they made a medicine for him – that is the hog. The hog contains, Allah said to me, 999 poisonous germs. This is what makes up the hog. And, the Christian will look at you, with a Bible at home and in his pocket, and say, if you do not eat it, “what is wrong with the hog?” They will even ask you what is wrong with strong alcoholic drinks (whiskey, beer, and wine). This proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that we have been reared and taught by an enemy of God, the real devil in person (the white race). Therefore, we are before God, today, with the sin of the white man, which He offers to forgive us for, if we now will accept the truth and will walk and practice righteousness, in the path of the righteous.

In the 17th verse the swine is called the abomination (this means hated). It is true that all good Muslims hate a swine. Some places, in the dominant areas of Islam, you will be killed if you carry any swine among them.

See Isaiah 66:18: “For I know their works and their thoughts: it shall come, that I will gather all nations and tongues; and they shall come, and see my glory.”

The glory means the right way that He will teach the people in the last days; that He will approve of our doing what He gives to us in the Resurrection. He knows your works that ignore His law of righteousness, given to His prophets of old, and your self-centered thoughts, or your thinking that you can deceive others, while breaking the law of God, into thinking you are right in eating the swine. But, He has promised death to you in the 17th verse. He will consume such people all together.

We must remember that these warnings given in the 17th and 18th verses of Isaiah are referring to the general resurrection, and the accountability of our actions and disobedience to the law of God, because the 18th verse says, “…it shall come that I will gather all nations and tongues.”

This is also prophesied in Matthew 25:32: “And before him shall be gathered all nations…”

Since the white race is more guilty than anyone else of breaking the law of Allah (God), He threatens with chastisement and total destruction. We may quote Isaiah 65:15. It reads like this: “And ye shall leave your name for a curse unto my chosen; for the Lord God shall slay thee (the disobedient white race), and call his servants by another name.”

Here we are warned that God will not accept us in the name of the white race, because He has another name that He will call us by, and He mentions this throughout Isaiah and the New Testament. We must have a name of God and not the name of an enemy of God

Isaiah 56:1-5: “I am sought of them that asked not for (the lost-found members of the Black Nation are the ones who never sought after Allah, because they did not know how. The enemy did not teach them how to seek Allah, since they did not obey Allah, themselves); I am found to them (lost-found Black people – so-called Negro) that sought me not: I said Behold me, behold me, unto a nation that was not called by my name.

“I have spread out my hands all the day unto a rebellious people, which walketh in a way that was not good (This is referring to Israel, to whom God sent prophet after prophet, to guide them into the right way, who rebelled against right guidance and then made a religion called Christianity, after their way of thinking, and put the name of Jesus on that religion to make us drink down the falsity they added to Jesus’ teachings), after their own thoughts; A people that provoketh me to anger continually to my face; that sacrificeth in gardens, and burneth incense upon altars of brick (they barbecue the hog upon bricks and call it their barbecue stand); which remain among the graves (the graves mean their homes),….which eat swine’s flesh, and broth of the abominable things is in their vessels (this is referring to hog or swine in their vessels); which say, stand by thyself (This is referring to the Muslims, when it says stand by thyself), come not mean only Israel or the white race, but the white race has made the so-called Negro follow his religion, say the same and especially those who claim sanctification in Christianity.)

“These are a smoke (the offensive smell of the cooking of swine flesh)…a fire that burneth all the day (the Christian is cooking the flesh of the swine all day long and the Muslims and the obedient servant of Allah (God), smell this flesh, prohibited by God, which is a stink to their nostrils, being cooked. They feel they are guilty of being partakers of the cooking and eating of the swine flesh, by smelling the poisonous odor.)”

Keep away from the filthy swine. Do as Allah (God) bids you. Do not eat its flesh or touch its carcass.

You can read this book in its entirety by clicking here.